La Vie en Noire
by lepetiterose
Summary: Edward's mistake in leaving Bella lands him straight into the heart of a girl who's being eaten alive by her own demons. It's a game of choices, and after they're made, nothing will ever be the same. OC, AU, Dark Themes.
1. The Throat of the Young and the Helpless

**A/N: **I have continued to change this prologue, I'm not entirely sure why, but you don't need to worry because the general gist of it is still there. Lia, (the OC in this story) has a very tough point of view, which is often difficult to read and almost confusing. This is done on purpose, excuse the horrible lack of punctuation. I warn you, I am diverging into a topic that is not pretty, and will turn a lot of readers off. Truly, I'm amazed at the amount of positive responses I've gotten while writing about such an unpopular type of pairing, on top of such a dark theme.

**Disclaimer: **Stephenie Meyer is the rightful owner of Twilight and it's characters.

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_"Well liars they leave a guilty trail.  
Well let me tell you, I've been lying for fucking years.  
__Disregarding that I've created these monsters  
that are on both of my sides, So I wipe the blood from both of their eyes."_

-Weight of the World, Blue October

She left. There was no getting around to it. Nothing I could do.

But there was one thing I was sure of - I would never let myself get the way I had been when I left _her. _As much as it would hurt, I wouldn't let myself wallow in my misery; I wouldn't drag my family down with me.

Jasper knew, of course he did, that my facade was just that, a facade. Even the greatest liars couldn't lie to themselves. He understood Bella was – is - my _everything._ And the pain of her leaving me was excruciating, threatening to swallow me whole. I could ignore it, doesn't mean I couldn't _feel _it. And, God. How I felt it. It was in every step, every fake smile, every word. It wrapped around me, suffocating me from the inside. I was sure that soon enough I was going to buckle from the pain. There was only so much one could feel. And it was only a matter of time before I completely broke down. _Not today, Edward, not to your family. _

My family were the only thing that kept me going. I would have gone to Italy long before now where it not for them. I always knew she would leave me. I had thought I prepared myself enough. I never though it would hurt like _this. _I had never felt so alone, so truly alone. An unwanted creature, I would roam my entire existence, alone. He promised her the world, whereas I could promise her nothing. A dead heart wasn't enough. And it shouldn't have been, because she deserved everything and more. Bella, Bella, Bella…the most beautiful thing on the universe, her name describing her perfectly. But I wasn't perfect, I was a jealous, selfish, fool.

If only he were someone, anyone else, besides that dirty, immature, _mongrel._

"_Edward?"_

It was Alice, her thoughts soft, caring. Infuriating. She, along with everyone else besides Rosalie, was treading on ice with me lately. They were careful not to "upset me" as they tried their best to hide in their thoughts. Such wasted efforts. I knew they were only trying to help; they loved me, after all.

"_Your_ _helping Carlisle today at The Center in Edmonds, remember?"_

How could I forget being around a passel of humans with mental problems. I truly was a masochist. The center was called "A Place of Hope", but I don't think I've ever been anywhere more depressing. A graveyard seemed like a sunny day at the beach compared to that institution. Filled with thoughts of hopelessness, it was just the kind of place someone like me would belong.

With a slight sigh, I grabbed the keys to my Volvo and prepared for my ten-minute drive up to the gates of hell

"It really is a good thing you're helping those poor girls. "I'm so proud of you." Esme beamed at me from the doorway, cautionary warm smile in place.

"Yeah, I'm glad you decided to go," Alice spoke tentatively, but with a genuine smile nonetheless. _There are so many people you can help, just think of how good you'll feel when you know you're __changing someone's life for the better, someone in particular._

A low growl was the only warning, she dropped it. I turned towards Esme. I knew she was worried.

With a shrug and an awkward smile forming on my mouth, I muttered, "Thanks, mom. I could fake it for her. If for anyone, I could fake it for my dear mother, Esme.

The drive was unsurprisingly short, and in a few minutes I was standing in front of A Place of Hope itself. I snickered, thinking of how Jasper couldn't step two feet toward this building—the depression and suicidal thoughts oozed throughout. The emotions were so anguished I could feel them. I felt pity for Carlisle, pity for him thinking he could ever help these people. These people were beyond help. He didn't hear their thoughts, couldn't see the pain behind their existence.

Dozens of thoughts screamed into my ears, only one meaning; pain.

_I need my fix__, I need it now. No you don't, yes you do, you'll die... just this once, no more, you can't even if you wanted to, you can check out if you want, you can go get your fix right now, you're __of age, you can leave, you won't die, you need this, you'll die without it._

_Things would be so much better if you were dead, and you know it. Your family doesn't love you-never did-__can you even remember the last time they visited? Take them out of their misery. It's not like anyone would miss you._

_They're stuffing me like a turkey for thanksgiving, no amount of exercise_ _will take away my thighs. Gross ugly, fat bitch._

_Nothing works…__nothingeverworks…they can't see anymore, they don't know what it feels like._

I grimaced at their thoughts, their laments reflecting my despair. I belonged here. A lost soul searching for death, weary of the trials life had put before me.

* * *

Mommy had tried to fix this before, she really had. Or maybe she didn't. She took me to the doctors, experiment at will, she said. The therapist told me there was a little demon in my head, a worm trying to eat my brain cells. A little devil that told me I wasn't skinny enough, or good enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough. She told me that this little demon was lying and that there was nothing wrong with me.

But she had no idea.

It was because I was what they called a "perfectionist." I woke up at 5:30 every morning, did 400 crunches, 60 minutes of cardio, and then took a shower. I ate 150 calories before I went to school. I ate another 150 calories before my ballet classes, starting at 3:00 sharp. At 6:00 p.m, rehearsals started until 8:00, dinner was 100 calories in the dining hall, followed by bed time.

In=450 calories Out=2,300

I loved numbers. I loved the control they gave me. My schedule was important because if my schedule got messed up then I freaked out. I freaked out because my control was gone. Did they not understand? Did they not see? I needed this. _This was all I had._

They would always ask me "why?" they would always wonder why I didn't just stop. Problem was that I couldn't and I didn't even want to. But I never answered, I just shrugged or ignored them but I never told them the truth. I didn't tell them that I couldn't because I felt like digging into my bone marrow and scraping off the excess so that I could get thinner, that I wanted to cut out all my fat and my heart and my lungs so that maybe I could wake up from this nightmare. I didn't tell them that for just once, I wished I could go to bed without hearing voices in my head, screaming that I was ugly and weak and fat and stupid and a bitch and a whore, pounding over and over again.

I forgot to eat because it helped, for a little while. It made something count, it made something mine. Daddy had wanted a rocket scientist, not a dancer. Mommy wanted me to be pretty and fit. Aunt Rose wanted me to work harder so that I could follow in her family ruled my thoughts, my actions, my knowledge and my appearance. But I controlled my body.

I put what I want in it, or what I didn't want in it. And no one could take that away from me, not the doctors or the nurses or the therapists or my family. It was mine, the only thing that was mine. I went all the way down... down, down, down. Tiny paper doll, made of bones and skin and 89 pounds that weighed too much. But no one else saw that, no one else saw the fat and the grease and the disgusting. They saw a bone frame wired on porcelain skin, daylight shining through the space between her thighs.

Anorexia was an ugly word for someone with ugly insides. It was a word that meant selfish and cruel and stupid. It was a word that didn't scare me because that wasn't me. I wasn't thin enough to be anorexic.

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Feedback and constructive criticism is encouraged.


	2. The Second Time They Admitted Her

**A/N: **Yet another revise, nothing has changed besides the grammar and punctuation. Thanks a million to all the wonderful, hardworking betas at PTB.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight nor any recognizable logos and names.

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_"Wreaths of pus-colored fat were suffocating my thighs, my butt and my belly, but they couldn't see them. They said my brain was shrinking. Electrical storms were lighting up on the inside of my skull. My tired liver was packing her suitcase. My kidneys were lost in a sandstorm. 85lbs was not enough stuffing for a paper girl. 85lbs was skin that wanted to be shed. 85lbs was fluffy monkey hair growing all over to keep me warm. They said I had to get fatter. But 85lbs makes me want 75lbs. To get there I'll need to crack open my bones with a sliver mallet and dig out marrow with a long-handled spoon."_

- Laurie Hale Anderson

The second time they admitted me, my organs were black and blue, and my skin was decorated with rose vines that meandered up my hips and across my ribs, little red lines that showcased my insides. They sat me down in a brown-colored office with a fake leather seat in front of a paper desk.

My all-knowing mother sensed my discomfort.

"How are you feeling, honey?"

_Don't call me honey_

My silence was angering her; it always did. It was the one thing that always pushed her buttons.

Dr. Cullen suddenly looked up from his files, staring at my mother and me as if we were in a ping-pong tournament.

I suspected he was waiting for me to answer my mother's question. Fat chance.

"Well, let's look at what we've got here, shall we?"

He was trying to put a name to what I was. Brand me so I can be set with other people of my kind. We were all the same- Lost.

This was not the first time I had been in this predicament. Seven months ago I had crashed my Mercedes into a tree after I fainted at the wheel. One month of treatment and a summer in Seattle led me to the Pacific Northwest Ballet School, a year-round student.

It was a pretty big deal. My mom had trusted me. Well, either that or she'd blindfolded herself again.

I knew he would have a hard time diagnosing me. I was two diseases mixed into one. A restrictor by day and a purger by night. I wasn't strong enough to follow my diet after the sun went down. The voices in my head would grow louder. As I sat there doing nothing, my mother would scream. Not even Tchaikovsky could drown her out. I ate and ate and ate, the seams of my frail skin ripping, stuffing pouring out. _Fat, failure, stupid, ugly, weak_. With two fingers and one minute, my sins would flush down the toilet. Sleep, repeat.

"Well dear, as I'm sure you must know, treatment for your disorder requires at least one month in the center, followed by two months of outside therapy and a strict diet plan. Your diagnosis, however, will be a little harder to pinpoint."

His voice was calming, his eyes sympathetic. I felt sorry for him, he probably loved this job. Doctor's loved fixing things. Too bad, we were unfixable.

What was he supposed to diagnose me as? Why waste money that could be used to research something vastly more important, like the cure for cancer, to diagnose something that needed no name. I was not anorexic, or bulimic; I was a sad, pathetic little girl who couldn't handle reality, so she needed to make up her own world. I was screwed up inside. My brain must've been put together wrong. They said God was perfect. _They lied._

"She seems to show all signs of Bulimia, with most signs of Anorexia."

I was surprised at his bluntness, his words slicing dashes into the air.

I could tell she was having a hard time trying not to cry. She was a lawyer. She couldn't cry; she was supposed to be strong, strong for the entire family. My mother never cried. _Never._

I knew the signs; they were tattooed in my brain, saved with the pile of stuff I would need to know later on.

Extreme fear of gaining weight, check.

Difficulty with eating full meals, that is, if I wasn't binging on said meal.

Obsessive preoccupation with body size and a dissatisfaction with physical appearance, dancing in a room full of mirrors did that to you.

Lack of control over eating, the funny thing was, was that I was in control. No one seemed to understand that this didn't take control away from me, it gave it back.

And let's not forget the mood swings, personality changes, secrecy surrounding eating, eating until the point of physical discomfort and pain, menstrual difficulties, heart palpitations, poor circulation, hair loss, perfectionism, a feeling of "all or nothing."

I had just picked up the double-or-nothing prize. A double whammy. I felt proud.

I wasn't sick – I was strong.

I had willpower. Well, at least until the lights turned off.

I hadn't realized Dr. Cullen had stopped talking. My mother stood up, shook his hand, and gave me a watery smile and a hug.

"I love you," she whispered softly, her eyes revealing all of the disapproval she really wanted to show me.

She liked to put up a good front with the doctors. Don't get me wrong, she really did love me, she just had a hard time showing it, not when her anger and chastisement ruled over any sweeter emotions.

I nodded, my eyes distant. She shot me one of her looks. She never felt pity for me. She believed I was stronger, better, smarter than this. _But you aren't. You can't control yourself- Ana controls you._ I didn't even try to deny the inner voice; I only let it get stronger.

A nurse the size of a whale came to escort me. Her dirt-brown hair was permed compliments of Supercuts. Her lipstick was bleeding at the edges, her blue eyeshadow contrasting perfectly with it, the perfect appearance of a clown. Her white suit threatened to burst under her rolls of fat. _How could she move_? Her piggy fingers, the size of sausage links, held a notepad, pen in her mouth. If I were a real girl, she would look comical. I would mutter something behind my hand about how fat and blind she was-could she not see how hideous she looked? Ellie would be next to me, laughing at the expense of someone else's feelings.

But Ellie and I weren't best friends anymore. She got tired of hearing "I can't, I have rehearsal," or, "I have ballet." She got tired of my excuses, excuses to get away from the parties and the 500-calorie alcohol.

"Follow me, please."

The nurse was attempting at monotone. She almost succeeded. I shuddered; her voice reminded me of my mother's.

We were suddenly in my new room_. How did I get here?_ This was starting to happen more often. I couldn't remember where I was two minutes ago. My mind was in a constant cloudy haze. I wasn't a part of reality anymore; I had officially landed on another planet.

It was why none of what they were trying to tell me made any sense. I was too damn fat for an eating disorder, but they lived on a different surface.

_Lia is not in today; please leave a message after the beep._

The walls were painted a dull blue. A bed was nestled in the corner, a waxy gray comforter on it - thick, very, very thick. I guess they knew how much we shiver at night. Rain was starting to pour from the ceiling, ghostly fog appearing from the nurse's mouth. I was freezing.

"Well, I'll just leave you to it then."

I heard myself mutter thanks. I wasn't thankful.

**Edward POV:**

Carlisle greeted me as soon as I walked into his office. Even in here, you could feel the depression, the color scheme seeming to agree. Off in another part of the center, I heard the soft, melodious sounds of "Saint-Saens" _Le Cygne from Carnival of the Animals_"

Are your nurses exploring some new form of therapy for the humans?" I chuckled darkly. Maybe they had caught on that their previous methods were virtually useless.

_No, E__dward, that music is coming out of our new patient's bedroom._

"I'd like you to go and talk to her; she hardly said anything when she was in here. See what you can find out."

Carlisle believed that in order to help a patient, you must get to know them on a personal level. But these patients wanted anything but to get too personal. This is where I came in.

I nodded. It seemed as though he had something else to tell me, but his mind was firmly shut.

I quickly left his office, heading down to Room 106, one of the few single rooms.

_He doesn't seem to be getting better. _Carlisle's soft thought drifted through the hallway.

I don't want to get better. I can't.

Bella told me not to do anything rash, that she still "loved me." I curled my fingers into the palm of my hand, making it sting.

_Love_, hah. What a silly word. It was thrown around so much these days, the word be coming meaningless. Making love a bitter emotion; so easily forgotten, so carelessly dismissed.

But, like the fool I was, I obliged-anything for _her. _My, no…_Jacob's _darling Bella. He had imprinted on her. Bella, being the selfless creature she was, knew what she had to do. She couldn't leave him, not with the way he looked at her. With love, devotion, compassion, and every other feeling any common human could feel.

Somewhere in the deep pit of my heart, I knew that his imprint was only a small inkling of the love I held for her. His love was only enough for a human to bear. My love was immortal.

The music grew louder as I came closer to my destination. Softer in its melody, a heartbeat accompanying the sound of the piano and violin. I quietly opened the door, too quiet for her to hear me.

She was in the middle of the floor, cross-legged, her back to me.

Her long hair was in the shape of loose curls, the color of black coffee, the dullness of it made the black almost look gray, her locks looked frail, just as the rest of her. She was a small girl, thin, her ribs visible through her shirt, just like most of the girls here. She couldn't be more than 95 pounds. Her ivory skin was pale, a sickly sallow tint. Her body was swaying slightly, an arm slowly rising up, slightly bent, fingers relaxed. She painted a picture with it, across the air, with swift, delicate fingers. In her mind, a scene flashed through, a a ballet dancer in a white swan tutu, emotional, painful. Her feet were hurting, pointe shoes too tight, but she kept going.

Back in reality, her heart was thudding, slower, faster, slower, faster.

A choked sob escaped her throat. Her hand immediately shot down, covering her eyes, digging into their sockets.

The picture in her mind erased, and her disease took over.

_Too fat, too ugly, not good enough, you're stuck here now, so stupid, so selfish. This is entirely your fault. _

Deciding to make my presence known, I cleared my throat.

She turned around, her eyes murderous. E_ver heard of knocking, b__itch? _she thought, thinking it was the nurse, _s_he set her eyes on me, unsurprisingly gasping at my appearance.

_I have officially gone insane. How many of those pills did they give me? They're trying to kill me. Hah, already pissing off the nurses, L__ia? Your bitter mood seems to be contagious._

"I'm not a figment of your imagination; I just came to see how you were doing. Dr. Cullen sent me. I'm sorry if I am intruding."

_He's beautiful, the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. _

Her eyes were still locked on my frame, her mouth slightly open.

I let out a sigh; I didn't want to deal with an overly hormonal teenage girl at the moment.

"I see that I've bothered you. I'll just leave you to yourself then."

"Wait!"

I turned around, desperately bored with this situation.

"Yes?"

"Sorry."

_Sorry for staring at you like an idiot? Yes, L__ia, that's what you should've said._

I let out another sigh, forcing myself back into her sanctuary.

All I wanted to do was get out of there before she started berating me about her problems. They never talked to the nurses, the therapists, or the doctors.

When I walked in… well, let's just say I didn't need my mind reading abilities.

"Sorry for what?" I let out as patiently as I could.

"Staring," I nodded slightly at her, letting her know she was forgiven.

I toyed with the idea of running out of her room, running out and leaving this hellhole. But I remembered Carlisle… I had to stay. With a barely audible sigh, I trudged my way inside her room, taking a seat by the bed.

"You don't have to stay, you know. In fact, you can leave right now," she muttered, staring disdainfully at me.

_Why can't I move like that? I must look like an elephant compared to him, a big, fat, gross, ugly..._

I smiled at her, momentarily stopping her thoughts. It was exactly what I wanted. I had known her for all of a minute and I was already worn out by her masochistic musings.

The girl, Lia, was suddenly embarrassed. Her hands found their way to the ends of her hair, playing with the soft tendrils that curled at the tip.

Better get this over with.

"So, are you comfortable?"

"Are you here to ask me the same questions those stupid nurses are paid to ask me?"

_He's only here because he has to be, for "Dr. Cullen". H_.,._e doesn't know you, he doesn't care. Why would anyone?_

"Are you just going to answer all of my questions with a sarcastic remark?"

I heard Carlisle at the end of the room, telling me to practice patience.

Her eyes flashed again. They reminded me of Audrey Hepburn. Dark and almond shaped, her impossibly long lashes flaring at the sides. They looked almost cat-like.

"If you're so irritated, you're welcome to leave. The door's right over there." Her eyes were glaring. She hated me at the moment, hated me because I hadn't come in here of my own accord. She saw me as another one of those pesky nurses.

_He looks like just the kind of statue Polylkeitos intended to sculpt. Perfect, the canon of humanism._

If I were human, I would've had a hard time turning her thoughts into coherent sentences. Her mind was so chaotic, so messy.

No one had ever compared me to Polykleitos' Doryphoros before. Those who had compared me to a statue chose Adonis. She knew the Ancients; she knew their art. For a 16-year-old, that was a first.

"I can't leave," I pointed out, hoping she understood that I was just as uncomfortable with this situation as she was.

"Oh, wow, I'm so sorry. What can I possibly do to help? Do you want me to carry you over to the door? Since apparently your poor, weak little legs can't seem to do it for you," she answered sarcastically, attempting to burn a hole through my head with her eyes.

"You know what I mean," I snapped.

"I'm sure I don't. If you're so frustrated with me then get out." She almost barked it at me, her eyes flashing.

_Patience, E__dward! Mind your manners!_

I heard Carlisle's demand projecting through my head. He was obviously interested in the girl, most likely because she was one of the first who hadn't coughed her heart out to me as soon as she took a look at my appearance. That didn't mean she wasn't affected by it. Still, it wasn't enough to make her talk.

It was quiet for a while, the silence palpable. I decided to break it.

"My name is Edward Cullen."

She said nothing. I continued.

"Edward Anthony Cullen."

She was still ignoring me.

"Now would be a good time to tell me yours."

She looked pointedly away, out the window.

_Rain, rain, rain. It's always raining here._

"Well, what is it?" I pushed.

I needed to know at least one detail about her; I needed to feel at least a bit accomplished.

Slowly, she raised herself from her position on the floor. She stood next to me before taking a seat on the bed, two inches away from where I was situated.

"I like your middle name," she mused. _Edward Anthony Cullen…sounds like an old Casanova from the 1920's. How romantic._

As if it couldn't get any more awkward "Did you know your full name sounds very turn-of-the-century?"

"I am aware."

_How annoying you must be!_ Lia thought sarcastically, wondering why I was acting so bitterly.

Maybe if she had just played nice like everyone else, I wouldn't be so frustrated. The last ten minutes had been slow o n progress.

_Maybe I should just ignore him again._

She didn't take her advice; rather, she started thinking of all her favorite things relating to the 1920's, saying my name over and over in her head.

"Do you know who George Gershwin is? Did you know he wrote Rhapsody in Blue during the 1920's? Did you know Igor Stravinsky wrote the music for the ballet _Les Noces_ during that time, too? F. Scott Fitzgerald published Gatsby, and Adolf Hitler published _Mein Kampf_ too? And Ernest Hemmingway's _Farewell to Arms, _and Walt Disney, he…" Her eyes were wild with excitement.

"I just want to know your name!" I blurted desperately, pleading her to stop talking, her mind in haywire, sounding as though she were suffering from a seizure.

She stopped talking immediately.

Tentatively, she moved her body closer to mine. I moved back slowly, feeling uncomfortable. Her mind was now completely empty.

"Lia."

.Debussy's Reverie crawled up, passing through the space between our bodies, smothering me.

I gulped, a little afraid at the potentially unpredictable move she could make, her mind blank like that.

"Lia what?" I continued, trying to break her out of this scary trance.

Silence.

"You like Debussy?" I asked, gulping again, another human trait I seemed to be picking up.

The only other person I knew, no... I couldn't think of her, not now.

But even with all of my questioning, her mind still remained empty, as dark as a black hole, reflected by the look in her eyes. She didn't move closer, she just kept staring, her eyes turning icy once more.

"My name is Lillianne Marie Swan. Now get the hell out of my room."

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What do you think of Lia? How do you think she was like before, sweet, innocent, feisty? Feedback feeds the review monster.


	3. Brave Dialogue

**A/N:** This chapter has gone under a full edit, in order to slow down the story. Some new things have been added that I sort of skipped previously. Chapter four will be going under revise as well, not fully mind you, I'm just going to add to it, make it longer. There is no need to reread the next one, unless you want some more Lia/Edward bonding.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight, it's characters, or any recognizable names.

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_"A spider web is tangled up with me,_  
_And I lost my head,_  
_The thought of all the stupid things I'd said."_

- Trouble, Coldplay

There was no possible way. Their names had to be a coincidence. Luckily, my face betrayed none of the curiosity or surprise that I had felt at the moment. I must've looked like an idiot to her, sitting there, with no intention of moving.

"Are you deaf or just stupid?" she half-yelled, I knew she was upset, looking into her eyes, I wondered whether, where she to turn a vampire, she would have the same ability as Jane.

I flashed my most angry look, letting her know I was completely fed up with her insults.

She gasped in surprise, my hostile glare eons more menacing than hers.

_Maybe I shouldn't have said that._

"Maybe you should lighten up with the comments before I..." _Edward!_ I heard my father figure's warning.

I clamped my jaw shut, grinding my teeth together, turning them to dust, the dust filling my mouth, the dust swallowing my retorts.

"You what? Tell me Edward, what exactly are you going to do to me? Huh?" She was getting dangerously close again, did this girl have no sense of self-preservation, had Bel... she been right when she said I wasn't as scary as I thought I was?

108 years of living taught you that the world was indeed, small.

She snapped her fingers loudly, right in my face, as her small features twisted in frustration.

"Look, I don't want to be in here as much as you don't want me to be in here but you're stuck with me. I have to keep you company." The words had come out a lot nicer than my previous ones, her name the source of my curiosity, Carlisle's demands rooting me in place.

She was surprised at my quick change in temper

_Is this boy bipolar or something?_

She crossed her arms around her chest, raising her chin slightly. She wasn't going to budge, not an inch. Quickly, she made her way to the window seat, picked up a tattered copy of _The Catcher in the Rye_ and proceeded to read.

Well, she wasn't really reading, she was just ignoring me. Her brain wasn't processing anything on those pages.

_It was that kind of a crazy afternoon, terrifically cold, and no sun out or anything, and you felt like you were disappearing every time you crossed a road. I wonder if he's staring at me. People always think something's all true. How the hell is he so hot? I don't even know what I was running for, I just felt like it. I wonder what his hair feels like._

She kept doing that, just thinking about me while trying to read her book. I had the urge not to smirk, if only she knew her efforts were wasted.

But it wasn't what she was thinking that was bothering me. No, I had heard similar thoughts countless times, lust for my appearance, carelessness for anything else. The strange thing was that the book she was reading, not her musings of my looks, was the source of irritation.

Why would she be reading that book? With its lack of structure, chaotic thoughts, and weak plot, _The Catcher in the Rye_ should've never been published. _She_ would've never read such a story, _she_ had better taste, although sometimes too romantic for my liking, at least _she _knew her way around good literature.

I continued watching her, studying her face better. She had these elf-like ears that poked out from her hair sometimes and high cheekbones, accented by the thinness of her face. She had almond shaped eyes, long, flaring eyelashes, and heavy lids. Her eyes, although the same shade as _hers_, were not as big or as warm, they held none of the security and openness I was used to. Her eyes screamed coldness, the shade too deep to be called brown, they blocked out all depth, all entrance. Her eyes were too menacing to dwell into; they released no secrets, held no pain, held no fear, held nothing.

_People never notice anything._

I saw a flinch of understanding across her face, a glimpse no human would've noticed. She wasn't paying attention to me anymore. She was now fully immersed in the mind of Holden Caulfield.

But why? Why of all books?

I couldn't constrain my burning curiosity, I had to ask.

"Are you amused by that book?" I stared at her expectantly, I'd be damned if she ignored me again.

She turned to look at me slowly then, her eyes a tad wider.

"Why are _you_ still in here?" she questioned, her eyes narrowing again, the irritation still present in her voice.

"Why are you refusing to talk to me?" I bit back, not understanding why on earth she was choosing to ignore me. I hadn't even asked her anything personal yet, that was when the rest of the girls began to close up.

"Because," she paused, letting out a tired sigh, "we both know that the only reason you're in here, hell, the only reason anyone ever comes in here is to probe and push and dig into my mind, so yeah… like hell I'm talking to you." Her voice was like acid, her eyes scorned, she continued to glare for dramatic effect.

_Mesmerizing_

Her stare softened a little bit, as my effects started to take hold, right before she turned herself around once more.

Following her previous actions, I sighed tiredly, planning my next move.

Lia kept thinking about Holden and New York and ballet… and food.

I searched around her temporary room, it was dull, cloudy, as though rain had made it's residence here. Half of her stuff was currently sitting in cardboard boxes lined up against the wall. There wasn't much to look at, the only thing I could see held anything remotely personal was the table besides her bed, where an iPod dock, some more books, and a packet of winter green gum. The Lord of the Flies, Madame Bovary, The Age of Innocence, and This Side of Paradise. Appealed by the new literature, I went and picked the first book up.

_If this had been her room, the books would've been Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, Romeo and Juliet, and Emma._

I forced any thoughts of her out of my mind. I wasn't sure what hurt more, to remember or not to remember. None of these had to do with love; this was not the romantic literature she had been so fond of. These books had a deeper meaning, a darker, more sinister view of life. I was repulsed by the books, so suddenly, all I could think of was how dark even her literature choices were. I couldn't bring myself to be impressed, the way I would've been were I not in such a broken state. I suddenly yearned for the sweetness and romance of the word of my beloved. I did not want to see such depressing, truthful reading choices.

I quickly turned my head away, focusing instead on the television, a cardboard box stocked with dvd's and a player right next to it.

"Oh will you stop sighing for god's sake?!" Lia's exasperated voice breaking me from my lingering thoughts.

"I was not sighing!" I replied defiantly, could vampires get a headache? Had I ever met someone so annoying?

"Yeah, whatever, go be bored, depressed, or whatever the hell you are somewhere else, because I'm sick of it." She kept glaring; it was all she ever did.

"I haven't said more than two sentences to you, how am I possibly grating on your nerves?" I tried to reply as calmly as I could, trying to waver her glare.

"Yeah, maybe you haven't said anything, but you keep on making these noises, they're so annoying, honestly. Let me get one thing straight, whatever you came in here for is useless, you're wasting your time. Unless you find amusement in a) annoying me, or b) staring at me, then get out!" She had her arms crossed now. Bella used to always tilt her chin up when she did this, but Lia sort of tilted her head to the side, staring menacingly through her lashes.

I was suddenly angry at her for thinking I enjoyed staring at her. There was no one in this world who could even compare…

"What makes you think looking at you would be so appealing?" My tongue sharply threw out the words before I even had time to censor them, I heard her thoughts before I saw her face crumble.

_Stupid/fat/stupid/ugly/stupid/bitch/stupid/whore._

She looked on the verge of tears as her mind screamed word after word after word.

She got up from her position on the couch as I stayed in place, horrified with myself.

"I'm sorry Lia, please, I didn't mean…" She cut me off with a mocking laugh, as she stared with eyes so dark and menacing that I had the urge to look away. I had crossed the line with a girl with whom this line should never be crossed.

I cursed myself for my stupidity, I knew the full extent of her disease, yet I sat here, throwing it at her face.

"Get. Out. Now." Her voice was dangerously calm, the eye of the storm.

"Please understand…"

"The only thing I understand is that you are a hateful, stupid, arrogant boy, and that I never want to see you again, anywhere near me, got it?"

Alice had nearly torn my head off that night.

"_You insensitive, spoiled, fool!" Alice was swatting my head with her tiny hands, berating the words into my brain._

"_Alice, stop!" _

"_How could you say that to her?! Out of any girl, you decide to say something as stupid as that to a girl with an image problem?!"_

"_Alice,"_

"_Don't you dare interrupt me Edward! I'm not done whacking you!" She had somehow received a newspaper, and was resorting to hitting me with that._

She had only stopped with her physical abuse after I promised to apologize and make it better somehow. After her vision confirmed my word, she warned me of the "fragility of a teenager's mind," and that I had better be more careful with my word choice the next time I talked to her. Alice's fury was understood as she stomped back to her room, leaving me to my guilt.

In my defense, how was I to know how to behave around a girl with such emotions? Bella had had low self-esteem, but this girl, _this_ girl's self-image was downright suicidal. It was a thorny vine of mutilating thoughts and criticisms, her own worst enemy.

But, like the gentleman I was raised, I concluded that eventually, I would need to apologize for my actions. I would rid myself of the guilt that had gnawed at me for the rest of that night.

I drove to the Center around noon, arriving in a few minutes. I strode into Carlisle's office, determined to make my mistake right.

"I have come to see Lia." I responded with what I hoped was authority.

I caught the twinkle in Carlisle's eye, and I fought the urge to roll mine.

"Coming to apologize for your reckless attitude I see? Alice must've wacked you harder than I thought."

I clenched my jaw at the feeling of being subdued by my own sister, had my stubbornness slowly diminished? Was I know going to bend at Alice's ever will?

"This had nothing to do with Alice. I realized my mistake long before her lecture. Sadly, I had upset her so deeply that I had no choice but to leave her room, hopefully, after a night's rest, she can come to forgive me."

Carlisle pondered this, but still, he didn't believe me.

"Well, she's at lunch at the moment," he forced back his smile, "but you can wait in her room if you'd like, provided she doesn't attempt to rip your head off once she finds you there."

I held back an annoyed growled as I strode purposefully out of the office and down the hallway.

This is how I had ended up in her bedroom during her lunch hour, searching through her old photo albums.

After searching her DVD collection, and finding an astounding collection of Audrey Hepburn movies, I stumbled across a huge book that I was sure would help break the mystery of her last name.

I flipped open the pages, quite surprised at what I discovered.

It was Lia, except, it wasn't her. This girl had bright ivory skin, a set of full, shiny, hair, and the brightest cheeks and eyes I had ever seen. Her ears poked out in every other shot, making me smile. They were so cartoonish it made me want to call her an elf, rather than Lia.

She was on the beach, her hair blown back, as she smiled towards the camera, the waves crashing right behind her. I continued to turn the album, I saw more photos of friends, parties, and family members. It wasn't until one of the last pages that I found what I was searching for.

I had proof, now I knew.

It was of a twelve year-old Lia, her arm lazily draped across the shoulders of a timid looking girl, the girl… a thirteen year old Bella. The contrast was so shocking I wanted to laugh. Lia had no problems with the closeness of them two, her head was on Bella's shoulder and even in her sleepiness her eyes were still shining, smiling much more than her mouth. Bella, on the other hand, looked shy and uncomfortable with the picture, but smiled nonetheless. She wasn't hugging Lia back; rather her arms had situated themselves between her hands.

I grasped the precious picture, holding it delicately. They were related. They had the same last name and they were related.

I turned the picture around, reading the inscription on the back.

_Lily DuPont and Bella Swan, 2005._

Strange, Lillianne never told me to call her Lily, the generic nickname for her full name. I clearly remembered her saying her last name was Swan, not DuPont.

Had her mother remarried? How did she come to know Bella? Why did she introduce herself as Lia and not Lily?

I continued to stare at the picture, mesmerized. The two looked oddly striking, Bella's alabaster to Lia's ivory, chocolate against coffee, quietness against brightness. And where was this girl? This Lia who I had seen in countless photos? The girl in here certainly wasn't her.

I heard her thoughts before her light footsteps.

_575 calories. They forced 575 calories down my throat. 575, 575, 575. Stupid, fat, disgusting, ugly bitch. I'm not thin enough to be in here, not enough. Never enough. _

I put away her private things at vampire speed, only a tad embarrassed at digging through her stuff.

**Lia Pov**

I held on to my stomach, my once small, tiny hole of a stomach was filled to the brim. I was a balloon ready to pop, bloated, gross, disgusting. Fat. That was all I ever was, a fat mess. But I kept holding on to it, hoping that maybe the pressure of my hands would diminish the heaping mass that lay within. I held back the tears that I knew would inevitably fall sooner or later.

Eating made me panic, eating made me lose control. Once I started I couldn't stop. I would stuff, stuff, stuff and then puke, puke, puke. Sometimes, I didn't even need two fingers for it to come back up. The thought of not being able to take back the food was sending me close to hyperventilation. I could feel it spreading throughout my body, the densest part feeding my thighs, my breasts my arms, everywhere.

Breathe Lia, just breathe. I felt my stomach expand, biting my lip so hard that I was close to drawing blood. I choked back a sob before I stumbled into my room, slamming the door as quickly as possible.

I sank to the floor as soon as I heard the door behind me, trying to quiet my sobs. _It's only food Lia, food hardly causes death._ I fisted my hands into my eye sockets, trying to dig them out.

If I was blind, recovery would be easy.

I felt a knot twist in my gut, as my throat became dry. I kept crying, for what? I didn't know, I never knew. All I knew was how I felt… alone. I felt gross and fat and pathetic and so terribly alone. My mother had dumped me here, for the second time. I didn't have any friends, not anymore. I had been sent back from PNB, as close as you can get to being kicked out.

I hated this room, hated it with a passion. It was always so damn cold in here, so scary at night, so dark. It engulfed me, shadows came out of the closet and smothered me, overwhelming in their feeling. The fog still remained in the morning.

I heard someone clear their throat.

I looked sharply to the figure standing in front of me. How could he? How could he come in here? Watching me? The boy had the nerve to show me pity.

"What are you doing here?" I choked out, it almost sounded like a hiss.

I saw the conflict in his eyes, the discomfort of the situation making him look anywhere but me.

"I…"

"Get out." I contained a sob, the tears drying up slightly, his presence sobering me up.

His jaw was clenching again as I angrily wiped away my tears and got up from my place on the floor. I went to open the door, signaling him to haul himself out. But, rather than leaving as I had instructed, he simply clamped the door shut.

"What are you…"

"Listen," He seemed determined. Edward, that was his name.

My anger hadn't diminished, the embarrassment of letting this boy see me cry wounded my pride, and I knew what he was going to say.

"No, I don't care about your apologies, I honestly don't want to hear it, so if you could get out now, that would be fantastic." I explained through gritted teeth, keeping the quiver out of my voice.

"No." He voiced this with such conviction that I felt the need to shut up and listen to what he had to say.

I wiped at my face again, making sure it was dry.

"So what? So now you're sorry for what you said? I get it. You don't have to say anything." The truth was that I didn't want to hear anything he had to say, I didn't want to hear the pity that would surely color his voice. I could stand a lot of things, but my pride would never take sympathy.

"Could you for once just listen to what I have to say?!" He was frustrated, that I was sure, I could almost hear a growl rumbling in his throat, it was frightening.

Determined not to show him my fear, I crossed my arms and stared defiantly up at him, showing that I was willing to listen.

"Look, I know that what I said was…insensitive."

I fought the urge to scoff, hating the way he was wording his sentences.

"And I'm sorry that I made you feel the way you felt, but please understand that I had no intentions of making you feel inferior,"

I cut him off there.

"So, there. You said what you needed to say. Do you feel better now? Can you breathe a sigh of relief now knowing that your pathetic attempt at an apology has been given?"

I had not registered half of the sentence he had said, all I could really see were his eyes, the dull gray of the walls, the sound of my heart beating, and the words inferior, insensitive, and intention.

Inferior, insensitive, wasn't my intention.

Inferior. Insensitive.

Inferior.

The lovely hue of topaz disappeared as he closed his eyes, and all I could see now was dull gray.

"That didn't come out right either." His sigh sent a cold, sweet scent my way.

It smelled heavenly, like winter. I could taste it on my tongue.

"How many redo's do you want? Do tell Edward, as you can see, I have all day." His beautiful face couldn't stop the annoyance, anger, and jealousy I felt for him.

He was handsome, he smelled amazing, and he had the smoothest voice I had ever heard. He would never feel such blasphemous self-hate, how in the hell could he ever try at sympathy? He had no idea.

"You are wrong." He growled, the topaz lighting my sight once more, more furious, blazing.

"About what?" I stuttered, momentarily stunned at the glorious fury displaced on his face.

His gaze never wavered from mine, studying me for a moment, searching for something. Whatever it was, he didn't find it.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing." He turned on his heel then, leaving me to my solitude, the door slamming in revenge. It hurt my ears.

Sometimes I wondered why I acted the way I did. Why couldn't I have just listened to him? Why couldn't I have just accepted his apology?

Would I be alone now? Would I feel the way I felt? Maybe, if I hadn't been so defensive, I could be having a conversation with him. I would've had company, but the only thing in my room right now where ghosts, darkness, shadows, and vines.

I was being smothered again, held firmly in place by absolute fear. I had always hated darkness in unknown place. This was not my room, this was not my home. Where was home? It wasn't here, it wasn't in California, it wasn't back in the dorms of PNB.

Home had been on stage at 6:00 in the morning for rehearsals. Home had been in the studio with pointe shoes and wooden barres. Home had been in the worn out practice tutu I pulled on for Pas de Deux and variations. I yearned for my chocolate leotard and ripped tights, for my fuzzy legwarmers and oversized sweater. I wanted to pull my hair in a bun and step into a box of rosin.

Home was not here.

I pulled the covers high above my head, trying to remember myself practicing, trying to find some semblance of comfort. Every time I came close to fully submersing into one of my dreams, I would wake up with a sudden shock as the shadows engulfed me once more, reminding me of where I really was.

Dull, gray, cold. This was not home.

**Edward Pov**

I was restless last night, ironic, because I could not sleep.

Regardless of my disastrous attempt at an apology, it did not make the guilt reside. Rather, it continued to build.

I kept on replaying the image of her face, over and over again. I had seen that look before, but never had I seen it directed at me. The only thing that could come close was when I left _her._

It was a look that said she wasn't angry or sad because of me, it was because of her. She had silently agreed with me, agreed at my ignorance.

It was saddening.

I kept remembered the photo I had took, the one of the two together.

I put down my copy of _Gatsby_ and picked up the picture on the side table. I noticed the brightness in her eyes, the dim light cast by the lamp casting shadows over them. I saw Bella's shy smile, the way it had always been; there, but timid.

I ran my hands through my hair as I contemplated what to do next. I could leave, would she be there, Still awake?

Bella, where was she? Was she at home, was the dog with her? Were they doing anything… together?

I growled in frustration as horrid images of the two flashed through my mind, the things Alice would never see, but I didn't need her abilities to conjure up conclusions.

He would give her everything I couldn't, everything she had ever wanted.

I rose from the spot on my couch; the bed had been left back at Forks.

**Lia Pov**

My heart thudded painfully against my chest as I heard my door open. I knew I was overreacting; whoever was coming in here couldn't harm me.

Why would the nurses show up this late? I once again wondered how many pills these people were giving me.

"Don't be scared." A voice hissed, I knew that voice, knew he wasn't normal.

"Why shouldn't I be you weirdo?! Sneaking in my room at night?!" I would never mention that as absurd and random this meeting was, I felt relief that someone has here in the dark with me. The voices had slipped back in the closet, shut behind the black screen.

"I wanted to apologize."

"Is that the best excuse you could come up with?" I reached to turn on my lamp light, only to find that his hand made it faster.

Wasn't he besides my door a second ago?

I saw his ocher eyes softer than ever before, he wasn't glaring at me for once.

_"And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,__ no I never meant to do you harm."_

* * *

I would really like to know what people think Lia's character is like? You might be shocked with the coming chapters. Has anyone made any guesses? How do you think she was like before this?


	4. Nights in White Satin

**A/N: **The last revise for this story. Thanks for putting up with the confusion, but I really think these revises have made my story stronger, as well as slowed down and strengthened Lia and Edward's relationship.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight or any other recognizable names.

* * *

___"Cold hearted orb t__hat rules the night  
Removes the colours from our sight  
Red is gray and Yellow white  
But we decide which is right  
And which is an Illusion"_

-Nights in White Satin, Moody Blues

Edward Cullen was not a liar.

As promised, he was waiting there, _for me._ Right after, dinner...

I didn't want to see him.

I had been force fed 600 calories. My stomach was big, I was bloated, I looked disgusting.

"Told you I would be back."

"And your a man of your word, I'm assuming?" His eyes were dancing with mirth.

"You are correct." It was then that I noticed a book dangling from his fingers, as If though it was too dirty to hold.

"What are you doing?" An edge to my voice. That book was special to me, and he was touching it, holding it like some ratty old doll.

"I have one question, why on Earth do you love this book so much?" His face twisted in a grimace, staring at said book as though it had committed a crime.

I shook my head, keeping the savage responses away. Feeling fat made me moody.

"Why do you seem so repulsed by it?" He seemed to be contemplating my question.

His mouth dropped, "I mean, come on. The entire story is written in short, incomplete sentences with undeveloped ideas. The main character is whiny, hypocritical, whiney, and entirely too emotional. Not only that, but he never grows as a character, he tries to act as though he's above adults, and yet, he's one of the most immature fictional characters I've had the misfortune to read about. The story itself, is entirely too depressing."

I stayed quiet for a second, processing everything I already knew about Holden Caulfield. After several moments, I came up with my reply.

"At least it's realistic," I put simply.

He seemed frustrated by my lack of in-depth reply. So I continued.

"I mean, He has this innocence, but at the same time, he's vulgar and cynical. I _like_ that the sentences are so unstructured, because that's how people actually think. I mean, no one actually speaks the way most authors write. It's dramatic, without being melodramatic, it's honest without being obscene, and it balances tragedy and comedy perfectly."

He grumbled, sometimes his brooding actually reminded me of my favorite fictional character.

As if he had read my mind, his frown deepened.

"Holden is a horrible role model."

"I don't think teenagers are exactly the best role models." I retorted.

"And he has this annoying naivety, I mean, he holds his younger sister Phoebe on the highest pedestal, as though she's a hero," he continued in his rant.

"Didn't I say that was one of his qualities? He's innocent, the whole story revolves around him being repulsed by the adult world. The only thing he wants to do is catch kids from falling off of a crazy cliff in this big field of rye for Chrissake." I smiled, using one of Holden's favorite words.

He was still grumbling, his brow furrowed.

"Maybe you reread it, after taking all of my insight into account, I'm pretty sure you would enjoy it." I smiled again, trying not to laugh at his childlike frustration.

Edward nodded, except for it hadn't seemed as though he had been listening to me.

"So you agree with me?"

"I'm agreeing with you?" Slow reflexes anyone?

"You just nodded," I explained.

"You kind of remind me of him, don't get sore about that comparison either."

He smiled back, as if he were teasing me.

"I could say the same about you,"

"Weird, because we've only known each other for about three days." I smiled back…

We stayed up until midnight, talking about our favorite literature, music, instruments, plays, people, wars, everything.

We both loved Dante's _Divine Comedy. _I argued that my favorite section was Inferno while his was Purgatory. But we both agreed that Paradiso was a little boring.

I loved Fitzgerald and Flaubert, he preferred Austen and Bronte.

"A fan of Wuthering Heights? You brood too much to be a fan of the romantics" No answer, I looked away, seeming to hit a touchy subject.

"Yes." he whispered.

I learned that his favorite was Debussy, while I adored Profokiev. He played the piano, and I danced ballet. We promised each other we would perform for the other someday.

Our favorite time of year was winter, and while I was describing my summer's in California, he muttered something about missing the sun. Whatever that meant.

I enjoyed listening to the Rat Pack and he hated the Beatles, which was blasphemy in my book.

"How can you hate 60s music? It was a revolutionary era for rock!"

"It was about being on drugs and sex and nothing of importance, the music was absolutely horrible."

"You can't just write it off like that, Grace Slick? John Lennon? Dylan? The Stones? They were next to geniuses, delusional, yes… but geniuses nonetheless, Joplin's voice was amazing!"

"The 50s were much better in my book," He pointed out,

"Sorry, not a huge fan of Buddy Holley or Little Richard." not that the 50s sucked, but it was nowhere near as inspiring as the 60s.

"They had eons more talent than any of the off-tune, raspy voices of those hippies." He argued.

"They weren't all hippies, and even if they were, they still wrote good music, not defending hippies at all, by the way."

This is how we started our criticism of hippies, it lasted for hours.

_

* * *

_

Two weeks, it had been two weeks since I had met the illustrious Edward Cullen. And in two weeks, I was trapped. Enchanted, caught in his web. He was an addiction, and I needed my fix. I felt real for the first time in years. He pushed my buttons and then soothed my temper. My brain was no longer on autopilot, the voices and the food and the disgust melted away. Replaced with theory and Bach and Edgar Allen Poe. He promised to play the piano for me one day. I promised to dance for him.

He had visited me every day, keeping his word. We talked about literature and music and history and art. He was witty and intelligent, short-tempered and broody. He spoke in an old-world manner, he was brought up a gentleman, and his posture was stiff, rigid, and unmoving.

He had scorching honey-colored eyes that would get darker some days, and lighter the next. I complained about how I wished that my eyes could change color, topaz to burnt honey, but mine were always dark.

He told me that my eyes were beautiful, yes _beautiful,_ just the way they where, and that my eye color wasn't "black", it was the color of "coffee". Black coffee, it was the same thing.

Ever since our first encounter, I knew he was different. I think he knew I knew as well.

He was too beautiful, too perfect. His skin was too hard, too cold. His movements too graceful, his voice too musical, his scent too enchanting.

I spent my nights in white satin, a never ending insomnia. He would insist on leaving because I needed my rest, but my nights never seemed to end. When the blackness took over and unspoken fantasies played behind my eyelids; restless dreams where heartbreak was the only conclusion. I would wake up at 3:00 in the morning, my heart beating dangerously fast.

thump..thump..**thumpthump**..thump..........................thump..**thumpthump**.

The feeling of rejection was even worse when all you could see were shadows. The darkness strangely reflecting what I felt inside. even someone with fog colored glasses could see that Edward's feelings for me were nothing but platonic. _it hurt._

Today was no different, I woke up, sun pouring through, a tangle in the sheets. My body aching and my eyes tired. The tossingturningtossingturning had continued on through the night, giving me no rest.

Slowly, I lifted myself off the bed and prepared myself for today's torturous routine. _They were stuffing me like a turkey getting ready for Thanksgiving. _My once-empty stomach filling to the brim, the stitching was threatening to burst. My days, a whirl of mashed potatoes and cereal and oranges and tiny cakes and strawberry milk shakes and three-course meals. I had never panicked too much about food, if I ate, I threw up. Simple. I couldn't do that anymore. Bathroom breaks were monitored, weekly weight-ins recorded to make sure I stayed fat.

Two weeks and 1700 calories a day resulted in a "healthy" weight of 105 lbs.

I did not write depressing poetry, I did not cut my skin open, I did not purge, I did not close myself off. I was getting out of here after I hit 110. I was getting out of here no matter how much it killed me inside to look at myself. At 110 I would be deemed healthy enough and I would be shipped off to Forks were this body would go down to 90. Charlie didn't hover, he wouldn't notice. And Bella could go jump of a cliff. I didn't give a rat's ass about what her whiney mouth would say.

_because I was suffocating under this weight._

And the voices were louder and I couldn't think straight anymore because my head was stuffed to the brim with more rice more chicken more smoothies and more candy-colored pills; a desperate attempt to keep me sane.. or sedated. There was no difference.

_Do you remember when those same pills were used willingly? _

But that was me in California and I was no junkie, that was just trashy. Who knew alcohol had so many calories? disgusting.

After my daily mind rape by Dr. Harrison, came dinner, and after dinner, came Edward.

I trudged down to the cafeteria, filled with other girls just like me, and yet so different. Those girls sabotaged themselves, they closed themselves off and refused to eat and wrote bad things in their journals, their daily therapy turning into one-sided conversations.

_silly girls, didn't they know the only way to get out of here was to play the game?_

I had come to terms that I would never get better because nothing would ever work. So I kept playing, I ate and talked and smiled and pretended. _I was a doll, there was no magic fairy to turn me into a real girl._

Torture tonight was Chicken Breast (120) white rice (186) and cheesy broccoli (95), followed by a low-fat chocolate milk shake (400). horror. I chewed everysinglebite 15 times. A bite of cheese broccoli chew chew chew. A bite of Chicken Breast chew chew chew. white rice, 15 times. Repeat.

_strong/empty/strong_

I pushed the voices out of my head. It's OK Lia, you'll get out, hold on, pretend, shoveitdownyourthroat, it'll be over soon. I chewed and chewed and chewed. Edward liked it when I finished my meals. I knew he knew that I wasn't getting better. But me eating put a smile on his face. I finished half of the disgusting shake before I was deemed bloated enough to return to my bedroom.

_stupid/fat/stupid/bitch/stupid/ugly/stupid/whore._

I felt the fat in my stomach, grease down my thighs, chicken breast stuck in my arms, cheese dripping off my bones. I was disgusting, gross, fat, a failure. I was drowning in my skin. I kept my hands off of my body.

pretend pretend pretend. smile on your face. No tears tonight Lia, don't want the nurses to hear you.

_I wanted to crawl out of this putrid skin._

I opened my door, almost breaking it off its hinges, anxious to see him. And, as promised, he was there, laying on my bed. Staring at the ceiling, a smile on his perfect features.

And the voices faded away..

* * *

**Edward Pov**

Her thoughts were screams in my brain. It took all my willpower not to leave her room and comfort her while she was eating. But something told me she would not eat in front of me. I stayed in her room, I wasn't even allowed to enter that cafeteria.

Sad girls get triggered easily.

She was on the verge of tears as she walked towards her bedroom, I knew all she did was a charade. After they let her out, she would slip back into her old habits. But Alice said I would help her, and in two weeks she would be out of here and in Forks. I would keep an eye on her there. I couldn't let her kill herself. I was in too deep. She would not die, not if I could help it.

She hastily opened the door, relief washing her anguished features.

"How was your day?" I asked.

_Perfect, I keep gaining and gaining and gaining, pretty soon I'll be out of here and never see you again. just fantastic._

She had been pondering this all day, but saying it in her mind, right in front of me, the thought smacked her, she started to panic.

I hurriedly went to her side when her face reflected her thoughts.

"What's wrong Lia?" She saw no harm in telling me the truth.

"I'm leaving soon, I won't see you again." I saw no harm in telling her the truth anyway.

"No, not really." I gently smiled at her, strangely, _excited_, to tell her that I was moving to Forks when she was.

"I'm actually, well.. I'm moving to Forks in a week's time." A glimmer of hope shot through her eyes.

"You aren't joking are you?"

"Why would I lie to you?" _He was the only who didn't lie._

A pang of guilt bubbled underneath the surface, I hadn't lied, but I hadn't told her the truth. And she was already very suspicious, but like Bella, whom I had found was her step-cousin through Carlisle, she had dismissed her instincts. It must've been a trait all of the Swan women shared.

"Your really moving?!" Her voice an octave higher.

"How is this happening?!" She said through her giggles.

"We lived there before my father took this job, he's going back to work for Forks hospital. My mother missed the small town."

I was lying to her, I was subconsciously hurting her.

"Edward this is great! We'll be going to school together!" She was laughing now, and then.. _she hugged me_. Her warm body pressing against my own. I knew she knew there was something different, the way my ice cold, rock hard body felt, so unnatural, she would ask me about it soon. I surprised myself by doing two things, one) hugging her back, easily, and laughing right along with her. and two) accepting the fact that I had to tell her what I was, tonight.

She had become the closest thing to me besides Bella. My first real friend, my best friend. She was a bright and shining star in a moonless night, a point of reason, a point of existence.

I was suddenly afraid, afraid of her reaction. But the strangest thing was, I knew she wouldn't reject me. In all her tempered glory. She could be moody but I knew that she wouldn't dismiss because of what I was. It was a feeling that radiated between both of our bodies; _acceptance._

I had accepted her for what she was and she would accept me in turn.

The hardest thing would be to tell her about Bella, the love of my life. Her cousin, a cousin she wasn't too fond of. I'm not sure if she would accept that.

"I have something to tell you." I said impulsively. Her touch had given me a surge of confidence, I might as well use it while I had it.

And without knowing how she knew it, she nodded. Sitting down on her bed.

"I believe you have something to tell me?"

_It's alright Edward, I'm more understanding than you think._

I sat, flabbergasted. Had she just directed her thoughts to me?

Her musical laugh interrupted my surprise.

"How.. how did you?"

"Oh please Edward, you don't think you were being inconspicuous did you?"

I still sat there, unable to say anything. idiot.

"50 percent of the answers you were giving me were from the questions I formed in my head. I've been eating, my brain cells are intact."

A huge sigh of relief went through me, I breathed in black roses. Sweet and dangerous.

"Well, you're not angry?" Most people were quite upset when they found that their thoughts weren't safe with me.

"It's not like you can help it, I'm not ashamed of what I think."

"You don't exactly voice your opinions to everyone, only me."

"Well, most people don't want to know what I'm thinking." Her smile was encouraging, _I know there's more._

"Where to begin."

"At the beginning, of course." She took my hand in hers, I didn't retract.

When she understood that I wouldn't say anything, she began by asking a question.

"Why are you so cold, and, and.... hard?" She thought over her question, snorting at her choice words.

_Very mature Lia. Stop being such a teenager._

Just spit it out already.

"I'm a.. a... vampire, Lia."

Three agonizing seconds later...

_really?_

"Yes." I whispered.

She didn't look surprised, or shocked. Simply, curious.

"I guess my blood isn't very appetizing?"

What? I had just told the girl I was a blood-sucking monster and that was the first response she could give me?!

"Why would you think that?"

"Well if it was, wouldn't you have already sucked me dry?" She was smiling, _smiling. _I expected her to be accepting, I didn't expect her to take it so well.

What was it with these Swan women? All of them praying for a death wish.

"I don't drink human blood Lia."

"Why?"

"I don't want to be a monster."

"But it's your nature, you can't help it!"

"We can, it's just.. very difficult. Me and my family only drink from the blood of animals."

"A moral vegetarian, wow, I hate people like that."

In the short two weeks I had known Lia, in all of my life, I had never met anyone with such a wide array of things she loathed. Now she hated moral vegetarians?

"They think they're so self-righteous, always trying to shove their ideals down your throat, how annoying." A playful smirk in place.

"So what now, you hate me?" I joked back.

"Nope" popping the p. "I mean you have a good reason, not like those grass-smoking wannabe hippies, don't they know that peace and love died with the 60's?"

"Some people would argue that belief." She waved her hand, dismissing my retort.

This is why I was so close to her, she complimented me perfectly. She knew when to fight and when to joke and when to comfort. She just knew _when._

"And for the record, you don't smell bad." Curiosity won over her need to argue back to my latest response.

"What do I smell like to you?"

"Like black roses." I blurted out. _because her smell washed out all of my senses._

She contemplated for a second.

"And what does that smell like?" she said in a hushed voice.

"It's elegant, and sweet, but with a hint of spice, it smells dark."

For some reason, her smell didn't make me want to taste her, it just made me want to _smell _her. She was a fine wine, something to be admired, not gobbled.

"Thanks?" She said, not really knowing how to respond.

"You smell like winter." She put simply, breaking the awkward silence that was threatening to form.

And with that, I began to tell her about my brothers and sisters, and of how I was turned, and eventually to the years of my rebellion.

"You lived during The Progressive Era? And then the 1920's? And through the Great Depression? And through World War I and II?" She sat there, amazed, asking question after question about my early years as a vampire, and the few memories of my human life.

Her eyes were alight with wonder, Bella had never been this interested in my past life before. _Bella. _I had to tell her, and she gave me the best opening.

"Did you ever, you know, meet any women?" She was a little embarrassed to be asking such a "personal" question, as she put it.

I stopped to take a breath, preparing myself for the onslaught I knew without a doubt would follow.

"Yes, actually. there was one." I whispered, scared of what her reaction would be when she learned the full story.

_Well of course he must've been in love, just look at him. Is this why he seems so down all the time?_

"What was her name?"

I stopped once more, deciding to rest my eyes on her lap. I concentrated on her scent, noticing that her skin was getting brighter, an effect of the nutrients she was thankfully putting in her body.

"Isabella Marie Swan." I said in a deathly whisper.

She did not move, she did not speak, she just stared, her mind twisting and turning.

_He loved her? He loved her! He lived in Forks, she lives in Forks. Is this the reason he started talking to me? Did she ask him to do so? Get inside her crazy cousin's mind before she wreaked havoc in her precious sanctuary?! And why did he choose her? Of all people? Plain, boring, whiney Bella? Is this the real reason he's going back there?!_

She was hurt, her eyes filled with anger and betrayal. My eyes narrowing as well, I had thought that her and Bella would've been rather close.

Which I knew was a far-fetched theory, after all, Bella and Lia were vastly different people. Lia was vivacious and charming, a people person, and, from her thoughts, more than a little selfish.

Lia was exactly the opposite of what Bella was, and in turn, the exact opposite of what Bella looked for in her relationships.

"Is this why you came here?" She spoke in a calm manner. Her mind was still in a frenzy, cursing me and her cousin, cursing herself for being so naïve.

"No." I continued to whisper.

"Don't lie to me." She responded in an astoundingly authorative tone.

"I'm not." I responded, pleading with my eyes. _Don't leave me._

She closed her eyes, the voices in her head quieted.

"Did you love her?" She asked.

I couldn't lie to her, not when she had been so honest.

"I still do."

I didn't dare move, not an inch. I stopped my unnecessary breathing. Once again, I might just break her, _or you just might._

"What happened?" She responded after several seconds of soothing breathing, she was trying to keep her temper in check, for me.

And I told her everything, about me leaving her, coming back because I couldn't live without her. Coming back and finding that she Jacob had imprinted on her, coming back and finding that she still loved me, coming back and finding that she couldn't leave Jacob. He needed her, she was selfless, He needed her, and apparently I didn't.

She listened, never interrupting my confession, she listened with expressionless eyes and a calm demeanor. She mulled over my words, contemplating what to say next.

"She was always so selfless wasn't she?" Was her sole response.

Her thoughts, her eyes, her presence, revealing nothing.

I nodded, I couldn't speak anymore. I was engulfed in pain, my body shaking as salt was poured on the wound. Bella's voicehaireyeslipsbodysmell engulfing me. I couldn't see anymore, I was blinded by the ghost of my old lover, I had barely registered that I was dry sobbing until I felt a pair of soft, warm arms wrapping around me.

She held me all night, without judgment, without saying anything. She just held me, letting me lament over the cruelty of life, and the way it had tortured me.

Her blankets were no longer gray, but a white satin. She had fallen asleep at around 4 in the morning, her arms holding me firmly in place.

in the background, the sound of Chopin's Nocturne in C-Sharp Minor, lulling me into a stoic state, a mockery of the restless sleep that had engulfed the beauty in my arms.


	5. A Singer in a Smoky Room

**A/N: **Longest chapter, and they'll keep coming. I lied, Bella isn't in this chapter, she's coming rather soon though. Anyway, this is a bit fluffy, most likely the only fluff piece I'll write for this.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight, Chanel, Tiffany's, El Gaucho, or The Center at Edmonds.

* * *

_"Breathe out,  
So I could breathe you in.  
Hold you in"_

It was dark inside the confines of the dull blue walls, the red glow of the alarm clock signaled that it was 6:30 in the morning.

How much time had passed?

I couldn't tell, I couldn't remember. All I could do was feel.

Her warmth, her soft breathing, her skin, her smell, permeating into my bones, her heartbeat pumping life into my cold, dead veins.

I stared at the cracks on the walls, thorny vines created by long-legged spiders in the middle of the night. She stirred in my arms, a soft moan escaping her lips. Her body pressing closer, her limbs moving slowly. I looked at her, as her soft eyelids fluttered open.

She was tired; dark circles underneath her eyes, searching my own. Her small hand pushing back a mess of bronze hair from my face.

I didn't know how long we stayed like that, tangled up, a mess of broken limbs. She breathed out, I breathed her in.

"You'll be alright Edward, if there isn't hope for you then there isn't any hope for me."

I was forever in debt to her, her and her Audrey Hepburn eyes.

The subject was never mentioned again. She pointedly ignored any topic that could possibly be turned to Bella. And I was grateful.

We grew closer, bonded by our dark secrets. She told me about how she used to think of killing herself when her mother wouldn't stop yelling. I told her about my visit with the Volturi.

She named off all the lives she destroyed back in California, of her shallow schemes and bitter tongue. Of all the boys who broke her heart and of her facade of the perfect daughter.

She stripped her soul to me, laying down everything, leaving her in nothing but bare bones. I told her of all the thoughts I had heard that passed through the minds of my victims. I told her how I had felt before Bella, the feeling of being trapped in a body you can't get out of.

She understood.

I hadn't known then, I was blinded by my former lover. Too deaf to here anything but the _should'vewould'vecould've_ ringing in my ears. How could I have known?

**Lia POV**

It had been one week. One week since that night. One week since we had both shed all of our layers, and laid our true forms out in front of the other.

A river of confessions streamed out of both of our mouths. Secret prayers none but the other would hear, whispers of "now you see what I've done?" and "I've been lying for years," filling my once cold and dark bedroom. We didn't bother changing, we didn't bother admitting what we did was wrong, we simply let the words lace around us, wrapping us in a cocoon of vulnerability, of trust, of laying our life in the other's hands, of the deepest understanding.

There was no embarrassment, no shame, nothing was real and everything was real. This was just who we were. I took him for him and ran, never looking back.

* * *

_"Hello,  
I've waited here for you.  
Everlong"_

"I'll see you tomorrow Lia," Dr. Harrison beamed, "you've made so much progress." The bitch looked almost proud, the hell I had. No thanks to her.

I trudged my way into the torture room. The candy pills still making my head spin. I ran into a brick wall..

No, not a brick wall, Dr. Cullen.

He steadied me, stars swimming before my eyes..

"Lia, I'm glad I caught you! There's no need to go into the cafeteria tonight, you could just head up to your room, if you would like of course." There was a twinkle in his eye, where they feeding him whacko pills too?

Had my Doctor just told me I could skip dinner? This had to be a trick.

"No thanks Dr. Cullen, I appreciate the offer, but I'm actually quite hungry." I tested him..

"No no dear, I insist, there is a, ah.. surprise waiting for you."

He seemed sincere enough. Anything to get out of eating. I was, after all, a fat fat turkey weight of 108 lbs.

"Sure, whatever you say Dr. Cullen."

And with that I made my way towards room 104.

The door was silent as I opened it, the sound of Saint-Saens pouring through the speakers. Remembering our first encounter. Edward.

I walked quietly towards my bed, not wanting to ruin the melodious waves of music that were calmly swaying through my room. There was a dark colored dress, waiting for me. The scent of roses assaulting my senses, I looked to my right, noticing a yellow parchment with an elegant scripture.

I picked it up, lightly, still feeling it not my place to ruin the mood.

Meet me in the garden at 6:00

Simple.

I checked the clock, it was 5:00. I had time to get ready.

I picked up the intricate fabric, running it through my hands.

It was beautiful, it was Chanel. On closer inspection I found that the dress was not black, but a dark coffee brown.

It was a waistless, above-knee cocktail style dress. All lace and 20th century.

A straight neckline to accent my collar bones, and lace tresses flowing down the arms. Two elegant cocarde camellia flowers adorned either side of the sleeves.

It looked vintage, but I knew better, this piece of Chanel was in their latest Cruise 09/10 Collection, their fashion show in Paris not yet two months old. Almost impossible to attain.

My eyes wandered down, where a pair of the perfect accent to the gorgeous dress I was wearing were found.

I sighed, giggling madly on the inside, having no idea what was going on, but loving it immensely.

I hurriedly put on the dress and heels, and dug into my closet, knowing the perfect classic Chanel handbag to go with my ensemble.

I made my eyes dark and smokey, my lashes so long and thick that they looked fake. My newly purchased Diorskin Airbrush foundation making my canvas flawless. Originally, I had planned on using blood red lipstick, my signature.

I took another look at my makeup, deciding that it was best to leave the spotlight on my eyes, I used a nude lipgloss, with just a tint of peachy/pink. Perfect.

I felt real again, a blossoming teenage girl getting ready for a night out.

I put my naturally soft curls in an intricate updo, letting a few tendrils loose to frame my face.

And last but not least, I put in my favorite Tiffany's pearl earrings, simple but elegant.

I looked in the mirror. Seeking approval.

_Pretty, but not good enough._

My almost heart-shaped face, almost because the top portion of my face wasn't really wide enough. My cheekbones, that would almost be considered model-worthy, were they to be a bit more prominent.. My too small lips.. my not-button nose... the list could go on and on.

Lastly, I looked at my eyes, my eyelashes, and my eyebrows. The only thing that made me remotely beautiful. I silently thanked whatever god that was out there for giving me at least one good trait.

I remembered when I loved the way I looked. I remembered when I was vain and narcissistic; putting Aphrodite to shame.

_Why couldn't I see the same girl?_

She certainly wasn't my reflection, this reflection was too fat, too short, too ugly, too_ stop...._

I wouldn't ruin this night, not with my treacherous thoughts. Not tonight.

**Edward POV**

I waited anxiously in the small rose garden, it was a rather beautiful place. In all it's melancholy glory, there was no one out here tonight.

5:59 p.m

The vintage Rolls Royce was parked just at the end of the small pathway, I was taking her to Seattle tonight.

6:00 p.m

and not a moment too late, nor too early.

The smell of Coco Mademoiselle mixed with black roses assaulted my senses.

She stepped out into the moonlight, in all her Chanel glory.

I resisted the urge to gasp, she looked stunning.

Alice was right, the particular shade of the dress really did bring out her eyes. Her hair smelled of lavender, looking soft and wonderfully elegant. The lacy dress and heels doing wonderful things to her legs, her breathtaking eyes pulling me in, seducing me into their depthless ores.

She blinked, the perfect picture of a satin doll.

Her coy smile almost seemed to jumpstart my heart , _what was this? _

I smiled back, pleased that she was pleased.

_Well, to what do I owe this great pleasure?_

"You owe nothing, I am simply stealing you away for a nightly rendezvous, of turn-of-the-century proportions."

She gasped, her eyes impossibly brighter.

"Well Monsieur, I am flattered that you deem me worthy of such an elegant night out."

"You are more than worthy, Mademoiselle." I replied, taking her arm with mine.

I felt strangely excited. The fact that she loved surprises, and going out only served to boost my mood. Bella would've never let me get away with this, and I was more than happy to be able to take someone out who seemed to enjoy this as much as I did.

"Thank you." She whispered.

I continued smiling, grinning like an idiot. What can I say? I was feeding off of her happiness.

We walked down the small cement path, roses spilling out of their confines, overgrown vines decorating the otherwise bare sides.

We stopped at the car, another gasp, and a laugh.

"Wow." Her grin stretched from ear to ear.

"Before you get in, I have something for you."

"There's more?!" The surprise reflecting in her thoughts.

I pulled out the blue box from my pants pocket, a tell-tale sign of the precious gift inside.

"Oh Edward! This is too much, you shouldn't have!"

I chuckled. "But I did anyway."

I opened the small box, revealing the diamond and pearl Tiffany's bracelet.

"It goes with my earrings, oh my god. Edward, this is beautiful, I know you shouldn't have, but I'm glad you did." She spoke in a hushed tone, her eyes glazed with wonder.

I took out the bracelet, quickly clasping it around her delicate wrist.

"The diamonds are for your birthstone, and the pearls are for you."

It was true, she looked magnificent in pearls.

Her eyes locked with mine, they seemed to be glowing, unobnoxiously showing her gratitude.

"Your amazing, glorious, perfect, etcetera, etcetera.. did you know that?"

I couldn't help the foolish grin that spread on my face.

"I think I've heard that once or twice."

She threw her head back in laughter.

"Arrogant fool." she muttered. Her playful smirk letting me know she didn't mean it.

"You look beautiful, by the way." I whispered, hoping she believed me.

She looked into my eyes again, searching for the truth, smiling once she found that it was there.

"It's nothing compared to you." She spoke before she had any time to filter her thoughts.

And for the first time that I had met Lillian Marie Swan, I saw her blush.

_Did you just say that out loud?!_

I chuckled, I knew of her infatuation with me, it was expected. I found it endearing, though I would never admit it to her. She would've thought that me finding her "endearing" meant that I believed her to be a little girl. I could hear her complaining now, not just that, but the fact that she would most likely blatantly deny any kind of infatuation with me.

But Lia was not a little girl, she was a beautiful, albeit reckless, young lady. Someone you could compare to the likes of Emma Bovary and Elizabeth Bennet.

_And he just heard you in your head too! oh my god Lia, just kill yourself, right now._

"There will be no mentions of suicide tonight, nor any self-criticizing comments."

She nodded, still in a daze.

_Stop staring stop staring stop staring. Damn it Lia shut up! Wait no, respond to his question!_

"Ok."

_I am an intelligent woman, with very intelligent responses._

I couldn't help but to chuckle at her inner musings.

"Promise me."

"I promise."

_Anything for you._

**

* * *

**

_"And I wonder,  
When I sing along with you.  
If everything could ever feel this real forever,  
If anything could ever be this good again."_

I couldn't think straight, couldn't speak a coherent sentence, I couldn't even stop gaping like a moron at the perfect man standing before me.

I, Lia, was at a loss for words.

I had never, in all my sixteen years of existence, seen a sight as breathtaking as Edward Anthony Masen Cullen.

Here, standing in the moonlight, with a vintage car and an Armani tuxedo.

He looked dashing, debonair, stunning, handsome, godly,.............. and I was running out of clever adjectives to correctly describe him. So I stopped trying.

Thus proceeding to unabashedly stare like an idiot.

Before I knew it, I was seated in the beautifully old car.

"How did you get this." I asked, wonder laced in all my words.

"I have my ways, don't you know." He responded, obviously pleased of the effect this night was so far having on me.

"Where are you planning on taking me?" I asked.

"Oh you know, just to this small bar/restaurant in the heart of Seattle."

I had enough reason to believe that this bar slash restaurant would be anything but small.

I was excited.

I let a smile grace my features.

"Thus the 1920's theme, tell me Cullen, will you be reciting any F. Scott Fitzgerald tonight as well?"

"Only if you want me to..." He trailed of suggestively,

"Oh, but it's necessary." I continued.

His smile could not get any wider.

"That, dollface, will come later."

His fingers found the radio, quickly turning it on, searching for an appropriate station.

"STOP IT RIGHT THERE!"

I practically yelled, hearing the familiar beginning of an old favorite song of mine.

He gave me a perplexed stare, questioning my sanity.

"I never took you for the Journey type."

"Yes, Cullen, I know my way around the 80's, and this, although generic, happens to be one of my all-time favorites."

I listened to the soothing tune, mouthing the lyrics as they fed my heart, pumping an unknown rush of adrenaline through my body.

_Just a small town girl  
Living in a lonely world  
She took the midnight train going anywhere_

_  
Just a city boy_

For some reason, I look pointedly at Edward. Damn it, I was getting cheesy. I didn't care.

This is what this song did to me,

_  
Born and raised in South Detroit  
He took the midnight train going anywhere_

all of a sudden, I heard the most melodious voice starting to sing along.

_A singer in a smoky room  
A smell of wine and cheap perfume  
For a smile they can share the night  
It goes on and on and on and on_

He was no longer staring at the road but at me, I couldn't stop looking at him, feeling the truth of Journey's lyrics hitting my heart.

The beat seeming to intensify the moment, and it was perfect.

We were both singing now, both our voices soft, letting Steve Perry lead us along.

_Strangers, waiting, up and down the boulevard  
Their shadows searching in the night  
Streetlight people, living just to find emotion  
Hiding somewhere in the night_

I giggled in delight; pleased at my influence on Edward. We were going at 120 mph. How did he get this car to go so fast? It was as old as... well, Edward.

We were singing louder now... Both feeding off of each other's childish energy...

Working hard to get my fill  
Everybody wants a thrill

I hadn't realized I was full out belting now..

_  
Paying anything to roll the dice....  
Just one more time  
Some will win, some will lose  
Some were born to sing the blues  
Oh the movie never ends  
It goes on and on and on and on_

I was ecstatic at the speed of the car, seeming to make the song even stronger. The beat pulsing pulsing pulsing, giving me an incredible high.

_Strangers, waiting, up and down the boulevard  
Their shadows searching in the night  
Streetlight people, living just to find emotion  
Hiding somewhere in the night_

I felt a sudden leap of joy as the chorus approached...

_Don't stop....... belieeeeeeeeving.....  
Hold on to that feeling...  
Streetlight peoppleeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!_

I was laughing so hard, I couldn't contain it. The sheer happiness radiating off of me.

My voice growing louder as the song continued...

_Dooon't stop... belieeeevinnnnnng_

_hooooooooold on to that felaaaayeeeingggg. _(yes this is how I was singing it, thank you very much.)

_streeeetlight........... peeeeeeople._

the song faded away, but my spirits had not.

I turned to stare at the godly figure next to me.

"A fan of journey huh?" I tried, unsuccessfully, to raise just one eyebrow.

We both burst into a fit of boisterous laughter.

"You could say that."

"Yeah, or, I just have that effect on you, you know.. making you bellow inspirational 80's tunes lyrics at the top of your lungs."

He nodded, agreeing with me.

"What can I say, your addicting." He added with a smirk.

The car made a sudden stop, unaware of my surroundings, I looked around to find the familiar bustling streets and blinding lights of Seattle's uptown.

Outside, the sound of Louis Armstrong was pouring out of a small entrance next to our original destination.

"That, dollface, will come later." Edward's lips close to my ear, my breath hitched. I turned quickly, but he was quicker.

I smiled brilliantly at him, this was going to be some night.

I looked to the restaurant.

El Gaucho.

One of the classiest and most upscale restaurants in Seattle.

I should have known.

**Edward POV**

I escorted her through the doors, walking up to the man at the entrance to the main dining room.

"Names please?"

"Edward Cullen, table for two."

"Ah, Mr. Cullen, right this way."

Lia turned an impressive brow at me,

"Mr. Cullen? He sounds like he knows you, bring a lot of pretty girls here Edward?"

No, Bella would never let me take her.

I smiled at her, I had learned that more than half of Lia's accusations were usually the result of her playful nature.

"Only you." I winked.

It was easy talking to Lia like this, it wasn't uncomfortable, this was just the way she was, playful and flirtatious and the full embodiment of a young lady, she was all pearls and black roses and lace and everything I had hated yet everything that kept me wanting to get closer to her.

We were led to a seat next to the windows, giving us the perfect view of Seattle at night.

I must admit, Lia sure knew how to act like quite the lady. I should have known, it was no secret that she came from money.

"Can I get you two something to drink?"

_champagne__champagne__champagne__champagne__champagne_.

She was begging me through her eyes, and she gave a kick under the table for good measure.

How did she know we looked old enough to even order this?

I gave her a questioning look.

_I know you can get it Edward, you can't get into Pampa's room unless your over 21, and if I'm not mistaken, you told me that that would "come later."_

If this were Bella, I would've refused. Drinking alcohol wasn't something I planned on letting her do. But this wasn't Bella, and I have a feeling that she wouldn't take it too well if I didn't obey her command.

"Yes, can I get a bottle of your Moet et Chandon Dom Perignon Rosé."

_Young people and their money, wasting a thousand dollars on_ _alcohol, they don't even know what to do with their wads of cash._

"Very good sir."

I smirked. If I was letting her drink I was going to make sure it was the finest champagne she had ever had.

She gave me a broad smile.

"Thank you." She said, her smile never diminishing.

I felt strangely giddy at her response. I had the sudden urge to shower her with jewels and gifts and endless bottles of the finest wines, if only to see her smile like that.

I handed her the menu.

"It's your night, you can have whatever you want."

"Everything I want?"

_"Everything."_

Her thoughts suddenly changed, and If I were human, I would've blushed. But as soon as they changed, they disappeared.

She hastily picked up the menu, scanning the list, her thoughts screaming out the choices.

_filet mignon, homemade cheesecake, chocolate bourbon cake, burnt cream, mmmmmm cafe diablo. calories fat fat fat, disgusting... stop._

Before she had time to sensor her words she blurted out "Can we just have dessert?"

_Gross, fat, weak, 110 110 110.... Edward Edward Edward, your not fat your not fat your not fat._

I searched her eyes, wondering how to respond, her thoughts were a jumble wrapped in terror. But I could tell, she really did just want dessert.

I looked her straight in the eye.

"You can have _anything _you want."

I could hear heart beating in my ears, momentarily stunned, she couldn't shake out of her daze.

The waiter came back with our champagne and poured us both a drink.

_I'm going to need this, _she thought before she took a rather large gulp, but still managed to look composed while she did it. The waiter had left only moments before.

I had ordered her a carnival of dessert, little samples so she could choose whatever she wanted.

"I'm sorry Edward, it's just dessert, it won't kill me, cheesecake hardly ever causes death."

"Believe me Lia, when I say you have no reason to worry about your looks, your perfect."

I was momentarily shocked by the truth in my words.

_Please don't say that._

"It's true." I said simply.

She relaxed after that. She had drank hers and my glass of champagne when the array of desserts came to our table.

Her thoughts were becoming more jumbled, less violent, her speech less censored, more amusing.

She gasped in delight when the dessert tray came.

Pouring herself another glass of champagne, she began her quest as to what cake she would try first.

"I wonder, what would happen if you ate this?" She looked pointedly at me and the small chocolate ganache in her hand.

"Nothing," I answered, amused.

"It would just taste disgusting."

She looked outraged.

She poured a drink for me, then proceeded to drink it herself.

"How could chocolate be disgusting?!" She whispered, quite comically, the last part, "besides, how does blood taste like? It has to taste like food doesn't it? How else would it taste good otherwise? I mean, do you guys have like, dessert blood? If you do, wouldn't it taste like chocolate, it would, wouldn't it?"

She was rambling, I was trying to contain my laughter.

"I guess so, but food just doesn't taste like it used to, it tastes like..... ash."

She was whispering furiously, looking around to make sure no one could hear her.

"But what about dessert blood?! Do you have that?! Do you drink that after your main course?!"

I burst outright with laughter.

A few older people turned in their seats, staring, a look of irritation on their faces.

"SHHHHHHHHHH!" Lia whispered, again. Her index finger pressed against my lips.

"People are staring," she explained.

I tried, unsuccessfully, to sober up.

"No, I don't think we do have dessert blood, because all good blood tastes sweet."

I couldn't believe how much I was telling her, but something told me she wouldn't remember this conversation anyway.

"So every blood is dessert blood, how horrible!"

Her eyes had gone wide, her mouth open in apparent horror.

"You think so? But you love dessert, who wouldn't want to have dessert for every meal?"

"You get tired of all the sugar, I wouldn't want to eat sweet all the time, that would make me gag."

Her face showed all the disgust she was trying to convey.

"It's the same thing with people." She explained..

I understood what she was trying to say, it was the reason she didn't like Bella, for someone who was slightly intoxicated, her food analogy made quite a lot of sense.

"It's a good thing I'm not spending all my time with sweet people isn't it?"

She mulled over my reply, then nodded in approvement.

"Correct, I would like to believe myself as a spicy kick added to your otherwise sugary life."

I smiled at her, oh how spot on she was.

She looked back at the colorful treat in her hand.

"I'll give you five dollars if you eat this, right now."

Her hand extended, the small cake dangerously close to being shoved up my nose.

I wrinkled my nose.

"It smells disgusting."

"Do it." she said once, I suddenly felt like a teenager being told to snort a line of coke by his friends.

Giving into her peer pressure, I took a small bite of the repulsive object.

She smiled in delight, my pain obviously causing her pleasure.

"Sorry, I don't have five dollars." She smirked, proud of her witty trick.

She went to pour herself a fifth cup.

"That's it Miss, I am shutting you down."

I took the glass away from her hands.

"What? You can't do that, you said I could have whatever I wanted." She didn't dare raise her voice, but her eyes held the tone she would've in other respects used.

"Not if said thing you want is causing you harm."

"Champagne isn't causing me an ounce of pain, I'm just fine, thank you." She pouted.

I chuckled, "You won't be in the morning."

She hmphed, crossing her arms across her chest.

"I no longer wish to speak to you, we shall be in silence for the rest of the evening." Her voice was astonishingly resolute.

"I'm sorry Lia, but I will not be silenced, it would be much too boring to sit here and say nothing, don't you think." I looked at her in the eye, smoldering my eyes as much as possible.

"Hmph...." her chin tilted up an inch.

"Your correct, but don't take that as a compliment, you did not win this battle, I chose on my own accord to listen to my inner voice that my previous command would make this night, indeed, boring long before you decided to agree."

Hah, excuses. I had won.

"Well, thank you for believing me worthy of your mercy."

She started giggling. The roleplaying over.

She looked down at the tray, half eaten.

"I am stuffed." She looked back up at me, her eyes dilated, her breath smelling of sweet alcohol.

"Well then, I guess it's time for the main attraction."

I winked at her, she giggled.

"Well then Mr. Cullen, escort me away."

I led her out of the restaurant after paying the bill and leaving a rather undeserving tip to the waiter who served us.

Thankfully, Lia could still walk on her own, her hips only slightly swaying, her intoxication barely noticeable. Well, to humans at least.

* * *

_"Tonight,  
I throw myself into.  
And out of the red, out of her head she sang_

Come down.  
And waste away with me,  
Down with me."

Out of reasons unfathomable to Edward, Lia had talked him into ordering a bourbon lemonade and a coupe de ville.

Lia was now, completely drunk.

She was dancing now, with an older man who seemed to think rather fond of the young beauty that had given him the time of day.

She was dancing with him because he reminded her of her deceased grandfather, she had rejected drinking the chocolate milk he had given her two days before he died because of the sugar content.

This allowed her to forgive herself.

Edward couldn't stop staring at her, she was mesmerizing. Her rose tinted cheeks and her doll-like eyes. Her lips had a peachy tint that looked perfect against her complexion.

She threw her head back in laughter as the older man twirled her around, her curls bouncing.

**Edward POV.**

The song soon ended, and in place, a slow tune that I remembered from 1933 sunk through the room.

Stormy Weather, sung in the fashion of Ethel Waters, the original.

The man thanked Lia for the dance.... she turned to look at me.

_Dance with me?_

How could I resist? I was going to do so whether she asked me or not.

I slowly walked up to her, never breaking eye contact.

She slowly put her arms around me, as the lyrics began.

We dance slowly, her naturally graceful movements making it easy to follow along.

"Don't know why there's no sun up in the sky, stormy weather  
Since my man and I ain't together, keeps raining all the time.."

I heard her soft voice, singing along. She was almost mumbling.

I continued to sway her around, smiling at her, for the second time, singing right along with her.

"Life is bare, gloom and misery everywhere, stormy weather  
Just can't get my poor old self together  
I'm weary all the time.."

I felt her smiling, her head now resting on my shoulder, feeling her voice in my chest.

It was bliss, peaceful bliss. The smoky room adding to the aura. The live music transporting me back to the days were I had a time limit on this Earth and I couldn't see as sharply as I do now.

All the naive hopes and dreams came back to me, the possibilities were endless, and there was nothing to stop me. I was on top of the world.

_Can't go on, everything I have is gone, stormy weather..  
Since my man and I ain't together,  
Keeps raining all the time._

She slowly stirred in my arms, and looked up at me.

"I'm tired."

_and drunk. _she finished in her mind, It was 2:30 in the morning.

"I should take you back to the center, It's much too late for a young girl such as yourself to be out."

"You make it sound like I'm being sent back to an asylum," she mumbled while digging herself further into my chest.

She stifled a yawn,

"Definitely time to take you back."

She nodded in a dazed approval.

I carried her in my arms, knowing she couldn't stand upright on her own anymore. Placing her as gently as possible in the car, I quickly got into the passenger's side, and drove back to Edmonds.

_Thanks Edward. Thanks for making me a real girl tonight._

She drifted off into a peaceful slumber....

After putting her to bed, I drove back to Seattle. Back to my home. Back to my family.

I opened the door, noticing that everyone had already retired to their respective bedrooms, or well, rooms.

I hastily went to mine, but quickly finding that nothing I was trying to do could shake off the memory of Lia tonight.

The way her body shook with laughter, her enchanting eyes, her sassy nature. I had seen the girl who used to be before the disease, and it saddened me to know that tomorow, she would not be there.

I had gotten the chance to see who Lia used to be, and I would be damned if I didn't help her come back.

Finally, after most of the other distractions failing, I retired to my piano, knowing exactly what I needed to do.

* * *

Doesn't take too long to review, just click the button down there! It would make my day (:

**Inspiration Pieces:**  
Everlong - Foo Fighters (acoustic)  
Don't Stop Believing - Journey  
Stormy Weather - Ethel Waters


	6. There is a Light, and it Never Goes Out

**A/N: **Ok, so this was pretty short. But It was necessary, and I really believe it deserved it's own chapter. Bella is coming oh so soon, next chapter.

**Disclaimer: **All pubicly recognized characters, settings, and any other thing, are the sole property of their owners. Not me.

* * *

_"Turn out the light  
And what are you left with?  
Open up my hands  
And find out they're empty.  
Press my face to the ground  
I've gotta find a reason.  
Still scratching around  
For something to believe in"_

I woke up with a slight headache..

still, it was something.

first hangover ever, weird. Well, unless you were to count the time that I got drunk at school, and then suffered a major headache when I went home.

But I don't, it was in the beginning of the school year, the dog days of summer; in California for god's sake, I still blame it on the heat.

I laughed to myself, before feeling the churning of my stomach.

I began to remember last night, Edward, antique cars, Chanel.

perfect.

Expensive alcohol, mini desserts..

horror.

I groaned, turning over on my bed. I didn't even want to think of how many calories I had consumed last night. It shouldn't matter anyway, it was just for that night, and you're supposed to be trying to recover remember?

I laid there for a while, my head buried under the pillow, unsuccessfully trying to tune out the

_stupid/fat/stupid/ugly/stupid/bitch/stupid/whore _symphony coming from my mind.

It didn't work, I pushed harder, digging my nails to my scalp, gnawing at my lower lip, holding the stupid tears at bay.

recovery is going fine.

I could vaguely hear the nurse signaling to the others just exactly what time it was: breakfast.

_I couldn't go I couldn't eat I needed to starve. _not happening, not in this hell hole.

One more week Lia.

My stomach was still bloated from last night's event. They sat me down, pushed into my lap. Drink up Lia, with a tall glass of 150 calorie milk. It was supposed to make me feel better, that or just make me drowsy, enough so that I didn't realize what was going on, either way worked just fine. But in reality, it just made me feel like a patient in an insane asylum.

_Isn't that where you already are?_

Two scrambled eggs + one sliver of bacon + two pancakes + a glass of orange juice = 541 calories.

I couldn't eat this, not today.

The nurse looked at me expectantly, one eyebrow raised, noticing my repugnant stare. _justgetthisoverwith._

One mouthful of scrambled eggs, a nod of approval, a bite of bacon, she left.

It took me half an hour to finish the meal, longer than was expected, shorter than I wanted to.

I trudged back to my room, once again, keeping the tears at bay, I could barely move, my stomach was so bloated.

I went back to my bed, hating myself, I couldn't even stick my head under the pillow, I just laid there, my sins creeping into me. I stared at the cracks on the wall again, trying to picture small little spiders sewing webs onto the old ceiling.

I was fat and disgusting and I deserved to die, I wanted to, I was stuck in this putrid body and there was no way out, I couldn't shove a knife and dismember it, it wasn't possible, I know, I had tried.

The bathroom door was open, calling to me, I knew that they would never find out, I knew that it would be easy, I knew that it would provide relief.

Not really caring what the downside to this reckless behavior of mine would cause, I got up.

I locked the door, turned on the shower, knelt down before my porcelain god, and stuck my two favorite fingers down down down.

Flush, bathe, cleanse. I was pure. I was home.

And so the dance began, all day. stuff/puke/stuff/puke.

But it wasn't enough, I needed more, I wanted to cut all the fat off of this body. I wanted to purge every single thing I had ever eat eaten in this rotten place.

The hate kept rolling into a ball, all of the suppressed feelings oozing out, silently, no one could hear, no one could see. He wasn't here yet, and everything grew worse. There was nothing to believe in anymore.

Lunch: 450 calories down down down the drain.

I cried cried cried. Too fat too ugly too fucking disgusting. My fingers finding their way to my hair, threatening to rip at the scalp. My mouth filled with cotton comforters, from trying not to scream in agony.

112 112 112 112, too fat for 110 now.

3:00 pm 3:00 pm 3:00 pm 3:00 pm.

still not enough..

My body was burning, my chest was aching, my heart palpitating, my fingers trembling, my head was spinning, it was cold again...

thump..thump......................................**thumpthump**..thump.....thump.........**thumpthump**

5:30 pm. dinner.

The waste was color coded: brown for the beef, orange for the carrots, ivory for the rolls, yellow for the butter, black for the fatty chocolate cake. I was done.

I turned on the shower head, cleanse number two: I stripped down to my bra and underwear, staring at the mirror.

My rolls went down all the way to my greasy thighs, my once willowy arms where sausage thick, my breasts were bigger, stretching out the thin skin that used to hold them. My stomach, flabby flabby flabby. I was plump, I was ready for thanksgiving.

I went back to the bathroom, looking at the small medicine cabinet with nothing in it but a toothbrush and face wash.

I turned on the radio, very very... loud. I had done this before, I knew they weren't suspicious, I was after all.. a very, very good girl. I didn't write bad stuff on my journal or scar myself too early into the recovery program (scars checked while you were sleeping, journals peeked at during therapy sessions.)

I was one week away from leaving, I was as close to freedom as any of these girls. I was not stupid.

I cracked the mirror, waiting to see if anyone heard.

coast clear.

my heart started palpitating again, I could not keep the tears at bay. How would I explain this tomorrow? I wasn't thinking of that now.

it shattered, but stayed in place, one small glass was enough.

One part of me knew this would just get me into big trouble, the stronger part didn't really care. The stronger part had too much hate for herself, I looked to the mirror once again.

Tear stained face, messy hair, fat body, I touched my ribs, down my stomach, to my thighs. My hands still trembling.

_stupid/fat/stupid/ugly/stupid/whore/stupid/bitch/stupid/lost.._

**

* * *

**

_"We stumble into our lives:  
Reach for a hand to hold.  
And any wonder  
We need to find  
A certain something."_

I arrived to the center, feeling deliriously happy, I couldn't wait to see her.

_Edward, it's too late, please, don't go to her room._

I heard the anxious voice of my father figure. What had happened? I hurriedly got out of my Volvo, automatically hearing the thoughts of the only person that mattered in here..

I knew, she was worse.

I didn't listen, remembering what Alice said, _she needed me._

_Please Edward! Don't go in, I'm begging you!_

I didn't care, all that mattered was her, I needed to see her.

I silently opened her door, her thoughts shrieking into my own.

I almost wish I hadn't seen what I saw.

I saw the blood, not affected one bit, there were more important matters at hand, saw the cuts on her ribs, the inside of her thighs, freshly opened on her hips.

The bathroom shower was on, fog silently coming out of it's doors, the perfect setting for the most horrific scene.

Her heart was beating like crazy, unorganized, in slower then faster rhythms. Her breathing was scarce, small shallow breaths overwhelmed by grief-wracking sobs. The object of torture was carelessly thrown to the side, her hands finding their way all over her bruised body, then landing on her hair.

I didn't say anything, not a word, but I did exactly what she did me. Not noticing nor caring in what she was, or well, wasn't wearing.

I scooped her in my arms, and carried her unto her bed.

She was trembling madly, unable to hold herself together.

"Lia," I whispered, "I composed something for you."

I knew that there were no reassurances I could give, nothing I could say to make her feel any better,

Her sobs quieted, muffled by my shirt.

"It's lovely, Lia, just like you, you'll love it once you hear it."

she buried herself deeper in my chest,

Her blood was leaking into my clothing, my mind went a little hazy, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle.

"I could play it for you, if you'd like, someday... when you get to Forks, and I have my piano.. Or maybe, I could use the piano here, and you could dance for me, like you promised, remember?"

Her breathing grew steady, then went haywire once more, her heart beat palpitating, I smelled her breath, smelled the acid, I knew what she had done, I knew why her heart was threatening to go under cardiac arrest.

I held her tighter, wishing more than anything to rid her of these inner demons, wishing that somehow they could enter me and leave her alone.

She wrapped her arms around me, holding tighter.

"Don't leave." She whispered, her tears leaving broken pleas.

and I didn't.

I stayed with her the entire night, her grip never loosened, and neither did mine.

I stayed there, feeling her... closer than ever before, wanting to never be apart from her.

She needed me, and I needed her. She was so much more than I ever anticipated, and this time, I would never leave her.

never, never leave her.

She dreamed of me that night, a real dream, something you would see coming out of a scene from a movie, a fascinating dream of her dancing in Paris, in a happier role, and me watching her.

* * *

A big thank you to the people who have been reviewing, both here and on Twilighted. (where you could see my banner)

Pictures of outfits may come soon, on my lj.


	7. Breathe

**A/N:** The conversations seem to skip around a lot, you have to understand I was trying to make it as believable as possible. In a sense of that the characters have a lot they want to say to eachother, therefore they keep jumping from subject to subject.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight.

* * *

"_There's a light at each end of this tunnel,  
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out'  
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again  
If you only try turning around."_

It was 2 am in the morning when she stirred in my arms, sleep had only taken her for two hours.

"Edward." she mumbled, "Are you still here?"

She was lacking coherency, still in a catatonic state. Half awake.

"Yes Lia, I'm here, I haven't left." I whispered reassuringly, soothing her back.

"You promised you'd stay."

"And I did"

"I'm sorry." she barely let out, "I messed everything up."

"No, no you didn't, it will all be alright."

"Do you promise?" She was more or less asleep by now..

"I promise." And I meant it, Carlisle was still letting her out, this place served no purpose.. It was a foolish jail cell, locking a starving girl in here wouldn't make her any better.

She fell back asleep, her breathing shallow.. And her heart slowly beating.

I was suddenly extremely anxious to get to Forks. The sooner we got there the sooner Lia would recover. I would make sure of it.

Alice didn't dare think of the future she had seen, as far as she was concerned, it was extremely blurry.

We were all blind as to how this would turn out.

Astonishingly, Rosalie was not at all opposed to Lia. I suppose after her horrible treatment of Bella, she reasoned that she had some making up to do. She of course, denied this, proclaiming that as far as Alice described her, that she genuinely liked the girl.

"She certainly isn't some pathetic whiney human like your previous pet." as she put it.

As far as Bella went, my wounds were slowly starting to heal, being with Lia showed me that there were far more important things than a broken heart. Lia had real demons, and her health was above mine.

I couldn't afford to be selfish, but she continuingly reassured me that I was anything but, and that in reality, she did not mind one single bit that I was moping for Bella.

I knew she was lying, because whenever I mentioned her name a very brief surge of jealousy would cross her mind, right before it was tucked away; replaced with sympathy and understanding for my grief.

6:30 a.m

Her alarm went off, along with a growl of frustration.

I chuckled, slowly unwrapping my tangled limbs from hers.

"I wish I could stay, but you need to get ready for your day, only six more to go."

I quickly kissed her forehead, and went out through the window before she had any time to recognize I was even gone.

* * *

"_so accusing their eyes  
__Like they have any right at all to criticize,Hypocrites.  
You're all here for the very same reason"_

I woke up, bleary eyed, to the most hideous sound that has ever graced a human's ears.

The alarm clock.

Danm.

Danmdanmdanmdanmdanm.

_Last night, I cut myself open again because the real world was getting too hard for the plastic doll behind the glass wall._

My throat was sore.

Just perfect. Wait till the girls hear me during breakfast, they'll know better than anyone.

_Maybe next time you'll learn not to act like such a snob, hypocrite._

I slowly got up, tenderly touching my ribs, my legs, my hips.

They were blood red, scarred everywhere, it stung.

_Good._

I noticed the broken mirror on the bathroom wall, recalling the late-night-half-conversation with Edward, I somehow knew that it would be fixed before anyone found out.

_Cheater._

Not that I really cared for cheating, I was cheating my way out of here after all, it's not like I was nor would ever be getting any better.

I had figured my eyes were broken a long time ago.

I quickly brushed my hair and teeth, followed by some heavy duty foundation and concealer.

I looked like a mess.

Figuring to just do all of my makeup since I had already gotten started, I followed with blush, mascara, and eye shadow.

I finished with some tinted lip balm and I was ready to go; face the day and whatnot.

I gingerly stepped into some jeans and slowly put on a white blouse over my head.

I stepped out of my room, shut the door, and proceeded to the "café."

I really fucking hoped that none of the nurses or the girls decided to talk to me today, my throat was sore and my skin burned and if anyone said shit I would probably punch them in the face.

Well, not really, fighting was trashier than pairing a denim skirt with Ugg boots. I…whatever.

That was besides the point, the point was, Lia was in no mood for people today.

But since Jesus hated me, he deemed that today would be the perfect day for the girls to get revenge on my sanctimonious attitude.

"So Lillianne, I heard something crash in your room the other day.."

Ashley, the girl that was currently trying to humiliate me, was a Wal-Mart blond who used to live in Yakima with her grandparents. She wasn't mean, but she liked country music and had a crush on David Archuleta. Not to mention that her favorite store was Forever 21.

To me that was enough to deem her not worthy of even staring in her direction. And, bless the girl, she caught on rather quickly.

Revenge sure is sweet isn't it Ashley?

I contemplated on my next move, knowing that whatever was going to come of out of my mouth wasn't going to be pretty.

"Eavesdropping are we Ash? I suppose next time you'll start a conservation by telling me my exact bedtime routine."

She looked bothered. But alas, undiscouraged, she should've really just shut up.

She decided to snicker, "Eavesdropping, Lillianne… the entire hall heard it!" She looked triumphant, "did you really think that music was helping?"

"Wow, you know what Ashley? Thanks for informing me on whatever it is that you heard, I have no idea what I would've done where you not to have told me."

She continued staring, obviously unaware of my sarcastic tone.

I sighed internally, realizing that she didn't get the hint.

"I don't care." I pronounced slowly.

I looked at her with the most you-are-fucking-retarded look I could muster, according to 99 percent of my family and friends, I was good at these, apparently.

Ashley must've thought so too.

"I'm not an idiot, Lillianne, you are! You're pathetic, don't you think we know what you were doing? The shower head was on for at least an hour! Or haven't you noticed, all the plumbing is the same… we could all hear it."

With my bitchiest smile, I slowly told her.. "Yet I'm the one who's getting out of here in less than a week, and well… you? Let's just say you aren't going back home to grandmamma and granddaddy anytime soon."

My words nailed the target, she was flustered, embarrassed, while I sat back, victoriously.

"At least I'm not tipping the scale, that's why you did what you did, isn't it _Lia?_ Because you couldn't stand the sight of yourself." She finished triumphantly, grinning contentedly.

I sat there, mouth hanging wide open, had she really just said that?

Even all her friends knew she had crossed an unspeakable line, they sat back staring at me with sorrowful glances.

I couldn't really remember what happened next, but I think it went along the lines of "you crazy bitch." and strawberry flavored goop on Wal-Mart's hair.

I think I just threw my yogurt at Ashley's face.

* * *

Because of Lia's rough night, I decided to stay in the immediate area, in case she needed me.

I left at 6:30, Carlisle called me at 7:00

He sounded tired, somewhere in the background I could hear Lia's shouts of indignation.

"Do you want to pick her up? Maybe take her somewhere for breakfast?"

I laughed to myself, my response laced in amusement "I'll be there shortly."

Luckily, Edmonds wasn't too big of a town, I was in the center in under two minutes.

"Look at what she did to my hair!" I heard a girl shriek

"Ooooooooh, are you mad sweetie? Maybe I should tell Dr. Cullen what you said to me during breakfast!"

"What did you tell her Ashley?"

I walked in finding a girl with a sour strawberry scent in her hair, and with an angry Lia trying to melt her face off with an evil x-ray glare.

"Yes, Ashley what did you say to me? Huh? Go on, tell him." Her arms were crossed over her chest, she was cheering inside, knowing that she was getting Ashley into trouble.

Quickly, the girl began to think over the events that happened during breakfast..

I.. Edward Cullen, gasped aloud.

She turned to look at me, mesmerized. Surprise, surprise.

Lia growled, yes, she growled.

"Are you just going to keep staring like an idiot Ashley? Or are you going to own up to what you did?" Even with Lia's haughty glare, I could tell that Ashley's words had wounded her.

The girl turned back to Lia, then looked at Carlisle, knowing she was in a huge mess.

Slowly but surely, Ashley confessed to her less-than intelligent retort to Lia's banter.

Me and Lia didn't stick around long enough to find out the consequences.

I couldn't help but notice the tiniest smirk that crossed Lia's features, as she saw the blonde staring longingly at me when we left Carlisle's office.

We quickly got in the car, Lia was still angry. Her once triumphant eyes were now stained with sadness.

I turned on some music, wondering how I ever became friends with such a feisty girl.

"Hey, you know you don't need to.."

"I know." she quickly shot me down, already anticipating what I was going to tell her.

We drove in silence, her lost in her thoughts, and me trying, unsuccessfully, to start a conversation. Every attempt was cut short by a clipped retort, and the silence continued.

We stopped at a local coffee shop, I opened the door for her, she muttered thanks.

I pulled out her chair, she sat down. She was shivering, I offered her my coat, she declined, I put it on her anyway.

"I'm not hungry."

I sighed, knowing this was coming.

"Don't sigh at me, you don't have to put up with me if it's such an inconvenience." She retorted, crossing her arms against her chest.

"I never said anything of the sort." I replied, trying to make eye contact.

She glared at me.

"You need to eat." I continued.

"I don't have to do anything I don't want to, I just had breakfast."

"That's a lie, and you know it."

"I didn't finish it. But I did eat."

"Most of it's contents where thrown immaturely at another girl's head, you need something in your stomach."

"You know damn well what I'll do if you force any food down my throat" she stated in a deathly whisper.

I was at a loss for words, I had no idea what was wrong with her.

"Are we back to this again? If this is about what that vapid girl said to you.."

"This has got NOTHING to do with her, don't you dare think that little bitch has any influence upon what I will or won't do."

I stared at her in confusion. I had never heard her so vulgar, so cruel.

"What has gotten into you? Why are you acting this way?"

I regretted the words before they even left my mouth, she was on the verge of tears, but her anger overpowered any other emotion that wanted to emerge.

"There is nothing inside of me that hasn't already been in there, and newsflash Edward, this is me." She finished with a dramatic wave of her hand.

"I guess you learn something new everyday then." I retorted.

She said nothing. She was lost in her thoughts again, the hostility thick in the air, pouring from her brain. I couldn't stand it.

I grabbed her hand.

"Please. Lia, talk to me." I pleaded, my eyes shining with genuine concern.

She thought of snatching her hand away, but she didn't.

_I'm sorry I'm such a bitch, I'm sorry I'm complicating things, I'm sorry for last night, I'm sorry for being such a burden, I'm sorry I'm not good enough, I'm so.._

"Stop it. Is this what it's about?"

She continued to stare at our entwined hands.

"Lia, you are never nor will you ever be any of those things, you're my closest friend, if anything, I'm being a burden to you, never the other way around."

She stayed quiet for a while mulling over her next sentence.

"Ok, but just one thing.."

"Anything."

"Promise me that when we get to Forks, you won't run screaming after my first day of school."

I looked at her in confusion.

_Remember all those things I told you? I haven't necessarily changed._

Thus the confrontation with Ashley, I knew Lia was a lot more of a normal teenager than Bella, I had just never seen her in action.

"Which reminds me…" she trailed off slightly, unsure of whether to continue asking.

So she though it instead.

_I AM going to be living with Bella…_

I knew where this was headed.

"Just because we aren't together anymore doesn't mean we're hostile to each other." I assured her.

In reality me and Bella hadn't as much as talked since the last time I saw her, she believed it to be better this way. She supposedly still loved me, after all.

"I'll tell her how we met, and that we're friends, she's with Jacob now, I'm sure she won't care."

"That doesn't mean you don't" She replied.

It still hurt to think about it, seeing her with Jacob might be more than I could handle, but I had to try.

"Well, I need to get over it one day don't I?" I smiled weakly, squeezing her hand for good measure.

She smiled encouragingly, "No day but today."

I took her acceptance. We remained quite for a couple of minutes, my hand softly caressing her own.

"Do you want to hear something I composed?" I suddenly asked.

"You mean the song you were taking about last night?" She returned, her voice piquing in interest.

"Do you want to hear it?" I continued, I couldn't help but feel excited, I had finished it in a single night.

"How will we hear it? There isn't a piano in here." She reasoned, looking around as though one would magically appear.

"But there's one back at the center." I explained.

"Is there really?" she inquired, her eyes alight with newfound curiosity.

"Yes, and after you finish your coffee and pumpkin bread, I can play it for you."

She looked down at the contents on the table, then back up at me.

"Is this some kind of trick used to make me eat holiday flavored carbs?"

I laughed out loud at her accusation, then turned serious once more.

"No Lia, but it would mean a lot to me if you ate just some of the food, it's low fat." I offered.

She smiled, appreciating my efforts.

"Ok, but just half."

"No, all of it."

"How about all of the coffee, and three quarters of the pumpkin bread?"

Eventually, we both reached a compromise.

It took an hour for her to finish the pumpkin bread.

* * *

"_2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,  
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?  
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season'"_

She didn't want to go back to the center once she was finished with her food, so we strolled around town for a bit.

We found a small dance store that she insisted we go in.

She spent hours in the small area, longer than I had ever seen Alice shopping in one of her favorite stores.

She tried on leotard after leotard, skirt after skirt, warm-ups and pointe shoes and dance bags and little seemingly unimportant accessories she would stress where necessary for proper pointe shoe wearing or bun-making.

She tried very hard to not think that she looked fat in her clothing. I told her nothing, but merely held her hand. Reassuring her of her beauty in the subtlest of ways.

We got back to the center at 3:08 pm.

Lia had five bags filled with new ballet attire, she had said in passing that she planned on taking some classes a few days a week when she got back to Forks.

I was happy for her, as well as excited to know that one day, I would get to see her dance.

We walked through the Center, Lia unaware of the awed faces staring between the two of us.

I opened the door of her room for her, and she immediately went to her closet.

"So, where's the piano?" She inquired after we set the bags on the floor near her wide array of shoes.

I led the way towards the old music room, dusty and cold from the lack of use.

She coughed a little, but other than that it didn't seem to bother her. She liked to believe that the darkness of the room set the mood.

There was a violin on the far-right corner, the hard-wood floors creaking from the weight.

She took slow, deliberate steps, touching the piano softly, removing some of the dust that had accumulated.

She continued walking, her feet naturally turning out, her hand dragging behind, still on the piano.

She picked up her leg and did a slight turn, her hair swaying beneath her.

She looked ethereal.

She pirouetted once more, this time turning so she was facing me. Her eyes slightly wider, she beckoned me to sit down on the piano seat.

I walked toward her, momentarily stunned by the simple grace she seemed to carry.

She sat down right next to me, staring intently between me and the keys. She gave a soft smile, encouraging me to start playing.

I started slowly, an easy rhythm, weaving in a couple of new keys, the two sounds working in perfect symphony. The keys began to grow, faster… more complicated, then slower, softer, higher. While still keeping that easy rhythm in the background.

I was lost in the music, A feeling only experienced whilst playing the piano, I briefly wondered if this is how Lia felt when she was dancing.

I vaguely noticed that she was staring at me throughout the whole composition, it wasn't until the end of the song that I turned toward her.

She didn't break her eye contact.

"That's how I feel." she whispered, "When I'm dancing, just like that."

She was talking about the expression on my face, I was awestruck at the truth in her words, finding elation in knowing that someone had the same passion towards something the way I did.

"La Sérénade Sombre de la Rose, or Lia's Serenade" I murmured. "It's for you," I stated intelligently, "it's your serenade."

She was still staring right into my eyes, right into me.

"Thank you." She breathed, "I would say it was beautiful, but I don't believe that would be the correct word."

I searched her eyes, knowing without reading her mind what she was trying to say.

She reached for my fingers, carefully tracing each and every one.

"So cold." she muttered, "Maybe one day, I can dance to my serenade."

"You will." I assured her, relishing in the warmth of her soft hands.

_A performance given to honor or express love for someone, in the open air at night, as by a lover under the window of his lady._ I heard her mind recite. She stayed quiet for a moment, her thoughts a whirl of epiphanies.

"you love me." she whispered finally, unsure, yet, so sure.

* * *

2:00 a.m

A phone call from the person I had longed to hear for so long, a call from the one person who haunted my every waking minute.

"Edward," she whispered… "I love you…. So much. It's always been you, always will be."

"Bella?"

"Forgive me Edward, I'm begging you, I can't stand this anymore. I don't love him, Edward, I tried and tried but I can't."

I vaguely wondered if I was in a dream, an impossible feat, but this declaration had seemed impossible only moments before as well.

I didn't know what to say in response, so I uttered the words that first came to mind.

"I love you Bella."

"Please, forgive me. He was a mistake… it's always been you."

_But my god, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles._

* * *

**A/N: **This was written between 1:00 and 5:00 pm.

I swear I'm not crazy. Plus, I have no idea how these perfect songs dawn upon me, I swear I have the idea for the chapter long before I find music. Ok, maybe not.

Inspiration:

Breathe (2 am) - Anna Nalick

Comptine d'un Autre Ete (Lia's Serenade) - Tiersen

translated- An infant's song of another. Basically a lullaby.

La Sérénade Sombre de la Rose - The Dark Rose's Serenade.


	8. Tear the World in Two

**A/N: **Happy New Years! Here's my present.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight or anything recognizable.

* * *

"_Your words are like knives  
They peel my skin and pierce my soul  
Your body will burn tonight  
Though your heart may still remain cold_

_And I will blame myself  
For Holding onto what I hoped would keep you by my side  
I will blame myself""_

"It's always been you."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, the only thought I could process was that Bella.. wanted.. me. And she always had, she had never stopped loving me, just as I had never stopped loving her.

And that was enough.

I drove away from my home in Seattle, racing as fast as I could to the little rainy town where my heart had started beating again after 98 years.

This was really happening, everything was going to be alright. The world had been tilted back on it's axis, I could breathe again.

4:50 am

I climbed through Bella's window, quickly, knowing I would make no noise.

I couldn't register my surroundings, all I knew was that Bella was only a couple of steps away from me, she was not a hallucination, nor a figment of my imagination.

She was here. Her scent assaulting my senses, so much stronger than I remembered, a symbol of our unbreakable love.

Not even an imprint could tear us apart.

Before I knew it her mouth was on mine, a choked sob muffled by her fierce kisses.

I forgot about my control, I didn't need to remember, for I would never kill my love, my Bella, my everything.

"I missed you" She whispered

"I love you" I returned.

She kissed me once more, mumbling incoherent apologies, chastising herself for wasting all this time, time without me.

I spent the rest of the night with her, comforted with our old routine, welcoming back the intoxicating scent of freesias and strawberries, the scent of home.

I know understood why I couldn't feel my heart before this, why it's dead weight hadn't been carried everywhere I went, it was because my unbeating heart had been left in the care of the beautiful girl laying beside me. My heart had never left Forks.

She fell asleep, my name tumbling from her lips, a content sigh following, the only sound before everything grew quiet, the only sound before I felt an inkling of boredom.

Watching someone sleep was not nearly as fascinating as entering their dreams.

* * *

Once again, the loud shriek of the alarm clock was my only welcome to the dark and gloomy day ahead of me.

Last night, Edward had played a song for me, _a serenade_, no one had ever done that before.

The thought of Edward's long fingers fluttering across the ivory keys was enough to lift my spirits.

There would be no more purging, no more cutting, I was getting out of here in five days, I had no more room for screw-ups.

The cobwebs retreated back to their corners and the sun shined through, bathing the desolate room in bleach-white light.

I put on my favorite bracelet, the one Edward had given me. Looking at it fondly, how had I managed to befriend such a perfect person?

For the first time in my life, I had met someone I approved of. He was smart and witty, sarcastic and wise, nothing like the ignorant boys back home, nothing like any boy anywhere.

With a newfound outlook to my day, I climbed out of bed and headed for the bathroom.

I combed through my hair, feeling my tendrils hit my knuckles. It was softer now, fuller, like the way it used to be. It shined brighter and had more of it's original color back. I knew it was the food, I wish it would've been enough for me to even think about trying recovery.

I went through my daily makeup routine, then flipped my hair back for good measure.

I put on my new size 3 (ugh) skinny jeans and black flats, perfectly accenting my creamy white blouse.

I walked briskly toward the cafeteria, in my usual manner. Head held high, shoulders back, quick steps. They say you can always spot a dancer walking in a room.

I grabbed a hard boiled egg and a cup of fruit, throwing in a muffin for good measure. I was playing along just fine.

Determined to show just how completely normal I was, I filled up my cup with orange juice and took a large bite of the disgustingly greasy blueberry bread. I sat down nonchalantly, acting as though nothing had happened the last time I was in here.

I saw Ashley from my peripheral vision, staring daggers at the side of my head. I smiled, letting her know I was on to her little game.

I had the sudden urge to take out the disgusting yellow orb that hovered in the middle of the boiled egg and throw it in the trash, but I knew who was watching, so I took a bite, through yolk and all.

Gross.

I drank acid and ate trash until my stomach was full.

Good girl.

I got a pat on the back and only two pills. Used to be that I had to down five rainbow pills everysingleday for breakfast.: Prozac for my serotonin levels, Zyprexa for my anxiety and obsessional thinking, Ambien so I could fall asleep, and most recently; fluoxetine, a medication used for Schizophrenia, to lessen my "delusional" fear of being fat.

Yes, I was a full blown mental patient.

Therapy was next. The bane of my existence, I had let the good doctor in once, and she had sent in her workers and dug shovels into my brain, excavating for buried treasure. She committed mental surgery, I preferred the word rape.

I said all the right things, asked all the right questions, and pretended pretended pretended

I did my homework in an empty white room, save for the desks all arranged in a circle. I impressed the teacher with my plethora of history knowledge and extensive information on just how political machines worked.

I got a shiny, shiny A on my Chemistry Exam, and turned in my half-assed essay on the Rhetorical Strategies used in Thomas Jefferson's Essay on George Washington. Half-assed or not, I knew I would get no lower than a B.

I ate more and more for lunch, filling up on sandwiches and baked potato chips that weren't really healthy, no matter how much the plastic wrapper advertised it was.

I drank two percent milk and munched on carrots during snack time, and ate all of my pudding for dessert.

I deserved a certificate, a medal, a t-shirt… something.

I couldn't contain my excitement as I walked down the long hall to my room, tonight was movie night, not that I really cared for such boring group activities. My Friday nights were spent with an angel.

I wrenched the door open, anticipating the beautiful figure that was always waiting in my room.

I almost called out his name, almost. My eyes betrayed me, not for the first time. I couldn't see him, my eyes were lying to me again.

Oh wait, he just wasn't here.

I sat down on my bed, unable to process this revelation, trying to figure out what had kept him. Something trickled down my spine, an ugly premonition. I didn't like it.

I shook away the feeling, trying to tell myself that what I felt and what really would happen couldn't be the same. I pushed down the thought that reminded me that my instinct was usually always right.

What was my instinct? Something had happened that caused Edward to not be here, he was never late, he couldn't be, he was a vampire, after all. No, there was a reason he hadn't shown, something that couldn't end well on my side.

I stayed on my bed, contemplating my next move, when my door suddenly opened.

I quickly looked towards the visitor, hoping against hope that it was Edward walking in.

It wasn't, it was Dr. Cullen, the same look of compassion masking his face, the same one that screamed pity.

"Why don't you come down and watch the movie with the girls? They're watching Audrey Hepburn movies tonight, Breakfast at Tiffany's is about to come on."

I was instantly assured that he knew what was going on, and he felt pity, for me… No, this certainly wasn't good.

I suppressed the annoyance and embarrassment that suddenly boiled inside of me, and accepted his offer.

"Well, if it's Audrey…" A strained smile formed on my lips, I knew he wouldn't buy it, but I couldn't do much else.

He led the way down the hall, I couldn't stop the sinking feeling that was settling on the pit of my stomach.

I sat down next to a small redheaded girl who's name I couldn't remember. I didn't care, I really hoped she wouldn't try talking to me.

The opening credits rolled on, the familiar music softly playing in the background.

I visibly relaxed against the soft red cushions, drifting away on a moon river.

Holly Golightly was everything I wanted to be, and everything I almost was.

She was charming and impulsive, feisty and flighty, and a genuinely good person who seemed to get herself into a lot of trouble.

As the move progressed, the more and more my mind began to mistakenly drift towards Edward, lingering there, wondering where he was, why he wasn't here, _who he might be with_. My heart started pounding faster, my overly dramatic emotions rising. I forced the feeling down, _stop overreacting._

I needed a higher dose of olanzapine, the numbness that came from the drug was seducing me, wrapping around my body, a cocoon that would shield me from all the hurtanxietyembarassment. Emotion.

Whatever happens, happens and all that crap, I didn't care didn't care didn't care. And besides, who said anything was happening? Just because I had been in this situation more times than I cared to count, it didn't mean it was happening again. Edward was probably just busy, not busy with her, mind you, just _busy_. It was not happening again.

But it probably was. I admitted silently, like a priest knowing he was going to hell for committing adultery. I had a hard time accepting my fate, praying against everything I knew that it wasn't and that Edward wasn't with who I thought he might/probably/ most likely/ might not be with.

"_He's all right! Aren't you, cat? Poor cat! Poor slob! Poor slob without a name! The way I see it I haven't got the right to give him one. We don't belong to each other. We just took up one day by the river. I don't want to own anything until I find a place where me and things go together. I'm not sure where that is but I know what it is like. It's like Tiffany's."_

" _Tiffany's? You mean the jewelry store."_

" _That's right. I'm just CRAZY about Tiffany's"_

I sighed, sympathizing with Holly. Desperate to find something to own, someone that would belong to me. I wanted to find someone to go together with too. Whatever it was, it would certainly feel like dancing.

I let out another sigh. I was a scorned women, truthfully, I couldn't see myself in love, couldn't see myself married. I was easily disillusioned by beautiful boys, only to be let down, my heart thrown at my face, sometimes by my own doing. No, I wasn't meant for love, love was for simple, pure people, like Bella.

Love wasn't jealous, or boastful or conceited, love wasn't selfish, and it certainly didn't relish in other people's misery.

Love was everything I wasn't, everything I never felt for anyone. Had there ever been a time in my life where my head wasn't filled with bitter musings? Where my emotions had not been laced by anything deceitful? Had I spent my entire life in black?

The answer; yes. Therefore it wasn't in it for me. I was too ugly for love.

"_I'll tell you one thing, Fred, darling... I'd marry you for your money in a minute. Would you marry me for my money?"_

"_In a minute." _

"_I guess it's pretty lucky neither of us is rich, huh? "_

I smiled, loving her for being so familiar, so much like me. She was a women in search of money, because she had thrown away any nuisance of falling in love. Now that, I could do. I couldn't have love, but money…. Well, let's just say money wasn't meant for good people.

I would certainly marry Edward for his money in a minute.

I let out a laugh, covering up my mouth so as to not bother the girls around me, I was so shallow it amused me.

He was right. I would be sure to tell him of this revelation the next time I saw him. _If you see him._ Don't be silly, your moving to Forks next Sunday. Of course you'll see him.

I really would marry Edward for his money, and I wasn't ashamed to admit it.

"_No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling? "_

"_sure."_

"_Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like Tiffany's, then - then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name!"_

Oh Holly! That feeling is happiness! And it's standing right in front of you!

My eyes started to water, as I gazed longingly at the screen, wishing I could belong to someone.

The mean reds, they really were horrible. Anyone with a mental disorder could tell you that much. You felt so alone, so lost, you had lost your map and couldn't find your way home, didn't even know if you had one anymore, had one to begin with.

I suddenly wanted to bring a dvd player into my room and watch this movie over and over again. Burning the images and words into my brain.

I half laughed/cried when Holly and Paul went to get the Cracker Jack ring engraved at Tiffany's, feeling strangely lighthearted, yet envious.

I imagined me and a handsome stranger doing the same thing, a sweet reminder of all-consuming love.

The movie continued, it was almost ending…

"_I love you." "So what." "So what? So plenty! I love you, you belong to me!" "No. People don't belong to people.""Of course they do!" "I'll never let ANYBODY put me in a cage."_

"_I don't want to put you in a cage, I want to love you!"_

"It's the same thing" I whispered right along with her, knowing that she belonged to Paul anyway. I was no longer in the recreation center. I was in the car, I was Holly, except, I had no one to say that to. I had no one who wanted me, not that way, not with such intensity.

"_You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness." You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing," and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself."_

I relished in the simple truth of Paul's words. And came to a quiet understanding, Love was the only thing people had, the closest thing to magic. It didn't matter who or what you were in love with. All that mattered was how that made you feel, and by simply evoking such strong emotion, it owned you.

I belonged to ballet, just like Edward belonged with.. And not to, No, I couldn't think of that. I was getting into a hole that I know I would not dig myself out of, where I to end up inside said hole.

I was suddenly angry at myself, for harboring such blasphemous feelings. Feelings that had been felt before, a number of times, so much, in fact, that I could no longer identify them from real or fickle. Edward was another Nate, another stupid boy who I had fallen head over heels for. Another stupid boy who certainly wouldn't choose me in the end.

Feelings that had quickly evaporated in the past, feelings that I was ashamed to admit to feeling, feelings that I was scared could be fleeting and erratic once more.

My heart was pounding again, I needed to get out of here.

The lights flickered on, and everyone was dismissed to their respective bedrooms, glittering girls lingered in the empty spaces, I was the first one to leave.

I still held some tiny glimmer of hope that Edward may/might/was waiting for me.

I creaked open the door, and all hope vanished.

**Edward POV**

I spent the entire day with her, laughing, teasing, and loving, renewing our boundaries, and remembering where we left off.

It was as though everything was back to the way it used to be, before he had entered into her life.

I was basking in the glow of first love, and this time I wasn't letting her get away from me.

We spent our day in our meadow, picnic basket in hand, settling back into our old routine.

It was as smooth as any reunion could be, some things were forgotten, the simple things that before you were so used to that you didn't really think you had to try to remember.

I had forgotten how much she disliked my fast driving, Lia loved it, I started remembering our night in Seattle, how the speed of the car had giving her an adrenaline rush.

I had forgotten how much she hated surprises, her disapproving eyes when I gave her the most beautiful diamond earrings.

I had forgotten how much she fell on a daily basis, how weak and fragile she was.

No, I had not completely forgotten these things, I could never.

But I had forgotten how much it made Bella her.

After spending almost a month in the company of Lia, Bella seemed so much more...

So much more withdrawn, so much more graceless, so much more normal, so much less mysterious, so much more innocent.

But I loved her, and she loved me. And this was just who she was, what had made her so different, what had led me to her door.

"What are you thinking about?" Bella interrupted, looking at me with her perceptive eyes.

I knew I would have to tell her soon, and as Lia would say in a moment like this; "no time but the present."

"Nothing of great interest. Well apart from.."

"Yes?" She responded suspiciously, I knew I couldn't get out of this now, not even if I wanted to.

"Do you remember telling me of your cousin earlier? The one who's coming to live with you and Charlie on Sunday?"

"Yes, is there a problem with her staying?" she quickly responded, still eyeing me suspiciously.

"Well, it's a funny story, Carlisle works at the Center she's staying in at the moment."

"And?"

"Well, I've come to help him quite a few times, living in Seattle, it's rather close and.."

"You've met her." She whispered, eyes wide.

I nodded, she didn't answer.

"What's wrong?" I asked, hoping I hadn't upset her.

"Well, it's just that, I mean, did you like her?" She was now curious,

"Yeah, I did actually, she was really.. nice?" I wondered what she was expecting me to say.

She arched an eyebrow, disbelieving.

"Really?" She asked skeptically.

"Really, we hit it off pretty well, believe it or not."

"_Really?"_ She continued, "wow."

"YES, really. Why do you say so?"

She was unsure of whether to voice her opinion. I cursed the gods for the umpteenth time, wishing I could hear her thoughts.

"Well, it's just that, Lia doesn't seem like the kind of person you would like to be spend your time with, quite the opposite, actually."

I knew Lia had warned me about her and Bella's differences, it was no secret that they were polar opposites. Bella evidently knew this, and therefore, came to the conclusion that I would not favor such a girl.

I wouldn't have ever thought I would like her either, yet she had become one of the most important people in my life. So much so, that Bella had to know about our friendship.

"She's become a really good friend of mine." I declared, using a tone that radiated conclusion.

"That's odd." She said, I felt a slight twinge of annoyance, Lia wasn't bad, she was just different than her cousin.

At least that much was known. How much did I really know her?

"Please, digress."

Bella paused, taking in a deep breath, unsure of whether to be truthful or let the topic go.

"Well, she isn't very nice, and she's materialistic, she can be really standoffish, and conceited, not to mention that she needs to be the constant center of attention," Her eyes narrowed at this, "she's pretty selfish, you could say."

I caught her obvious sarcasm in her last phrase.

I digested Lia's personality profile according to Bella quickly, nothing that I didn't already figure out for myself, but the way it spewed out of Bella's mouth made it sound eons worse.

I suddenly felt an impulsive need to defend her, Lia was just human, everyone had their faults, just as everyone had their strengths.

"She's very smart, she enjoys classical music and literature, she loves history as well as art, and she's extremely passionate about ballet."

"Yeah, I _know_ she's talented, you don't need to tell me that."

I sensed an old family rivalry, one that could only be understood if you were in the other's place.

"She might not have the nicest personality, but she's a genuinely good person." I responded with a sense of finality, letting her know she wouldn't change my opinion.

I didn't necessarily believe she was trying to.

"Yeah, I guess she is, I'm guessing you also know of her… problem?" She said it as if that made her less of a person.

"Obviously Bella, it's a big part of how we bonded."

"Well, don't let her hear you say that." She sounded a bit.. Annoyed?

"Yes, I'm well aware that she doesn't like people feeling pity for her, she's stubborn, that girl, just like you."

"Please," her voice pained, "don't compare me to her."

I chuckled internally, at least they agree on one thing.

**Bella POV**

He had become friends with _her?_ With my irresponsible, spoiled cousin? God only knows how they would've ever hit it off.

I had spent enough time with her and her family in California to know that she was the most shallow, conceited, cold, sanctimonious, selfish, and impulsive person that I had ever known.

That wasn't to say I didn't care for her, she was family, and I knew that somewhere in her heart she felt the same.

But that didn't mean I liked the idea of them being around each other. I had my reasons.

I worried for her, she was quite reckless, not to mention dramatic. I couldn't imagine her and Edward together. How did he ever put up with her? I believed myself to be a very patient person, much more so than Edward, and even I got quickly tired of her attitude.

I was too ashamed to say that I envied her. I had thought I was special, after all. Out of all the humans in the world, Edward had approached _me_, talked to _me_, chose _me._ Lia had taken that away from, she had pushed me out of my pedestal and screamed "I could do that too!" The way she always did.

They had become friends. Edward had liked her enough to talk to her, to form a relationship with her. She had taken that away from me.

Like always.

The center of attention, charming, sophisticated. A fake little outer shell to hide how ugly her insides were. I had to step out of the way before she pushed me off, she had to shine.

And when Lia didn't get her way, there was hell to pay.

She had waltzed into my family's lives at age 11. Dancing her way into my mother and father's hearts. She was everything I wasn't.. Girly, pretty, outgoing, bratty, spoiled.

I was jealous of her, jealous of her looks and charm, her ability to lie so easily, the way she walked as if she was dancing, her many, many friends. The way it was always Lia _this_ and Lia _that_, the way she would steal the spotlight in pink colored ribbons tied on satin shoes.

Sometimes, I believed that my mother enjoyed spending more time with her than me. They got along so well, she could've passed for her daughter.

You could imagine the shock when she was admitted, her skin cut open like a gutted fish, poor…starving girl.

She was in a sense, like a younger, irritable sister. Always glorified, always put first, but it was my duty to protect her, to take care of her. No matter how much she kicked and screamed along the way.

**Edward POV**

Thursday night, and the guilt set in.

I hadn't seen Lia since Monday night. Right before I left, running into my old lover's arms.

I was nervous.

I had no idea how Lia would take this, I was more than a little scared to find out.

I waited in her room with baited breath, the tension rolling off of me in waves. I quickly tried to calm myself down.

Why would she be anything but happy for me? We were friends after all, friends only wanted the best for each other, she would be glad to discover that I was no longer moping.

I suddenly heard the slow footsteps and hazy thoughts of a familiar human.

My nerves came back.

She grudgingly opened the door, eyes drooping.

She sensed someone in the room, her eyes slowly looked to her bed.

"Edward!" she gasped in surprise.

_You left, where have you been? You lied, you said you wouldn't leave! I was so worried, what happened?_

Her uncensored thoughts filled my head, I lowered my head in shame.

"I'm so sorry Lia, please forgive me, but something happened, and well.."

_Bella_

I raised my head sharply, the name crossed her head before she had time to erase it.

Her eyes flashing mutiny.

"How did…?"

"So, I'm correct?" Lia's demeanor suddenly changed.

**Lia POV**

I held unto my pride, I would not let him know how hurt I was, how jealous..

I had always been self-centered.

No, he would feel no more pity for me.

I was Lillianne Marie Swan _DuPont_, I wasn't below anyone. No matter how much it killed me, my pride would not suffer.

"So I'm correct?" I was surprised at how quickly I collected myself. Breakfast at Tiffany's fresh in my mind, I concentrated on Audrey Hepburn.

"Yes," He whispered, the infatuation and joy filtered in his eyes.

I gave a weak smile, as nonchalantly as possible.

"Glad someone received their happy ending. You could have at least told me where you were, that was obnoxious, don't you think?" I tried to sound genuine, but it came out just a tad sarcastic.

His eyes changed to an expression of worry.

"Your upset." He declared, moving towards me.

_Pretend better bitch._

"Oh no! Not at all, I mean just a little jealous." I smiled for good measure. "Who's going to mope with me now? I still haven't received my Happily Ever After."

Not bad.

"You will Lia, trust me." He continued, "Everything is perfect, it's crazy isn't it? Love really does conquer all."

You should've seen the excitement that radiated off of him, I was so unselfish. I deserved an Academy Award.

"So, you and Bella huh?" I felt like a fool, I had no words to say. My nose wrinkled out of it's own accord.

"She's the one Lia, I can feel it. I know you two have your differences, but please..."

I silenced him, I didn't really want to hear what was coming out of his mouth.

"Your very lucky." _she's very lucky._

"I'm the luckiest man in the world, Lia!" He let out an exuberant laugh.

I let out a radiant smile, making sure it reached my eyes. Fickle and poisonous, it dripped from my teeth.

"I don't know what to say, but just know that I'm happy for you, for the both of you, you deserve all her love and more." _much, much more._

He moved quickly, wrapping me in an embrace.

"Thanks Lia, you don't know how much your approval means to me." He was whispering this time.

"Oh, come on, no need to thank me, what does my opinion matter? Go to her," I needed him out of here soon.

"Are you sure?" He looked at me carefully.

"She is your girlfriend Edward, I don't think spending the night in someone else's bed is very appropriate." It came out somewhat hostile, I tried to say it in a teasing manner.

He seemed to approve, another smile in place.

"I'll be back on Saturday morning, to help you pack."

"Will you be here tomorrow?" _damn fool, _I just had to add that didn't I?

My pride was cracking.

"I'll try to ok Lia?"

"Ok." I whispered, just as soon as he left.

Now what? I stood there, unsure of what to do, I lost my map, I didn't know where to go anymore.

He was gone, and my pride broke.

I went through our entire conversation, in a daze, in a hurry, obsessively, sentence to sentence, response to response.

his words piercing my skin, like knives. Right through my core, slicing up to my heart, ripping me in two.

_I didn't need a razorblade tonight_

I hated myself, I hated Bella, I hated him, I hated my life, I hated this place, I hated my feelings, I hated my parents, I hated Carlisle, I hated everygoddamnthing related to me.

I lay back in bed, the sheets stained with the scent of winter.

The familiar, music and crying myself to sleep ritual settling in. I felt so utterly alone so undeniably pathetic, not unlike the first night I spent in this cold room.

The spider webs settled in, cracking the ceiling, dripping a thunderstorm, blasting my ears out. I was bleeding.

Another time era when I was always pretending, around everyone. History repeating itself, a sickeningly comforting feeling, knowing I was back to the old routine.

I knew that pretty soon, I wouldn't be able to pretend any longer. I knew that me and Edward would fall out, I would no longer be able to play nice to dear, sweet Bella.

I would most likely not try very hard at all.

My hateful self would come out in a matter of weeks, I already knew, could already see the future. Bella would suspect nothing, I had always been a hateful bitch to her. Nothing would change.

I was freezing, I was too tired to turn on the heater, I was too tired to sleep.

My head threatened to burst under the massive headache that was forming. I wanted to throw something against the wall, so I did.

It was my stupid alarm clock, I heard the satisfying crash as it met the wall.

I knotted my fingers into my mouth to keep from screaming aloud, the routine all too familiar. Warm beer and cold women, Scorned, turned into a bitter harpy.

I was stupid.

stupid for falling head over heels so easily, so many times, a carousel mocking romance, mocking me, shallow enough to not see past their beauty.

I couldn't count how many times I had given my heart to beautiful men only to have it discarded.

In fifth and seventh and eight and ninth grade, looked over for better girls, girls who weren't me. Second best.

My father, left for a younger wife, a new baby, forgetting his "little princess." Second best.

Falling in love with a best friend who favored his girlfriend, turned into hate instead of friendship. Second best.

So naïve, so eager to please, so needing of reassurance. Second best.

Tricked deceived, forced out of love, love that was not real, too selfish, too blind to see past the "I want." Eager to play the game, to go for the chase. When the chase ends, what's left?

Empty handed, cold dead heart, the beating slowing down, too tired, worn out from playing too much, playing a game no one else was eager to join, playing the only game I never won. second best.

The other girls far more pretty, sweet, interesting, real, better. Second best.

When it came to boys, I never got what I want. Whenever the prize was won, it turned into rotten trash covered in faux gold.

Volatile feelings, so easily fleeting, butterflies in my heart flew away.

Undeserving of real love, too blind to see real beauty.

Empty, lost, clueless. Never better, always topped.

_And who would ever want you?_

This was no way to feel when your best friend was reunited with his ex girlfriend.

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Review = Preview.

Inspiration:  
Like Knives - City and Colour


	9. If Bridges Gotta Fall

**A/N:** Another revise, I told you I would come back and edit this. I hated the original.

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_"I'm naked, I'm numb._  
_I'm stupid, I'm staying._  
_And if cupid's,_  
_ got a gun, then he's shooting."_

I woke up, I changed, I waited.

Two days ago, or maybe it was three... I couldn't remember, Edward had promised, but Edward had lied. Bella was back, so he forgot.

Bella was probably talking about me, Bella was probably talking bad. I was a selfish, spoiled little girl. I did not deserve his friendship. She would convince him of this.

Bella was pretty, Bella was nice, Bella cared. I didn't. I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to be so cold. I wish I was nicer, I wish I could be like her, I wish I had enough happiness. Enough to share it with others.

My eyes were broken and they made my insides ugly, I couldn't see the beauty in the world, I couldn't see the beauty in others. So I waited.

In my grey comforter, in my dull room, in my messed up body. I waited and I felt horrible.

I wanted to be nice, I didn't want to hate so much. I wanted to be nice to Bella because Bella had always been nice to me. I wanted to smile at her and then hug a stranger and call my mom and tell her I was sorry for yelling and blaming and crying.

I wanted to stop crying. I wanted to stop feeling like shit every time someone talked about weight or food. I wanted to stop dreading waking up in the morning, I wanted to remember how to live behind rose colored glasses. I could not remember how long I had lived in black.

I wanted to please daddy after messing up. I wanted to be perfect for him. I wanted to be the prettiest and nicest and thinnest and smartest just for him and my family.

I waited.

I waited and came up with a plan for my stay in Forks, and it went like this:

800 calories  
90 pounds  
24 hours of ballet  
4.0 GPA  
00 jeans  
Study until I pass out  
Rehearse until my feet bleed  
Starve until my bone marrow decomposes.

My list equaled perfection. My list was ideal, my list made be stronger. My list made be see clearer.

Someone cleared their throat and my list was gone.

The door opened slightly, and two people walked in.

Bella and Edward, Edward and Bella. Together, holding hands. Together, being happy, together.

I don't know who took my bags, I don't know who picked up the papers and who signed the slip. I later found out that Charlie had done this earlier in the week, because he couldn't pick me up today.

I got into a shiny car and leather seats and the smell of brand new. Brand new for my new life and my new plan and my perfect list. Bella tried to talk to me and irritation spread so I closed my mouth and I said nothing. I was 110 now, in one week it would be 108, and then 105, and then 100, and then 98, then 95, 93, 90.

90 was perfection and that was when I would stop. The first time they admitted me I had forgotten how to stop. This body weighed 85 pounds. This body could not handle a teeny bmi of 14.8 and so it passed out behind the wheel.

No one told me how to stop, I did not look good enough to stop. I stayed in a treatment center close to mommy and she visited me once a week.

I got out and I slipped two weeks later. I really tried. Tried hard. But no one tells you it's impossible after you're down the rabbit hole.

Mommy never noticed because she was always out of town and I was always out. My friends did not push me anymore because they gave up. A useless case, there was no sense in beating a dead horse.

We drove past the water in Edmonds to the green of Forks. Bella and Edward talking quietly and me with my iPod's volume turned as high as it could go.

Talking about me, them, diet plans and weigh-ins and all the other stuff Uncle Charlie was too uncomfortable to deal with. I was an uncomfortable subject. I was difficult.

After an hour. maybe two... I couldn't tell the time, we got to the house. The house, meaning, Bella and Uncle Charlie's home. The home that was not mine.

We got out and someone helped me with the bags again but I couldn't really remember because I kept thinking of my list, my plan. My way of surviving in this hell hole.

Forks was different, Forks was small. Forks was not New York City or Santa Barbara or Seattle or even Edmonds. Forks was like Mammoth or Lake Tahoe, only way tinier.

The house was not the apartment in New York, the estate in Delaware, the mansion in Santa Barbara, the dorms in Seattle, or the rooms in Edmonds.

It was small and comfy and warm and brown. It smelled like stale tobacco and gunpowder even though Uncle Charlie didn't smoke or shoot his gun all over the house. Maybe it didn't even smell like gunpowder, did gunpowder even have a scent?

Bella's eyes were cautious. Bella was treating me like a ticking time bomb. Bella was talking and I wasn't listening.

"…room is upstairs."

"huh?" I asked, trying to clear up the fog in my eyes.

"I said your room is upstairs. Edward's putting your stuff up there right now, do you want to go see it?" She was talking in a soothing voice, as if I were a china doll.

I nodded my head, too tired to talk. The drive had made me sleepy.

"It's upstairs, first door on your left." She said in that same soft voice.

I acknowledged her as I turned towards the steps.

Liliane Marie Du Pont, after my father. Changed to Swan because my mother wanted nothing to do with him after their divorce, changed because her new husband was wonderful enough to want to adopt me. They divorced, and my mother stopped going to family balls, charities and fashion shows in New York. She dismissed the third most powerful family in the world and kept half. We moved out of the New York estate and into sunny, sunny California. Where she married a corporate lawyer with a humble background but a six-figure income. Downgrade if you ask me.

I kicked and screamed and yelled inside my mind when it became Liliane Marie Swan Du Pont. My new last name stripping me of my identity. I said nothing like a good little girl and called daddy who promised to buy me something special on his next trip to Paris.

I seethed when I found out that Bella Marie Swan shared two names with me. I hated how plain she was. I hated his side of the family, the ones who knew nothing of labels and charity galas and politics. Conversations laced in truth rather than fake courtesy and beer instead of chardonnay. It was disgusting. I never dared to say who I really wanted to live with, didn't dare complain that I missed my prestige. My stepfather knew people, we lived in a high-income neighborhood, I had rich friends and more designer clothing than I could count. But I wasn't a Du Pont anymore, no matter how much that side of the family said I was. I was a Swan, I was below. I shared my middle name with four other cousins, cousins who lived in middle class towns and went to normal public high schools.

Annoying, ignorant family members. Someone had found their way out, and that someone had married my mother. My mother was in love, I loved my mother, therefore I stayed. Besides, I had good, fun, hilarious friends. I knew that life under a magnifying scope would've been preferred, but at the same time, I was content at where I was. I loved my mother, why leave her, I knew I wouldn't last, I'd be back in her arms in two to three months.

"Lia!" I heard a voice greet from inside the room, breaking out of my tirade, I unhazed my brain long enough to see who was so ecstatic to see me.

Uncle Charlie.

I felt myself smile, there was something about him that I always found endearing, it was a funny thing. I got so attached to all the men in my life, yet I kept all the women away with a ten-yard stick, needles at the end.

I ran to him, enveloping him in a hug, "Uncle Charlie!"

The funny thing was, he wasn't a very emotional person, he was much like Bella, reserved. Yet I couldn't stand Bella, and here I was, speaking kindly of her male form.

"Glad to see you kiddo, safe and healthy." He muttered the last part, not really sure if that was something he was allowed to say. The folder somewhere on the kitchen counter listed rules and diets and possible triggers I needed to stay away from. because they though it would,could,might work. Too much hope, no reality, everyone had lost it.

He stared ahead as Bella and Edward went off into another part of the house, in an, might I add, overprotective father mode. I stared along with him, then turned my head back, showing off my smirk.

"He's lovely isn't he? Handsome. Smart too, a real gentlemen." I teased as Uncle Charlie let out a grunt.

He left the room as I bid him goodbye, taking in my new space.

It was horribly lower middle-class, a place I had no trouble imagining Bella and Uncle Charlie decorating, they probably ordered Dominos pizza and everything. Disgustingly average.

Life was going to be super duper fun. I couldn't wait to bitch stare all the Forks High students.

I smiled sarcastically, wishing for not the first time, that I could stop acting like such a bitter harpy.

I sat down in my bed, rubbing my head, I was getting so tired of all these mood swings. Happy/Angry/Sad/Catatonic; repeat, repeat, repeat.

I was such a burden, I felt a twinge of embarrassment, I was pretty sure that no one here wanted to deal with me, with this. Who would want to? My mom couldn't even handle it, why else would she have let me stay here?

I heard Edward and Bella climb up the stairs once more. He still hadn't said a word to me. It felt like so long ago that we were friends. A sudden bubble of emotion threatened to build up inside of me as I remembered the last time we had really been friends, or whatever it was. I pushed it down, to no avail. The tears were held, but I felt hollow, suddenly out of the loop. I didn't belong with them, their own entity. I was so far away.

I lay down on my bed as I heard the two climbing the last steps on the staircase. I knew Bella had already sensed something was wrong with me, but she was used to my mood swings.

"Your room's right next to mine." She opened a door on the corner.

"Good to know," I muttered, really taking in my surroundings for the first time. I had to remind my eyes to look sometimes.

The walls were a blue, once more. But they weren't the gray monotone I had known before, these walls had a hint of purple, a hint of cheap sophistication. My black and white lace comforter was already on my bed, along with my Audrey Hepburn and Coco Chanel wall frames. I looked to my left, a bookshelf with all the books I couldn't bring to the center with me had already been organized. In the room was also my laptop, a calendar of NYCB and my cell phone charger. Behind Bella, I briefly saw Edward dig through his pockets.

"Here." He handed me a small burgundy blackberry, my phone.  
Suddenly, Bella muttered something to him as she walked away.

"Where's she going?" I asked, still not bothering to get up from the bed.

"She went downstairs to grab the rest of your bags."

"and you didn't go and help her? I though you were a gentlemen." I bit back.

I had thought a lot of things. I added in my head.

"I stayed to give you your phone."

I scoffed, bullshit. Typical, he was acting like such a teenage boy that I was beginning to want to rip his head off, shoot him, grind his bones into bits and pieces.

"You know, I used to love this thing. I would carry it around everywhere, use it all the time. I would beg my mother not to take it away from me when I got in trouble…. But, I don't really know why, I stopped knowing a long time ago. This thing has been useless to me for months."

He continued to stare, his eyes boring into mine.

"Well it seems like people certainly haven't forgotten you, your phone isn't useless after all."

"No one has bothered to call or text me for months, after I stopped going out. I really don't need this." I made to give it back to him.

But it was more than that, I was terrified to keep it. Because it reminded me of things I didn't know why I was so bothered by. It was just a phone, but a cell phone  
Meant a social life, meant normalcy, and the thought chilled me to my bones.

I held my hand out, giving it back to him, he grabbed it from my hand in one swift motion, and put it to charge.

Not once touching my skin. The emptiness grew bigger. I almost felt my heart getting swallowed by it.

Bella came in my room at the exact same time.

"Thanks so much Bella, for my room. I had no idea it was move-in ready, it was really nice of you and Uncle Charlie." I gave her the biggest smile I could manage.

She returned it, "No problem, we knew you would never get around to it, and well, we want you to be, you know, comfortable." Her arms had suddenly become useless to her, and her feet started shifting from side to side.

She was so bad at receiving compliments.

I sat down on my new bed, not knowing what to do now. I looked at the clock.

It was 2:30 pm.

"Can we do something?" I asked suddenly.

Both Edward and Bella turned to look to each other, I was spontaneous, what can I say.

"Sorry, I'm just anxious, I've been stuck inside for a month. I'm free now, you know?" I laughed a little as I said this.

"Well, what do you want to do?"

"You still have to put all your stuff away," Bella reminded me.

I waved her off, that could be done later. As late as possible.

"There's nothing really to do here Lia." again, with the reminders.

"I don't know, don't you have any friends? Something?" I was desperate to leave.

Bella and Edward continued to look at each other, whispering softly.

I stayed on the bed, pushing my feet into tendus.

"Do you want to go meet Edward's family?"

Had I expected this? Yes.

I still tried to hold back my excitement.

"Sure, I suppose so, since they are your only friends." I gave her a smile to show I was teasing, it didn't make much of a difference, the words were still true.

Bella pov

I had no idea why, but I felt like something wasn't right.

Lia and Edward were friends weren't they?

So why where they acting like they didn't even know each other?

Why did she throw her bags at his face? Why hadn't he come down with me to get the rest of her stuff? He was always around me, never leaving my sight. Why had he done so now?

Just as I came back in the room, I saw Edward swiftly move away from Lia. My suspicions growing, that is, until I saw that he was plugging in her phone.

Get a grip Bella.

So Lia definitely knew about Edward, she had made no surprising acknowledgment to his speed.

We offered to take her to Edward's house, she responded with her usual banter.

I tried desperately not to resort to her level and roll my eyes. Edward could feel my annoyance with her, he found it amusing.

I stared him down, trying to communicate with my eyes that her childishness wasn't cute, nor should it be encouraged.

He laughed…. Out loud, just as she resorted to a fit of giggles.

I stood there, shell-shocked. What was going on in this world?

I looked between the two of them, my irritation transcending into a new level.

"Fine then," I turned around and left the two giggling idiots to themselves, well, at least that was my plan. Before I knew it, Edward was taking my arm.

"I apologize for my conduct back there Bella, I shouldn't have encouraged her, please, forgive me." He looked at me with his smoldering topaz eyes, knowing I couldn't resist.

I pouted, "It's not fair when you do that, you know I can't stay mad at you when you dazzle me that way."

"Dazzle? Did you just say he dazzled you?"

Momentarily stumped, I turned to find none other than Lia leaning on the doorway, staring at me and Edward, well mostly Edward.

Well.

I felt myself blushing furiously at her comment, egging her on.

"Seriously Bella? Dazzle? You just sound like you finished watching a tacky jazz/lyrical competition at Disney World."

I tried to think of a clever reply,

"Oh, shut up!"  
Smooth Bella, really cool.

She laughed once more, her head thrown back, her soft curls tumbling around her. Edward was staring at a particularly interesting spot by her mouth.

I cleared my throat, hoping we could just leave already.

Edward shook out of his stupor,

"What's wrong?" I mouthed, growing worried, he always got like that when something wasn't going as planned.

He looked back at me, seduction and avoidance glowing in his irises.

"Nothing, nothing at all."

I took his hand as Lia followed us out to his Volvo. Wondering how the family would react to her presence.


	10. The Ghost of a Good Mood

**A/N:** Sorry for taking so long to update, but I honestly have very little time. And I don't like writing unless I really feel like it. So far, I know that the last chapter (and this one as well), is trash. All of what I wanted is on there, but it could've been a lot better grammar and story-wise if I would've taken more time. But haven't I taken enough? If this story is moving too fast, PLEASE TELL ME. Because it's a huge pet peeve of mine, once again, I know these characters in my head so much and I have planned this story out from chapters 1 - 2393947 (it won't really be that long, but danm close.) that I may rush things up only because, I already know how they feel, how they act, why they do so, etc.. Remind me, if it seems that I skip over these vital moments. A huge thanks to all those who have reviewed, favorited, and story alerted. It means so much to me, I had no idea anyone would read this. This was more of a therapy project for me. If you can read my new penname, and clue in together the story, then you'll know why this story is very, very near to my heart, hitting right at home.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight, only Lia, because, well, Lia is me, in so many ways.

Songs: Down - Blink 182

* * *

"_Your vows of silence fall all over  
__The look in your eyes makes me crazy  
I feel the darkness break upon her  
I'll take you over if you let me"_

It's funny just how wrong, or right your assumptions of what is going to happen turn out.

Take for example. My meeting with the Cullens. Whose last name, I admit… was pretty cool. Bella was one lucky girl.

Never before had my self-esteem taken a stab as to when I met the three abnormally gorgeous female vampires of the clan.

Especially, Alice. Yes, Rosalie was beautiful, in a sports magazine, everything a girl could want, kind of way.

But Alice was everything I wished I could be. Thin, petite, graceful, fluid, long limbed and expressive.

She would've made an amazing ballerina. So naturally, I hated her for it.

My eyes were glued to her movements, her thinness, her elegant neck. The jealousy, I'm sure, palpable from miles away. I was grateful that her husband said nothing, and neither did Edward.

Jealousy aside, I really liked her. She was a fireball, her excitement and enthusiasm feeding into me. You just couldn't help but to smile right along with her.

We talked endlessly about Paris and designers. We even planned a shopping trip to Seattle with me, her and Rosalie.

Bella wasn't going, because she was spending the day with Edward.

"_We need to go shopping together, we just have to." _

"_Ohmygod! Yes, Rosalie would love to come along to, wouldn't you?"_

_She shrugged, a trace of a smile on her lips. _

"_Sure, I guess I do need some new heels, I broke my last pair of Manolos when me and Emmett where.."_

"_Ok, stop right there, no need for me to form naughty mental images of heel fetishes."_

_I laughed good-naturedly, "That is gross. Well, I guess since you two are pretty hot, the mental image isn't very unattractive." I suggested._

_Rosalie laughed, muttering something along the lines of, "I'd trade her in for Bella any day."_

_Alice gave her a warning look, since, you know… Bella was about two feet away from us, and Rosalie hadn't really muttered it very inconspicuously._

_She shrugged once more, "I don't need to censor what I say just because she's in our vicinity, she can leave if she doesn't want to hear me."_

_I had the sudden urge not to giggle into my hand, so in my pained efforts, I snorted, loudly. Which gave round to a fit of laughter between me and Rosalie._

_Bella was blushing, again. And Alice was looking at us two in a disapproving manner. The look seriously did not suit her._

"_Do you want to come shopping with us Bella?" Alice's hopeful eyes turned to her chocolate ones, wide, doe-eyed. Gag me._

"_No thanks, me and Edward are going to our meadow that day."_

Their meadow. They had their own goddanmed meadow. What the hell was that?

I wanted nothing more than to rip Bella Swan to tiny sized shreads, and feed her to Edward, piece by piece.

I reveled in that beautifully satisfying mental image.

"So I take it you liked my family?"

I turned around, shocked. And a little embarrassed, how long had he been standing there?

"Oh, for a while actually, ever since your little flashback, to be exact."

I narrowed my eyes.

"Little? Any particular reason why you want to talk to me now? You were ignoring me the entire time back at your house, spending your entire day cooped up in your room with Bella."

"I'm obviously going to spend time with my girlfriend, more so than any of my friends."

My heart gave out a pang.. Of anger.

"Oh, so it has to be spent in your room alone huh? Because that just doesn't scream 'I'm a trashy whore!' I would think Bella had more class then that. Especially, when your parents are home. Disgusting.

He laughed sarcastically, I wanted to stab him.

"Just because you have had that kind of experience doesn't mean that everyone spends their time doing those kinds of things in their room. And besides, vampire hearing?"

I threw a pillow at his head, he dodged it.

"So now I'm the whore huh? Stop being so defensive about your precious Bella, putting her on such a high pedestal. In case you forgot, she _left_ you for a mutt, then comes crawling back to you. If that doesn't scream slut, I don't know what does."

And it did, Bella infuriated me with her hypocritical personality. What a pathetic, sanctimonious, trashy, retarded skan…

He was so close to me now that our lips almost touched.

I leaned back, letting out a gasp. His eyes turned darker.

"Don't you _dare_ talk about Bella like that. EVER. In my presence, again."

I stood my ground,

"You don't scare me, Edward Cullen."

He let out a low growl, menacing… terrifying.

I gasped again.

He wavered for a second, his anger diminishing, but not completely.

I had just trash talked his girlfriend, after all.

He looked into my eyes, back and forth back and forth. Never releasing his firm grip on my shoulders, or backing up. He was the only thing holding me from falling on my bed.

After a few seconds, maybe minutes, he loosened his grip.

"Well, you scare me."

I tore myself away from him, knowing that I didn't really get away, he just let me.

His eyes stayed on me as I lithely raised myself off the bed.

"What are you going to do? Hit me?"

I had no idea where those horrible words came from, but my need to be pushed, felt, touched, something… made me desperate.

"How could you think such a thing?"

I folded my arms, folding into myself.

"For a while there, it looked like you wanted to.. Because you just love her don't you? She's so much better than me, I must be trash compared to her. So go ahead, hit me, smack me right in my face for daring to speak badly of God's gift to heaven," I got up right in his face. "Do it."

"So is this what all this is about?"

I ignored his question, gripping unto the hysteria that was overwhelming me, nearly screaming, "Do it! Hit me!"

"Your insane Lia!"

He grabbed me by my shoulders this time, thought not as hard as before, I tried, to no avail to sink my nails into his skin, urging him to grip me _harder._ This was not the first time I had felt this way. Every time someone screamed, someone called me stupid, someone told me I was out of line. I wanted nothing more than to feel some kind of physical pain for all the harm they were causing me, every word jarring my skin.

"Regain the little sanity you have left!"

I swallowed arsenic, biting into my poison. Breathing erratically, a sadistic kind of infuriating calmness washing over me.

I blinked at him

He was still looking at me.

"I will never hurt you Lia."

I laughed, right in his face.

"Will you stop acting crazy and listen to what I have to say!"

I sobered immediately, still trying to retain my giggles.

"Stop. Just stop it Lia. Stop acting this way. Me and Bella being together changes _nothing_ between us, I still love you just as much as before. Your still one of my best friends, I care about you, Lia, and when I told you I wouldn't leave, I meant it. I never will, ok? So just stop this. You've only been here one day and your already hurting Bella, and me, and as much as I know that you don't like here, _try_ to be at least a bit considerate of her feelings, because she cares for you as well."

I looked at him critically, "So what, are you my dad now?"

I tilted my chin towards him, my eyes growing bigger.

"Your never going to understand are you?"

"Apparently not" I answered coldly.

He got up from his bed, letting go of me. I felt colder. I remembered that I hadn't eaten since breakfast, being in the Cullen home, none of them ate. And _Edward_ was too busy fooling around with _Bella_ to pay any attention to me.

He turned around sharply.

Muttering "Charlie is supposed to be taking better care of you."

"Charlie has gone fishing, can you believe it? I just moved in here and he goes fishing. So much for Bella being responsible, she can't even think straight when she's around you."

A smirk formed.

"For your information, she's downstairs making pasta as we speak, and your getting a double serving for skipping lunch. Don't make us out to be fools Lia, your perfectly capable of requesting food when your hungry. People don't forget to eat."

"Well apparently I can't remember."

"Stop acting like you care about your health, the only reason your saying this is because you want Bella to look bad."

_No, I just want to say something so you won't leave my room._

"And," he added. "You will eat that extra serving, we're making sure of it."

I nodded sarcastically.

"Yes sir. I'll do everything you say, please don't punish me."

"Stop playing around Lia, this isn't funny."

"I didn't realize I was laughing."

I crossed my arms around my chest, never breaking the glaring contest.

"I don't even know why I'm still in here, you just want to fight don't you? That's all you ever want to do, it's you against the world."

"Then leave" I motioned my hands to the door. "I'm not making you stay."

He remained his ground, searching my head. Stripping me down, I wrapped my arms tighter.

"But you don't want me to leave do you?" He said it softer this time, sympathetically.

_Yes, yes, god yes. I miss you._

I shook my head. Looking purposefully to the floor.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, ever the emotional self. I fought and became angry, but at the end of the day, I couldn't stand people being mad at me. Even if it was someone I hated, even Bella.

"Don't be." He came closer to me.

Tentatively touching my shoulder, "Come downstairs with us, Bella's a wonderful cook."

I ignored the stabbing pain issuing somewhere in my body. Jealousy, always jealousy.

"I know," I said with a smile, looking back up at him. "But how do you know? You don't eat remember? Or do you just like pasta because the marinara sauce looks like blood?"

He laughed this time, a real, loud, laugh. The one I was used to hearing.

"There's the girl I love."

I felt a little pathetic, I felt a little like the eight grader who was in love with her best friend with a girlfriend.

I smiled once more, "Come on." I grabbed his hand, pretending to pull him down the stairs.

"Lia, you are the most bipolar person I have ever met in my life, ever."

I turned to look at him, "You'll get used to it."

Edward POV

I visibly tensed as I heard Lia's request. Was she really that messed up in the head? She wanted me to hit her, she_ wanted_ me to. Even if it was only briefly, but her mind and body begged me to. So much that my body's reaction wanted to too. It was jarring, to say the least. The scariest thing I had ever felt.

"Your insane!"

I couldn't tear my eyes away from her, her magnificent fury ebbing away at her eyes. She got closer to me, so, so close.

And I was enveloped by Chanel perfume and black roses and ebony hair. By danger.

"Do it! Hit me!"

My body was painfully aware of the intense desire of physical injury yearning from the one mere millimeters away from mine. Her chest rising and falling rapidly, touching mine with every beat.

I fought with myself to not strike her across her face, what was wrong with me? What was wrong with her?!

"Regain the little sanity you have left!" I was nearly begging her, I needed her to back away from me, I needed to think, to control myself, to control her.

I heard her swallow loudly, the desire growing within me. And before I broke, she moved away. Blinking, her wide eyes endlessly staring into my own. Curiosity shining through.

I took a few seconds to regain my composure, breathing unusually heavily due to the circumstances that had just occurred.

"I will never hurt you Lia."

Before I had time to say anything else, she began to laugh. A desperate, hysterical, scary laugh.

"Stop acting crazy and listen to what I have to say!"

But she didn't, she listened to nothing, she continued to giggle, continued to push, continued to deny and blame and hurt.

I had no choice but to give up, if only temporarily. I couldn't stand to see her act this way, like a complete stranger, like nothing had happened between us. Us?

I couldn't leave though. Try as much as I could, I couldn't step away from this room, from her, if I left, I knew there would be an unspoken barrier between us, one that would take forever to get through.

I didn't know what there was left to say, everything that seemed to come out of my mouth was somehow the worst thing to say. She tangled me in her web, misinterpreting anything and pulling me under with her.

But as usual, Lia made the mess, only to clean it up again.

"I'm sorry."

_Please don't leave, please don't be mad._

My whole form crumbled under her soft apolog

* * *

y. My topaz eyes melting, staring at the girl before me.

Soft, sharp, cold, warm. I wanted to hug her, scream at her, touch her, leave her and never return.. but I could never stay mad at her.

And with those two simple words, all was forgotten, put in the past. Because this was Lia, and I was Edward, and that's just how we worked. We fought, fought hard, and then made up. We were friends, and we understood that we needed to vent.

I was in a horrible mood during the time we met as well, but now, my heart was fixed. Lia wasn't.

She joked, I joked back. And a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders, even though the resentment had only lasted a couple of days, it had weighed heavily on my heart. I couldn't stand it, not being on good terms with her. It was emotionally stressful.

And it was like old times again, we walked down the stairs, hand in hand, laughing.

Bella looked up to our smiling forms, before finally resting her gaze on our entwined hands.

I immediately let go, me and Lia looking at each other like two kids getting caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

She blew it off, "oops."

Bella gave her a patronizing stare, Lia just smiled brightly.

"It sucks that you aren't coming with us to the mall Bells, I wanted to 'bond'."

Bella sighed, "Just wait till Alice is done with you, you won't want to go near a shopping center for at least five years."

"Oh come on, you know how much I love Burberry, especially since moving here, I actually get to _wear_ the coats now."

"Well, you asked for it. Don't whine to me when your shopped out."

Lia sat down on the dining table, shrugging her shoulders delicately, "don't care, just as long as I'm not stuck here alone. That would just be depressing."

Bella walked over to her, setting down a heaping serving of blood-covered noodles. The pasta practically oozing out of the porcelain china.

Lia looked down at the food, then back up to the bread bowl, looking like it was the most repulsive thing she had ever seen.

"Here, take one, it's garlic bread, your favorite."

Lia shook her head, "Garlic bread isn't my favorite."

Please Lia, just try. I had the urge to grab her hand again, grab it and let her know I was there, I don't know for what exactly, I just wanted to let her know.

Bella just stared at her knowingly. "Well, you love eating it with spaghetti don't you?"

"Doesn't mean it's my favorite," Lia muttered.

"Take one." Bella urged, insisting with her eyes.

Lia hesitated only for a fraction of a second, noticeable only by me, before she grabbed a grease-covered bread with two fingers.

**Lia POV**

SPLAT! The greasy carb dumped on top of the other greasy carb.

_You know you want to eat it, you aren't strong enough, too fat anyway, might as well give up. 110? Disgusting, nothing will make it better._

I felt my heartbeat accelerating as I looped my fork into the spaghetti, feeling horribly helpless.

I hated this, I hated the feeling after leaving "Recovery" So engulfed in your own grease and oil that you couldn't even start to want to loose weight in the first place

One thing was for sure though, I was NOT staying at 110.

Bella didn't even pretend to not be looking at my plate, seeing my fork loop and loop and loop. She had read all the symptoms, all the odd behaviors. I couldn't fool her not right now at least.

But I was almost having a panic attack. My mouth was clamped shut, it would not open, it didn't want to.

I cut the pieces in half, then in quarters, than in..

"What are you doing?" I looked up from my plate,

Bella staring at me inquisitively.

"What do you mean?" My eyes a tad too wide,

"Why are you cutting your spaghetti into all those tiny pieces?"

I knew she knew why, I played along anyway, what else could I do?

"It helps my digestion, I can't just stuff it all in my mouth."

"You never used to cut up your food before." Before when? I knew.

"I don't know, just a habit I guess."

"Well, I don't want you doing that."

I felt my anger building, she was my cousin, not my mother. My pretentious, sanctimonious, bitch of a cousin.

Edward glared, always ready to defend his stupid little pet. It only fueled my anger, how original, as usual no one defended me.

"What's so wrong with me cutting up my food?" I glared at her, my eyes never wavering.

"You know _exactly_ what kind of behavior that's showing."

I stuffed a heaping spoonful of spaghetti in my mouth. Chewing it loudly, gulping the guilt down my throat.

"Is that the kind of behavior you want me to show? Just tell me to eat like an animal, cause I will if you insist."

"I'm not telling you to eat like an animal, I'm telling you to eat normally."

The little..

"Jesus Christ, my first meal here and this is the kind of shit you put me through? The food went in my mouth Bella, is that not enough for you. Are you going to dictate the amount of sips of water I'm allowed to take per minute too?!"

"Stop being so dramatic Lia and eat!"

Calm, calm, I was calm. I was Juliet in the ballet suite, balcony scene. Gazing dreamily into the night sky, waiting for my Romeo to come in his cape and whisk me away and feel my heart beat.

I immediately smiled, feeling that overwhelming feeling of contentedness I always felt when thinking of ballet.

"This isn't funny Lia."

Her too?

"I'm not laughing, I'm smiling, and not at_ you,_ stop being so full of yourself." I snapped, my temper returning.

"Please ladies, can we just have a nice dinner?"

"Why yes Edward, I would love to continue eating as soon as Bella would stop bitching."

He threw me a warning glance, hurt that I had, yet again, spoken badly of his lover.

I shrugged once more, stuffing a piece of bread into my mouth.

I knew who I was visiting tonight.

I felt the ooze going down my throat, through my stomach, spreading into my thighs, the fat manifesting.. Doubling, tripling, dispersing itself throughout my entire body, my legs, hips, stomach, arms…

I suddenly dropped the fork.

"Oops," I muttered, hurrying to pick it up, cursing underneath the table.

I came up fast, looking at the two people in front of me.

They were talking intimately, eyes only for each other, their body language interacting. I almost felt like I was intruding, I quickly looked down at my plate, trying not to make too much of a scene.

My sudden movement broke their sacrilege, as Edward's head sharply turned towards my form. His reflexes amazing me, I had barely moved not a millisecond before.

"Almost done Lia?"

His eyes curiously on mine, silently pleading something, I didn't know what. But I had a good idea.

I nodded my head,

"I'm stuffed," I said quietly, his gaze erasing all my bitterness away, all my pent up anger.

_That_ gaze, made me wish that it was back to when Bella was never mentioned of. When Bella had been a faraway thought, so close to his heart, but so far away. Away on a beach, spending time with a furry wolf.

What was it with her and getting all these boys? It wasn't fair, I had learned far too many times that life was not fair.

Life was not fair when my mother dumped me here, too worried for me to go back home. Life was not fair when Ellie slept with Nate, my false unrequited love, life was not fair when I got dumped, when I gained weight, when I cried, when I was so high that I couldn't feel my face, feel myself breath, when I was passed out on the bathroom floor, skin bleeding.

Life was not fair when I got in the shower, hearing Edward's Volvo back out the driveway, life was not fair when I dropped to my knees, worshipping the only god I believed in. Life was not fair when I got on the scale, stripped, the scale that was supposed to be used for my weekly weigh-ins, the ones to make sure I stayed fat, an ugly 110 lighting the screen.

Life was not fair when I looked in the mirror and saw a monster looking back.

Goal weight number one: 105 lbs.


	11. Coughed Out My Heart in the Last Stall

**A/N: **Sorry for taking so long to update. This chapter was done ages ago but my laptop got taken away because of my grades. Oh the joys of being a high school junior. The ball will get rolling in the next chapters, I really have some amazing ideas for future chapters and where this story will be going, because, boy, it will be going EVERYWHERE. You'll get to meet Lia's father soon, and she'll be going to the infamous Forks High, and treating it a lot differently from Bella. wink, wink.

**Dislaimer: **I don't own Twilight or it's characters, or any other recognized label.

* * *

"_Here no one sleeps, one lays up while the other lies down  
Where no one sleeps, one lays up while the other lies down  
Ask the line on your face what the line on your hand meant  
We couldn't see what was coming"_

- Empty, Metric.

I stepped off the scale, my weight melting, spreading and stretching my skin, a pool of fat around the bathroom floor.

_Poor scale._ I took one last look in the mirror, my mind was empty empty empty, it did no good to think too much after these kinds of things, thinking too much usually led to suicide.

I wrapped my hair around a towel, my skin shiny, my eyes looking brighter somehow.

the small pieces of my hair that had been prickling my back had annoyed me to no end.

I looked once more in the mirror, naked, running my hands through my stomach, my breasts, my collarbones. Don't pinch, don't grab, don't think, don't do anything. I stopped breathing.

I closed my eyes, hard.

I turned myself around and wrapped myself in another towel, so as not to torture myself any longer.

I stepped out of the steam, misty and heavy. I left the door open, I couldn't deplete the room completely of oxygen.

I looked both ways, remembering that I wasn't home anymore and I no longer had a private bathroom. I crossed my room, quickly, before a 48 year old man decided to step through the door from his football game escapades.

I quickly opened my door, tiptoeing across the cold wooden floors, landing on my bed, shivering from head to toe. It was so damn cold in here. Cold cold cold.

Shorts and blouses and skirts and bathing suits were not allowed here, not that it mattered, jeans displayed just as much of me than I ever wanted anyone to see.

Leotard, tights………. Humiliation.

I closed the door.

With my ipod station turned on, Edit Pliath pouring through the speakers, I made my way across the floor, tip toe, tip toe, tip toe. Cold, cold.. cold.

I opened the drawer clumsily, desperately searching for the first piece of clothing I could find, I yanked the red underwear, just as I heard a barely audible thump on the wall, followed by a chuckle, and then… a nervous giggle. A girly nervous giggle, most likely followed by a blush.

Ugh, gross.

he was still here? In my cousin's room, no less. God, if this didn't depict trailer trash whore, than I didn't know what did.

For some reason, this description perfectly fit, yet perfectly didn't fit, my cousin.

Bella was just the type of girl who had always been shy, smart, and stepped on. Who by some miracle, found herself a boyfriend, and because of her low self-esteem, decided that she needed to spend everysinglewakingmoment with said boy, and then got knocked up.

She would naively believe that he would stay with her, but this beautiful boy would leave her for another girl.

Stupid, silly pregnant teenager.

Even I had enough class to not bring my boyfriends in my room when my parent's were home, that was just wrong, it made _me_ feel dirty.

I said that now, but in reality, would I bring my boyfriend here with my parents? If this boy were Edward, would I care?

No.

If this was two years ago, and it was Nate, would I have cared?

No.

If it were anybody I was in "love" with, would I care?

_No._

I was disgusting, I was stupid, just like everybody else. Delusional and unloved because, damn. This was me. And Bella was just acting out of character, which in turn made her trashy, which made me trashy.

On the other hand, it was Edward and Bella. Both very virginal. He wasn't all those other boys trying to get in your pants, her pants, my pants… jeans.

I shivered again, my shiny skin marred by tiny goose bumps. I looked down to my hand seeing the dull red piece of clothing that was supposed to be on my body. I remembered that there was a vampire in the next room, with very……. Visual imagery.

And I was naked, I had been for a very, very long time.

I burst out laughing, knowing he probably heard that, possibly saw that, I don't know, did he even pay any attention to the things around me when he was with Bella? How embarrassing.

I ran across my room, hurriedly tugging on a pair of silk bottoms and a comfy v-neck t-shirt. Suddenly, missing my lacey, silky nightgowns. Oh the nostalgia, I might as well have played California songs over and over again just to make it really hit home.

I had my fair share of them too. Led Zeppelin, Sugarcult, Atherton, The Mama's and the Papa's, Everclear, Tom Petty. You name it.

I should put all these songs in a play list or something.

I ran back to my bed, sitting in the middle of it. Wondering what to do next. I heard the music continue playing, some more giggling, hushed talking, little secrets about love and endless devotion.

I began to mouth the words to the lyrics. Metric was on, I had recently developed an obsession with them, strange. I never liked girl bands. It didn't override their voices, I suddenly felt like I was in a movie, playing the part of the distressed and melodramatic teenager who was wallowing in the depths of unrequited love from the world.

Typical.

I got up, putting on some socks as well, and then another pair. Cold.

I slid my foot into a tendu, the socks making butter. Demi-pointe, to pointe. I had pretty feet when the blisters didn't show.

I turned my head to the music, went in the middle of the room, and silently thanked Charlie for installing wood rather than carpet.

The song had a steady beat. I was unsure, it had been too long. But I was bored, and I was always dancing in one way or another. Edward would tease me endlessly about it, telling me in advance just when I would suddenly do a pirouette, an arabesque, a degage, or a rond de jambe.

I immediately turned my feet out in a near perfect fourth position, a stance I had nearly perfected from my years of pre-professional training, nearly perfected, because nothing was perfect in ballet.

I plied, deeply, waiting for the beat to enter my brain, and pushed.

I used to be able to do 36 fouettes, on pointe. I had done so once for my Black Swan variation in PNB's Student Workshop, now.. Well I wasn't so sure I could do half of that on flat.

I kept going, holding my breath in, looking in the mirror. I was slightly off of my center, moving forward ever so slowly. Bad bad bad.

in tune with Hustle Rose, push and turn and plie, turn, and plie, and turn, spot, spot, spot.

I felt a sudden bubble of energy flow up my system, as I started turning faster, adding imperfect doubles in between my single fouettes, pushing harder against the floor, pulling up tall, taller, tallest. I was smiling now, I was on 16.… turn, 17, double turn, 18, 19, 20 double, turn… I was getting closer and closer to the wall, unable to stay in the same spot as I used to. I was really rusty. I got to 23 before it looked like I was going to collide.

The song ended, I did a triple, not perfectly, but enough to be able to land it smoothly.

I had gone from the middle of the floor to a quarter inch away from the wall.

I was definitely practicing those.

The song changed, the remix for Fame coming on. I rolled my eyes, I could be so cheesy with my music choices sometimes.

I decided to being my fouettes on my left, knowing that it would end in disaster. I was rubbish on that leg, but still

Plie, deep, deep, deep. Down.….. Anddddddddd, no such luck. I got to 13, before I started hopping around like a jackrabbit.

I landed in a double, and continued dancing. Jumping and doing triple pirouettes here and there, adding arabesques and grand jetes and tons and tons of developpes and grand battements, and chaines and pique turns and more Kitri style jumps.

I was full out smiling now. Another song change, this time, Replay, by Sean Kingston.

God……. All of my guilty pleasure music coming out. I tried my luck at fouettes again, on my right side this time, they were easier.

20, 21, 22, close to the wall, keep going, 23, 24, 25 almost there……… 26.………crash.

I felt my legs and shoulders collide with the wall, as I fell backwards, flailing about.

My door opened in a flash.

Bella, and……… just Bella. Huh?

"Are you okay?!"

I looked at my position, then back at her, my eyes too wide.

"Oh." I said, before giggling nervously.

"I'm fine, just got a little carried away."

She continued looking at me, as "The Montagues and the Capulets" be Prokiev, began to play.

"Did you just collide with the wall?" She asked in disbelief,

"Umm.. Sort of?"

She shook her head, laughing. For some reason, her laugher arising something within me, seeing her so happy. It angered me.

"Have you been laughing by yourself this entire time?"

"Huh?" She said between softer chuckles, her head slightly turned to the side

"Well, I keep hearing someone talking and laughing, I figured, since, you know, it would be so unlike you to have someone in your room late at night, that you were just talking to yourself"

She turned her head to look at me, completely red, like a tomato ready to pop, it would be hilarious if it wasn't so annoying. How predictable, she even knew she looked whorey.

"I.. I.. well, it isn't….." she continued to stutter like an idiot,

"Don't worry, It's not like I'm going to tell Uncle Charlie, I just though you should know to stop giggling like an idiot, in the middle of the night, or else someone might hear."

She said nothing, just continued to stutter. And really, what could you say to that? I had caught her red-handed.

"Thanks for not telling anyone."

Ugh, could she just get out?

"Not like it benefits me. Who would I tell anyway? _you_ have more friends than me at right now." I pointed out.

"Well," she looked to the wall again, "Just, be careful ok? I don't want the wall to collapse."

I giggled like a madman, it wasn't a big deal, this had happened before. Numerous times, whoever said dancers were graceful had surely never seen one trying to steal pique turns down the grocery aisle or squeeze in grand jetes in a small bedroom.

A sudden image of a younger me entered my head.

I hugged my knees.

"_Hunny, we're going out, you can't wear your tutu and wings to the store sweetie."_

"_NO!"_

"_Lily…. I'm, telling you… you. Can. Not. Wear. Your. Costume. To. Go. Grocery. Shopping."_

"_NO!"_

"_It's silly to look like a fairy in public hunny."_

"_I'm NOT a fewy, ima pwincess"_

"_If my little girl wants to be a fairy then she can be one if she wants to wherever she wants to Sophia." An older man with scholarly looking glasses rushed to his daughter and swung her around._

"_Not fewy daddy, pwincestsh!" Her lisp was getting better, but sometimes, on very cold days, it would come creeping back in._

"_Whatever you say hunny."_

"_Told you thso mommy."_

"_Mommy's mean isn't she Lily?"_

"_Yes, daddy I love you," The small girl rushed to get her sentence out, her eyes getting bigger as her breath ran out._

"_Oh stop encouraging her Clark."_

I giggled softly.

The memory so fuzzy, I was only three, maybe four. My parents still called me Lily, I had always hated that nickname.

Maybe my mother had been right after all, I may not remember much of my childhood years, but I can distinctly recall my magic wand smacking the backs of peoples legs as I whirled, twirled, and ran across the cereal and oatmeal aisle.

I remember it was that aisle, because pretty soon, I got too dizzy and I hit smack into the section with the frosted flakes and Trix, the sugary cereals tumbling down, burying my teeny body into a sugary mountain.

"Lia?"

I turned towards my door, Bella's voice snapping me out of my nostalgia.

"You sure your ok? Maybe you hit your head."

Oh, the joys of a Bella desperately trying to tease. Edward might believe the sun shines out of her ass and that her lame-o jokes were the next David Cook or whatever, but whenever Bella tried to do anything coherently, she just annoyed me even more.

I shrugged my shoulders, and stood up from my place on the ground, figuring I had enough dancing for the day.

"Maybe you hit your head, or is your face permanently stuck looking like an idiot?" I bantered back.

A foolish, love-sick idiot.

She fought, fought very hard, not to roll her eyes. She knew what I was talking about, it actually made her smile grow larger.

UGH. Gag me with a spoon.

Gag me with a… did I really just say that?

Thought that?

Whatever.

"Goodnight Lia."

"Night."

I yawned for good measure, her figure shrinking as the door grew larger.

I climbed unto my bed, lying down with my eyes to the ceiling.

What now?

I turned to my side, wishing I still had my laptop with me.

I heard Bella's low murmurs, Edward's voice too quiet for my ears.

I silently cursed this house, cursed it for not making the walls any thicker. I couldn't help the jealousy that spread through my veins, plaguing my brain…

"_Lia, Lia sweetie, just get up.. Get up ok? You need to get up."_

"_Why?"_

"_You can't be on the floor sweetie, throw up if you have to sweetie, here drink this."_

"_No, no… I don't want to drink any water."_

"_Sweetie you have to"_

"_Stop touching me, stop it, just, just………………… stop."_

"_Lia, you have to get up, DON'T FALL ASLEEP LIA!"_

"_I'm not, falling.. I'm just, I'm just tired."_

"_Hun, come on let me bring you to my room, Ellie, help me get her up."_

"_No, no no no, let me stay here, please… I don't want to move."_

"_Come on sweetie, you'll feel better."_

"_I don't know Jessie, she's so pale.."_

"_She'll be fine Ellie! She just had too much to drink!"_

"_And too much pills! did you see how much Vicodin she took?! You can't just expect her to be ok!"_

"_Maybe if you weren't all over Nate's balls! She wouldn't have had the need to drown herself in vodka!"_

"_Oh stop making excuses for her Jess! You know it wouldn't have mattered if it was her he decided to sleep with! She has no sense of self control!"_

"_Yeah, maybe if you weren't such a slut.."_

"_Maybe if you could take that stick out of your ass! She's MY BESTFRIEND! Get off of her!"_

"_you guys…… please, stop fighting, just stop, I'm not mad, swear. Besides, Nate never liked me, I'm just his stupid friend, ssall I'am. Just.. Friends."_

I looked towards my phone, feeling so damn stupid. I should've, I should've……… I don't know. All I knew was that Nate and me were best friends and Ellie slept with him and maybe if she hadn't, I wouldn't have embarrassed myself and Jessie would've stopped calling me sweetie and I wouldn't have felt like absolute shit the next morning.

Maybe if I hadn't felt the constant need to prove to myself that I didn't care about anything and that I actually had feelings then I wouldn't have passed out in Jessie's bedroom that night..

"_Lia, are you ok?"_

"_Nate?"_

"_Yeah…"_

"_I'm fine, jusfine. Partied too hard,"_

_He chuckled._

"_Just a little too hard don't you think?"_

"_You know me. Fuck bitches, get money and all that ghetto crap."_

_He laughed._

"_Your so gone."_

"_Nate,"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Are you holding my hand?"_

"_Yeah, Lia."_

"_Ok, just making sure."_

_He chuckled again, nervously._

"_You have to pace yourself, a tiny girl like you can't handle that much buzz."_

_I waved him off_

"_Me? I'm fine, you on the other hand, your probably infected with herpes as we speak."_

"_Huh?"_

"_You slept with Ellie didn't you?"_

_I heard him scratch the back of his hand,_

"_Yeah, I guess I did, she's your best friend though, why would you say something like that?"_

_Because I think I'm in love with you,_

"_I was just kidding, I forgot to say so, or laugh or something, you know? To make you know I was kidding, because I was, well I'm too tired."_

_He shook his head again, muttering something about me being "so gone" again._

"_Yeah, she's pretty hot, I might ask her to Winter Formal."_

"_Really?"_

"_You think she'd say yes?"_

"_She sucked your dick didn't she?"_

_He laughed again_

"_Yeah, I guess so."_

"_Nate?"_

"_Lia?"_

"_Why are you holding my hand?"_

"_You scared me Lia, I don't know about you sometimes, you take it too far. And your one of my best friends, I care about you."_

Stupid, stupid asshole.

"_mmmmmmmm. I care about you too…"_

"_Lia, don't fall asleep."_

"_I'm not, I won't. I just want to close my eyes."_

"_Please don't"_

"_I can't help it."_

_He stayed quiet for a second._

"_Remember in eight grade, when we first met, and when me you and Chris started hanging out all the time?"_

"_mhmm"_

_The first day I fell in love with you and swore I would get married to you one day._

"_Remember what we said after we heard that song, about Thug's Mansion?"_

_I couldn't stop my giggles._

"_I think that was you who said that, you didn't even like rap."_

"_Yeah, but then I told you we would buy a little house in Laguna Beach? Just like your favorite show?"_

"_I still like that show."_

"_Yeah, didn't it end though?"_

"_yeah.. But still. It's good crappy television."_

"_We were going to buy a house and Steven and Chris would come and visit everyday"_

"_Yeah I remember."_

"_Be best friends forever."_

"_yeah, best friends."_

I couldn't stop the tear that fell from my eye, pity for me. Poor, poor Lia.

Too stupid, too blind, too pathetic. You were just a friend to him.

I looked towards my phone, having the overwhelming feeling to call him, right now. Just to talk. Just to relieve happier moments, to remember how it used to feel to hope, to dream, even if it was as insignificant as a crush.

Remembering all those things, all those conversations that made me feel like an absolute idiot at their stupidity. But still, it was something.

Even just to feel heartbreak, just to feel something. Just to feel someone holding me. I wanted someone to hold me so badly.

How it felt like to have friends, not competition. How it felt like to be drunk, and happy. And laugher, and loud music and driving fast and fireworks. How it felt to be kissed, kissed and kissed, till you were gasping for air.

How it felt like to be home, a teenager.

How much the pounding of my heart infused even more of my tears, as I realized someone who was next door, who was probably being kissed, held, happy. Everything I was desperate for in this moment.

I shut my eyes tightly, willing the memories away, hoping for sleep to conquer me soon.

Something that never happened. Not until a good ten hours.

I heard something shift slightly, my door opening a crack, as a figure moved at lightning speed.

My heart soared, frightened.

"What did you think you were doing" the velvet voice hissed.

"What?" I asked, my eyes blinking rapidly. confused, annoyed, sad, confused.

"After dinner."

After dinner? Dinner seemed so far away at the moment. Then I remembered, he probably never left, most likely stayed, stayed and heard everything, even me in the shower.

"Oh."

"Oh? You think that's ok?"

I shrugged,

"What did you expect?" _Why are you fighting with me?_

"Do you want to go back there?" _If it means going back to you,_

The though entered my head before I had time to censor it.

"Is this some sort of game to you?"

"Haven't you already asked me this?"

"Have you learned nothing?"

"I wasn't realizing anyone was teaching me." I covered my head with my comforter, hoping he would stop talking to me this way, as my heart pounded even faster.

I heard him grumble a bit, his hands passing through his hair as his brow furrowed even deeper.

The sound of nothing.

"Lia?"

"Yeah?"

"Who's Nate?" Nate.

I unburied my head, looking to him.

My memories, and my heartbreak, and my flashbacks. He saw.

"You mean you saw?"

"More than I wanted to."

He sat on the edge of my bed, looking intently at me again.

Giving me the same gaze that made me always have the urge to look away, that, or keep gazing back.

**Edward POV**

I had heard her musings, her flashbacks, her memories.

Her heartache becoming mine. I felt her desire, her longing. It was like a calling to me, forcing me to be the one to hold her, the one to never let go.

I saw another flashback, she was now laying on a bed, but it was still the same night, everything very foggy, even for a memory.

Her intoxicated slurs, the way she could feel close to nothing. It made me sick.

This time, a boy appeared by her side, he was slightly tan, slightly muscular, the build of a lacrosse player. His disheveled brown-blonde hair in great contrast to his startling green eyes, the kind of eyes that drew in, mesmerized, foolish, naïve girls.

He grabbed Lia's hand, looking down at her, his furrowed brow and quick eye movements showing his concern.

"Don't fall asleep…" he muttered, and caressed, and she felt alive.

Yearning, so much yearning.

she remembered every detail of that night, willing it to come back. Just so she could have someone there, just so she could feel elated.

A small, distant, muffled voice told me I wanted to be the one holding her hand, looking at her with the same, but very different intention.

I was shocked when he told her about Ellie, hearing his genuineness, the way he somehow knew what Lia felt for him, but still remained clueless.

I saw Lia's tears, felt her heart pounding faster, her eyes shifting to the phone, a crazy thought passing along with her desperateness.

I couldn't stand it anymore, she needed me there, I needed to be with her. Wanted to, I had missed our late night conversations.

The calm, easy way in which she voiced her thoughts and opinions, so different than her cruel appearance and bitter tongue to the outside world.

So I did the only thing I could do. I barged into her room. Feeling my anger coming back from earlier this evening.

To tell the truth, there was no need for me to accuse her. But it was the only way I knew how to approach her now.

What was I supposed to do? Come in with a smile? The way I used to? Back when everything was different. Back when I had no other priorities.

Guilt would surely set in if I stayed, I was supposed to be next to Bella, I promised I would never leave her.

Somehow, promises seemed to be breaking left and right.

Even my angry hisses did nothing to snap her out of her mood. She was so distraught at the moment that she cared nothing for my disapproving tone.

"What did you expect?" _Why are you fighting with me?_

"Do you want to go back there?" _If it means going back to you,_

I hid my shock, she did have me. What did she mean?

"Is this some sort of game to you?"

"Haven't you already asked me this?"

"Have you learned nothing?"

"I wasn't realizing anyone was teaching me."

I let out a deep, low, sigh. Knowing that this was getting us nowhere, she didn't want to. She didn't care. I ran my hands through my hair out of habit, and looked down at her once more.

I was affecting her, I knew that I shouldn't expect miracles. I was expecting more than she was able to give.

"Lia?" I tried again, hoping that this wouldn't end in disaster.

struggling with what I would say next, a familiar emotion usually reserved towards Jacob slowly emerged, and I had to force myself into saying the next words.

"Yeah?"

"Who's Nate?"

"You mean you saw?" I saw the discomfort in her features. _What must he think of me?_

"More than I wanted to."

She dipped her head in shame,

"I'm sorry." _I don't know what to say._

I was surprised yet again, because she had no reason to apologize, and Lia rarely apologized even if she needed to.

She wasn't embarrassed, she wasn't proud. She had come to terms, she wished she could go back, relive it.

"Don't be, I know you really aren't"

"I guess I have nothing else to say…….. you know everything don't you?" She teased.

"I'm surprised you haven't yelled at me to stay out of your head like everyone else does."

She looked at me curiously,

"I don't want you to."

She was honest, truthful, at least to me. She hid nothing. Bella hid everything.

I couldn't stop the smile that formed on my face,

"So, who is he." I began.

I would've taken her hand, but I don't think she would've taken it too kindly.

She took a deep breath, unsure of where to begin.

_If you want to hear the whole story, be prepared to stay here for a long time._

"I have all the time in the world."

She smiled again, reaching for my hand this time, looking at it curiously.

"Your so different, you know. From him, yet, so alike."

I felt her warmth envelope my hand, almost feeling it spread across my arm. I held her hand back, firmly.

"I used to like his best friend, Steven. Anyway, I was in seventh grade, and our school had this end of the year field trip for all the student's with good grades. It was at the beach.

"Me and Steven got to share bus seats and he let me listen to his ipod and you know, because of the field trip, all of our friends spent the entire day at the beach."

"I started to like him, even then, in that day. It wasn't anything big, just your typical middle school crush. But I was young, and I didn't know the difference, all I knew was that I always wanted to be around him and he liked the Fray and that he splashed me with water and chased me around on the beach, and that was good enough for me."

She paused, thinking over her words.

"It's funny, he even told Vanessa that he liked me, he wrote it to her in a note. I still remember, he told her that out of all the girls in the school if he had to choose one, he thought I was the prettiest." She let out a half smile, half laugh.

"I thought that meant that he wanted to be my boyfriend." She laughed again,

"I didn't even know what to do with a boyfriend."

"But he found someone prettier, I guess, because in a week, he started going out with Savannah, a girl one grade below ours. She was still in elementary school when he dated her. Can you imagine that?"

She shuttered.

"She was the sixth grade-hoe bag, boyfriend stealer."

I burst out laughing, endeared my the trivialities of such a life.

"It's true! Everyone knew it. I hated her, hated her for stealing him away from me. Hated her because after he found out I hated her, he started hating me."

"And to make things worse, he knew I liked him. It was so embarrassing."

"But I was pretty popular, I was really outgoing, I still am, I mean, if I'm in a group of people I won't really fade in the background, I enjoy talking, and me and my friends made sure Savannah got a horrible reputation. In fact, she's still considered a slut to this day." She replied rather proudly,

I arched my eyebrow at her.

"Sorry, I know that was mean. But you should've seen how Steven was to me! And I was so pathetic, because I still liked him!"

"How does this relate to Nate?"

"Well, told you it was a long story. Anyway, I became really good friends with both of Steven's best friends, Chris and Nate, because they hated Savannah, turns out she was a real slut after all."

"Nate had a girlfriend, named Tracy, and she was friends with Savannah, and Tracy would tell Nate everything Savannah did behind Steven's back, and…"

She stopped.

"Sorry, I'm getting to gossipy, anyway bottom line is, all three of us bonded over our hatred for Savannah."

I had always heard these kinds of stories in the heads of girls such as Jessica or Lauren, the way it would grind my brain and make me want to shoot myself twice dead.

Hearing it from Lia was half annoying, half endearing. Because unlike the others, she knew she sounded irritating.

But, how else did girls tell their stories? A girl.

she was so much more of a girl than Bella.

She laughed again

"I must be boring you to death, I sound so stupid."

"No, no keep going."

I couldn't stop staring at her, as she was so completely honest with me.

"Chris started liking me, but he was too sweet for me to take any interest. But Nate……."

She paused to take a deep breath as her eyes rolled way in the back of her head.

"Nate was always flirting with me, and I didn't think his girlfriend was that pretty, I thought it was harmless. I was in love with Steven, wasn't I?"

She chuckled again, shaking her head at her own foolishness.

"But the way he would talk, the way my friends started pushing me to hang out with him more so I could get over my Steven funk."

"And it worked," she sighed, "Only I started liking him instead, and.. Of course, started hating Tracy."

I began to see her pattern. Her frustration.

"Besides his harmless flirting, he was head over heels in love with Tracy, he would never break up with her. They always fought, and I was always there to talk to him when he was down."

"He would walk me home and do these stupid little scenarios in where we would get married and by this house in Laguna Beach."

"He wasn't serious, I was." She sighed once more, getting lost in her daydream

"I never told him how pushy and naggy Tracy was. I didn't want a repeat of Steven and Savannah."

"He eventually broke up with her, I was so happy. I thought he would run straight into my arms.." She paused, her eyes darkening.

"But he didn't, he went straight into Ellie's."

"He was still one of my best friends, we still hung out, but it wasn't the same. Ellie was always there, they were always together. I felt so alone, so bitter, no one had ever loved me."

"I started hating Ellie too, and this time I couldn't contain it. I couldn't hold back my anger, and she knew why, that's what made it worse."

"She would dig it in, the fact that she was dating him. Brag about it in front of me, knowing I had too much pride to make a scene. I was in high school, my crazy middle school days were over. I wasn't the jealous girl."

"That was the summer I came to Seattle, I got offered a spot at PNB's year round program and I stayed, how could I say no? It was the chance of a lifetime, I had nothing back home."

She paused.

"That came out wrong. Nate and Ellie were definitely not the reason I left California. I knew that going to PNB was what was going to send me to ballet stardom, it was my dream, I would've said yes even if I were dating him. Nothing came above dance. nothing still does. Nothing ever will." She said more forcefully.

_it's the only thing that loves me back, wants me._

"It seems like I'm not destined for true love, maybe I'm just too bad of a person."

I gripped her hand tighter.

"Your wrong Lia."

"What do you mean?"

She had that desperate, cynical look… the kind of look you get when someone wants to believe you, but doesn't.

"Maybe it's because you never pay attention to what's right in front of you."

I looked at her, hearing her try to make sense of my words, a fleeting thought passed through.

It shocked her, but as soon as it was thought of, it disappeared. The thought never shocked me, but it did make me censor what I said from then on.

I had never been so bold.

"Your stories, they're rather fascinating." I murmured, as I looked down at her hand, examining the bones that seemed to pierce the skin over her knuckles.

She scoffed, somewhere between a chuckle,

"Human stories," she shook her head, "it's funny how much of a big deal it is to me, when there's so much more going on in the world. How anyone could be so worried about such fleeting emotions and contrite problems."

"Bella never told me stories like that, never told me anything about her life in Arizona really."

She looked curiously at me.

"Bella didn't have very many friends" Lia said slowly, as if talking to a small child.

"She must've had some, she must've had some high school memories."

She shook her head once more, in the same fashion as her voice.

"No, I don't think she does. She didn't have many friends, if any. Bella isn't your typical high school girl."

For once in my life, I almost yearned for Bella to have such memories, to be that high school teenager.

"It's why you chose her, wasn't it?"

"huh?" Temporarily broken out of my reverie.

"You chose her because she wasn't like all the other girls. She was shy and humble, but still strong. She liked to read books instead of go to parties, and she wasn't self-centered. She wouldn't bore you to death with gossip and self-criticism and shopping and makeup."

"Yeah, right." I muttered, almost reminding myself of the answer.

"Girls like me are no good. We're too common, I'm just like everybody else."

I quickly shushed her.

"Your NOT like anyone else. Your just lucky enough to be able to have those memories, you're the most different girl I've ever met."

She laughed at my seeming idiocy. Her hair bouncing as she did so.

"Really? I'm selfish, attention seeking, and seem to care more about social events than next week's research project. How is that, in any way, original?"

"Because it isn't true." I replied quickly.

"Your fascinating, how you can be so outgoing yet so incredibly brilliant at the same time. You pass out at parties and then go home to read _The Great Gatsby. _You scream and yell at your parents, but are able to remain disciplined through four hours of ballet a day. You know more about U.S History and government policy than anyone I've met your age, and you have an astoundingly philosophical view on the world. Your able to name off and analyze artists and paintings from Ancient Greece all the way to Impressionism with outstanding clarity and you hate everything modern. You listen to Bach and Vivaldi and still manage to have Britney Spears on your ipod, you're the only teenager whom I've met that has been awed and inspired and _enjoyed_ seeing Andrea Bocelli live, and who's favorite author is Scott F. Fitzgerald. You walk with this unreal elegance, like you don't belong in this world, with everyone here. And you're the most self- critical person I've met, you aren't very conceited, because you don't think your good enough. Yet, your always striving for perfection, and will go through terrible measures just to reach it. And this perfection is tied not only by ballet, but by this fascination with humanism. You're the only person I know who's heart literally beats faster every time you see a picture of Michelangelo's _David_, and the only person I know who's cried just by listening to Claire De Lune."

I continued to stare at her, proud of my outburst. How could she ever think she wasn't different?

"You do pay attention." She whispered. Her eyes wider than I had ever seen, how did she _do_ that?

I had momentarily lost the ability to speak, all I could do was stare at her. She was magnificent. An exquisite jewel that had been put on display for the world to see, but such exploitation gave way to disastrous results.

She looked down to my lips, and her heart pounded fast, just before turning to look away, at the window.

"It's cold." She muttered.

I stood up, glad for the excuse. Before she called my name.

"Edward."

"Yes?" I gulped,

unnecessary, but I didn't know what else to do.

"You know, your fascinating as well. And, and.. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself either. I mean, your awfully hard on yourself."

I chuckled,

"I could say the same thing."

I turned to her eyes once more, as she smiled at me. A slow, real smile, devoid of any malice or scorn.

"I'm glad you came to visit me. But you should really go back to Bella,"

I nodded, "Yes, yes I should."

I turned to open the door.

"Goodnight Edward."

_Don't leave._

"I don't have to leave."

She looked up, suddenly.

"Really?"

"Really."

I went to sit next to her again, music softly playing in the background, always in the background.

"Edward?"

"Yes." I murmured, smiling at her.

"Will you take me to the beach one day?"

I stared, amused at her request.

"I miss the beach," she continued. "I miss the bonfires and the way the waves crashed at night."

"It is rather beautiful, isn't it? The way the horizon continues on, you feel so small in the middle of it all." I added for her, I may not remember much about my childhood, but I did remember how it used to feel when I would stare out into the vast ocean.

She nodded her head in approval.

"During twilight, and the salt in your nose. The sound is so soothing, and the way the water seems to glitter, creating shadows, everything seems vastly endless, it's almost scary."

"I promise Lia, I'll take you to the beach one of these days."

"Will you bring Bella along too?" She asked, her smiling form playful.

"Not if you don't want me to." I responded. Feeling no guilt whatsoever, because she was special, and I couldn't share her, and I did whatever she wanted me to.

"Oh, I don't mind." She shrugged while looking at my lap.

"I think you do."

"Well…." She laughed, softly, her eyes shining brighter.

"It's been a week since I've talked to you like this, and I've missed it so much."

"But you haven't missed me?" She replied. God, how did her eyes do that?

"Of course." I replied trying to match her stare,

"I've missed you too"


	12. Falling Deeper by the Hour

**A/N:** I just reread the chapter where Edward takes Lia out, and it made me so sad. Because I loved that chapter and I'm sad that things are heading in completely different directions, I kind of don't want them to anymore, but this must happen. Maybe not, these characters have a mind of their own, and I'm simply telling their story. This chapter is rather long, but very important.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or any recognizable names.

* * *

_"you walk the surface of this town_  
_the high heels above the ground_  
_and high horses that we know_  
_keep us safe until the night_

_you know them all, i know it all_  
_stay put and play along_  
_'cause i'm looking for my friend_  
_now i got you, got you_

_don't you let me go, let me go tonight"_

- Tonight, Lykke Li

It had been eight days since I had arrived in Forks, been pleasantly surprised by the fact that I didn't have to share a room with Bella after all, and met the Cullen family.

It had been eight days days and two pounds.

108.

I felt sneaky, I felt proud, I felt accomplished, _ifeltitwasgoingfastenough_, I felt…….. Guilty.

Because Edward knew.

Edward, who had been supportive of my recovery, Edward who had put up with my tantrums, Edward, who had kept me company for two nights in a row. My insomnia kicking back into gear after all the food was out of my system.

It was amazing how I hard it was to sneak past Bella. I thanked my lucky stars that Bella knew how health conscience I had been, and had made it her duty to cook fat-free and such.

Bless her.

But she monitored my bathroom breaks for chrissake, had hearing like a dog. The only time I got away with my purging habits was when I took a shower, after dinner.

And even then, I would receive a disapproving stare from you-know-who.

Valentines day, the beautiful little joy.

Most single people got depressed when it came to the day of lovers, me? Not so much. To tell you the truth, I didn't give two shits about Valentine's Day.

It wasn't that big a deal. It didn't bother me when I was the only one without a date, not because I hadn't been asked, but because I couldn't handle _dating._

I know it's crazy, but I just couldn't handle it, not when I wasn't into the person, he could be nice as hell, I just couldn't do it. The only Valentine I had ever had was in freshmen year. A nice boy from the debate team had asked me, he was pretty cute too, sweet as pie.

He bought me roses and chocolates, and a big old balloon that song every time you touched it.

He had invited me to spend lunch with him, but I had chickened out. Spending lunch with him was the last thing I wanted to to do, second only to swallowing a cup of saliva.

I told him I had detention from forgetting my physics book again, which was believable, I was always forgetting that stupid book.

I took my gifts without as much as a second glance and left as fast as my gross legs could carry me.

I threw the annoying balloon in the bushes next to the South Building and gave the roses to Chris as we snorted cocaine in the middle of the soccer field after school.

Yes, you heard me right. I was a bad, bad girl, a bad girl with a 4.0 gpa. No one would've guessed, about my infrequent drug use I mean.

Sigh, Valentines day.

Me, Alice and Rose (I was actually allowed to call her that now.) were going shopping today in Seattle. They were mostly going to buy their dresses for tonight's rendezvous. I was going for appropriate school clothing, and Bella was spending the afternoon with Edward in their meadow.

I had gotten up with a huge yawn, Last night, Edward had been here until four in the morning. The stupid alarm was still buzzing loudly, usually set at 8:00 in the morning (Bella's strict feeding schedule messing with my sleeping hours.) was blinking 11:00 rapidly.

I had to meet Rose and Alice by 12:30.

I turned my head lazily to the side, scratching the back of my hair, only to find a note laying beside me.

I picked it up, opening the tiny thing,

Changed your alarm clock so you can have sometime to sleep in. You have a big day ahead of you with my two psychotic sisters.

Love, Edward.

I couldn't stop the foolish smile that entered my features. Idiot. I probably looked as stupid as Bella by now.

Not that I was in love with him or anything, just, it was those tiny things that people did for me that made my heart flutter.

__

Those things he did.

I distinctly smelled the tempting odor of strawberry pancakes wafting through the cracks in my bedroom door. That and fresh coffee.

I lazily went down the stairs, putting on a light pink sweater for good measure.

I stared at my hair, a little more volumous than usual, it definitely looked like I had just woken up.

I quickly stuffed my feet into some cozy white slippers, as I trudged down the stairs, chastising my stomach for responding to the delicious, disgusting odor.

As I stepped on the last, creaky step, the odor hit me even harder.

I grudgingly said a muttered "morning." to the two lovebirds in front of me.

And, god, it was a sight to behold.

Rather than Bella cooking as assumed, it was Edward. He was feeding Bella little bits of strawberries as she laughed along with him.

The perfect little picture of a couple. You could probably snap a photo of the moment and use it as next year's Valentine's card.

A yawn suddenly escaped my breath, as I stretched my arms waaaaaaaay above my head, my Calvin Klein v-neck riding up slightly, exposing my stomach to the cold.

I was already shivering.

"Why is it so damn cold in this house all the time?" I muttered,

"Because lower middle-class people don't see the need to crank up a heater and waste several of their hard-earned dollars when a light sweatshirt will do." I heard a velvet voice respond, I looked up to where he was standing, still smiling, looking, at Bella.

"Yeah, well.." I trailed off, not knowing what to say to that.

"Just a little something you will never experience in your life Ms. Dupont." Edward continued.

I looked sharply to him,

"Why did you call me that?"

"Call you what?" He was still looking at Bella,

__

At least look at me when your talking to me!

"My last name, is _Swan."_ I had a hard time saying it out loud, I hated it so much. "Not,_ Du Pont._"

He was still not looking at me.

"You'll see," He muttered,

Still having only eyes for Bella.

"Whatever." I almost snapped, is this why people hated Valentine's day? Because I was seeing their point, for once in my life.

I sat down on the dinner table, they didn't have a breakfast counter or anything.

I tried to gulp down the discomfort, being around these two always made you feel like the third wheel.

For example, if I where to double date them, my date and I would still feel like we were intruding.

I wrapped my arms around myself, rubbing them up and down against each other.

"Don't Edward, you'll make me burn myself!" Bella giggled, as Edward tried to tickle her while she was flipping the pancakes,

He didn't stop,

"Edward!" more giggles, ugh. "Aren't you supposed to be doing this?"

He laughed, ugh.

"This is a lot more fun."

Ugh!

Just be glad a gun isn't at arm's length Lia, your head would've surely be blasted off by now.

And then, like a calling from Jesus Christ himself, the doorbell rang.

Alice, I was sure.

"I'll get it!" I yelled a lot more cheerfully, as I bounced off to open the door and end my torture.

I was ready to jump the small thing as I opened the door.

"Happy Valentines day sweetheart."

I stood there, shell shocked. It couldn't, was it really?

I distinctly felt both Bella and Edward behind me, as they came closer to see who it was at the door.

"Well, don't just stand there dear, let us in."

"Daddy! Aunt Rose!" I jumped on them, hugging them with all my might.

"Awww, there there sweetheart, just let us in, I'm freezing in this terrible weather."

"Of course, Auntie, daddy."

I let them pass, Aunt Rose was actually my Great Aunt, she had danced for Balanchine himself in the New York City Ballet, she had been his "muse" at the time. Very big deal, she was still famous to this day in the ballet world.

I saw Aunt Rose eye Edward, if she was smitten by him she definitely didn't show it.

She continued walking in her grand manner, as she took off her coat.

"My coat dear,"

She handed it to Edward, as he hung it up, not at all shocked at her expectant demeanor.

She looked towards Bella,

"Auntie, this is Edward, Edward Cullen." I gestured towards Edward, "and you know Bella, Edward is her boyfriend."

"My Bella, what a catch." She winked towards Edward. "What a handsome young men, she touched his cheek, slapping it lightly for good measure." She quickly walked away from him, sitting down dramatically on the worn out living room couch.

"Of course Bella is quite pretty isn't she? Such a lovely little face. If she only brushed her hair or added some rouge once in a while, well all I'm saying is, no one would complain."

"Aunt Rose.." Daddy warned, trying to tame her vivacious nature early.

He suddenly turned towards me as we made our way to the dinner table.

"Well this is unexpected, are you here on business?" I asked my father as I sat down on the table next to him,

"Well, I had a meeting yesterday in Seattle and seeing as my flight doesn't leave until tonight I though I would visit my favorite daughter."

He scuffed my hair as I giggled, "Your only daughter dad," I reminded him.

"You're growing up too fast hun, seems like it was just yesterday you were begging me to play the piano for you."

"You could play it now, if you'd like." I smiled, pleased, remembering all the old songs he would try to teach me when he was home, my stubby fingers struggling to reach the keys.

"How old are you now, 13?" He smiled at me, in that comforting way, reminding me of my childhood, when that smile protected me from everything.

"Very funny, dad."

"Ahhhh, 16 I mean, 16 since April. Yes that's much too old."

I looked towards Edward as he smirked slightly.

****

Edward POV

Rose Alessandra Du Pont was the perfect model of a 63 year old Lia.

She had danced as Balanchine's muse, he had created dozens of solos and ballets for her. She walked like the legend she knew she was.

She looked delicate, yet hard-skinned. She wore grand jewelry and stunning clothing, she smelled like Chanel no. 5, and she wasn't too fond of Bella. Possibly because Bella was quite the opposite of Lia.

She was very protective of Lia, or Lillianne, as she called her by her full name. She loved her as her own daughter.

Her father walked with the same aristocratic grace, he looked down at his viewer, talked down to his acquaintances, and when you came upon him, a sense of intruding would creep up your back, as if you were wasting his time. His tall frame not towering, but intimidating.

As much faults as he had made with his daughter, he still loved her with all his heart, and he sometimes wondered if it was a good idea if he would've just left her be with her new family.

He had not been there for his birthday, or Thanksgiving, or any other holidays, and that absence had burned guiltily in his heart. But he had been there for Christmas, because Lia had been in the hospital for Christmas.

Her aunt had been there as well.

__

"Lillianne."

"Aunt Rose?"

"How are you feeling sweetheart?"

She didn't respond, but rather, looked away.

Her aunt grabbed her hand, soothing it between two of her own.

"When I first danced for Mr. B, when I was 16, a young little thing in his company, god, I was so excited Lillianne, you would know all about it. Dancing for his company! I couldn't believe it! I remember the way I practically ran all the way towards my first company class."

She chuckled to herself,

"My first company class with the New York City Ballet. I was wearing my most flattering leotard and brand new pink tights."

"I remember standing in the front of the barre, trying as hard as I could to catch his attention. My leg was quivering high above my head during developpes, and… finally… he looked towards me, I was so excited, the world famous Balanchine! Paying attention to me! do you know what he said?"

"That you were perfect, the most perfect ballerina of your time, that you had the most beautiful body and face and that he would create solos after solos for you, right up until his dying day."

Her aunt's smile faltered, slowly melting off of her face.

"Not exactly," the severe look projected in the woman's eyes depicted the seriousness of the following conversation

Lia finally looked towards her aunt

"What?" the young girl whispered.

Her aunt went closer to her, tracing Lia's 92 pound ribs.

"I was, 5'4, I was 97 pounds, and what he did, while we were having company class, was, he traced my ribs, just like this, and then he tsked, a rather disapproving look in his eyes, and said "must see the bones."

"Mr. B? He did that?"

"Yes," her aunt replied,

"But, but… he loved you, your body, it was perfect, he said so himself! In his interviews! You were his muse.. Weren't you?"

Her aunt continued to shake her head sadly, as though the words she were about to speak would break any budding City Ballet dancer's heart.

"He never told me, 'eat less,' he told me, 'eat nothing'

"And what did you do?" she whispered,

"I did exactly as he said," the elder whispered back, "and, when I got to 92 pounds, the same as you are now, the same as what has gotten you on this bed, much too weak to stand much less dance, I looked in the mirror."

"Do you know what I saw Lillianne?"

The girl stayed quite, her ribs slowly moving up and down.

"I saw nothing."

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't know who I was, I was no one. I was nothing."

The older woman held on to her niece's hand even tighter than before, seeing as she wouldn't reply, Aunt Rose continue to talk.

"It was the most frightening thing I have ever experienced, Lillianne."

Lia said nothing, rather, she looked anywhere but at her aunt, her fingernails, the television, the yellow spot on the far corner of the wall.

Her aunt took out a gold locket, a small tiny thing, engraved in it where the words;

Lillianne Marie Swan Du Pont

"Whenever you feel like you don't know who you are, whenever you look in the mirror and the little voice in your head starts whispering, whenever you feel much too alone to cope, just remember;

you are Lillianne Marie Du Pont, member of one of America's most powerful families, daughter to a wonderful set of parents, my niece, and most importantly, you will overcome. And nothing can take that away from you."

Lia had been fidgeting throughout the entire conversation, she hadn't the slightest idea on how to respond.

"We all love you Lillianne, we really do. And no matter how alone you might feel, just know that you are loved. Don't you dare forget that."

The sudden memory had shocked my senses. I knew, but never really pondered, on how Lia had spent her holidays.

The more I thought about it, the guiltier it made me. About what? I didn't know, I hadn't known her then, couldn't have gone to visit her if I wanted to. But something deep inside me berated me for not being there, as if I should've been there, somehow.

She had been in the hospital for Christmas, and had spent New Years day packing to go to the Treatment Center at Edmonds. It sent tiny needles into my dead heart.

"Ok there Edward?" I turned to look into the endless chocolate pools of a concerned Bella, the small crease in her brow letting me know that we would talk about this later, for I had been repeatedly retreating into my own thoughts increasingly since the arrival of Lia.

"I'm fine love, just thinking."

"About what?" She muttered, the same crease in her face, "You've been doing this a lot lately, there must be something wrong."

"Nothing to worry about Bella, I've just had a lot on my mind." I gently traced her jaw with my lips, as her protests turned into weak stutters, I knew I had won.

"Excuse me young man, don't you know it's rather rude to be groping your girlfriend in front of guests?"

Lia let out a rather large cough, as she cleared her throat.

I looked towards Rose, the woman was staring defiantly into my eyes, with the same intensity that I had come to recognize in all the Du Pont women I had met.

"Please pardon me Madame, I didn't mean to."

"Just because my name is French doesn't mean I'll buy into your cleverly charming responses."

I could see the stern banter in her eyes, she was sophisticated, at least that was accurate.

I smiled as devastatingly as I could, "I like this boy Lillianne, he's quite charming isn't he?" She shoved Lia lightly, she smiled back as her eyes rolled way in the back of her head.

"Oh don't you start your attitude with me young lady, just because I'm an old women doesn't mean I can't catch a good man when I see him." She chastised her great niece, whom she hated when she rolled her eyes, she believed it to be completely rude.

"Speaking of charming young men.." her aunt continued.

"The Rockefeller's where having their annual Winter Charity Ball last January, such a shame you couldn't come dear, but after all your health is what's important." She reassured her with a pat of her hand, as I saw Lia. Lillianne Marie Swan Du Pont.

Blush, almost as hard as Bella. Her cheeks tinted with the softest, palest, rosy hue I had ever seen.

It was not much, but it was there. She quickly looked furiously to the floor.

"Anyway Lillianne, Victoria, you remember Victoria don't you darling?"

"Vanderbilt?" Lia responded, showing absolutely no interest. As she stared at a spot on the wall behind her aunt's head.

"Yes, dear Victoria, lovely friend. Anyway Lillianne, her grandson, Jack Haynes had just come back from Eton in Britain, isn't that lovely dear? Great school, Prince Harry attended."

Lia's eyes sharply turned to her aunt, as they looked on suspiciously.

"I'm aware of the boarding school."

"Finest boarding school in Britain it is," her father added, "no better education."

"Anyway Lillianne, he was the most charming young man you'd have ever met. Extremely educated, he knew four different languages Lily, four! He even conversed with me in French for a little while, incredibly fluent that boy."

Hah! I knew 12 different languages, and could speak them with such fluency most believed that they were my native language.

"Wow, sounds worldly." Lia said back, smiling at her aunt.

__

What kind of dick name is Jack? Sounds like a douche bag from just the same school he attends.

I tried my hardest not to burst out laughing, so I coughed instead.

Luckily for me, her aunt ignored me.

"Anyway, we struck up the most wonderful conversation dear!"

__

Oh yes, I can imagine it now! Marry my wonderful niece! Fuse the Vanderbilts and Duponts together! We'll be so rich we could take over the world!

Lia's smile was completely angelic, her smile radiant and her eyes teasing. Behind her façade, she was still wondering why on Earth anyone would name their son Jack, who she had just deemed "the dickiest name in the planet, and whoever had said name was obviously the biggest jerk/douche bag in existence."

"What about Aunt Rose?" Lia leaned in a little, enhancing her performance of interest.

"Well of you of course!"

__

I though the days of courting and betrothal were over, didn't you Edward?

"Is that so?"

"He's half in love with you already! I'm sure, a ballerina! He was so impressed, especially when he found out you were training at the Pacific Northwest Ballet School!"

"What a good young man he was, strong family ties, good head on that boy's shoulders." Her father approved once more. Drinking a cup of the black coffee that Bella had brewed in the morning.

He smacked his lips distastefully.

"But I'm not anymore Aunt Rose, I wasn't during January either." Lia pointed out.

"Nonsense Lillianne! You just had a bump in the road that's all, in fact, I called the school about a week before arriving in Seattle, and they'd love to have you back! You're healthy now, you can return as you wish!"

"Speaking of Seattle aunt Rose, why did you accompany daddy here?"

"Oh. I was giving a master class at PNB dear, your father and I just met this morning, we do use the same hotel after all."

"It's true Lia," her father spoke up

"Part of the reason we came down here was to re enroll you, you wouldn't be able to dorm there anymore, understandably, you need to be with family, but your close enough to drive after school. Which reminds me, I already enrolled you in Forks High School, did it this morning, seeing as there is no other source of a more sound education around here, it'll have to do."

"Forks High has a perfectly sound education." Bella spoke up, her arms crossed across her chest, the discomfort in being around such people clearly angering her. I knew at this moment how unworthy of me she felt. She tried hard not to look at Lia, her eyes displaying all the envy inside of her.

"Why yes dear, maybe for more common folk. But for my little girl, I don't think I would be very comfortable having her receive her studies there if there were other places at which she could attend. Places with higher academic standards, and more Advanced Placement classes, you understand.. Surely."

Bella looked away, grumbling to herself as she did so.

"Lia, why don't you have lunch with us today? We have some other important manners to discuss, you do want to continue with PNB don't you?"

"Of course I do." Lia responded automatically,

"Then it's settled, your aunt and I will call you when we're ready, that won't be a problem will it? You have no other plans for today?"

__

No dad, I don't, seeing as I don't have a love interest, Valentine's Day would certainly be of no importance.

"Well I'm going school shopping with Edward's sisters in Seattle today anyway, so it won't be a hassle."

"Good, good, listen hunny, I need to take this call, but if you could come outside for a moment, I have a surprise for you."

I had the huge urge to roll my eyes at that moment, seeing as how dysfunctional Lia's family was. The cliché of richness rolling off of their shoulders.

Lia now obviously more excited, hopped off the couch, practically bouncing outside.

Bella grudgingly followed, as I stuck out my hand for her to grab.

__

Such a wonderful young man, absolutely perfect for Lillianne, they would make the perfect couple, the family would be so proud.

Lia's aunt still had her thoughts on Jack Haynes Vanderbilt, a boy that was certainly starting to irk me by the way Mrs. Rose continued to admire him.

Standing outside of humble Bella's home was a cream colored 2010 Mercedes Sedan, with all optional equipment. Leather seats, and all.

Lia's smile grew wider.

She looked towards Clark, her father.

"Dad! You didn't have to buy me a new car! I mean, I could've just gotten a ride with Bella."

In fact, Lia, believed she would never get another car, seeing as what had happened to her old one. She had crashed. Crashed?

"Nonsense Lia," Her father glowered disdainfully at the putrid rotting truck next to the shiny new Mercedes.

"Besides," her aunt added "you'll need a way to get to Seattle everyday won't you?"

"Yeah, I suppose so." Lia ran to the car, opening up the seats, taking a deep breath.

"I love the smell of new car,"

She also loved the smell of Banana Boat sunblock, coconuts, the casinos inside Las Vegas, and the water used in the boat rides at Disneyland; the smell of chlorine.

She sat on the driver's seat, fidgeting around as she looked for Sunglasses, funny, there was no sun out here. She would never need them.

"Where are the keys?" She asked distractedly.

"Right her sweetie." Her father said, dangling them above his chest.

She rushed to grab them as he handed them to her.

"I know who's driving to Seattle today."

"You still carry your license in your wallet right?"

"Of course daddy." He went to her as she gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Have a wonderful Valentine's day hun, I love you."

"I love you too dad."

"See you later?"

"Of course."

As her Aunt said goodbye to her, she turned to look at me, in her stern manner.

They waved her off, and sped on to the streets in their Cadillac.

"Well, that was unexpected." Bella muttered, as she went to stand next to Lia, who was still in her car.

"Oh yeah, sorry about that Bella. I know they can be kind of…"

"Overbearing?" She finished for her.

"Yeah, anyway sorry about that."

Bella shrugged her off.

I came to stand next to them.

"Just to let you know Lia, Alice and Rose are going to be here in exactly 10 minutes, and you aren't even dressed."

She looked down to see herself still in PJ's.

"Crap." she muttered, as she rushed back into the house.

Bella and I looked towards her car.

She had left the door open, with the keys in the ignition.

"Wow." Bella replied.

I chuckled good naturedly.

"She's so predictable, this car is going to get stolen before she gets to drive it to Forks High."

Bella smiled again, shaking her head.

"She can be so scatterbrained sometimes. Well, more like all the time."

I nodded silently, thinking of that Jack fellow and what her aunt had said.

"So, where are you taking me today Mr. Cullen?"

I turned to look towards Bella, surprised at her flirtatiousness, usually it was Lia who called me that, it sounded so much like her that I almost told Bella to never call me that again.

But that was foolish, she would be calling me that very often after she found out what I had in store for her tonight.

I was getting increasingly more nervous as I lightly traced the ring in my pocket.

I smiled deviously back at her.

"But that would ruin the surprise Ms. Swan, I can't tell you yet."

She pouted, as she crossed her arms against her chest once more.

"I hate surprises."

I come towards her and slowly swept my lips across her jaw.

I heard her heart thumping wildly.

"But I love giving them to you, so you'll just have to humor me."

"mhm."

She muttered incoherently,

I stepped back as I gave her a kiss on the skin at the back of her ear.

I smiled at her shutter, I loved the effect I had on her.

"I win." I whispered

She blindly stumbled back.

"Cheater." She muttered as she grabbed my hand and we walked together back to the house.

Upstairs we heard Lia's frantic pulling of clothes and her loud steps taken between the bathroom and her bedroom.

Bella groaned and put her head between her hands.

"She's making such a mess up there, I just know it."

****

Clark POV

That Cullen boy.

He had a strong family name, I had seen it in many of the uprising stocks.

A quiet family with a lot of money. I immediately knew it would be him, they lived in Washington.

Not many people as astoundingly successful in the stock markets chose to reside in Washington.

But that wasn't what bothered me, no. What really bothered me was the way he would look at my daughter. And the way she would sneak glances at him.

I had known my daughter long enough to know when she was keeping a secret.

Before I left, I had the urge to tell her. Warn her more like it, about this Cullen boy.

This Cullen who was currently dating her cousin, her sweet, good natured cousin.

I knew exactly how Lia would've reacted to my warning, and I knew that it would thus be useless.

One special trait we both shared was our impenetrable stubbornness.

Maybe nothing had happened between the two of them, in fact, the more I though about it, the more it seemed as though I was overreacting.

But there was this nudging feeling that the two were somehow linked in a way that crossed the lines of friendship.

And this feeling worried me.

I also though of Jack, and his apparent attraction to my daughter.

I though of the great prestige that would come should the two unite, and what me and my family could do to get this union to happen.

After all, he was a gentleman, with an excellent education and strong family ties. He would be an excellent choice for my daughter, should she accept him.

I knew that Lia would as well, how could she not? With all the connections and money in the world, I could not find a better man suited for her interests and needs.

He was the best choice for my daughter, and I would make sure they would meet, and meet soon.

****

Lia POV

1:00 pm.

By the time we had actually left the house, left Edward and Bella to their lovely Valentine's day rendezvous, by the time Rose stopped talking about my new engine and such, and by the time Alice stopped squealing at how Edward and Bella had gotten back together, "as it should be." she said, (she still wasn't over it.)

By the time I had finished digging through my suitcase for my wallet, and then confirming with my dad that my card had been activated, it was already time for lunch.

I had eaten Bella's stupid strawberry pancakes (340) topped with gross strawberry syrup (50) and a glass of 2 percent milk (130) not three hours ago.

I had been forced to keep it down (vampires in the room), and now… I would be further forced to eat once more. I could feel the sinking desperation taking me down.

I hated this. I had no control, I had vultures watching me.

Rose and Alice sensed my physical discomfort as they walked me to Café Campagne.

Rosalie smiled unsurely at me, offering a reassuring squeeze.

Alice did the same, her usual perky nature diminishing, she hadn't the right words to say, for once.

"So we'll pick you up in an hour?" Alice asked

"How long does it take humans to eat?" Rosalie countered, surely an hour seemed too long.

"Humans don't just eat when they go out Rosalie, there are some important things they need to discuss."

I gasped lightly.

"You know something I don't."

Alice tapped her head, her all-knowing, skinny little head.

"Of course I do, but don't worry, it's nothing you need to stress about."

I laughed lightly, as she hugged me, followed by Rosalie.

"Have fun you two."

"Oh, we will," Rosalie smirked.

"We're heading towards La Perla" Alice filled me in.

I gasped in apparent shock.

"And without me?" I tsked at them,

"No fair."

"Hey!" Alice replied, "You have no business going in there, not until your married!"

I rolled my eyes, "I though you were fun, Alice, Rose? Back me up on this."

She laughed as well,

"It's not like we're getting anything for us, _Bella_ won't come in here willingly though.."

Alice tried unsuccessfully to shush Rose,

"What?!" Rosalie countered, "It's true, no sense in hiding anything from her, Edward already knows no matter how hard he tries to deny it.

"TMI, Rosalie, TMI." Alice replied,

She looked towards me.

"Edward and Bella are getting married" Alice explained.

I stood there, shell-shocked. Edward. Bella. Marriage.

WHAT?!

"What, but.. She.. I.." I continued stuttering like an idiot, having no idea what to say.

"Oh not like soon or anything." Alice soothed, "But I have seen it happen."

"And Edward knows this?" I returned, still stuttering somewhat.

"I've seen her turned as well, not as much as the marriage, especially not recently, but it'll happen eventually. I'm sure of it." Alice further explained, a little forcefully.

"Don't you think it's a little early for them to be thinking of such things since she just left that other guy?"

"Who? Jacob?"

I nodded.

Rosalie looked sympathetically towards me.

"Well, like I said, it's not going to happen tomorrow or anything, but, it _will_ happen."

"Besides, Jacob was just a bump in the road that's all!" Alice replied, a little too cheerfully.

"Anyway, we're keeping you from eating, and we don't want that!" She pushed me towards the café, as she and Rosalie hurriedly left in the other direction.

I had an irking feeling that Alice had said too much, and she knew it.

I visibly gulped as the door closed behind me.

From the moment my eyes had set on Edward, I knew he would be forbidden.

From the moment I learned about him and Bella, I knew he was forbidden,

And when I saw them together, well that was just the nail in the coffin.

It was a good idea that I had shut off any disillusionment early on. _Perhaps not early enough_.

But the thought of him and Bella getting married, no matter how far into the future, _or how close_, made me positively sick. I wanted to run away from here as fast as I could, because I knew that I was in no state to speak to anyone, let alone my family.

My mind could simply not process Edward, a teenage boy in so many ways, settling into the responsibility of marriage.

Technically he was more than 100 years old. But still, he was so young, in a way I couldn't really explain. He was wise, but still… it just didn't fit. Him, a husband.

Maybe Bella didn't see that.

Maybe he didn't see that.

Maybe I was just delusional.

I went to the restroom as I saw the table where both my father and aunt where impatiently waiting.

I looked in the mirror, making sure I didn't look as flustered as I felt.

I took a few deep breaths before I walked confidently back out in the Parisian café.

"Lillianne, sweetheart!" I heard Aunt Rose call me over….

The past hour had not been the casual, loving conversation one would expect from reuniting with a family you hadn't seen for months.

But, in true Du Pont style, it had been all business.

We had discussed my reenrolling to PNB School, which had already been done. About my enrollment in Forks High, which had already been done. And, lastly, if I would like to change my last name back to Du Pont.

I acquiesced to changing my last name back. I was old enough to do so, at 16, and I had never felt like a Swan.

Bella was a Swan, my annoying stepfather was a Swan. I was a Du Pont. And I would be so once again, officially. In a very short time.

I had eaten a mandarin chicken salad (130) with fat free Asian vinaigrette dressing (45)

And water.

The good thing about my family, my father's family? They didn't hover.

I walked out of the café, saying my last goodbyes to my family as they hurriedly left, needing to catch a plane back to the estate in Delaware.

I was mentally exhausted, and more than a little anxious at all my newfound revelations.

I would start at Forks High and PNB this coming Monday.

Two days! Two freaking days!

None of my pointe shoes were usable, and all of my dance clothes had been, that I knew of, back home in Santa Barbara.

I smiled widely at the thought. If Alice thought she could shop, she had never seen me in a dance store.

I though back to the things I had gotten with Edward while I was still in treatment.

I had bought black leotards because I didn't think I was going back to PNB, where their dress code was different. At PNB, their highest level had to wear navy, not black. Not that I was at their highest level yet, that level was filled with 18 year olds, and some very talented 17 year olds, who were just about to get an apprenticeship with the company.

I was a level 7, only a level away, and my dress code called for a chocolate colored leotard, not black, and then I had to buy a new rehearsal tutu and white leotards and skirts for variations classes, and some new ballet flats, and some black pants for modern, etc.. etc..

The though of having to buy so much dance clothes brought the biggest smile to my face as I explained to both Alice and Rose of my situation.

Alice looked on thoughtfully, "I've never been in a dance store before."

Rosalie smiled at me as Alice continued to ponder this.

"How exciting!" She eventually decided on, her eyes glowing.

"I know right?!" I gushed back, but my eyes weren't just glowing, I was bouncing, vibrating with excitement.

Alice laughed at my apparent enthusiasm.

"But after this we have to go to Barneys and Marc Jacobs!" Alice made sure,

"Of course!" I replied back, as the three of us set out together.

"So where is this store anyway?" Rose asked

"Not far from here, we did pass some closer ones but PNB has very specific requirements concerning dancewear, so we have to go to their boutique. And not just that, I have to get refitted for pointe shoes, and our fitters are the best of the best." I explained, a little too fast but it was nothing they couldn't catch.

Rosalie's eyes shined at my apparent amusement.

"So we're going to get to see your school?"

"Oh yes, it's gorgeous of course, it's in a different location than where the company actually performs, but the company members take class at the location."

"Where is it?" Alice added enthusiastically.

"At the Phelps Center."

"Really?" Rose commented, "That's a beautiful building, it's huge!"

"Well," I replied, a little proud "It is considered one of the best ballet schools in America."

"We've never seen Pacific Northwest perform," Alice thought, "We saw the Paris Opera and American Ballet Theatre before but never Pacific Northwest."

I physically sighed as she mentioned the Paris Opera Ballet.

"Aren't they the most beautiful ballerinas you've ever seen?"

"Which ones" Rosalie asked

"The Paris Opera girls of course!" I responded,

"We saw them perform Sleeping Beauty,"

"That's the best in their repertoire!" I admonished,

"Sylvie Guillem is the best Aurora of our age!" I continued, "Well, my age, I guess." I added, remembering they had been born decades before

Both Rosalie and Alice laughed, forgiving me for my slip up.

We entered the small boutique, the women standing behind the counter lazily looked up at our entrance.

"Lillianne!" She smiled, coming up to envelope me in a fierce hug.

Mrs. Nakatani was one of the administrators at the school, that and the pointe shoe mistress.

"I'm so glad you've decided to return dear," She held my cheeks in her hand,

"You look beautiful!" I knew what she was trying to say, I looked "healthy" No. I wanted to tell her, I looked disgusting, I looked fat.

She held my cheek for good measure as she turned to look at the two stunning girls flanking me.

"My my, and who are these lovely ladies?"

Her eyes had glazed over, her mouth in apparent shock.

"This is Rosalie and Alice, they came shopping with me today."

"Pleasure to meet you," She held out her hand, but quickly put it down as she saw neither of the two would hold out theirs.

Alice smiled brightly, "Pleasure to meet you as well,"

Rose smiled politely.

She curtly turned towards the shoe section, sitting down wearily on one of the leather seats.

"Getting fitted today dear?" She asked, her voice still a little shaky

I shook my head at Alice and Rose, leave it to them to fluster a poor old woman

She knew my feet like the back of her hand, she knew all of the PNB student's feet that way.

The woman was a genius.

"Yes Ms."

I replied coming to sit next to her as she asked me to take off my flats.

"Well dear, your feet don't look very different, I'd suggest you stick with your Russian Pointe Almaz's, unless you'd like to try a wider box for more stability? It has been a while."

"I think I can manage with the Almaz, but if you'd like me to try a Rubin…" I suggested,

She though for a while, "Come to think of it, a wider box might just swallow your toes dear, your feet are quite tapered."

She reached for the Almaz's, width three, size 37.5, shank strength: hard, vamp length: two.

I put on the sample junior ouch pouches and slipped on the shoes, I went to the mirror.

"up on pointe please. First position." Mrs. Nakatani asked me.

"Oh yes, still have those ridiculous arches I see, we might need a longer vamp…."

The fitting continued on for several minutes, after alternating between a Russian pointe Almaz, Suffolk Solos, and Grishko 2007's, we finally decided on Russian Pointe Saphirs. Which were just like my previous pair, but preached, so that they didn't die as quickly, and the shank could hold up longer.

Any Ballerina could vent to you about how much she hated how quickly her pointe shoes died, I was no exception, and I simply refused to wear Gaynor Mindens.

I spent an extra hour buying six different chocolate colored leotards, all Degas and Wear Moi brand. The first time I had tried both brands, I had simply refused to wear anything else.

Along with the leotards, I also bough two different chocolate tunics from Degas, and then three Degas white leotards, one white tunic, and then a matching skirt for both colored leotards.

Along with some new ballet flats, leg warmers, shrugs, jumpers, tights, toe pads, toe tape, pointe shoe scruffer, and some other knitwear.

I grabbed a huge dance bag along with my purchases, and then some different colored leotards for my free dress code days.

Rosalie and Alice were shocked at the ghastly amount of money I had spent.

The Degas leotards had been about 85 dollars a piece, with the tunics being 98, but that was because of their brand, and you couldn't get them anywhere. It was either here, they're boutique in New York, or their main store in Paris. I had to order them back in California.

My pointe shoes had cost 85.00, and with all the acessories, and knitwear, the total had come out to a little over 3000 dollars.

We walked out with five bags filled to the brim with dance clothes.

"I never thought ballet was so expensive." Rosalie grumbled.

"Degas is the best, I simply refuse to wear another brand."

Alice looked back at the tags.

"Lia, these tags clearly indicate that the color of your leotard is grenat, not chocolate."

"It just has to look like a chocolate leotard Alice"

"I know, Lia, but grenat is hardly chocolate colored, it has a slightly reddish tint to the brown!"

I looked incredulously at Alice, the leotard looked brown.

"It looks like the right color,"

"Of course to your human eye, but upon further inspection, this color has a vastly different hue than a true chocolate."

Rosalie nodded in agreement.

I rolled my eyes,

"Well, it's a good thing that my instructors are human, or else they'd bite my head off!"

At that moment, we all burst out laughing.

****

Bella POV

Edward 's surprise had been… very surprising..

It had been nothing I was expecting.

He had took me to our meadow during twilight, except for it looked vastly different.

There where candles lit all around the circumference, and in the middle, surrounded by scattered rose petals, was a blanket, a blanket filled with a variety of different foods. Expensive looking foods, and a bottle of wine.

I was speechless, in awe of the beauty who had gone to such far lengths to make me happy.

"Do you like it?" Edward muttered in my ear.

"I…. well…. Wow." He chuckled, as I took in a sharp breath.

""I'll take that as a yes." He quickly appeared in front of me, as he slowly led me toward the middle.

"It's too much." I mumbled, feeling a blush creep upon my cheeks,

His face fell.

"I mean it's wonderful, but you didn't have to do this for me."

"Can't you see I wanted to?" Edward asked, and I knew he did.

For his sake, I tried my best to hide my shock and actually enjoy this moment.

But what I didn't know, was the astounding decision I had to make, the decision that would seal my future forever.

One that I wasn't too sure I wanted to make.

Because, although I was more than positive that I was ready for a forever with Edward, I knew I wasn't ready for the only thing he had ever asked of me.

Marriage.

****

Lia POV

I absolutely hated this day.

Hated it with all my might.

Alice and Rose had dropped me off at around six.

Charlie wasn't home, but when was he ever?

I had seen him about four times in the week I had been here. In fact. No one was home.

My stomach hurt from the lack of food I had eaten during lunch. I cursed it, cursed myself for being so damn fat, I couldn't even last a fucking day.

Rose and Alice were off to spend a wonderful evening with their respective others and Edward and Bella were doing something hideously romantic as we spoke.

Edward and Bella where, would.. Get married.

Married.

Bella, married.. With. Edward.

Edward who had gotten so mad when I told him I couldn't even finish Pride and Prejudice because it was so boring, Edward who had adamantly defended Austen's most famous novel, and chastised me when I explained that Sense and Sensibility had been far better than Pride and Prejudice.

The Edward who had teased me for watching South Park every night, telling me that it was rotting my brain. Edward who had groaned and moaned all night as I forced him to watch the vampire/ginger episode of said show, and how I laughed at the parallels of him and the daywalkers.

Edward, whom I had teased about being a 108 year old virgin,

Edward, who was the only living person who knew about my secret obsession with Harry Potter fan fiction.

Edward, who played the piano and fought with me about which composers where the best.

Edward who stayed up all night with me, whom I'd had made the deepest connection with.

Edward, who I couldn't stay away from anymore because it felt like something was missing.

He was my little secret, a friendship only known fully by the two of us. A little connection, I had a part of him and he had a part of me.

He had seen me more vulnerable than I had ever wanted anyone to see, he had stripped off my layers and saw me naked. There, standing. He didn't care about what I had done or who I was. He cared about me, at least I hoped he did.

And I was too selfish. I didn't care that Bella had known him and had him first. In my eyes, she was still taking something away from me.

She didn't know him the way I did, I knew she didn't. I didn't know how, I didn't know what they did alone or how their connection was made, but there was this little voice in my head the told me I knew him far more than she ever hoped to know him.

She just didn't.

It frustrated me to see them together, because Edward was missing something with her.

Passion.

It was passion he was missing, and I'm not saying he would find it with me.

No I wasn't saying that, in fact, I believed that I would be the absolute worst person for him.

No, I wasn't good enough.

But the thing was that no one was. Least of all Bella.

Their relationship was so sweet and seemingly perfect that it made me want to vomit.

There was a lack of fire, a lack of infinite burning that was the fuel of all consuming love.

She was too ordinary, too plain, too general, too little.

She gave nothing, offered nothing, and wanted nothing.

She was a selfless creature who only thrived on taking care of others, but she couldn't take care of Edward. He didn't need taking care of, not the kind she could offer anyway.

In the end the only thing Bella was good for was cooking, cleaning, and reading old books.

And after that was taken away, what was left? Nothing. She was plain, boring, absolutely uninteresting and filled with hollowness.

She was the every girl who walked down the street and got randomly married to a good guy and became a housewife or teacher and then bought a single family home and raised her kids and became a good 50s style mother.

The antifeminist. Betty Friedan would be so ashamed.

What was Edward supposed to do with that?

What the hell did they even talk about? Surely not what we talked about, stuff way over Bella's head.

I didn't know anymore. But I knew one thing. I was good for no one.

I was too much a selfish bitch for anyone to want me, and that thought… it depressed the hell out of me, it really did.

You always read these books about bad things happening to good people. And in every book, during the climax, this amazing woman or man would ask themselves, "what did I do so horribly wrong to deserve this?" and it made everything so damn sad because they hadn't done _anything_ wrong, and yet fate had still thwarted them.

When the climax of my life hit, would I be asking myself the same question? What answer could I come up with? How many horrible things had I done, thought, accomplished? How much times would fate punish me for my errant behavior?

Was I my own antagonist? If Bella had compared herself to Catherine from Wuthering Heights, would I be Emma from Madame Bovary?

Would I screw my own self over for my selfishness, would I reduce to suicide when my climax came?

Was this what would happen? Would I swallow a bottle of arsenic when fate decided to rear it's ugly head?

And. How many times had I wished to do so? Surely, I had though of suicide for years, when things got so out of hand that I had found myself sobbing uncontrollably on the bathtub floor.

I had wanted death so bad that I called out to it, begging it to take my life.

It had been one of those days that Edward had found me, it had been that day. A breakdown that had me so far off the deep end that I wanted my life to end, but he had found me. He held me so hard that my organs put themselves back together, and death never came.

I hastily opened the refrigerator door, finding anything I could and stuffed it in my mouth, gorging myself in a haze of carbs, oils, and sugar

, stuff stuff stuff.

I ate and ate and ate until my stomach hurt.

Relief came at the expense of blood.

I crawled into my bed, the shadows that had been at bay engulfed me, covering me behind their fog colored glasses. They picked me up, and put me behind their glass case again.

I welcomed the darkness, the way it murmured hello, it's serenade lulling me, binding me into a fake sense of rest.

I could not sleep tonight.

I repeated my ballet schedule in my head over and over again.

A mantra that kept me somewhat alive, a mantra that helped me overcome the sense of fear threatening to engulf me.

Mon 3:00-4:30 Tech 4:30-5:30 Modern  
Tues 3:00-4:30 Tech 5:00-6:00 Pointe  
Wed 3:00-4:30 Tech 5:00 - 6:00 Variations  
Thur 3:00-4:30 Tech 4:30-5:30 Adagio  
Fri 3:00-4:30 Tech  
Sat 10:15-11:45 Tech 11:45-1:15 Modern 2:45-4:00 Contemporary  
Mon 3:00-4:30 Tech 4:30-5:30 Modern  
Tues 3:00-4:30 Tech 5:00-6:00 Pointe  
Wed 3:00-4:30 Tech 5:00 - 6:00 Variations  
Thur 3:00-4:30 Tech 4:30-5:30 Adagio  
Fri 3:00-4:30 Tech  
Sat 10:15-11:45 Tech 11:45-1:15 Modern 2:45-4:00 Contemporary  
Mon 3:00-4:30 Tech 4:30-5:30 Modern  
Tues 3:00-4:30 Tech 5:00-6:00 Pointe  
Wed 3:00-4:30 Tech 5:00 - 6:00 Variations  
Thur 3:00-4:30 Tech 4:30-5:30 Adagio  
Fri 3:00-4:30 Tech  
Sat 10:15-11:45 Tech 11:45-1:15 Modern 2:45-4:00 Contemporary  
Mon 3:00-4:30 Tech 4:30-5:30 Modern  
Tues 3:00-4:30 Tech 5:00-6:00 Pointe  
Wed 3:00-4:30 Tech 5:00 - 6:00 Variations  
Thur 3:00-4:30 Tech 4:30-5:30 Adagio  
Fri 3:00-4:30 Tech  
Sat 10:15-11:45 Tech 11:45-1:15 Modern 2:45-4:00 Contemporary

The classes burned into my brain, I started dissecting them, relief at my technique classes, joy at adagio and variations, hate for modern and contemporary. Hate for me hate for….

I tried to stop thinking entirely, fooling myself into a false sense of emptiness. But there was too much to stop thinking, there was just too much in my brain.

All of my thoughts about dance and school and Edward and marriage and Edward and me and Edward meshed together into a huge ball, growing in immensity as they fell on my shoulders, too thick to process through.

I squeezed my eyes tight. Hating myself for being so affected at what happened around me. Cursed my fragile mind, so weak, so broken by the slightest of movements, changes.

So unable to face the things it had to, so immature.

I heard a hesitant knock on my door. The knock stopping my thinking the way I had unsuccessfully tried on my own. The ball immediately vanished, all thoughts seemingly lifting off my shoulders as the comprehension of who was at the door dawned on me.

Edward.

I looked towards the clock, gasping at the time.

2:00 am.

Had I been here all this time? Laying in bed? Wallowing in useless, fornogoodreason pity?

"Come in" I croaked, as my voice confirmed the longevity of my silence.

The door creaked slightly as a figure flashed by.

The small night light turned on, as another flash made it's way unto my bed.

"Happy Valentine's Day."

I was still lying there, my eyes squinting from the light, and from the blindingly beautiful creature in front of me.

"Same to you." I replied, coming to a seated position, Indian style. I stretched my arms way above my head, letting out a loud yawn.

"Sorry to wake you.." Edward looked towards me, abashed at his late night appearance.

I shook my head groggily,

"I wasn't sleeping, you know that." I smiled lazily, still a bit hazy from the dark.

"Why don't we talk so much to each other unless we're alone?" He suddenly asked, staring right at me.

"What?" was my clever response.

"I mean, today, when your father and aunt were here, we barely said two words to each other, and you introduced me as Bella's boyfriend, not as your friend."

I looked at him then, pondering his statement.

"Well, I'm not sure. Your always with Bella, and you two are always talking to each other, I don't want to intrude."

"I don't believe that's the real reason." He countered,

I frowned.

"Then what do you think it is?" Maybe he just didn't like that I was sort of putting the blame on Bella.

I saw his hands fidgeting

I knew there was something serious on his mind.

"Aside from that, you never really approach me."

"Sure I do! I always say good morning, or something.. But you just mutter something distractedly back, as though I'm bothering you or whatever."

"You don't bother me, it's just that…" he trailed off, looking the other way,

His hair framing his face in a way that made his profile look devastatingly handsome.

"It's just what?" I pressed, as he quickly turned back to face me.

"Well Bella, you see, she's sort of.." He trailed off, again, obviously unsure of how to word his next phrase.

"Jealous?" I added for him with a snicker.

"Not jealous per say, just, well, she worries."

"I was joking, what would she worry about?" I continued, interested in getting to the bottom of this.

I saw his jaw clenching, as he struggled to come up with the right words to describe what Bella was feeling, without putting her down.

"She's insecure, and she suspects that you.."

I suddenly found myself suspicious,

"Suspects that I what?" I continued to push, needing to hear it come out of his mouth.

"I know it's crazy, but Rosalie is under the impression that Bella thinks you might steal me away from her, and that's why she gets so worried when I stare off into space or talk to you on friendly terms. I know it's crazy, I told Rose that myself, but now, well, what if it's true?"

I scoffed at him, as I saw his tortured eyes harden at my seeming nonchalance.

"I hardly doubt she would think that, your crazy about her, surely she knows that."

"Yes. But, she can be quite insecure."

"Don't we know that?" I muttered, hating where this conversation was leading to.

"Does this mean I can't talk to you?" I asked

"Of course not! I want you to, I mean, when we go back to school I hope you don't ignore me in your usual manner." He pleaded, looking at me with those eyes.

"I won't just as long as Bella doesn't mind." I added suggestively

"Of course she won't, Rose was just overreacting."

"Alright then, if you say so."

"You don't believe me."

"How was Valentine's day?" I changed the subject, itching to know more about what he had done with Bella.

He followed along, sensing my obvious need to talk about anything other than Bella believing I would steal Edward away, and why Edward would tell me as such.

I had my own suspicions as to why she was getting so protective of him.

In one word. Jacob.

She believed that if she could leave Edward for Jacob, even just once, and even though it was a mistake on her side, that Edward could possibly leave her as well.

She believed she was hanging on thin ice because of what she had done, and the thought of losing Edward drove her out of her mind.

It made perfect sense.

"I proposed to her and she hated it." He finally answered, well more like blurted.

Now it was my time to be flustered.

"You what?!" I whisper/shouted.

"I took her to our meadow, I tried to make it as romantic as possible, I bought her the finest wine and breads and cheeses, and she refused to drink the wine, telling me she didn't drink, not even on special occasions, and then she didn't even eat very much either, claiming she wasn't hungry, and when I finally bent down on one knee and asked her for her hand, I saw it Lia, saw that confusion in her eyes."

It stayed quiet for a long time, as I saw the hurt flash across his eyes, the feeling of rejection spreading through him like a disease

"Oh Edward."

I pulled him into a hug, I knew about Bella's apprehension towards marriage, still I would've never thought that it would happen were Edward to propose.

"She did Lia, she didn't want it."

"That doesn't mean she doesn't want you" I replied, mentally smacking my head because I was defending her, her and her stupidity.

I ran my hands through his hair, the softness spreading in my fingers soothing the both of us.

"But she doesn't want to marry me Lia, I don't understand, what have I done wrong?"

And there was the magic question.

I would've drank the wine, welcomed the cheese, stuffed the bread into my mouth because it would be what he wanted, I would eat it all with a smile on my face even if my stomach was stuffed.

"I know you would've Lia. And maybe that's why it didn't work for her."

I looked at his eyes, as my arms still wrapped around his frame.

"What do you mean?"

He looked so much like a boy then, as he searched my eyes for approval.

"I kept remembering how happy you were with the surprise I gave you, remember? And I thought, well maybe Bella would enjoy it too."

I hugged him tighter remembering that night with astounding clarity.

Everything seemed lighter then, happier, it felt like it was centuries ago, rather than a month.

"I thought Bella hated surprises." I tried to respond, hoping that I sounded encouraging.

"She does, apparently everything I do for her is too much, but I don't want to not do those things for her either, she deserves them, I just wish she wouldn't fight it all the time. It would make me feel so much better, but sometimes, I feel as everything I do goes to waste with her."

"I understand." I replied, hoping that my understanding gave him some kind of comfort.

He chuckled sadly,

"You would've loved it Lia, if you saw it, you would've loved it."

****

Edward POV

I heard her mesmerizing laugh.

"Then maybe you should've taken me."

I knew she was trying to comfort me, she hadn't the slightest idea how to respond to my previous comment.

"Maybe.." I chuckled, remembering the way Lia had smelled the night I took her out, the way she had laughed and smiled and asked questions.

The way I had been transported back to my human times, even in the briefest of moments, a feeling I had never felt before her.

"She said, yes Lia. I gave her my mother's ring."

"You see? It wasn't wasted, she said yes."

"Yes, she did, but she didn't seem as happy as I thought she would. I pictured that moment gloriously, but all I could see was shock."

She continued to touch my hair, she couldn't stop, and I didn't want her to.

I scooted closer to her, feeling something, _something___

Don't know why, there's no sun up in the sky…

Stormy weather..

I found Lia thinking of the same night I was now reminiscing on.

I found myself desperately wishing we transport back to that night, a night that had been filled with endless possibilities.

I felt them now, vibrating through the room, lifting my spirit.

"Lia?"

I had no idea what I would say to her, but I needed to ask her something, that I was sure of.

"hmm?" She replied, her mind still back in El Gaucho.

"I, I wish.."

"Me too Edward, me too."

_That it was back to just the two of us._

* * *

**End Notes:** Thanks to all my faithful reviewers! If anyone knows about ballet, then they'll know who I'm talking about when I'm talking about Lia's aunt. If you want to see a picture of her and find out who she is in real life, google Suzanne Farrell.

The Balanchine comment, "must see the bones" was actually in Gelsey Kirkland's autobiography, Dancing on my Grave, which served as a major inspiration for this fic.


	13. Break my Time in Two

**A/N: **This chapter has been done for weeks and I'm finally getting around to post it. I guess some of the ballet stuff is pretty confusing,I can't really make it too clear. I might have led people to believe I've made Lia a "Ballet Mary-Sue" but, in all reality, in order to make it into a school like PNBS, and to get hired by a major company, you sort of have to be perfect. In every aspect of the word, perfect ballet body, lots and lots of talent, dedication, and a hell of a lot of luck. So yeah, it was basically necessary, or else, Lia wouldn't make it!

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it.

* * *

**-Lia Pov-**

"_And I'm in so deep, you know I'm such a fool for you  
You got me wrapped around your finger  
Do you have to, do you have to let it linger?" _

I was in a smoky club somewhere, wearing a black lace dress. I couldn't see too far out, the smoke that surrounded me, blinding my sight. Dean Martin was lulling behind me on the stage, his tall figure looking out in the crowd, a drunken stare, serene in it's feature. It was a slow melody, the original, without the fussy chorus.

_Everybody loves somebody sometime…_

He continued singing as I wandered around the club. A sense of urgency suddenly awakening my senses.

_Everybody falls in love somehow_

I started frantically searching through the foggy bar, turning people from seat to seat. I was getting desperate. I had to find something, no... someone.

_Something, in your kiss… just told me…_

My eyes burned incredulously now as the fog wrapped a cocoon around me, the smell of alcohol filling my senses, my heels starting to cause me pain.

Man after man, person after person, I searched hard, knowing I would soon wake up.

_that sometime…_

Suddenly, I crashed into a pair of two strong arms, arms I would recognize anywhere. They wrapped around my shoulders, moving down my back, steadying me before swaying my body side to side. I leaned in closer, smelling the strong scent of scotch and winter, as his face drew closer, closer, and everything cleared marginally, as his lips traced my neck, my jaw, slowly kissing their way towards the corners of my mouth…

_Is now._

I slammed the alarm clock with as much might as my tired body allowed me to.

It rang, rang, rang, rang, rang.

Damn it. 7:00 am.

Forks High started at 7:45 sharp, and we were leaving in 30 minutes. The alarm clock had originally been set to wake me up at 6:30, but Bella was a fool if she thought I would wake up at such an ungodly hour.

I groaned, cursing Jesus for doing this to me.

I woke up to the most painful feeling in the middle of my chest. The hollowness of having the most bittersweet dream interrupted by the harsh sounds of reality.

Sighing slightly, I got up, quickly getting dressed.

Today was the first day of Forks High. Today was the day I would enter a public high school with lower middle class students who drove beat up trucks to school.

I, in all my private school and Mercedes Benz and uniform glory, should've stomped and whined and complained about dropping to such bourgeois methods of education. I should've thrown a bitch fit.

But no, I did nothing of the sort, because, well… I was actually excited for today to come.

Today I would go to a school with kids completely different from me, today I would walk around in new Burberry while hopeless cheerleader wannabees drooled on their imitation GAP t-shirts. I would be the new girl and all eyes would be on me and I would be above everyone. It was only natural to be excited for such unwavering attention.

Except that I wasn't. I would've been had I woken up dreamless. But putting Dean Martin, cigar smoke, and the smell of winter together lead to disastrous results in relation to the heart, further rendering my previous eagerness to blatant hate.

The last thing I wanted to do this morning was watch mister and misses Cullen for a solid seven hours.

I rested my eyes for a couple of minutes, deciding to get up whenever someone felt like barging in and making me.

I decided to peek at the time, 8:05. Shit. I jumped out of bed as I fast walked towards the bathroom. School started in 25 minutes.

I put on my makeup, brushed my teeth, and put on a pair of Seven jeans, a decent coat, and sunglasses.

I stumbled over to the living room, where, surprise, surprise, Bella and Edward where waiting patiently for me.

Bella was already done with her breakfast. Mine was next to her seat, a soggy lump of carbs and fatty dairy ready to ruin my already horrible morning. The lump would seep into my bone marrow, making it impossible to burn off.

"You need to wake up earlier so you can eat breakfast." Bella informed me in her usual motherly manner. I ignored her as I sat down and dipped my spoon into 140 calories of frosted sugar and processed calcium.

"Did you hear me?" She repeated, sounding more and more like a certain someone who hadn't even bothered to call me since she dumped me in this place.

"Yes." I answered with gritted teeth. Suddenly feeling in no mood to play with her mommy games today. Charlie was gone as usual, and my real mother hadn't even bothered to make a phone call.

A thousand curse words stringed through my brain the moment Bella continued to talk, even if it wasn't to me. Everything that came out of her mind sounded so idiotic.

After I finished with my disgusting excuse for breakfast (140) I snatched my car keys from the table and walked out the door. I knew Edward's eyes were following me, I hadn't even uttered so much as a good morning… or a goodbye.

How could I? My heart was still not in my chest, I didn't know where it had gone.

It made me feel so alone, made everything worse. I hated dreaming.

.

I got into my Mercedes and immediately plugged in my iPod, turning my fingers on the pad until I found my Dean Martin play list. I played that same damn song I had heard over and over in my dream.

I listened to him all the way to school. Losing myself in his romantic sounds, trying to desperately conjure the false memory back into my head.

I gripped the steering wheel even harder, willing my heart to come back to me, to rid me of this horrible emptiness.

I arrived at Forks High much too soon for my liking, I toyed with the idea of ditching and just spending the day in Seattle, but I was already pretty sure at the kind of trouble I'd be in if I were to do that.

Bella would throw a bitch fit, and Charlie would have no idea what to do. This would proceed to an awkward call to my mother, whom, as I said before, had yet to call.

With a heavy sigh, I left the comfort of my patent, leather-seat car and threw myself into the jungle that was high school.

I already missed her, the heat the air conditioning brought me now gone.

I grudgingly walked towards the office, feeling my toes starting to numb, already sensing the stares headed in my direction, and my car.

I shoved my sunglasses further up my nose, too melancholy to even enjoy such attention. Why I even brought sunglasses here went beyond even my comprehension. Maybe it was because it reminded me of home and of who I used to be. I couldn't find who I was now, and I had to be somebody, so I just recycled my old personality and threw it over my skeleton. _The real me was stuck somewhere behind a glass wall._

I opened the heavy glass door and made my way into the pathetic washed out office.

I spotted the poor old secretary and strode purposefully towards her.

"Hi, my name is Lillianne Du Pont. I'm new here and I need to pick up my schedule?" I questioned as though I wasn't sure if I was in the right place. Which was a lie, there was only one office in this school, I wasn't lost.

Her face lit up immediately as recognition set in. Small towns.

"Oh that's right, your father came to enroll you a couple of days ago correct?"

"Yes, that's correct."

"Well then dear, let me just print out your schedule, I need you to get it signed by all your teachers, you can return it back to the office at the end of the day."

Ms. Cope, whose name I had learned by the dated plate on her desk, smiled warmly at me as I thanked her. She was such a nice old lady.

I excitedly looked towards my schedule, new schedules meant change, I welcomed change.

Period 1: Pre- Calculus

Period 2: AP U.S History

Period 3: Spanish IV

Period 4: Honors Physics

Lunch

Period 5: AP English Composition

I mentally groaned as I found out what my dreaded first period would be, math. Ugh.

I now knew why my father had been so preoccupied with this school. I had Spanish IV instead of AP Spanish Composition. Rather then taking AP Physics, I would be repeating it once more in the honors course.

I brightened up slightly as I realized how much easier the coursework this year would be.

I looked towards the map and followed it to my first period; room 56, Mr. White.

I hid my earphones with my hair as I turned up Dean Martin's voice in my ears. I pointedly ignored all the people who where looking on like a bunch of blundering baboons.

I glanced quickly at the school map Ms. Cope had handed me again to reassure where I was heading. Finally arriving at the door, I stuffed the paper back into my school bag.

I went straight in, walked right up to my teacher's desk, and introduced myself.

"My name is Lillianne Du Pont, I'm new here, can you sign this for me please?" I handed him the white sheet of paper.

He dawned the same look Mrs. Cope had in her office.

"Oh right, Lillianne,"

"Call me Lia," I requested.

"Right, Lia, here you go.. There's an open seat next to the window on the right, second row.." He said, pointing to the seat he was talking about.

"Thank you," I muttered.

I turned up my iPod as loud as it could go, and looked out the window as disdainfully as possible. I was in no mood for the budding conversation that would surely follow with the people around me; were I to look more friendly.

"It's like, not even sunny here, you should take your sunglasses off." I heard a muffled voice say somewhere in the distance.

I mentally groaned. It wasn't that the comment was bitchy. It actually was, it was just the way she _said_ it. She hadn't mean to be rude, she just wanted to start a conversation.

I smiled sarcastically at the girl who dared speak to me, taking in her head full of curls and her distracting mouth, which was currently snapping away at a piece of a gum.

I slowly took my glasses off, never taking my eyes off of hers, I could tell she was having second thoughts about saying her previous words.

I tilted my head slightly "That better?" The girl continued to stupidly stare, so I did the only thing any sensible person would do, I ignored her.

"Don't pay attention to Jessica, she's not exactly the best conversation starter,"

I looked surprisingly to the second idiot who had interrupted my silent pondering.

He had a boyish look this face, with bright blue eyes and white blond hair. He was cute, I suppose, for a high school teen. At least his face wasn't filled with acne.

"And you are?" I returned, not as sarcastically as I intended,

"Mike Newton," he took his hand out, I looked at it for a while, before I decided to shake it. "This here's Jessica," he pointed to curly head.

I stuck out my hand for her, as this time, she stared at it.

"Sorry about earlier, new school, you know? I'm sort of nervous." lies, all lies, I just suddenly didn't feel like being such a bitch.

She seemed to accept my apology as she shook my hand brightly.

"No problem, cute coat by the way," She smiled cheekily at me, I immediately warmed to her.

"Thanks, I like your jeans." I added, which wasn't a lie.

She giggled slightly as she thanked me back.

"I'm Lia, by the way."

Her eyes lit up in excitement.

"Oh my god, it's totally crazy Mike, this is like, the second new girl in two years!" You should've seen the way her face looked. I mean, from her apparent enthusiasm, you would've thought Leonardo DiCaprio had waltzed in and asked her to marry him.

I looked at her strangely, not understanding why this was such a big deal, there were always new girls at the Montessori School back in Santa Barbara.

"We never have new students Lia, Forks isn't exactly the hippest town to move to if you know what I mean." Mike explained.

Of course, it made perfect sense.

"Where'd you move from Lia?" Jessica prodded, genuinely interested.

"Santa Barbara…well, California." I further explained. I hated it when new people just said the city they came from. It's not like you knew if you weren't from that state.

"Really?" Mike quipped, "That's where I'm..." He immediately stopped talking.

His head suddenly made a sharp turn towards the door, his eyes narrowing slightly.

I followed his trail, as I saw Edward and Bella walking in, hand in hand.

Jessica and Mike suddenly looked at me, then back at Edward, then back at me.

"What?" I asked.

"You, why aren't you?… huh." Jessica and Mike both had looks of confusion on their faces,

"I'm afraid I have no idea what you're trying to say." My eyes lingered on Edward's as he took his seat, whispering to Bella as he did so.

"Aha! And there it is!" Mike shouted in triumph.

"What?" I exclaimed, not understanding the least bit where this conversation was leading to.

"You stared at Cullen,"

"I did what?"

"Don't worry" Jessica imputed, "It's natural."

"What are you two talking about?" I glanced between the two teenagers, as a satisfactory smile set on both of their faces.

"We call it the Cullen Syndrome around here Lia," Mike said, his eyes holding a hint of sympathy,

I was still looking at Edward

"The what?" I answered distractedly as Edward smirked in my direction.

"It's perfectly normal to be smitten," Jessica sounded like a damn counselor, "It happens to everyone."

"Smitten?" I responded, comprehension finally dawning on me, "You think I'm checking Edward out?"

"We know so, it's al… wait, you know his name? How do you know his name?" Jessica's mouth spewed out her words as her greedy eyes landed on mine.

"He's my cousin's… I mean... he's my friend." I smiled at him hoping he was glad I didn't say "my cousin's boyfriend." He smiled back, pleased at my answer.

Jessica looked absolutely shocked.

"Oh my god! How do you know him?"

"Bella's my cousin." I explained,

"Oh." was all Jessica had time to say before the bell rang and Mr. White banished all talk for the rest of the period.

**Edward POV**

_Why the fuck do they even call it a polynomial, this makes no fucking sense!_

Lia was absolutely fuming at the moment, she had recently declared her all-consuming hate for pre-calculus, and further wanted to find the person who invented said "repulsive subject" so she could "stab him with a fork."

I had no idea why she was so angry at the teacher, or the subject. As absolutely boring as it was for me, it should've been exciting for her young mind.

She was a junior in a senior class, she was obviously brilliant. But the fact that she didn't completely and absolutely understand the lesson was stressing her already fragile brain.

I marginally understood why it was bothering her so. Math was not an easy subject. Aside from that, she was getting most of her calculations right. There were a few marginal errors here and there but it was nothing that couldn't be fixed with a bit of extra studying.

Her mind continued to wander, as her murderous thoughts on the subject of calculus all but diminished as she thought of what was to come later in the day.

She imagined herself in her ballet classes, and her old teachers, as well as the other dance students.

_I wonder if Amber got moved up to level VII, has Anthony received a spot on the apprentice program? Did Isabel really end up moving to SAB?_

_When will I move up? And the student workshop, it's in four months! And the casting is sure to happen soon, what if I don't get a decent part? What if Jade gets the lead this year? What if I have to be in the corps? What if I'm not even eligible to participate? And if this would've been next year, I wouldn't get hired! No one gets a job offer if they're stuck in the corps, and if I get stuck there for this workshop, what if I stay there next year?_

She was positively hyperventilating at this point, trying to remember the repertory they would perform this year.

_Rose Adagio, Serenade, excerpt from the Prodigal Son, and the Balcony Pas de Deux._

_Serenade! What if I get a corps role? What if Isabel gets the solo, no… if she's still here, she'll probably get the Rose Adagio, poor her. Of course she's getting it, the skinny bitch, I hope she's at SAB. She can't get that solo, that's my solo! She can take the stupid Rose Adagio, I would be horrible at it, but Serenade? No way. No way in hell!_

I snickered. Lia was a sight to behold when she was basking in her teenage immaturity.

_Of course Jordan might get that solo too, seeing as she has lightning feet, why the hell did I have to stop dancing? Two months! That's two months too long!_

She groaned loudly as her head smacked unto her desk.

She was going to get a migraine with her stress-induced thoughts, I looked to my right as I noticed Bella's stare.

"What are you thinking of?" she whispered,

"Nothing of great importance." I replied, looking back at her with a playful gaze, so as not to worry her. To no avail, her eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Are you sure? Whose thoughts are you listening to then?"

"What do you mean?" I continued with charade, wondering why I was lying to her.

"It's just unlike you."

"Unlike me to do what?" I couldn't really understand what she was getting at, it's not as if I've ever acted as though I was paying attention during class.

"To do, that, I mean just start randomly smiling at nothing." She was still looking towards the front of the classroom, suddenly, her eyes flickered over to Lia's direction.

She continued to stare at her out of the corner of her eye, Lia was currently shaking her leg up and down in fast, rhythmic movements, one of her hands was tucked under her chin, her body leaning slightly forward, her eyes trying in vain to read the small numbers on the projector, attempting to write coherent notes.

If she was being honest with herself, she would comprehend that she was much too tired to even try to understand what Mr. White was teaching.

"Have you been listening to her thoughts?" Bella's accused, her voice rising slightly.

"Who's?" I answered distractedly.

Her eyes narrowed as she noticed that I hadn't comprehended her question.

"I can't read your mind love." I reminded her, hoping she would drop the subject.

I smiled down at her, adoring the way her warm brown eyes widened slightly at my unwavering stare.

"Lia's" she faltered, her heart quickening marginally.

"Not in particular, although she has been cursing the teacher profusely, it's rather loud, I'm sorry." I stroked her hand underneath the desk, and held it there.

Her beautiful irises softened ever so slightly, as she nodded.

"Don't worry about it, I'm sorry for acting so stupid."

"Don't say that love, it's nothing to feel sorry for." I lowered my voice slightly as I saw Lauren and Tyler's head turn towards Bella and I.

I wasn't lying to Bella, after all, Lia had been damning the teacher, but I could not deny the fact that I was listening to her thoughts rather than paying attention to other things.

During second period, I entertained myself by listening to the sounds of Lia's hand furiously raising every one or two minutes.

She would answer Mr. Kissinger's questions with lightning speed, giving enough detail to anger Bill Simons, who had until very recently been at the top of his U.S History class.

It was quite endearing, seeing Lia so interested in The New Deal and FDR. It gave me a sense of pride to hear her speak so passionately about the time era of which I remembered most.

I was careful during this time to equally span my attention towards Bella as well. It made me feel guilty, somewhat, to even lead her to imagine that she wasn't interesting to me. She was, but it wasn't my wish to see her fall behind her classes, so I listened to Lia's thoughts to pass the time. This way, I wouldn't interrupt her lessons.

I heard the bell ring loudly as I picked up Bella's things. At that exact moment, Jessica and Lauren walked up to her.

"So Bella, I hear your cousin is friend's with Edward."

It was obvious that they were speaking low enough so as though I wouldn't hear. Still, it was rather stupid, I was standing merely three feet away from her.

"Yes, she is." Bella said with as much patience as she could muster, my sweet, darling Bella.

Lauren and Jessica smirked at the same time, the wheels in their heads spinning.

Lauren stepped a bit closer to Bella, muttering. Such wasted efforts.

"Aren't you like, totally afraid that she's going to steal him away from you? I mean, not to be rude or anything, but…" she looked Bella up and down obnoxiously, I decided that it was time to intervene.

"Excuse us ladies, but we don't want to be late to class."

I kissed Bella full on her lips, as both Lauren and Jessica gawked with their mouths open.

I took her by the waist and escorted her out the door.

"Don't listen to anything they tell you love, you know they just want to bother you."

Bella stayed quiet for a second longer than I expected her to.

"Love?" I asked, looking at her intently, I wanted to make sure she was okay.

"Yeah, I know. They're so annoying." she fumed, I knew she was trying to brush the comment off, but I could easily see she was still upset.

"I love you Bella, nothing can take that away." I kissed her cheek and brought her closer to me. I wanted to say more to her, remind her that I would've never asked for her hand were I not to have such strong feelings for her, but every time I mentioned any kind of word relating to marriage, she would visibly cringe.

Up ahead, I saw Lauren and Jessica corner Lia in the hallway,

"So Lia, you want to have lunch with us?" Jessica asked her

"Yeah, you totally should, Bella and Edward sit there too, but well, it's not like they actually have lunch with us." Lauren added with a flick of her hair,

"Is that so?" Lia eyed me tauntingly, her smile looked so fake that it belonged in a cover of a magazine,

"It's like, they're in their own little word or something," Jessica explained.

"Oh, that's too bad, and to think I was actually looking forward to having a conversation with them.." Lia was still giving me that look. "Anyway, yeah, I'll have lunch with you guys."

Her smile was shining, as well as her eyes, she shifted her weight slightly to her left leg as her head tilted ever so slightly, her hair moving with it.

"Great! The cafeteria isn't that big, you can spot us from like, a mile away." Jessica was absolutely beaming now, staring at Lia like a shiny new toy.

"Cool, so I'll see you guys after fourth?"

"Definitely," Mike Newton added, as he came around and put an arm around Jessica's shoulders.

_Oh man, she's so hot, if she didn't look like such a bitch… I bet she's a freak in the sheets, but damn, she looks innocent. How the hell does a girl look innocent and like a bitch at the same time?_

I balled my fists at the vile thoughts of the Newton boy, Bella noticed this.

She followed my gaze, and scoffed. "I see Newton's got his eye on the prize, honestly, he's a menace to new girls everywhere."

I chuckled at Bella's wit, "Honestly, the boy can't keep it in his pants for more than two seconds, it's revolting."

"Still, I don't believe he'll get very far with Lia, she can be pretty scary."

I laughed louder this time, "He's already scared of her love."

She humored me, "And he's still fantasizing? She'll kill him." Bella shook her head good naturedly.

I saw Lia laughing at something the Newton boy said, as his stare lingered on her for a second too long.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

I hadn't really noticed that I was making my way over to their small group as we spoke, Bella trailing hot behind my heels.

"Edward," Lia greeted warmly, "glad to see we're worthy of you and Bella's time." She teased

"Good morning to you to Lia."

Lauren, Jessica, and Newton were now staring as though I had sprouted a tree above my head.

Lauren was trying to look as nonchalant as possible, copying Lia's relaxed pose as she turned her head slightly, exposing her neck in what she believed to be a seductive manner.

"Tell me Edward, will you be actually eating lunch with us today, or will you and Bella shut yourselves off as I hear you normally do?"

Bella's feet were shuffling as she started playing with her nails, Lauren was trying to lock her into her fierce glare.

"If it bothers you so much, I think I can make an exception."

Bella and Lauren both looked sharply between me and Lia, it seemed as though everyone in the group was now wearing a mask of awe and shock.

"Wow," Lia responded sarcastically, "an exception for me? How kind of you to do so,"

"You know I didn't mean it like that." I answered her, as she brightened up slightly with my response.

It as though the words "you" and "I" had been the pump which beheaded the group's head in an explosion.

This gawking didn't seem to affect Lia in the slightest, I don't believe she was paying very much attention to them.

"Well then it's settled, I guess all see _all_ of you at lunch." Her smile broadened as she quickly waved goodbye, trotting on her way.

"Woah." Jessica finally responded.

"I don't think I've ever heard Cullen speak to someone for that long." The Newton responded.

"Yeah, unless it's _Bella_." Lauren sneered, "he doesn't even talk to her out loud in front of us."

"In case you didn't notice, we're standing right here." Bella snapped, her eyes furious.

She grabbed my hand and led us away,

"Are you alright love?" Bella was visibly fuming, her long chestnut hair swishing back and forth as she took quicker steps.

"Yeah, we're just going to be late for class is all." She was a horrible liar.

"I know that isn't it Bella, what's wrong?" I tried to slow her down without causing a scene. To my success, her steps slowed.

"I'm sorry, Edward" she buried her face in her hands for a second, "I've been getting so frustrated lately, it isn't your fault, I swear it isn't, it's just that…" I stayed quiet, listening intently. "God, they just get me so angry sometimes."

She walked faster again, barely making it to class before the bell shrilled.

As we sat down next to each other, I tried to soothe her by running my hands along her back.

I gently kissed her jaw as our Mrs. Espana, our Spanish Lit. teacher, called us to attention.

**Lia POV**

I guess it was wrong to say that I was enjoying the stares Bella kept giving me in the hall, I'm pretty sure I would go to hell for saying that it made me happy to see Bella so uncomfortable around others.

Why you ask? It was the way they were together, so fucking oblivious to everything around them.

It was the way Bella completely ignored the looks of envy every girl that passed the two gave her, it was the way she looked so fragile and weak next to him.

It was the way she looked so frightened, as though she needed constant protecting, it was the way they bent their heads close to talk to each other, whispering their declarations of love.

It was the way I kept hearing him mutter "love" to her.

It was the way she looked do damn breakable, the way he was always holding onto her, as if she would fall apart if he weren't.

It angered me so much, it sent fire through my veins, it made me want to send her into the deepest pit of hell in this god forsaken planet.

Did she not know the way everyone looked at her? Did she not understand?

I kept repeating the way Edward looked on Valentine's Day, his brave front had completely shattered under insecurity. How could she do that?

Did she not know?

The way he tried so damn hard to shower her with his undying love.

Did she not know?

The way she moaned about not being able to visit Jacob, in reality, she could've, if she really wanted to she could've. How she flinched every time he even spoke remotely of a wedding, marriage, the way she had to force herself to call him her fiancé.

Did she really not understand?

I wanted to rip her apart, I wanted to wipe off that petty smile and that sickening blush, and open her fucking eyes, as wide as they were, they still saw nothing.

**Edward POV**

Unsurprisingly, Lia had one more class with us, AP Physics.

I marveled at the challenges she put in front of herself. She was not lazy.

I idly wondered what she would challenge herself with next year, seeing as she was already taking all of the advanced placement classes Forks had to offer, there weren't many to choose from.

Bella and I quickly got into our seats, so similar to the ones on that faithful day in biology. It brought my heart so much joy to remember.

I smiled fondly as I reminisced those first few moments me and Bella shared together, the ride from Port Angeles, when she found out what I really was, the most memorable.

"What are you thinking about?" Bella asked softly, never letting go of my hand.

"About the first time we met, in biology." I smiled wider, foolishly, feeling so in love with her at the moment…

"Of course, I used to love going to the Santa Monica Pier!"

I heard a familiar tinkling of laughter,

"Me too, of course I didn't go there very often, since Santa Monica was like, two hours away and I already lived by the beach. But I used to love going on that Ferris Wheel."

"Oh yeah, it looked liked you were just about to fall into the ocean when you were going back down!" Newton exclaimed, Lia giggled.

It irritated me.

"My favorite Ferris Wheel is the one in Disney's California Adventure though, because it's like this huge swing" Lia swung her fingers in front of her hand for good measure, "they have a light show in the water in front of the Ferris Wheel now too."

"Do they really?" Newton asked in astonishment

"Hold on." Lia interrupted as she handed the slip to Mr. Banner for him to sign.

"Ms. Lillianne,"

"Call me Lia."

"Well, Ms. Lia, it seems as though there's an empty seat right behind Edward, Edward wave your hand so she knows who you are."

"Oh it's alright, I know where to go."

_Another girl infatuated with the boy already, poor her._

I snickered at Mr. Banner's thoughts as Bella and I turned to talk to her.

"So, "she started, "who sits next to me?" I smiled mentally at the fact that Newton had been omitted from this conversation.

"Katie Marshall" Bella informed her, which Lia thanked with a glare.

Bella was stunned, to say the least, at Lia's sudden change in mood. It hurt her, I could tell, how Lia seemed to be so open to others, while shunning her own cousin.

"Well, you asked." Bella muttered, turning around in her seat, ignoring her. Her eyes weren't filled with melancholy, the way I would've expected it. Hard, cold, unwavering, angry. On both girls.

The bell suddenly rang as Katie came rushing in.

Twenty minutes later, Mr. Banner was performing his routine inspection of the student's calculations. I heard Lia curse in her mind as he approached the two girls' desk.

I had learned one thing about Lia today, she was spectacularly horrible with numbers.

I snickered as I heard Mr. Banner attempt explaining in vain how to properly calculate the equation. While Katie was listening intently, Lia had completely given up and decided to stare at Mr. Banner's mole instead.

I couldn't hold in the laughter as Lia's mind tried to process how anyone could be born with such a huge birth mark, to no avail.

Bella was staring at me in poorly disguised irritation as Mr. Banner's patience fused.

"Mr. Cullen," he turned to look at me, obviously flustered.

"Seeing as you and Bella seem to have no problems with these equations, why don't you switch partners with Katie?"

"What?" Bella spluttered, Mr. Banner turned a sharp glare at her direction that told her to stop complaining.

"Switch. Now."

I gathered my things quickly as Katie reluctantly moved to sit next to Bella.

"Maybe she'll pay more attention when he's teaching her." Mr. Banner muttered to himself as he walked away from our tables.

"Hello partner." Lia said slowly.

"This is no time for chit chat Ms. Du Pont." Lia straightened in her chair considerably.

"Teach away, I don't want to keep you from your darling Bella for too long."

"Something tells me that you aren't going to pay very much attention to what I have to teach you."

Lia faked shock.

"You'd be surprised." she winked at me, as I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face.

Lia had successfully understood the equation by the second time I explained it to her, and she further proceeded to finish her worksheet in around three minutes.

She was either brilliant at learning with the right teacher or she had done this on purpose.

"Well Lia, I'm impressed."

She smiled proudly, tapping her brain.

"It's all up here, it's called intelligence." She winked again.

"I supposed an excellent teacher helps as well."

"Of course," she smiled, "teachers are very important."

I smiled back. "We have thirty minutes to kill, Mr. Banner isn't switching me back."

"Does this mean your going to stay my partner?"

"I believe it does."

Lia smiled even wider.

"I'm relieved, I get to pass this class with an A."

"It seems as though your suggesting that I'm going to help you all the time."

"Why wouldn't you? You have to," she was doing that awfully cute head tilt again, her chin resting on her hand, moving to the side of her cheek, down to her neck.

_His eyes are so light, like butterscotch candy, melting caramel, on ice cream… with chocolate chips and rolled in butter, down my mouth…_

She closed her eyes, her thoughts leading to a dangerous place.

She was hungry, I could hear it in everything she thought, everywhere she looked, it was there. Food, but she couldn't. Want, but she couldn't. What was stopping her?

"Hey," I touched her arm, wondering if she was ok. She looked into my eyes again, thinking nothing.

Without breaking eye contact, Lia somehow managed to end up with her head on the desk, as if she were taking a nap.

"What time did you fall asleep last night?" I inquired

"I didn't." she answered with a small yawn.

She closed her eyes slowly, sighing softly.

I flinched as my body moved of it's own accord, towards her.

_106. Two down._

I felt a stab in my heart as I heard her thoughts, she dismissed them as soon as they were let out as her eyes opened to look straight into mine, wary, as though wondering if I just heard that.

I gently put my hand on top of hers as she stared at it intently.

I vaguely noticed that Lauren and Jessica where now staring at our desk, their heads bent together, whispering furiously

"Look at them, can you believe it?"

"Why can't I be a new girl too? Maybe he has a thing for them?"

"I wonder what Bella thinks of this new found friendship."

"Just look at her face, it's like red from anger or something."

Bella was actually blushing at the moment, because Katie, being the talker that she was, seemed to think it'd be a good idea to inform my love on her sexual experience.

Why this would be a topic of conversation with an acquaintance was beyond me, but it gave me a good thing to tease Bella about.

I turned my attention back to Lia, who was tracing small circles in my hand, her soft skin sending a tingling sensation through my body, it was incredibly soothing.

"Lia" I muttered

Her eyes were closed, her breathing steady, her touch was softer now… floating above my skin.

I closed my eyes as well, as she started humming to herself, lightly playing a tune on top of my cold flesh…. It was Dean Martin.

She was close to sleep now, as her mind started conjuring up images of their own accord, her breathing grew slightly heavier, slower, her fingers moving only slightly.

She was in a foggy club, filled with smoke, flickering back to black, and then back to the club, she was walking in a fast pace, flickering back to black, she kept turning people around, one after the other.

"What?" she murmured after the image in her head disappeared.

"hmm?" I asked, as I caressed her hand.

"You said my name," she explained, her voice laced with sleepiness

"A little late now don't you think?" I whispered endearingly, smiling down at her semi-sleeping form.

I lay my head next to hers, mimicking her position, as I continued to stare at her eyelids.

"Still, were you going to tell me something?"

_Everybody finds somebody someplace, _

I heard the song playing in her head as well as from the little speaker in her ear. Her iPod tucked safely in her pocket.

_There's no telling where love may appear_

"You have excellent taste in music." I responded, smiling at her, she opened her eyes slowly.

_Something in my heart keeps saying, my someplace is here._

"I have a hodgepodge taste in music," She smiled contentedly. Still far off in her Dean Martin fantasy. She was still thinking of that foggy club, it reminded me of our night in Seattle, and the way she danced with me.

"If I had it in my power, I'd arrange for every girl to have your charms." I sang along as her tired smile grew wider,

"Then every minute, every hour, every boy would find what I found in your arms" She sang back to me, closing her eyes again.

She let out a soft sigh as she further retreated into her mind.

I felt everyone's eyes on us, well… besides Bella's, who was still finishing her equations, considering she had to practically do all of Katie's after explaining them to her for the umpteenth time.

"Just look at them together, you can't tell me there isn't something going on." Tyler whispered to Ben

_Leave it to the shiny new girl to get a piece of Cullen as well, stupid bitch._ Lauren's thought's screamed.

Just staring at Lia though, it melted all the whispers and accusations as well, I could care less about the gossipy nature of the Forks population.

It was different, it was beyond this classroom, this day, these thoughts. Somehow Lia's intervention in my life had caused a corner of my heart to open, to a place I never knew. It was a different shade of love, with a different depth, and a different meaning. It was above this existence, in it's own world. An escape, a comfort in the darkness that enveloped her, the one that had been lifted off of me with Bella's return.

If Bella was in this situation rather than Lia, I would've normally kept all the accusations to myself. But because it was Lia, not Bella, I had the urge to let her in on the secret. We would have a good laugh about it. But it just seemed wrong, as though it would break our vigil.

Seeing the way her head was laying on the desk, her eyelashes long and her lips delicate, her elfin ears poking out through her hair. I couldn't disturb her. Just as much as I couldn't tease her about her ears, she hated it when I mentioned them.

I lightly traced the skin behind them as she tried unsuccessfully to swap my hand away.

"Elf." I whispered, as the bell rang.

She childishly stuck her tongue out as I rushed to pick up Bella's books.

As soon as I had left the desk, Newton came to her rescue. The pathetic little idiot.

"Hey, Lia."

"Hey Mike," she yawned.

"You're tired aren't you? Must be the jet lag."

_I wonder what they give for lunch at this rotten school_

The idiot, California and Washington only had an hour's time difference.

"Sure it is," Lia responded looking straight ahead,

_I should've brought lunch today, who knows what's awaiting for me in that cafeteria._

"So you're sitting with us at lunch today aren't you?" Newton was hanging on her every word.

_They probably have gross, fatty frozen food, like the kind on that reality show on the Food Network._

"Mhmm." Lia still wasn't looking at him, but she wasn't being rude either.

"Ready to go Edward?" I snapped out of Lia's thoughts, turning towards Bella.

"Ready when you are love." I leaned down and kissed her softly on her neck, treasuring the sweet, sweet blood that flowed just behind the delicate skin.

"Yes, I'm ready," her voice strained. I looked towards her then, her eyes troubled.

I no longer wished to ask her what was wrong, I had more than an idea of what was on her mind. I didn't want to instigate, Bella was being Bella. I remembered the look on her face when she heard about Rosalie, then Tanya. Jealousy was natural for humans, I didn't judge her on that. I would however, make sure she knew she had nothing to worry about.

I quickly kissed her knuckles before entwining her hand with my own as Lia, Newton, and Jessica walked slightly in front of us.

"So how was physics?" Bella asked, an edge to her voice.

"It was alright," I shrugged, "Such a shame that I didn't get to work with my favorite partner," I leaned down and kissed her cheek, lingering slightly.

Her eyes went a little hazy as she struggled to form her next sentence.

"I missed you to, at least you had Lia to keep you company," She was hinting at something, that I was sure of.

"I'm sorry for having to leave you in the company of Katie love, it must've been absolute torture." I tried to make her forget about her current train of thought, I would hate for Bella to doubt my loyalties. She was mine, as I was hers.

"So Lia, this is it, the Forks High cafeteria," Mike was attempting to sound grandiosely funny,

Lia smiled brightly, "Well, at least it matches the scenery outside," she commented, mentioning the school colors, silver and green.

"I'm pretty sure it isn't as fancy as your cafeteria back home," Jessica tried to insert herself in the conversation,

"We didn't really have a cafeteria actually, we just had little cart's all over the campus that sold food and drinks and stuff." Lia replied with a chirp in her voice, her charismatic nature shining.

"Oh my god, that must've been so cool!"

Lia shrugged nonchalantly, "You get used to it, most California campuses are outdoors, no one really ate inside or anything."

"You are _so_ lucky, how come you aren't tan though? Bella wasn't either, not when she came from Arizona." Jessica's nasal passages began to clog up.

"Well I'm here now aren't I? Not so lucky anymore, and I've been in Washington for about a month so… no chance for tanning, I never really had time for that either, I was usually indoors."

She meant she was usually in her ballet classes rather than being out on the beach.

I waited in line behind Lia as she put a cup of fat free yogurt and a small bruised apple on her tray.

I was momentarily entranced at the way her hair shone in the light, the slight swishing of it sending tiny gasps of black roses my way.

As discreetly as I could, I added a sandwich and a bowl of broccoli cheese soup along with her scarce food choices. Bella had told me that once, broccoli cheese soup had been her favorite.

She turned to look at me then, noticing her full plate. As if the direction of her head held all the answers to life's mysteries, both Jessica, Lauren, and Newton looked where she was staring

"Thanks," she muttered, before turning back around.

Bella turned to look at me as well, confusion written on her face as she slowly comprehended that I had added substance to Lia's almost-empty tray.

"You should pay more attention to what she's eating love," I whispered as I gently kissed her cheek, the smell of freesia burning every rose left in my nostrils.

Lia's head sharply turned as her eyes flashed with a look that resembled annoyance. She had heard what I said, she was touchy about the subject, touchy about anything to do with food.

"Looks like you're doing a good job for me." Bella leaned in closer to me, making my vision blur as her scent washed away all my senses. Lia turned around again, resuming her conversation with her newfound friends.

I focused on Lia's hair again, trying desperately to smell her sweet, dark scent. Something to take my mind off of the freesia currently burning my nostrils, my brain, my thought process. It was useless.

I leaned slightly away from Bella. It wasn't as easy for me to resist her scent as before, but my tolerance was slowly coming back.

She looked away from me then, crossing her arms against her chest in an obvious sign of displeasure. I sighed, knowing why she had been acting this way all day.

"I'm sorry love, your scent, it's still slightly maddening, I didn't mean to hurt you." I saw a slight break in Bella's eyes, before they retained their hardness.

She looked at me, exasperated.

"It would be a bit better if you weren't staring at her all the time." Her eyes met mine for a second, glaring, before turning her head once more.

"This again Bella?" I could hardly contain my tiredness with the subject, it had been the backdrop of our conversation since she arrived in Forks.

Did she know that was what I felt whenever she talked about Jacob? When she hinted at going to see him and threw my proposal back at my face, my mother's ring?

Bella shrugged, not in a mood to speak with me, I had angered her.

"Can we sit alone today?" Came her response,

Conflict washed over my features as I remembered what I had told Lia earlier. I had actually been looking forward to spending lunch with her. Not only that, but it was incredibly ignorant that she would choose to sit alone when she knew we had to be monitoring Lia's eating habits.

"Don't we need to watch that Lia eats." I questioned, hoping this would change her mind.

"Alice can stay and make sure she eats everything, we don't need to be there." It was a tone I had never heard come from Bella, I had never heard her be so careless. I almost wanted to tell her to stop talking that way, there was only one person who could get away with such a response.

I had promised Lia otherwise, but sensing Bella's distraught, I knew I had no choice.

"If you're sure, we don't have to stay at their table if you don't want to love." She stared straight ahead, looking at the retreating forms of Jessica, Lauren, Newton, and Lia as they sat down next to Alice.

Bella resolutely walked the opposite way, back to the table me and my family used to sit at. I could not pretend to not notice the way Lia's face fell as she watched me follow Bella.

**Lia Pov**

"Guess Swan got a little jealous," Mike smirked, looking at the retreating forms of Bella and Edward.

Jealous of what?

"Of what?" I voiced my thoughts, sensing the satisfaction that laced his answer.

"Oh come on Frenchie, it's obvious, new girl shows up, Bella hauls Edward's ass to sit alone." Mike was obviously delighted by these turn of events.

"Frenchie?" I smirked, questioning his new nickname.

"Yeah, I've never seen Bella act like that." Mike continued,

"Yeah, because she never acts like anything, the girl has no personality." Lauren sniffed, looking conspicuously at the two, then turning her attention to me.

"Where's Alice?" I asked, wondering why she wasn't sitting with us.

Jessica shrugged, "Maybe she didn't want to sit with us since Bella and Edward aren't."

Jessica scraped off the cheese on her burger, twisting her face in disgust. I closed my eyes briefly as I cursed my body for wanting to lick that cheese off of her food.

_Stupid/fat/stupid/ugly/stupid/bitch/stupid/whore._

My stomach was wonderfully empty, the contents of my soppy breakfast had gone down the drain. Empty, empty, empty, empty. I was strong.

Slowly, very, very slowly, I opened my yogurt, careful not to lick any of the remaining gunk from the aluminum lid.

I could feel Edward burning a whole through my forehead, I acted as though I didn't notice. I couldn't hear what they were saying now, Jessica or Lauren or Angela or Tyler or Mike. I couldn't let myself, I had to focus.

I grabbed the plastic knife and retreated to cutting up my apple into equal slices, six of them. I peeled off the wrapper to my sandwich and started tearing it apart delicately, slowly, the scent of cheese and ham an mayonnaise permeating my senses, making my mind grow hazy. I continued to tear at it, trying to rid myself of all the bad thoughts that made me want to stuff the sandwich down my throat. Edward was still glaring at me, Bella had noticed.

He made to stand up, Bella… stopped him?

I set the shredded sandwich to the side, knowing that I should throw it away now before I gave into temptation. If I did so, people would start questioning. I closed my eyes again, careful not to breath through my nose. The horrid smells would be the death of me, those sinful delicacies.

Maintaining my pace, I picked up a slice of apple and bit the corner of it, chewing as much as I could, right until it practically dissolved on my tongue.

"Dance next week…"

"So excited!"

"Asked him yet?"

"About you Lia?"

I momentarily snapped out of my trance, staring right into the burning eyes of Edward. I then turned to the source calling my name, "huh?" I answered intelligently.

"Are you going Mike's party next weekend?" I thought they had been talking about a dance.

I tried to act as if I were interested, I discreetly looked towards Edward again, he was fuming.

"What day is it?" I questioned, biting another corner of an apple slice, chewing thoughtfully.

"Saturday! It'll be great were getting booze and everything, his parents are out of town, it'll be great." Two things happened at once, I perked up slightly and I mentally screamed at myself in my head.

Maybe it was Edward, maybe it was just a moral code I had set upon myself, or maybe it was my fear of calories. Coming to the conclusion that it was a combination of all three, I realized that I had no intentions of drinking, ever.

"I'm not sure," I shook my head, thinking of an excuse. Edward was close to growling.

"Awww come on, I heard Cali girls could party, don't tell my you're like your boring cousin over there…" Jessica egged me on, Mike nodding his head in enthusiastic agreement.

I suddenly got defensive, I wasn't Bella, I wasn't some pure-as-silk, timid, shy, waste of a teenager. Besides, I didn't have to drink if I got there, I could just drink diet coke all night. But, getting around to asking Charlie, that was something new all together.

"Ok, but what about my Uncle Charlie, he is the chief of police, you really think he'll let me go?" I countered, hoping they had a solution. I tried my hardest not to pay attention to the death glares Edward was shooting.

"Pfft…" Mike laughed as though I had said a bad joke, "Chief Swan loves me, he thinks I'm a golden boy or something, just tell him the party's at my house, he'll let you go."

"You said your parent's are out of town, would Charlie know this?" I continued, realizing how much I hated small towns.

"Golden boy remember? It won't matter." He was so sure, he waved his hand dismissively.

I had a very hard time believing this, no one in Santa Barbara would believe that any kind of teenage party was kept PG-13. Small-town parents must be delusional or something, at least in this town.

**Edward Pov**

It had taken a little more than fair convincing to explain to Bella why I didn't have a sixth period.

Well, someone needed to drive Lia to Seattle. Her classes started at 3:00, and she wouldn't get out until three hours after, she would be tired, there was no possible way she could drive the two or so hours back to Forks every night.

I was lucky enough to have Carlisle fill me out a formal doctor's note on my inability to attend P.E for the year, and Lia didn't need the class because her ballet studies were qualified by the state as a P.E substitute.

I waited by her Mercedes, fuming as I recalled her acceptance to attend that dreaded party.

I had a few choice words to say once she got here.

How could she be so naïve? Thinking she wouldn't drink if she were there, I had read all about peer pressure, Bella being an exception, I couldn't say the same for Lia.

I furrowed my brow in a desperate attempt to stay angry as I saw her flushed face rushing towards her car. She shrugged her dance bag as she hurriedly stuck pins all over her bun, tiny wisps of soft hair framing her face.

"Sorry, I had to change in the girl's restroom and some girl was giving a guy a… you know, and I was kind of embarrassed to just barge in their and start changing, and it smelled so bad and it felt kind of gross, I mean… taking off my clothes in a public bathroom whilst someone is getting head, but then I though how much more uncomfortable it would be for me to change in the car with you there, and I wasn't sure if I'd have enough time to change at the studio, it's my first day back and there's a strict tardy policy and…"

"Lia!" She took in a breath as she smiled sheepishly,

"Sorry, I got kind of excited," she touched her heart to her chest, letting out restless sigh "Ok, I lied, I'm really nervous, my heart's beating like crazy!"

I walked to her taking her arms and leaving them at her sides, her eyes were so wide… I smiled down at her, trying to calm her. She looked so adorable.

"Lia, please calm down, other than the disturbing event you just witnessed in the bathroom, why are you so nervous?"

She continued to calm her breathing as her eyes lowered slightly, she squirmed under my grip.

_Because I'm afraid I'm going to be horrible compared to the others, two months off is next to ballet suicide._

"You have absolutely nothing to worry about Lia, you'll be amazing, I promise." I held on to her tighter, willing her to look me in the eye.

She finally looked up from the floor, "You're so sweet, you know that? But I'm not sure…" She tilted her head hesitantly, biting her lip in the process.

She always tilted her head, for everything, when she looked down, when she looked up, when she was angry, when she was teasing me, when she was smiling.

I pushed my previous anger out of my mind, focusing on the need of approval she was radiating.

I stepped closer, breathing in her scent, the roses that caused me no pain. She closed her eyes as she lay her forehead on my chest, sleep threatening to overwhelm her.

"Stop doubting yourself, enjoy it, you have nothing to worry about." I whispered in her ear, tracing intricate patterns unto her spine. I felt the goose bumps her arms produced; partly from the cold, partly from my touch.

She yawned as she leaned closer to me, shivering.

"It's too cold out here," she mumbled, her small feet taking steps forward, still holding me, she guided me backwards towards her car.

I chuckled, knowing that if it weren't for me helping her, she wouldn't have been able to move me. I kissed her temple as I closed the door to the passenger seat, and made my way to the driver's side.

She slept in the car, holding on to my hand the entire time.

I lazily flipped through the songs on her iPod, deciding to keep it on her play list.

_Take one fresh and tender kissAdd one stolen night of blissOne girl, one boySome grief, some joyMemories are made of this_

I was acutely aware of the pressure of Lia's hand on mine, however soft it may be. She wasn't dreaming, not yet. Bella's touch was always too much, I never showed it but it was. Too much bloodlust, too much temptation, to much pressure. The fragility of my control was tested time and time again and one day, one day it would break, of that I was sure. I would lean closer and her heart would thump wildly, I would kiss her and she would faint, I would look at her and blood would pool in her cheeks. It made me all the more nervous, seeing her reactions, as if I were doing things far more exciting. Options, there weren't to me. I would either turn her, or kill her.

Lia, didn't threaten, she didn't make me want to rip her throat open. she didn't faint, nor did she blush. Her touches were caring and easy when everything else about her wasn't. It was nice, to feel the warmth without it burning._Don't forget a small moonbeamFold in lightly with a dreamYour lips and mineTwo sips of wineMemories are made of this_

I could imagine her now, the way her eyes would flutter softly, at times, particularly when she was tired, and how she would lean in towards me, would her heart beat faster? It wasn't obvious… most of the time, she would draw soft patterns wherever our limbs would touch. How she would nuzzle her head underneath me, the unknown designs she would lace with her fingertips. Would her lips, I wondered, would they do the same?

_Then add the wedding bellsOne house where lovers dwellThree little kids for flavorStir carefully through the daysSee how the flavor staysThese are the dreams you will savor_

I cursed myself as I gripped the steering wheel harder. Bella….was she thinking the same about Jacob? Was this what her mind was preoccupied with when she nonchalantly mentioned her wanting to see him? Did my opposing her visits with him only fuel these fantasies? And why, _why_ did she insist on going to see him so strongly? The boy had imprinted on her, how could she not see what this would do to him, _what it would do to you._ I looked towards Lia as her head lulled to the side and her eyes fluttered before sleep overtook her once more.

My fiancée, my Bella. Did she want this? Did she really? She refused my ring and grudgingly accepted my offer, my deal. I growled in disgust, what I had put myself through to get her to be mine. Was my love not enough?

_With His blessings from aboveServe it generously with loveOne man, one wifeOne love through lifeMemories are made of thisMemories are made of this_

Why was it that the idea of marriage seemed so foolish in her presence? Why did I suddenly feel like a seventeen year-old boy who seemed to be rushing into an adult act? I had lived longer than most married couples lived, yet, just being near to her, made me feel infinitely younger. Alive, unprepared, afraid. The mere idea of God, of the heavens and hell, seemed to be questionable with her in my presence. Blessings, curses, sins and good deeds, what were they really? Had we been handed this fate for the sole reason to suffer in our existence? Surely, there could be no God so cruel as to do such a thing to her, and in turn, to me.

I longed for her to wake up so I could tell her this. I wanted to be selfish and shake her and ask her if she thought we would ever go to heaven, ask her if she believed me to be cursed. Her opinions mattered so much, as if her sixteen year-old philosophy held all the knowledge in the world. I stared at her sleeping form, sighing under my breath as I decided to let her get her rest. I knew she would not get much more after this.

We had all night to talk, to think, to dream.

**Lia Pov**

With Mike's party pushed to the back of my mind, I now fully had time to become a nervous wreck for my upcoming class.

I though of the looks of shock Isabel, Jade and Svetlana would give me once they saw me standing there at the barre. I even thought of stealing Isa's favorite barre spot just to piss her off, I wondered if she would have the guts to ask me to move, would she even be there, had she moved to SAB?

I fell into a restless sleep, the kind were you drift in and out of unconsciousness.

I thought of school, I thought of all the stupid things I had said that day, of all the insignificant moments of self-degradation no one but me seemed to notice.

I remembered the welcoming stabs in my chest every time I saw them together. Touching, smiling, murmuring, loving. I thought of how amusing it was to play the aloof friend. I criticized myself for enjoying such torture.

I liked seeing them together, as masochistic as it sounds. I liked feeling jealous and wanting to rip her head off and smirking behind my hand as her so called friends talked about her behind her back. It gave me a sense of normalcy, for once, to have such childish emotions.

It was as though Bella had stolen something from me, she had ripped the crayons from my hand and refused to give them back. I was forced to sit and watch her color while I pouted in a corner.

Really, I mean… the way he looked at her was enough to make me sick. They were so damn aloof, as though they had no idea there were actually people around them. It irritated me, like a spoiled brat who needed constant attention, it irritated me.

I kept my mouth shut, though I'm sure it was no help the way my mind screamed. Anyway, he never said anything, he let me rant, he knew I was making some effort. After all, I hadn't vocally trashed his girlfriend since I got here, much to my dismay. I really deserved a reward for this.

I vaguely felt his hand wrap around my own as my senses temporarily came back to me. In a few rare moments, I distinctively heard the melodious voice of Dean Martin in the background, Edward quietly mumbling along with the words, before it all went to black again.

"Lia…" I felt a cold hand lightly shake me, "Lia, time to get up…" soothing and cool and comforting.

I fluttered my eyes lazily, my lids too tired to open more than halfway.

**Edward POV**

Watching Lia dance was like nothing I had ever seen before. It felt as though I were watching another side of her.

I sat patiently outside the massive glass-walled studio, seeing Lia put down her water bottle in a place by the barre she had grabbed herself and situated smack in the middle of the front mirror. The other students watched her in shock.

She paid them no attention as she lifted her right leg on to the bar, rotating her hips experimentally before finding a comfortable position. I couldn't help but stare as she stretched and flexed her foot, the arch on it so high that it almost curved around the barre. She bent her standing leg a little before stretching it out, taking her hand off of her hip and bringing it up in a graceful manner, as she bent her body in half, her torso lying right on top of her leg. She held it there for a while, laying her body lazily on it while looking straight at the mirror.

_Just look at your stomach, look at your standing leg, the top of it looks like a mushroom._

I sighed dejectedly, the Lia I had met was slowly but surely coming back. She had left, if only for a brief moment, but the voices escalated more and more each day.

She rotated her hips again, along with her upper body as her legs stayed turned out, in that same position. My vampire senses allowed me to hear her hips working, rotating and straining to keep her legs turned out. I could her one of her tendons popping as it adjusted itself. Truth be told, it sounded very painful.

She reached sideways in a similar fashion as she met the sides of her torso with her leg, closing her eyes as her hamstrings stretched.

She adjusted her leg a tiny bit before wrapping the arm above her head around the leg on the bar and bringing it up.

She looked towards the mirror again, both of her legs drawing a vertical line, not in front of her, her hips were down, and her knee was currently close to touching her shoulder blade. _How did she do that?_

Lia frowned as she tried to push her leg farther into her shoulder blade with her wrapped arm, rotating and pushing her hips farther down. _Not enough turnout, two months. This is what happens in two months._

Her frown increased as she somehow brought her leg forward, still to the side, she pushed it into her shoulder blade as her hips lifted. Setting them back in place, she once again rotated her hips and legs so that now it had moved to the front of her nose rather than to her side. Dissatisfied, she continued to frown. She fidgeted with her leg as she attempted to hoist it closer to her nose.

She closed her eyes again, once she had it as close as she could go, she slowly unwrapped her hand. Her leg lowered slightly, but still kept it's spot by her nose.

I was sort of amazed, to be honest. It was different to see something as beautifully extended when you actually knew the dancer who was executing it.

_You used to have it higher, it used to never lower. What's wrong with you?_

I turned my attention to the other dancers in the room. Some were still staring at Lia, their minds still wondering how she had managed to come back.

Others were talking amongst themselves, mainly of the girl who had managed to get back in. And only two other girls were completely ignoring the chaos around them, stretching as diligently as Lia was.

All of the dancers however, quickly focused on the class at hand once the instructor walked in.

He held an air of superiority and complete authority over the students. No one dared to speak a word once he formally started the class.

It was interesting, watching a modern scene of what looked like a painting by Degas. I spent 90 percent of my time watching Lia, the other 10 percent was divided between briefly watching the other dancers, hearing the comments Mr. Boal thought of in his head, and critiquing the piano accompanist.

I noticed how each dancer had different quirks and strengths. I noticed that Lia used her neck, back, head, and arms a lot more than all of the other dancers.

It made her look lovely, the way she would arch her upper back, close her eyes, and follow her arm movements with her head.

That was another thing too, she would either stare at her arms and hands as though they were the most beautiful thing in the world, or close her eyes, the pleasant smile in her face still in place.

That smile, the loving look. It was completely fake, astoundingly so. It looked as though she were acting. In her head, she would scream at herself any time she even as much as quivered.

_Push your ribs in, you didn't stretch your foot out enough, what's wrong with your elbows? Point them out! Your fingers got too stiff, stop letting go of your stomach! You didn't hold that extension as long as you should have had. Keep your standing leg still for god's sake! Stop quivering on your developpes!_

She beat herself up after every combination, after every transition, after every move. I could see the frustration behind that content look on her face.

Her skin was covered in a sheen of sweat, much like the other dancers. I could hear everything. The short gasps of breath, the creaking of her pointe shoes, the strain of her muscles.

I could see how she mentally kicked herself whenever Mr. Boal would come around and push her ribs in.

"Concentrate Lia, stop looking in the mirror, that's my job."

And when he told her that she was clinching her shoulders in the back, she just about lost it. She spent the rest of the transition time between combinations working on her back, making sure she wasn't squishing her shoulder blades together, and turning to the side, pushing her ribs in manually.

It was the sole thought in her mind as she did every combination.

By the end of the first class, she was emotionally and physically exhausted. It astounded me; the type of pain she endured in her quest for perfection. I didn't expect her to put as much effort and criticism as she had, it was her first day back, after all.

**Lia Pov**

After the ending of my pointe class, which was a total disaster, by the way, Mr. Boal called me over.

I saw Edward nod at the corner of my eye as he patiently sat, waiting for me.

"Could you stay behind for just a moment Lia?" He asked as I was carefully taking off my Russian Pointes, looking at the damage it had done to my precious pinky toe; it was now red and raw.

"Yes, of course," I replied, nodding vehemently to show my understanding. He was going to notch me down a couple of levels, I knew it. I had done horribly today, easily being one of the worst in the class.

I was dreading the way he was waiting by the piano, talking quietly to our accompanist.

After putting on my booties I hesitantly walked towards Mr. Boal, waiting respectively for him to finish his conversation.

He turned to look at me then as the accompanist grabbed her stuff and exited the studio, giving me a slight nod as I curtsied politely and thanked her once more for her music.

Mr. Boal, naturally, wasted no time in getting to the point.

"I'd like you to take a few private lessons with , I feel as though you'll progress a lot quicker this way. You've lost quite a bit of time."

I nodded my head, understanding what he meant.

You suck Lia.

I started remembering the movie _Superstar,_ when the priest was all _"You're special Mary, in fact, you are so special that we are putting you in special ed."_ Yeah, that's how I felt.

"I think that with these extra classes, you may be able to move to level VIII in a month's time, and, possibly, have a very rewarding experience at this year's student workshop."

I stood there, shell shocked.

16-year olds NEVER got into Level VIII, at least not in my generation. Technically, my seventeenth birthday would follow less than a month after, but still. Getting into that level was very, very difficult, only two or three girls from Level VI made it after the year. Being in Level VIII meant that PNB was interested, very, very interested in offering you an apprenticeship.

I could feel my head nodding as my heart soared. I bit my lip to keep the grin threatening to spread at bay.

"Wow, I wasn't expecting this, I mean with all the corrections I got, I'm sure I did horrible…" I rambled,

"Lia, haven't you come to understand that you want the corrections? Many people would pay a good deal of money for them in this school."

I could only nod attentively, because corrections, although yearned, still meant you were doing something wrong.

"Two days a week will be fine, Tuesdays and Fridays, how does that sound?" He asked,

"That's fine, what time would these be at?" I inquired, hoping that they weren't before regular classes.

"6:30 on Tuesdays and 5:00 on Fridays, you'll have a half hour break in between."

"Alright, they'll be an hour and a half long?" I asked.

"Yes, yes of course, a full ballet class, both on pointe." He affirmed.

"Ok, I'll make sure to be there tomorrow, thank you so much," I said breathlessly, I was too excited to talk normally.

"Your welcome." He walked hurriedly out of the studio, "oh… and Lia?" He turned around briefly.

"Yes?" I said attentively.

"Nice job in class today." With that, he exited.

My heart was threatening to leap out of it's chest as I basked in the glow of accomplishment.

I half skipped, half walked towards Edward as he wrapped me in his arms.

"Can you believe it Edward? Level eight! I never would've imagined…" I trailed off, remembering myself in class, "Ugh, but I did so horribly Edward, what could he have possibly seen?"

He hushed me before I answered my own question.

"You were not horrible, so stop saying that. And to answer your question, he was remembering your progress and work ethic from before you left the school. He had been planning to move you up during January, that is, until you left. He still wanted to, he just knew you needed an extra push to raise you to the level you were two months ago. Which, from what both he and I saw, shouldn't take too long."

I hugged him tighter, feeling more euphoric than I had in weeks.

"Thanks so much Edward," I muffled, my head buried in his shirt.

He chuckled, clearly amused, "For what?" His eyes danced with mirth as he lifted my head to his level.

I shrugged, not really knowing why I was thanking him.

"For everything," I finally decided, throwing my head back in laughter.

"For being one of the best things that ever happened to me." I concluded.

**Edward POV**

"What do you want to do when you're older?" I asked on the drive home.

"What do you mean?" Lia replied, shuffling through the songs on the radio.

"I mean, what do you _really _want to do?"

She paused for a fraction of a second, finally settling on Tom Waits.

"I always thought I'd dance in Paris. I mean, if I could dance anywhere, it would be there. I guess my dream would be to join the Paris Opera Ballet, but that's just unrealistic."

"Why is that?" I asked, not fully understanding, it was evident she had the talent.

"Because you can't hired by the company unless you trained at their school… l'E_cole de Danse de l'Opera de Paris" _She murmured, ending in a French accent.

I felt a brief stab of pain at the mere thought of her so far away.

"Of course, it's literally impossible to get in if you aren't a French citizen, especially if your American."

"Of course, you aren't just an American."

She contemplated this, thinking it over, before laughing.

She shook her head, "You need to learn more about the politics of ballet, trust me, the POB school is impossible. Thus, the dream is impossible."

I shook my head back at her, "You're very optimistic, did you know that?" I added.

She only smiled back, a little uneasily.

"So what do you think you're going to do then?" I revised,

"Well," she sighed, "I'll graduate from PNBS, but I don't really want to dance in their company, I don't even think they'll take me."

"Why?" I yelled incredulously, Mr. Boal loved her!

"Too short for their company, Mr. Boal will probably send me off to an audition at the San Francisco or New York City Ballet. And with his recommendations and my training, I'll get hired, most likely, but I don't think I want to dance for neither of those."

"Why?" Was my intelligent response. I couldn't quite figure out what she was trying to say.

"Because, although I love their classical repertoire, they have too much contemporary for my taste. So then, I was thinking, why not audition for the National Ballet of Canada? They're as classical as they get, but I don't think I'd like to live in Toronto." She scrunched up her face.

"So where do you want to dance?" I asked again.

"I already told you, the Paris Opera Ballet."

"But you just said that was impossible."

"I know, sucks doesn't it?"

**Bella POV**

"_If you, if you could returnDon't let it burn, don't let it fade_

I was angry that he left with her. How could I not be? How did that make any sense?

I was angry at myself for secretly looking forward to their leaving, looking forward to it because I was going to make things right with Jacob.

The guilt had been gnawing at me for weeks, ever since I left him. He had ran away, Edward hadn't cared.

He had ran away because of me, and I stood there and did nothing. He was suffering because of me, and I couldn't even see him and make things better.

Alice warned me this would cause nothing but trouble, that my visits would do nothing but cause more anguish. But how could I sit back, watching and doing nothing?

I had to go. Alice did not understand, but she didn't intervene either.

"This is your choice." She had left me with a wary look on her face.

So I left. I got into my truck and drove to La Push because I couldn't stand the pain I left him in, _the pain I could feel somewhere in the corners of my heart._

Nothing was clear at this point. Somewhere the lines had blurred between my misery and happiness.

I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't have a clue.

Marriage? Did I truly want that? Was my aversion simply because I cared too much to let my parents down? Or did it stem from my genuine unhappiness?

My love for Edward was real. And I had come to the conclusion that so was my love for Jacob. I could not deny my own feelings.

But I didn't know which feelings were stronger anymore. Being so caught up in sacrificing my emotions for the benefit of others had left me with nothing.

My heart went into panic as I realized this. I did not know what I wanted.

I reached La Push and stayed in my truck, terrified of driving up that familiar street and into the arms of the man who had chosen me for a soul mate.

**Edward POV**

"Do you think we would've been friends if I had been born in 1901?" Lia asked in a playful tone.

I thought over her question, wondering how she would take my answer.

"Truthfully? No. Unless, by some amazing chance, I would've decided to look past your apparent shallowness and talked to you, by which I think we would've become great friends, then…no."

She crossed her arms,

"And why not? I think we would've been great friends!" She said indignantly.

"Because you remind me too much of Rosalie, and, as you know, I never gave her much of a chance. Although she did deserve it, I was too arrogant, I suppose."

"Was?" She snorted.

"Pot calling the kettle black? I retorted, hiding a smile.

"I am not arrogant!" She playfully pushed my shoulder, with both hands, I didn't budge.

My smile was in full view now.

"Not fair, stupid vampire." she muttered, dismayed at her lack of strength.

My phone rang then, the familiar tune letting me know it was a call from Alice.

"What is it?" I answered.

"I just though I should let you know, she went to see Jacob today." Alice said in a clipped tone.

"We'll continue this later." I replied, shutting the small silver cell phone rapidly.

"Why didn't you stop her?" Edward yelled at Alice's small frame.

"What was I supposed to do? It was her choice Edward!" The petite girl crossed her arms firmly.

"He could've hurt her!"

"How could you be so ignorant? If he hadn't hurt her the seven months you were out of her life, what makes you think he would do so now?" She retorted.

"He's angry at her Alice, why wouldn't he?" Edward responded, throwing his hands in the air.

"Don't you dare take out your anger on me Edward, I had nothing to do with this!"

"Of course you did Alice, of course you did! You let her go! You didn't even attempt to stop her! You fueled the fire Alice!"

Alice stepped dangerously close to his face, her eyes seething all the frustration she felt.

"You think I did this to her?"

"You didn't stop her." Edward repeated, his hands clenched at his sides.

"I'm tired of playing this game Edward, I'm not her mother and neither are you, and if she wants to tangle herself in another mess, I won't stop her, not anymore." _And I won't stop you either, I've seen your future Edward, and I'd think you would not be bold enough to foolishly believe it's stayed the same._

And with that, Alice turned on her heel, leaving Edward speechless.

Meanwhile, a girl starved, and another cried herself to sleep.

* * *

I would love to know if you think Edward's reaction was justified, is he overreacting as usual?


	14. Your Heart Has a Lack of Color

**A/N:** This chapter, well, what can I say about it. Is this just a useless a/n? Possibly. I realize Lia is kind of annoying and Bella-ish (whiny, etc...) in this chapter. But, I can't really sugarcoat it for you. People with emotional and mental diseases are, well... emotional. I don't know, but she isn't perfect and as I explained before, she is rather selfish. Anyway, I just think she really wants Edward to realize what's going in. Which, I understand, is very hypocritical of her. See? rambling again, someone, tell me to shut up.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight, or any recognizable labels.

* * *

_"With all of this I feel now  
Everything inside of my heart  
It all just seems to be how  
Nothing I feel pulls at me at all  
Again I waited for this to pull apart  
To break my time in two"_

- All Of This, Blink 182

Edward had left.

Edward had left and now he was gone and I couldn't even bring myself out of my stupor long enough to stop him.

Jacob.

It was because of me.

How could I explain to him how his anguish ripped mine apart? Surely if it were anyone he cared about he would understand.

Jacob. My sun. My best friend.

"_What are you doing here Bella?"_

"_I need to see Jacob" I choked out, barely containing my tears._

"_You know you aren't welcome here."_

"_Please Billy, I just…I just need to talk to him, please!" My hysterical sobs shook throughout my body, sending waves of grief straight into my heart._

"_The elders have agreed that you aren't needed in this reservation anymore, furthermore we do not want you here anymore, and I am not letting you see or talk to my boy ever again, do you understand?" Billy's foreign voice was laced with resistance._

"_Bella?" I heard a smoother, happier, more desperate voice ask, "Bella, is that you?"_

"_Jacob!" I shrieked, my dam opening again as a fresh stream of tears poured through._

"_No!" Billy shook again, blocking the entrance._

"_Just let her in dad! I need to see her, she wants to talk to me!" Jacob pushed his way through the door as Billy slammed it shut._

_He immediately embraced me. Smothering me with his heat and his radiance and, god, how I missed this, how I missed him._

"_I'm ssssooo….sssoo sorry Jacob, please, understand." I managed to say, I wasn't sure, I couldn't hear myself through my crying._

"_Shhh, shhh, it's ok Bella, I forgive you." His voice was soft and soothing. Making me feel unworthy of his comfort, making everything worse._

"_Nnnoo, no it's not ok!" I pleaded._

"_You're hear now Bella, that's all that matters."_

"_I'm not what you want me to be…" I muffled through his shirt._

"_I'll take any part of you, anything you want me to give Bella, you are more than enough."_

_I looked up at him in awe. Adoration, bittersweet joy, worship…love. All there, there in his eyes._

"_I don't deserve you for a friend."_

"_I don't care Bella, I don't care. I just want you, I'll take what I can get. Bella, I love…"_

"_Shhh!" I silenced him, dreading the words that would come out of his mouth._

"_I know Jacob, I know."_

Edward had been furious. Furious at Alice, furious at Jacob.

But not at me. No, he was never angry… never at me.

But, disappointment felt worse.

I could not regret the decision I had made. But something tugging in my heart told me it was not enough. It was not enough to have Jacob as a stand-in, a friend when he was destined to be more.

I was selfish.

It was not enough to only be friends with Jacob because Jacob deserved so much more, and it tore me apart that I would not, could not give that to him. _But you did once._

Jacob deserved the sunshine he gave me and the love and adoration of a soul mate. _The love fate had chosen to hand the both of us._ The love that I had discarded for a different life.

I tugged at the ends of my pillow as I remembered the commitment I had made to Edward.

Edward, he had been furious. And, in his glorious wrath, he did the only thing he knew how.

He forgave me, holding me while I wept.

I sighed again, feeling guilty for all the pain I had caused him. It wouldn't have hurt him as much if he understood that I could not, would not leave Jacob.

I gripped the bed sheets harder as I remembered what would happen soon. The decision I made finally taking it's toll, hitting me with it's full intensity.

Marriage. Weddings. Fiancé. Eternity.

Edward.

And somehow, even after all of my pleading, I had come to the realization that I was nowhere near ready for this.

I had called Jacob as soon as I got home.

I was strangely, giddy when I thought of spending the day with him. I had missed the days when we would both hang out in his garage, drinking warm soda and starting new projects.

I had actually learned something about cars, and even helped him fix a small problem in his rabbit.

I felt a brief pang of nostalgia as I remembered the bonfires we used to share on First Beach. The carelessness that came with no responsibility. It was all fun and games and jokes with the wolves.

There was no fear of him leaving, no fear of bleeding.

For once, I had actually felt deserving of someone's love, and eventually, I had come to the conclusion that me and Jacob would one day marry. Maybe it hadn't been the intense love I felt for Edward, but it had been enough. Those days seemed so far away. I had never expected to get married so young. I thought of how long me and Jacob would've waited, maybe sometime after college, after we both matured.

Edward wanted to get married now. Edward was superior and I was undeserving.

Hadn't I craved maturity? Hadn't I looked down upon childishness and teenage freedom? Hadn't I criticized Lia for being everything I wasn't? Then why did Then why was I running towards it at the moment? Why was I running away from the responsibility that I had sworn myself into?

Why was I afraid of commitment with the one person I loved more than the world itself?

* * *

_"With all of this I know now  
Everything inside of my head  
It all just goes to show how  
Nothing I know changes me at all  
Again I waited for this to change instead  
To tear the world in two  
Another night with her  
But I'm always wanting you"_

**Edward POV**

"That's it Lia, tighter fifth…tighter, try again."

I saw her release the breath she had been holding as the pressure on her toes screamed in pain.

"Alright, Lia, from fifth…. Brush out, fondu in… attitude en face, keep the knee there, you shouldn't be moving it, extend Lia, I want you to reach higher, present your heel…. That's it. Reach… keep reaching, and…. Tight fifth."

"Alright, that was better… just remember not to prolong the passe to attitude for longer than it needs to be. Your leg needs to be extended and held, not kicked out after you wasted all your time lifting it."

Lia nodded attentively, taking in every word.

I was still amazed at her work ethic, her abdominals were hurting, her legs were still shaking, and I could almost feel the pain from the pressure her big toe was enduring.

"Lets move on the grand battements, we'll skip frappes today and do echappes instead."

The creaking on the ground was the only sound besides the soft piano in the background, Lia wasn't holding her breath anymore, and her small gasps were in tune with her dancing.

"Above the music Lia, not on it, it's too heavy."

Too heavy

"You're right on the music Lia, I don't want that, it looks like you have 10-pound weights on your legs, above the music Lia, above it!"

10 - pound weights

"That's how you do it Lia, see how much lighter it looks?"

She smiled brighter to show her understanding but her mind was screaming.

It was amusing, because the more her muscles screamed, around the time Mr. Boal would tell her to repeat the combination a second time, the lighter she danced. Her smile would grow brighter and her arms and neck more elaborate.

"sautuee seconde, to fifth closing back, then closing front. Sautue's to the fourth, fifth, second, fifth, fourth, then fifth again followed by 16 changements,15 entrechecats, and we'll finish with a royale to get you on the left leg, twice through.

Lia's eyes widened a bit, and I understood it once she started moving, because that combination was just insanely tiring.

"You're getting tired Lia, stop showing it on your face. Push off with your toes, they look like bacon right now, that isn't your turnout Lia, show me your turnout."

Mr. Boal stopped the music as Lia finished.

"I know it's tough, but we must make some efforts, it's when we get tired that we make progress, and you relaxed the moment you got tired."

Lia POV

I curtsied and said my thanks to Mr. Boal as he exited the room.

Tentatively, I lowered myself on to the floor and began untying my pointe shoes. Edward was by my side in an instant.

"I'm a little afraid to take these off," I admitted.

Edward smiled, "It's not going to be pretty, I think you managed to scrape some skin off of your pinky toe."

I shrugged, smiling back, "That always happens to me, it used to start bleeding until I started taping it, but it still stings."

I took my last shoe off and rolled up my tights, noticing how my big toe was all but squashed, it looked like a square.

Edward scrunched up his nose as I laughed.

"Your feet smell atrocious." Edward explained,

"Doesn't this whole place smell like sweaty feet?" I countered,

"True." He laughed again as he helped me up. I put on my comfy, soft, warm, inviting, heaven-on-Earth booties.

"Mmmmmm" I moaned, closing my eyes as I digged deeper into my shoes, "just like heaven."

"Soft and only you," Edward replied, hiding a smirk.

"A Cure fan too huh? So the 80s was tolerable?" I asked as we walked back to my car.

"It was better than two atrocious eras before that,"

I shook my head, "I can let that slide for the 70s Cullen, but I WILL make you a 60s appreciator by the end of this year, I promise you."

His eyes twinkled with mirth.

"You of all hippie-hating people, honestly… I've never met anyone whose hated peace and loved the Beatles."

"There two completely different things, I assure you, besides, Sinatra was still around in the 60s you know."

"That doesn't mean his music was part of the era…"

"Why was Bella crying last night?"

Edward POV

"Sorry" was the first word that came from her mouth after her blurted statement.

I immediately shook my head.

"Don't be." I said absent-mindedly grabbing her hand as I started the car.

"You don't have to tell me anything, I tend to lack a thought-filter when you're around."

Still, I would really like to know.

"I though we were past hiding secrets?" I said.

"I don't think we had to try and pass it at all, I distinctly remember us jumping into the deep end from the get-go."

"I trust you." I said with such conviction that it astounded me. Because at that point, I knew I could literally tell her anything, _anything_, and it wouldn't change a thing. There was no fear of rejection, there was no fear of scaring her away. _There wasn't the precautions I took with Bella._

She looked into my eyes then, her mouth slightly open,

"I trust you too." She said in the same tone.

We both smiled softly at each other, I was pretty sure that I hadn't smiled so much for my entire existence than how much I smiled since I had met her. I adored this girl. Absolutely adored her.

"She went to see Jacob." I said, still locked in her eyes.

That whore, that stupid little bitch.

I shook my head, "don't" I said softly, because I still couldn't handle her talking about Bella that way.

My fiancée, the women I loved more than life itself.

She crossed her arms defiantly, taking her hand out of mine.

"I'm not sorry, she should know better." Lia backfired.

"It's not…"

"Her fault, yeah, yeah… I get it." she waved off my comeback as she raised the volume of the radio higher, Nights in White Satin playing.

I frowned, sensing her obvious displeasure as a string of curse words filtrated her mind.

"What's wrong?" I asked, as I tried to make eye contact.

"Nothing." She said simply,

I sighed.

"Can you please tell me Lia? I can't stand it when you're like this."

"I hadn't realized I was bothering you so much, I didn't do anything wrong." She countered, looking out the window.

"I really want to know."

"Did you know what I did for Christmas when I was seven years old Edward?"

I sensed one of her sarcastic remarks looming,

"What?" I responded,

"I, being the naïve little fool I was, decided it would be a great idea to leave cookies and milk out for Santa Claus. I hadn't been very good that year, and I thought that would make it up. But you know what happened?"

"What?"

"I woke up on Christmas morning to find the damn cookies and milk in the same spot I had left them." She snapped.

"So I'm assuming that I'm not going to receive what I want just by wishing it?" I replied, seeing the picture of a young, very angry, Lia chomping away at Chips Ahoy cookies, the ones Santa Claus had failed to eat.

She didn't reply.

"I've been meaning to take you to the beach, maybe we could do that this weekend?"

She snuck a glance out of the corner of her eye, "Really?" she asked in a small voice.

"If you want to, of course, it would be just the two of us."

"Really?" She asked again, a little louder this time.

"Yes, I think it would be… fun. Do you know how long it's been since I've done such a thing?"

"You mean going to the beach? A long time…but why?" She replied, her bad mood all but vanishing.

"Because of the sun, and a day at the beach isn't exactly very entertaining when it's cloudy." I returned, thinking of the beaches back in Chicago, the memories so blurry they seemed dream-like.

"This is going to be great! I'll teach you how to catch crabs and body surf and I can bury you too! We'll have so much fun Edward, trust me. It'll be the best day at the beach in all of your old, long life." She replied, a glimmer in her eyes as she let me hold her hand again.

Your old, long life…

Her heartbeat accelerated as the twinkling in her gaze all but vanished.

I'll only be a small dent in his eternity, his eternity spent with…

"Bella will be changed, won't she? After the wedding?"

Changed, old, long…. Life. Lia.

Lillianne Marie Dupont was not built to last forever.

I gulped down the shock brought about by my revelation. The though of not having her. In sixty, seventy, eighty years. Too short, much, much too short.

It'll be much less than that the way she's heading.

Twenty, ten, five years. Starvation didn't exactly guarantee a long lifespan.

I gripped her hand tighter as I focused on the road, to no avail.

"Yes." I choked out, as Lia's thought process took the same turn as mine had.

She pictured Bella as a vampire, me, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme all in one roof. A twisted version of the picture perfect family.

"Oh, that's nice."

I heard the venom laced in her words as she snatched her hand out a second time.

Stupid, whiny Bellabitch. Always getting what she wants.

My frustration only grew as her mood swings reared their ugly head.

"Please Lia, tell me what's wrong." I pleaded, feeling the desperation seeping through my tone. Lia and I didn't have much time, I didn't want to waste a single moment of it.

"Nothing's wrong." She said. The same excuse she had fed me for the past three months.

"Don't question my intelligence Lia, it's insulting." I added, it came out bitter, much too bitter.

She narrowed her eyes dangerously, I had hit a nerve and I knew it.

"You want to know what's wrong? What did you tell Bella when you found out she was with Jacob huh?"

"I didn't tell her anything." I said through gritted teeth, tightening my hold on the steering wheel. I didn't want to have this conversation with her, not after Alice's confrontation.

"Oh really? Did you cuddle her Edward, did you hold her hand as she cried her damn eyes out for another boy? Did you tell her it wasn't her fault? Who did you put the blame on this time sweetheart? Tell me Edward, who did you blame for having a whore for a…"

"Enough!" I boomed, feeling the expensive leather beneath my fingers crack slightly.

"Stop hiding from the truth Edward! I'm not going to play your little game! I do that enough back home!"

"I don't want to talk about it anymore." I shot back, trying to block out her thoughts.

"Then I don't want to talk to you anymore."

"Fine!"

"Coward." She finished.

We pulled up to the house in relative silence, her footsteps the only noise as she grumpily walked up to her room. Charlie was fortunately still at work. I thought about what to do for a moment, making my mind up, I sighed tiredly as I followed her up to her bedroom.

* * *

"Lia, darling… how have you been?"

"No reception in Madrid I see?" I answered, hoping to muster all the venom in my voice as possible.

"I'm so sorry honey, but you'll never guess what happened to my phone once we got through airport security!"

"I'm guessing you stashed another bomb in place of your battery?" I answered sarcastically, hating to hear her pathetic excuses.

"You shouldn't say that so loudly sweetheart, it's completely rude."

"Sorry." I replied, hoping to end this conversation.

"So how's Uncle Charlie? Are you liking Forks so far?"

"It's just peachy."

"I just saw Elizabeth's mother this morning while we went for coffee, she told me Ellie said hi."

"That's great." I answered, crossing my arms over my chest, protecting myself from the cold.

I felt Edwards cold breath in my ear as I shuddered.

"Your mother?" He whispered.

I only nodded, I was still angry, no, angry wasn't the word, frustrated. Yes, frustrated with him.

"Oh don't be so sour about it Lia, I'll tell her you said hi as well."

"Ok." I sighed.

"Listen honey, I know it must be difficult for you to be under the circumstances you are now. I promise you it was for the best. You didn't want to leave Pacific Northwest did you? I was only looking out for your training. If you really wanted to come back home and stay at your old studio, you could've done so, you could come back whenever you want."

Yeah, right.

"No thanks, I appreciate what you did." I answered distractedly, already bored with her mindless chatter. My mother was so fake she couldn't even be herself with her daughter, face lifts did that to you.

"Look honey, how about you come spend a week of your Spring break back home? Your father's been wanting you to spend a week in New York with him as well but I'd rather you come back to California."

"I might have rehearsals during Spring break." I contradicted. I knew it was a lie, but maybe my mother hadn't figured it out yet.

"Nonsense Lia! I talked to your school director, he told me you have two weeks off in May. You must come to visit! I insist! Don't you miss us? And all your old friends"

I suppressed a snort, she wouldn't be so fond of my friends if she and her husband actually spent time watching where I was going.

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea." I replied uneasily as a flash of worry danced across Edward's honey-colored eyes.

I stared at his smooth, pale skin. Glowing in the dim moonlight entering through my window. His hair was disheveled, as usual, and his lips were slightly parted. Damn.

"Huh?" I asked as Edward smirked.

"I said that this is not debatable Lia. You're coming here and that's final. You need to start paying more attention when you're being spoken to."

I sensed a lecture.

"Listen mom, I have to go, loads of homework, but I'll call you tomorrow ok? Bye."

I hung up before she had time to respond.

"Hi." I breathed.

"Hello." Edward replied, lazily drawing out the words.

His lips forming into that devilish smile. Jesus Christ.

He moved closer, lightly tapping his fingers across the bottom of my knee.

"You know, I was under the assumption that you were angry with me." He looked intently at my leg before lifting his eyes slightly to gaze at my own.

"I never said I was angry. Frustrated, more like it." I tilted my head to the side as I suppressed a yawn. Wow, since when did I start acting like Bellabitch?

"I hate it when you do this to me." He whispered.

"I hate it when you let her walk all over you." I countered, despising how whiney and controlling I sounded.

"I hate it when you talk about her that way,"

"I hate it when you defend her."

"I hate it when you think she's more important to me than you are."

I stopped my tongue from biting back as I processed what he gad just said.

"What?" I spluttered, unable to form a response.

He lazily drew small circles on my forearm "It's true. I know your under the belief that Bella is on a higher pedestal than you, and you couldn't be more wrong." he whispered.

"I care for you Edward." I muttered, trying to think. But all I could do was breath in his scent and fight the urge to inch just a little closer.

"as I care for you." He whispered, looking back up at me.

"I don't like to see you hurt the way you do." I whispered back.

"And you think that what you do to yourself doesn't hurt me."

"Don't." I warned.

He leaned back, blinking slightly.

"Those are two completely different things. Besides, I would never intentionally hurt you."

"She isn't doing it intentionally," he contradicted.

I scoffed, "where is she now, on another friendly, platonic visit to her ex's house?"

I crossed my arms, satisfied when he didn't respond.

"I guess it's settled." He finally muttered, standing up.

"Nothing is settled. But I get it." I replied harshly.

"Pray tell, what you get Lia." He added, shifting slightly on my bed as I heard the front door shut below me.

"I respect that you're head's too up her ass to see what's really going on. They're your decisions, I'll no longer berate you for them, since it obviously upsets you so much."

"And what is really going on Lia? Or are you just coming to conclusions because you can't stand Bella being shown in a good light?"

I ignored his comment, "I respect your decisions," adding on just a little too sarcastically.

"I hope you don't expect me to respect yours." He countered acidly.

he stood up from the bed, walking away from me.

"You should go greet Bella, she's back from her "friend's" house, you know. So I think you need to get out, you know, maybe ask her why she's still refusing to wear your ring."

My tone was calm, bitter, hovering over disdain

He walked quickly back to the spot besides me, making me flinch.

"You can be so hateful sometimes do you know that? Don't you think I know what's going on? I know damn well, I don't need your selfish attitude on top of this."

"I'm not…" I began

"Save it Lia, I don't want to hear your excuses. All you do is talk badly of her, it's funny how you say you care about my happiness, when it's obvious you care for nothing but yourself. You just can't stand the fact that I chose her."

"Get the fuck out." I demanded with such strong conviction that Edward's eyes widened.

My heart thudded painfully against my ribs.

"Gladly." He muttered as he shoved by me, shutting the door forcefully.

I threw the stupid photo frame of me and my mother at the door as I heard a satisfying crack. I was breathing loudly as the full weight of Edward's insulting tone hit me.

Heading back to bed, I pushed the tiny iPod speakers into my ears and turned the volume as high as it could go.

But that didn't stop the terrifying sobs that wracked through my body, the anger letting itself out in the only way it knew how.

Stupid/bitch/stupid/fat/stupid/ugly/stupid/whore.

I pulled at my hair painfully as I tried to think of something else, but the words continued to reverberate through my system.

This chant, this truthful prayer that kept me awake at night. It was the blame, the only excuse for why I acted the way I did. It was the end and the beginning. A cycle, I couldn't find anywhere else to put my guilt, or to blame for why I was acting so harshly.

I couldn't tell myself that maybe I should stop acting this way towards Edward, I couldn't sit down and reflect on the things we said and how it should've been avoided.

The only thing that was going through my head was thinner.

If you were thinner, everything would be better. If you weighed less, you'd be better. If you were skinnier than this would've never happened.

You wouldn't feel so moody and you wouldn't be so disgusted and then maybe you wouldn't be such a bitch all the time.

At 90 pounds I would feel stronger, see clearer, and dance on air. If I was 10 pounds thinner than the fog would clear from my brain.

Suffering. I deserved the suffering, I deserved those hunger pangs that woke me up in the middle of the night, my stomach hurting so much. I deserved everything that I put myself through, because I didn't deserve to eat, _I didn't deserve to live._ Zero. I would continue until I was zero. Nothing.

* * *

"Did you have fun at Jacob's love?" I asked, trying to suppress the anger threatening to burst.

"It was fine." Bella answered, biting her lip, wringing her hands together. I immediately embraced her, missing the smell of her strawberry shampoo.

I kissed her temple softly as the scent of freesia burned my nostrils.

I tried to block out the guilt of what I had just done. Of the way Lia had perceived my words; "I chose her." I chose her, not that I chose her over Lia.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked softly, noticing her discomfort. She bit her lip again, looking at the floor, as if contemplating whether to tell me something.

"There isn't anything wrong… it's just…" She looked sideways, letting out a small sigh as she continued to fidget with her hands.

"Bella, love, can you please tell me what's going through your mind? It's worrying me." I quickly unwrapped her hands from each other and wound them through my own.

"It isn't anything to worry about Edward, but… umm, well…"

"Love, please, just say it." I begged, as her hesitation gnawed at me.

"Jacob invited me to a bonfire on the rez this Saturday and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind me going." She let out in a single breath, stumbling over her words.

An immediate warning bell rang above me,

_You would not be so bold as to think your future has stayed the same._

Alice's words filled my ears, remembering how important these choices would be.

What could I say? If I said no, would she listen? She would be angry, no doubt. And Alice had been right, I wasn't her mother. But if I allowed this? Would I be pushing too far over the wrong ledge? Would I be leading her towards her soul mate? The man whom I had stolen the love of my life from?

The words left my mouth on instinct.

"If you really want to love, you can go, no need to ask for my permission." I didn't know

If that had been the right thing to say, but my hands were tied. What could I do? My displeasure had no business in this decision, my instincts had simply gone to salvaging my engagement. I gave her a chaste kiss, no lingering, not with her.

_I hate it when you let her walk all over you._

* * *

_"Il est entre dans mon coeur," she whispered, in tune with the music rolling through the car's radio, staring out into the massive sea._

_Suddenly, two arms wrapped around her as the music continued, holding her in an intimate embrace as she leaned her head back into his chest._

_"Une part de Bonheur, Dont je connais la cause." she continued "C'est lui pour moi. Moi pour lui Dans la vie,"_

_"Il me l'a dit, l'a jure pour la vie.…" he joined in._

_He smiled into her hair, "Why do you always make me want to sing along with you?"_

The vision dimly faded, returning me to my bedroom were Jasper was lying besides my frame.

I shook my head in disbelief.

That girls hair had been too dark, that girl's voice had been to sweet, that girl's accent had been too authentic. That boy had been too lighthearted, that boy had looked too comfortable.

That had not been Edward's Bella, and that girl had not been his fiancée.

I snapped out of my reverie long enough to find that Bella's future had changed once more. Because, since her brief throw with Jacob, her future had been identical to Edward's.

* * *

Anyone recognize the song Lia's singing in the vision? It's kind of really important. MUST SHUT UP. Honestly, I annoy MYSELF.

Thanks to all your reviews, and please, I love detailed, hypercritical opinionated comments. So feel obliged to leave one! (;


	15. In Foreign Dressing Rooms

**A/N:** It's been close to a month, and I have very good excuses. AP Exams, Finals, SAT Prep, Rehearsals for In Studio Concert, final grades and trying to raise my D+ in AP English. Yeah, I know, procrastination is not my friend. Another thing is that I lied about this chapter, it was supposed to be very happy, and basically the point of no return for Lia and Edward. I wrote it, I hated it. I didn't feel as though it gave off what I needed it to. So I redid it, and skipped over the important day. Why did I do this? So when I do write it, which will be very, very soon, it will hold a lot more meaning. Maybe it's because I can no longer write something without lacing it with drama. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that the chapter will be more important if you already know it's geared towards doom and gloom. My characters, and SM's grow more and more annoying by the hour. Bare with me.

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize the name, I do not own it. And me, being me, almost own nothing because I like using real life settings and people. PNB is a real school, a real company, and the Mr. Boal is the real life director. As well as all the restaurants, treatment center, etc.. that I have used. They are all real places in Washington. So don't sue me. please?

* * *

"_Please understand  
This isn't just goodbye  
__This is I can't stand you  
This is where the road crashed into the ocean  
__It rises all around me  
And now we're barely breathing  
A thousand faces we'll chose to ignore."_

-Lia POV-_  
_

**PNBS 2010 STUDENT WORKSHOP CAST LIST  
**

_Excerpts from Swan Lake, Act 2_:

**Entrance of The Swans:** Level VII-VIII

**Swan Lake Pas De Deux:**

Odette- Anna Gustavvson

Prince Siec Fried: Robert Corella

**Little Swans Pas de Quatre: **

Isabel Smith

Lillianne DuPont

Jordan Herzog

Carissa Ramos

**Dance of the Large Swans:**

Svetlana Voznick

Gabriella Dicker

Victoria Jones

Alina Kent

_Excerpts from Sleeping Beauty_:

**Rose Adagio: **

Princess Aurora: Isabel Smith

Suitors: Steven Eagling, Eric Steifel, Angel Kiwitt,

Michael Couret, Damien Rose

**Blue Bird Variations: **

Blue Bird: Jackson Hurst

Princess: Jordan Herzog DuPont

**Lilac Fairy Variation**: Marianela Reyes

_Excerpts from Romeo and Juliet_:

**Dance of The Knights:**

Capulet Women: Level VIII

Capulet Men: Adv. Men

Juliet: Lillianne DuPont

Paris: Eric Steifel

**Balcony Pas de Deux: **

Juliet: Lillianne DuPont

Romeo: Sebastian Bianchi

**Juliet's Bedroom Pas de Deux: **

Juliet: Lillianne DuPont

Romeo: Sebastian Bianchi

I wanted to sort of tear that paper with my bear hands. I didn't want stupid ass Juliet, I didn't want to be a stupid ass swan. I didn't even want to be a retard princess pretending to be a bird. What the fuck? The only reason they had given me that role was because I was short. The same thing with baby swans, because I was short. Who the hell knows why I got Juliet, but it was probably because Sebi was an amazing Romeo and him and I were always partners. I stood there, my stupid new pointe shoes digging into the backs of my heels as I angrily tried to pull the satin back up.

"Wow, you got a lot of parts, didn't you Lia?" Anna exclaimed.

And who the fuck cared? She had gotten the main role, Odette in Swan Lake, she had this amazingly perfect long, 5'8 body. If she wanted all my stupid short people roles than she should chop off her fucking legs.

"It's only because I'm short." I replied automatically.

She smiled fondly at me, "But you're like the baby of PNB Lia, it's ok."

No, no it wasn't. But I smiled at her anyway.

"Don't worry," she continued. "Being short helped you in this season's workshop, two solos Lia! And you have a lead too!"

Can I have your legs Anna?

I just nodded, walking away as my eyes filled with beautiful, sad, tears. Poor little rich girl, crying over having too much solos.

I angrily swiped them away, hating myself for letting my hormones take over. My fucked up, retard hormones. This had been the most horrible fucking week of my life.

Here is why:

1. Bella decides to wear that stupid engagement ring as a necklace.

2. Edward and her are acting like two stupid lovesick retards

3. I gained three pounds

4. I've been binging and purging every single night because I have no self control.

5. Edward and I are no longer "Friends."

This should have brought me happiness, this should have filled my pathetic little heart with joy. I could remember the first time I had ever danced the blue bird variation, when I was 6 years old. Had my tiny little heart known that one day I would be dancing it in the same stage of one of America's most prestigious companies, I would've started crying from happiness.

But these tears weren't joyful.

My phone rang then, and like a gift from above, the caller id notified me that this was exactly the person I needed to talk to.

"Congratulations Lily dear! Mr. Boal just called to tell me the news."

I burst into my pathetic tears again,

"They only gave me blue bird and baby swans because I'm short Aunty!" I hadn't realized I was almost hyperventilating. My chest was heaving, as my sobs continued to wrack over my body.

From my spot inside the empty dressing room, I could see the ménage of waif-like ballerinas either bouncing with joy or brooding in the corner.

"Oh dear, of course they gave you those roles because of your size! But if you weren't tiny _and_ talented, they would've never gave you them in the first place! And Juliet as well, that's a lead! Goodness Lily!"

"They're just preparing me for the second-rate roles I'll get once I join a company, I'll be stuck as a soloist, I'll be too short to become a principal dancer. Why can't I have Anna's body aunty? She's so beautiful…. An, anddd… that's why ssshh… sshhhee, got Odette!

"Oh sweetie, stop crying, and stop this foolish blabbering you didn't just get two solos, you got a lead honey.."

"Baby swans isn't a solo, it's a quatre, with three other people." I interrupted.

"If this self-criticism keeps going on, I'm going to have to book a trip to Seattle and take care of this myself."

I just kept crying, missing the woman who had become a source of inspiration for me.

"I miss you aunty." I whispered as I held the phone closer to my ear. She paused for a bit, whispering to someone in the background.

"Well then, it's settled, you're coming to New York for your Spring break, and staying with me. You'll be able to take some classes at the School of American Ballet, where you _should_ be in my opinion."

Aunt Rose had been an instructor for SAB for seven years, she was heart broken when she found I had rejected their acceptance to their summer course and went to PNB instead.

"I already have to go back to Santa Barbara to stay with my mom." I contradicted, wanting nothing more than to go to the city then potentially have to see all the people I wanted to forget about.

"Well, you have a two-week break don't you? You can come for the second half here, if you'd like."

"I'd like that a lot." I half-whimpered, as she bid me goodbye.

"Now honey, I need you to get up and snap out of this. You have rehearsal in thirty minutes and I don't want your mascara to look like a mess. Go and wash up, and I want no more of this self-pity. For goodness sake Lily! You don't even have an excuse, crying over receiving solos! I've never heard of such a thing."

"Gelsey did it all the time." I muttered, chuckling a little.

"That's because she was crazy, I know, I had to dance with her for ten years."

"Thanks Aunt Rose." I said, a genuine smile forming on my face.

"Call me anytime dear, I love you with all my heart."

"I love you too." I replied as I hung up the phone.

I lazily stood up from my spot on the corner, wiping away the remainder of my tears as I hurried over to my locker.

"_I don't think…it" He struggled with his words, looking over my head, his eyes set in stone._

"_What?" I snapped impatiently, and a little worried at the same time. I knew what was coming._

"_I think you know what." He replied, still not staring at me._

"_I'm sure I don't." I said uneasily, shifting my weight around as a horrible feeling settled deep inside my stomach._

"_Please, don't make me say it out loud." He pleaded, staring at me for a fraction of a second before settling his eyes elsewhere._

_I said nothing. Say it out loud, I thought._

"_We can't be friends anymore, I don't think it's such a good idea." He replied, a little harsher than I expected._

_I scoffed, "Friends?" that's a funny way to put it._

_He visibly cringed as I turned to walk away, he instantly grabbed my upper arm._

_I turned to look at him, a foolish look of hope in my eyes._

"_Not just that, I…don't think we should talk anymore either." _

_I roughly released my arm from his grip, knowing that he had been the one to let go._

"_So what? You kiss me and then three days later you tell me you never want to talk to me again?" He turned to look at me, coldly, unfriendly._

"_That was a mistake, I'm sorry."_

_I wanted to slap him. I wanted to grab my dresser and have it crush his skull. But I knew both attempts would be useless. So I stood there, feeling powerless._

"_I hate you." I replied, with all the anger I could muster, "I wish I would've never met you, never seen your damn face. Why did you even bother to talk to me in the first place, huh?"_

"_I…"_

"_Shut up!" I screamed, feeling the hysteria bubbling to the surface. "Don't you feel sorry for me Edward, don't you ever fucking dare to feel sorry for me! I don't need your pity, but that's all I've ever gotten from you isn't it. You want to feel sorry for me Edward? Well don't! I have more money than this whole fucking town put together, I'm the youngest dancer to ever get into the highest level at PNB, I have seen more things and experience more than you're pathetic little housewife, shit-brained fiancée ever has. I belong to the third most powerful family in America, who the fuck are you?"_

_My screaming and shouting wouldn't keep him, I knew that. But it was the only thing I could do. He gave me none of the satisfaction I would take if my words would've hurt him, he just shook his head._

"_She lets you into your house, takes care of you. She puts a roof over your head, gives you a warm bed to sleep in." His face looked scary, "She gives you the food on your plate that you think so little of it as to throw it in the toilet every night, and this is how you repay her?"_

_I only laughed. "If you think this is some way to make me feel bad, then let me tell you, it isn't working. So stop bringing her into the conversation."_

"_Then let me tell you the truth Lillianne. You, with all your money and your glory, will never be as good as her. You can pretend all you want, but I will always know the truth. You will never be happy, you will never be able to love anything, and you will die as selfish, as spoiled, as bitter, and as black-hearted as you've been since the first day I've met you."_

_I shook my head, smiling as I did so, my tears falling silently. I only stayed quiet, knowing that if I dared to open my mouth, any sense of control I had would snap. _

"_I'm engaged to the most beautiful person in the world. I won't ruin that."_

_He didn't dare to turn his face to me, as he looked like he was already bored with this conversation._

_My eyes flickered for a second as a sob ripped out of my body. _

"_So that's it then? Everything you ever told me. You lied." I replied, my voice wavering as his face blurred._

_He paused for a while, I couldn't see him clearly anymore, my tears had gotten in the way._

"_I said what I had to in order to fix you…It was foolish in my part, I thought it would help you. I'm sorry for leading this on more than it was ever supposed to."_

"_Leading me on?" I whispered, an earthquake rattling around me, shaking the furniture, opening up a hole, swallowing me under._

_I gulped hard, tightening my fists, trying to stay above the surface._

"_I'm sorry," He whispered as he wrapped his arms around me for a millisecond _

_before disappearing._

_I stood for only a second as I let out a cry, falling to the ground._

Pull yourself together Lia. No need to take a waltz down memory lane. I had rehearsal in twenty minutes. Edward and Bella had taken a little date around Seattle, and they would be picking me up today.

It would've been easier to not be so angry if I didn't have to see his face all the time.

I took a deep breath, turning away from the mirror before I started going off about other things.

Quickly turning, leaving the dressing room, I headed towards the lounge, where I would be able to warm up before rehearsal started.

"Lia! Wait up!" I heard a male voice yell. I turned around, finding Sebi speed walking towards me.

"Boal wants to see us right now, I've been looking for you for hours!"

"Right now?" I questioned, cursing myself for hiding out so long

"Yes! Right now as in twenty minutes ago!"

"Crap."

**Edward POV**

I should have felt relieved. The pressure should have been lifted off my shoulders. I carried out my duty like the mature, responsible man I was raised to be.

This had not been the first time, surely, it would've been easier, less painful. But it wasn't. It was worse.

It wasn't worse because she had meant more to me or because I loved her more than my fiancée. It was worse because of what I had to say to her, of the added words. I hadn't expected it would go the way it did, yet a part of me knew, knew that she wouldn't be as easy to believe me as Bella. So I had to cut deeper, I had to erase any thought in her mind that I cared for her, loved her even.

She had more to live for, more to lose, had I continued. And at what risks? I would lose the love of my life for someone who had too much to live for. I would throw away all responsibilities and plans for something that had too great a risk. Bella loved me, as I loved her, why would I risk that?

This was the mantra I kept repeating in order to keep me sane, to keep me from running back and begging for forgiveness. Apologizing on hands and knees for all the horrible things I had said. Yet again, I hurt the one I loved in order to protect her. _Or protect me._

"….has been planning the reception already." Bella groaned as I shook out of my dangerous thought process.

_Alice._ I thought, filling in the blanks, thankful for the vampiric tab that somehow heard what she had been saying.

"Let her have her fun" I smiled, picturing my sister in her mode, getting used to the tone Bella took on anytime the word wedding was mentioned.

"She's scary when she's having fun." Bella muttered as I chuckled. In four months, me and Bella would be married, _married._ It was almost surreal.

"I believe it's time for humans to eat," I added, changing the topic.

"I'm not hungry," Bella lied. I cringed. I heard her stomach grumbling, refusing to think of someone else.

"Bella…" I started,

"I mean, you know how I hate eating in front of you."

I chuckled again, her tendency to put my needs in front of hers often got in the way of certain things.

"How about we go to an Italian restaurant? Like the first time we went out together? Would you like that love?"

She narrowed her eyes, wondering if I was tricking her into doing something.

"Alright then, but I'm getting the cheapest thing on the menu, and paying tip."

I laughed once more, so different. They were so different.

"If you believe that's necessary."

She narrowed her eyes even more, I wished more than anything that I could read her mind.

"Is there something wrong?" I questioned, driving a little slower for her sake.

"You didn't try to change my mind," she answered.

"And why would I do that, it's your choice, although I'd feel much more comfortable if you let me pay for the entire meal, including the tip."

She shook her head, "That, Edward, is not an option."

**Lia POV**

"Lia, are you paying attention?"

I quickly snapped my head towards Mr. Boal, shit.

And why the fuck was I cussing so much all of a sudden?

I nodded my head as he continued,

"We are returning to the Classics for this workshop, in case you were wondering why there aren't any works by Balanchine or Robbins…"

A rare thing indeed, but somehow, my mind was too far gone.

I had been thinking of love for the past two days, and more so, on true love.

Here were my thoughts on this subject:

It was a word I had begun to hate. _True love. _What did that even mean? Did it mean that any other love before that was fake? Was that what love was? A whole mess of fakeness until someone waltzed in and all of a sudden their love is true? How can anyone generalize love that way? There could be first loves, last loves, fifth loves, soul mates even, but true love? That was just depressing. How could anyone ever even try to explain what love was? How could you differentiate true from fake, and then assume that only one love would ever be true? To me, that was the most ignorant, cruel, cold, and stupid thing anyone could ever conclude.

"If you have noticed, all of the lead's have been partnered according to the pairings I directed during the beginning of the semester in the advanced Pas de Deux class. This has been done for a reason, as it's my belief that each and every lead has a magnificent partner according to their dancing. Our top pas de deux students, Sebastian and Lia…" cue applause as I cursed again for zoning out. "will be dancing three excerpts from Romeo and Juliet, I congratulate the both of you, as well as wish you luck on the technical challenges you will face upon doing one of the hardest pas de deux excerpts ever choreographed." Cue, another applause. People really needed to stop doing that.

Sebi smiled at me as we looked at each other, knowing we were most likely screwed.

"Anna and Robert, will be performing the greatest of all classical masterpieces, due to both of their extraordinary level of technique. Congratulations to the both of you…" blah, blah, blah.

Anna could go jump of a cliff and die. That way, I could chop off her legs and glue them on to mine. She was the perfect ballerina with the perfect role. I bet you she couldn't even hold her head up it was so big, dancing Odette in Swan Lake.

I brought my knees to my chest, laying my head on them. I was so tired. I was so tired all the time. The whole, stuffing/puking/stuffing/puking wasn't making me skinny, it was making me cry.

I let out a sigh, feeling a sense of desperation bubble to the surface.

"Hey, are you ok?" Sebi asked, looking over me worriedly. He was always such a gentleman, his father, Roberto Bianchi, was a principal dancer for the American Ballet Theatre. Haling from Italy, he settled down in New York with his only son, which consequently decided to train at Pacific Northwest. They were both, very, very handsome. It was such that it made me nervous, or at least, it used to. During pas de deux, I was scared to slip and break his handsome little toes, or his handsome little fingers, or that one time, where I accidentally knocked my elbow straight into his precious, handsome face. Yes, it made me nervous. You felt a lot better when these accidents happened to someone who was ugly.

I nodded, "mhm, just tired." I replied, my head still between my knees.

He accepted my response as he turned his attention back to Mr. Boal.

I was 100 pounds. 100 pounds when a week ago I had been 97. This. This was not happening, this was almost worse than Edward.

I gripped my hands tighter, the stupidity, the shame. I was so angry. I almost wish I could go back to that day, maybe I would've said something that made sense, maybe I could've gone around to throwing my furniture at him. Regardless of the fact that he would in all probability not get hit.

"….you everyone, have a great weekend. Lia and Sebastian, rehearsal starts now."

I quickly lifted my head off my knees, staring down into a disapproving pair of eyes.

"Lia, come with me please. Sebastian, warm-up, we need to start working on the lifts for the balcony scene."

I stood up, _too fast_, I saw stars…

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20.…

Pace yourself Lia. He looked at me expectantly as I walked on shaky legs, following him out the studio.

As the glass door shut, leaving Sebi to see a fantastic episode of Lia-getting-in-trouble-again.

"May I ask why you have been out of focus as of late?" Mr. Boal turned on me, staring intently. I blanked out.

"I…"

"You need to get your head screwed back on your shoulders Ms. DuPont. I do not want to see this casting done as a mistake, I'm sure there are many talented dancers that would be delighted to take your spot."

"I'm sorry sir, I'm trying.."

"No, you are not Lillianne, you are not trying the way I know you can. If you expect me to hear your excuses willingly, then you are gravely mistaken."

"I'm sorry, I really am.. It's just that," It's just that you needed to shut up. Why was I even talking? I was digging myself into a bigger hole.

"Look Lia, if you want to be successful in this business, leave your personal problems at the door, I will waste no time in replacing you if you keep up with this recent work ethic."

He looked me up and down, I could see, feel. He was noticing.

"Do not lose anymore weight. I'm warning you. You look fine as you are now."

I nodded numbly, feeling the corners of my eyes beginning to moisten for the second time that day.

"Come in when you are ready to work properly, this past week has been unacceptable. Do not make me question my choices in casting anymore."

I nodded as he turned on his heel, leaving me in the hallway.

I felt the tears begin to fall as I cursed myself for getting so sloppy. Far off in the land of teenage angst, I had forgotten why I came here in the first place.

"Lia? Are you ok?" I heard a familiar voice ask me. Not feminine, but still sickly sweet.

I turned sharply around, staring at the two faces I came to despise the most.

"Yes" I spat, reaching towards my dance bag as I pulled out my worn pair of pointe shoes.

_This is all your fault._ I screamed at him. He stood emotionless.

I angrily wiped away my tears, "I thought you two were supposed to be on a date or something." I asked as I fiddled with the ribbons on my pointe shoes, trying desperately no to stare at his face.

"We… I mean, I just finished my lunch. We didn't know you were still practicing."

I hurriedly put my old pointe shoes away, deciding it would be better to just break these in, and took off my legwarmers, grabbing my practice tutu, before I realized I didn't need it for Juliet.

"Yeah, well Mr. Boal wants to see me and Sebi's lifts for the balcony scene." I tried not sound so hostile, jealousy was an ugly thing, after all.

"Oh…" she started looking around, not knowing what to say.

"You could both leave if you want, I'm going to be in here longer than whatever Mr. Boal planned."

"No, it's okay," Bella responded, sitting herself and Edward down. He looked straight ahead.

"Romeo and Juliet is my favorite Shakespeare play, I'd love to see you two rehearse it." She said, blushing a little.

She is not stupid, she is not annoying, she is not plain. She is my nice, dear, sweet, quaint older cousin, whom you must not be a bitch to.

I shrugged, hurriedly opening the door as Mr. Boal began to speak to Sebi.

"Suit yourself."

I tried to add a smile as Bella waved goodbye to me.

Throwing my tutu to the side, I wrapped a skirt around my waist as I walked over to the two men.

"Glad your joining us Lia, better late than never I suppose."

I kept my mouth shut, I didn't need to get into problems because of those two anymore. Especially him.

"So, Romeo and Juliet, as I was saying, will be performed to the music of Profokiev, as always. There is a slight change in the choreography, however, since this workshop is, after all, a revival of the classics, I believe that it is necessary to bring about a more classical choreography. Furthermore, we will not be using Peter Martin's choreography, as is the custom for the Pacific Northwest Ballet, and by extension, it's school.." He regarded me and Sebi as I trembled from excitement at what I was hearing, this could only mean on of two things, we were doing the original Lavronsky choreography, or the later Macmillan choreography. I was practically praying to whatever god above that we would do the latter.

"But it is the school's decision that we are doing the Royal Ballet version, premiered by Rudolf Nureyev and Margot Fonteyn,"

I whimpered with excitement

"with Macmillan's choreography."

"YES!" Sebi and I shouted simultaneously as we turned to hug each other. Almost every ballerina who had ever performed Romeo and Juliet had wished it would be to this choreography.

Mr. Boal smiled slightly at our excitement as he cleared his throat. Me and Sebi immediately sobered up, knowing that this was going to be a lot more challenging than we believed.

"Anyway, I believe that we should start rehearsing now."

Me and Sebi could only nod as the energy almost exulted from my body, completely forgetting what I was so angry about earlier.

* * *

"_I listen to you cry  
A cry for less attention  
But both my hands are tied  
And I'm pushed into the deep end  
I listen to you talk but talk is cheap  
And my mouth is filled with blood  
From trying not to speak  
So search for an excuse  
And someone to believe you."_

My dead heart clenched painfully as we walked towards the dance building, where all the school's studios were located. I had half the mind to tell Bella to wait for a while, at least until Mr. Boal was finished "talking" with Lia.

"Look Lia, if you want to be successful in this business, leave your personal problems at the door, I will waste no time in replacing you if you keep up with this recent work ethic."

He studied her then, looking at her bones.

"Do not lose anymore weight. I'm warning you. You look fine as you are now."

My heart clenched painfully as I heard her eyes begin to moisten.

"Come in when you are ready to work properly, this past week has been unacceptable. Do not make me question my choices in casting anymore."

I wanted to tell her it would be okay, I wanted to make her feel as though she wasn't alone in this. But I could do neither.

"Don't say anything Bella." I whispered, hoping she didn't instigate even more of Lia's psychotic hormones.

"Are you ok Lia?" Bella asked anyway.

Too late.

I mentally groaned as to what the possible outcome of this would be. But as always, Lia surprised me.

As usual, she carried with her usual tone, reserved when talking to Bella. But apart from that, she kept her temper. I sighed out loud as Bella and I took our seats, watching the two young teenagers.

I tried to keep myself from smiling too much at her happiness. It reminded me more and more that I had made the right decision. Not only for Bella and I, but for her as well.

Not that there had ever been a possibility… the mere thought of that seemed almost surreal, other worldly. It frightened me.

"How much do both of you know of the choreography?"

"I know it by heart," Lia immediately responded, sneaking a glance at my spot before berating herself

_Oh great, he even knows you looked at him. Happy Edward? Happy you're getting some of my attention, well…go fuck yourself._

I tried not to cringe.

"I do too, well not as well as Lia most likely." Sebastian responded. I tried to hold down the frustration I felt. Mr. Boal was under the impression that him and Lia were fabulously paired.

"Well then, if both of you are confident in your abilities, would you mind running it once?"

The two looked nervously at each other, "The whole thing? Now?" Lia questioned in a timid voice.

"Just once, I'm not expecting the second coming of Fonteyn and Nureyev, I'd just like to see what we have before we start rehearsing."

They both looked at each other then, and why was I even feeling this way? They were only looking at each other

"Sure?" Sebastian questioned, Lia nodded in approval.

"Great," Mr. Boal responded as he grabbed a small raised stage and placed it on the corner of the studio.

"Your balcony Ms. Capulet…" he presented, opening his arms as Lia smiled, taking her place.

From our seats, Bella and I could hear the music begin, as Lia. _looking absolutely lovely_, walked on, a dazed, lovesick expression set in her features.

She raised her hand to the "moonlight", and flipped it over to place over her heart.

Mr. Boal just looked, his arms crossed as he studied the dancers.

The music continued to build as she sighed forlornly, resting her chin on her hands as she looked to the ground in content.

If I watcher her dance long enough, I could convince myself that this was the right thing to do. She couldn't fool herself, it was undeniable that Lia loved her art more than she would ever love anything or anyone.

I felt Bella's hand close tightly around mine as she leaned her head against my shoulder.

"She's so pretty, isn't she?" She commented, just a small trace of longing tainting her tone. My throat constricted as her Romeo entered the scene, shielding himself as he watched her. She looked around in desperation as if she had heard a noise.

Suddenly, Sebastian showed himself as the two lovers looked at each other, never breaking eye contact.

Bella just continued to sigh.

Sebastian suddenly ran towards Lia's "balcony" and reached out his hand to her as she did the same, both striving to touch the other's hand.

Sometime after, Lia ran down from her stage as Sebastian reached for her hand. The two stared straight ahead at Mr. Boal. Suddenly Lia put her hand over her heart, smiling slightly as she hurriedly grabbed Romeo's hand and did the same, she sighed in bliss as she ran away from him, embarrassed. He stopped her from running any longer, as he began to dance for her.

Lia continued to look on with the same, blissful, lovesick expression, before running into his arms.

He twirled her around as the two danced together, the passion streaming from both of their faces.

Sebastian bent down on one knee and began to kiss Lia's skirt as, she, embarrassed, ran the other way.

He caught up with her as he lifted her again, the two continuing to dance together.

She danced around him as he lay on the floor, running away from him again. Juliet thought better of it as suddenly, as the turned around again and ran into his arms as he lifted her once more. As he put her down, he got closer to her as my throat constricted.

I knew he wouldn't kiss her, _now_, but the choreography was almost too passionate.

As he drew closer, Lia, looking scared, backed up as she, once more, danced away from her Romeo. He caught her again as he lifted her once more, Lia throwing her arms and head back in ecstasy.

I smiled to myself, she really was beautiful.

Lia ran opposite of Sebastian as he grabbed her hand and turned her around, the music slowed then. Sebastian looked to the corner of his eye, as Mr. Boal nodded.

He inched closer as Lia slowly brought her hand down, looking up in innocent wonder. Sebastian closed the gap between them as he hoisted her off her feet, making sure she didn't get away this time. Lia kept in character as her mind when into panic, she let out a nervous smile as Sebastian's mouth enveloped hers.

It was over much too late as Lia closed her eyes, bringing her hands to her lips once more as she ran away, the perfect picture of a young Juliet. She giggled slightly as she took the two steps to her "balcony", waiting until Sebastian ran up to the front of the stage, as they both reached for the other's hand in longing again, the music coming to an end.

Bella sighed near me again. "That was so romantic, I can't wait to see it on stage."

This had been one of the first few times Bella had actually admitted to enjoying something.

As the two dancers stepped out of their roles and walked towards Mr. Boal, they looked to each other nervously, waiting an answer.

I heard his thought process, as he marveled at their acting skills. Finally, he spoke.

"That was the sloppiest balcony pas de deux I have ever seen."

Sebastian and Lia could only stare, both shifting nervously.

"But, it's a hell of a lot better than I expected. Good run through, for your first time of course. It was dreadful though, I must say."

Lia let out a sigh of relief as her blood still tingled from the excitement.

"I like your portrayal of Romeo Sebastian. Very boyish, I'd like you to watch some videos by Rudolf Nureyev and Angela Corella, whom I think would really help you develop your character."

Sebastian nodded attentively, sitting down as he did so. Lia continued to stand up shifting from the tips of her pointe shoes, from one foot to the other.

"Lia, the same with you. You really grasp the innocence of Juliet, something very rare. In fact, you do it a lot better than most of my company dancers."

"That's because the version PNB does is slutty." Lia said as she immediately covered her mouth with her hands, widening her eyes.

Mr. Boal only chuckled, "While I admit that Martin's choreography is a lot more…provocative, I do believe that Macmillan's is not so innocent either, do you agree Lia?"

_What do I say? Do I just tell him what I think? Whatever, here goes nothing._

"Well, I mean, it is, but it's supposed to be because their story isn't very innocent either. But I think that in Peter Martin's version, Juliet is portrayed much more as a woman, someone who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to get it. While, in Macmillan's, she is still very much a child, and that's why the story works the way it does. She has this innocence and they're both in this stupid, foolish state of love that they can't see past their mistakes, which ends in both their deaths, if she had really been more of a women, like PNB's version, then she would've most likely not made that mistake. To me, Martin's version doesn't make any sense, it strays from the original character of Juliet."

Lia looked to the floor, a little nervous at her judgment, luckily, Sebastian helped her out,

"Yeah, no offense Mr. Boal, but your balcony scene almost looks like porn, not raunchy of course. But…. I'll… shut up now."

Mr. Boal just looked at the two dancers. Sighing slightly, he put his hands on his head

"I will never ask of your opinion ever again, teenagers have too much opinions." He smiled slightly as he looked at the two.

"I can already see that I have picked damn near perfect partners. Lia. Fonteyn, watch her. Sebi, Nureyev, and Corella."

"Yes sir." Lia replied as Sebastian nodded.

"Is she almost done?" Bella asked, tapping her foot.

I chuckled, always impatient. "Yes, he's just giving them a pep talk love." I kissed her cheek, lingering slightly as her eyes fluttered closed.

"Rehearsals will be after corps and solo rehearsals, two hours, Monday through Friday. Don't rush to make Saturday plans either, I'll probably keep you after class as well."

Mr. Boal quickly picked up his sweater from the piano and walked out the studio, nodding to me and Bella as he did so.

I stayed outside the studio, rather than entering and talking to Lia as she took off her shoes and put on her regular clothing.

I almost got up as well, but Bella's hand on my shoulder restricted my movement.

"What would've happened if I would've stayed in my ballet lessons as a child?" Bella questioned, looking at Lia's form with the tiniest hint of wonder.

Her and Sebastian were discussing the scene, the lifts, what could work, what couldn't.

I shifted in my seat, not wanting to look at them any longer.

"I'm not sure love, maybe it would be you in there rather than Lia." I said, knowing it wasn't the truth.

She scoffed, "I don't think so, I would've never been as good as her."

I chuckled as I enveloped her hand with my own, overwhelmed by freesias. "Maybe not love, I'm not sure if you're tendency to trip would get you very far." I said, as she buried herself closer to me. My mouth began to water.

She seemed a little hurt, as she stayed quiet for a second.

"Do you think she's more beautiful than me?" she asked in a whisper, shifting uncomfortably beside me.

"Never," I whispered fiercely, holding her closer to me. "It doesn't matter to me how graceful you are, you are the most beautiful human being I have ever had the fortune to see. No one could ever come nearer to my heart than you, please love, don't question for a second how much I adore you."

"If I was turned, I'd be more graceful than her." She muttered, crossing her arms across her chest.

I ran a hand through my hair as we both continued to look at Lia. Her sweatpants too baggy, tiny strands of coffee colored hair draping the back of her neck and the front of her face, her doll-like eyelashes blinking rapidly as she hugged Sebastian goodbye.

"Yes, you would be." I finally replied.

"I'd be more beautiful, stronger." She added, as she seemed to believe I was weakening in my resolve.

"Yes, that too." I continued.

Lia finally made her way out the studio, staring at Bella and I for a fraction of a second before she grabbed her practice tutu and dance bag, shouldering it on.

"So why don't you do it?" Bella replied softly, leaning in ever closer.

"Why are you so adamant about marrying me?" I replied in a hushed tone. Lia, off in the corner was looking anywhere but at us.

"I have already agreed…" she began, scrunching her eyebrows together

"Yes, agreed, but not willingly." I responded as I quickly stood up.

"Are you ready?" I asked in a clipped tone. Lia suddenly turned to me, coldness enveloping her features.

"I was only waiting for you two." She replied, walking past us to my car.

**Lia POV**

I was starving I was starving I was starving I was starving I was starving. Whose idea was it to get Starbucks, I have no fucking clue. But I think it was me.

Bella was somehow some coffee phobic or whatever but she ended up getting hot chocolate. Hot fucking chocolate, how completely predictable. I don't even think she put marshmallows in there, yeah… I know.

I was standing here, absolutely terrified. I needed to maintain, I didn't want to maintain. I wanted a 90 on the scale and Mr. Boal said no. Mr. Boal said I looked good at 100 and if I dared drop a single pound it would be goodbye to Juliet. Anna would take my spot, either her or Isabel.

What I had had this morning: Nothing.

What I had for lunch: Nothing

What I was having now:

Fill in the blanks fill in the blanks fill in the blanks. I had to stop this, I knew. I had to maintain, I knew. I had to eat, I didn't know how.

I tapped my fingers restlessly, afraid to binge again. If I had a snack, I would most likely go to Forks and eat half of Bella's refrigerator for the fifth time this week. I didn't know how to eat. I didn't know anything between all or nothing.

"Anytime soon?" Edward asked as he wrapped his arm around Bella. The poor thing couldn't stand straight on her own.

I shot him the cruelest stare I could manage before I decided on my order.

"Can I have a nonfat Misto? No whip, sugar free, tall." (66)

"Sure, anything else?" The overly perky barista asked,

"umm…" just get something! I needed to, I knew I did.

"Can I get an oatmeal? With water, and can you please not give me any of the sides?" I asked as kindly as possible.

She nodded in approval as the three of us made our way to a seat. Before I knew it, my order was ready.

Edward picked it up and set it down in front of me, making his way next to Bella as she carefully sipped her hot chocolate.

They started mumbling to each other, completely forgetting my existence, of course. Their heads were bent together as Edward supported Bella's weight, as if she couldn't even sit on her fucking own.

I picked up my coffee with trembling hands and took as tiny a sip as possible. The warmth slid down my throat and dropped unto my empty stomach. . But like a good little girl I set the coffee down.

I rested my head on my hands as I sank back on the chair. Awkward wasn't the correct word to put for this little tête-à-tête.

Bella never talked, Edward hated my guts, and I was afraid to touch anything edible.

I closed my eyes briefly. It was a fucking coffee, why the hell was I afraid to drink it? It was just oatmeal, with water (150) with nothing else, if I ate both, I would've had 216 calories today. That was nowhere near bad. Why was I worrying? I could stop myself tonight, I could lock up the pantry and the refrigerator door myself. No need to have a heart attack.

"You should start on your oatmeal before it gets cold Lia" Bella responded, in that sweet voice of hers.

"It's too hot right now, and so is the coffee." It's too hot, it's too cold, it's too much, it's not enough.

Bella continued to stare as Edward played with the ends of her hair. My teeth clenched as goosebumps suddenly erupted onto my skin.

"Are you cold? Maybe you should drink the coffee, it'll warm you right up, since it's so hot." Bella soothed, leaning back unto Edward as I began to shiver.

This entire state was freezing, and I was getting sick of it.

I took a slow sip as she nodded in approval. That got her to shut up.

But no. She opened up the oatmeal, ripped the spoon from it's package and pushed it almost up my nose.

"Here, eat some of this, it'll help." Bella continued, the oatmeal making my mouth water so bad it hurt.

Without thinking about it, I pushed the bowl away, shaking my head as I took another tiny sip from my coffee.

A siren turned on in Bella's head as she shot me a warning look.

"Lia, eat the oatmeal." She asked, sterner than before.

"Can't you wait until it cools down?" I half pleaded, seeing Edward suddenly run a hand through his bronze locks.

"If you wait too long, it'll get cold." She continued, pushing the plate towards me once more.

I suddenly pushed the bowl back, spilling some of the contents on the table as I stood up from my chair.

"I'll wait in the car." I muttered as I shoved by the crowded entrance, pulling the sweater closer to my body as I forcefully opened the car door.

I laid down on the back seat, rubbing my temples together as my head began to pound.

**Edward POV**

"Maybe we should go back to the car." Bella said worriedly, looking out the window as Lia laid her head down.

"Just let her cool down, no need to give her any added attention." I replied, feeling the frustration that came from Lia's usual episodes.

"I don't know what to do anymore." Bella added in a broken tone, turning her head back. "I think that she's going to be back at the treatment center in a short time, the way she's going."

I immediately became alarmed, "I don't think that would be such a good idea." I countered.

Bella narrowed her eyes again, her suspicion growing. "Why not?" she questioned,

"She's been admitted to two different treatment centers in the course of two years, if they haven't helped her, what makes you think a third time will do the trick?" I responded, trying to let Bella see reason.

"Well what else are me and Charlie supposed to do Edward? We can't force feed her." She attacked.

"Just give her more time, don't push her so much. She was getting around to eating it, I heard her, but you just pushed that desire away." I said, rubbing my face with my hands, already sensing yet another argument.

"Why do you want her around so much? You two have hardly spoken this week! Is there something going on I should know about?" She continued, lifting her chin defiantly.

"Love, please stop with all these accusations…"

"I accused you of nothing, I just want to know what happened that made you two stop speaking. Why, is there something I should be accusing you of?" She interrupted.

"There is nothing you need to accuse me of, I'm just inquiring as to why you are acting this way." I pleaded, hoping her voice wouldn't grow in volume.

"Acting like what Edward? You keep asking me why I'm acting 'this way', but I have no idea what 'this way' is!"

"Like her!" I finally shouted as several customers turned their heads to look at the both of us.

"Now will you please lower your voice love?" I asked in a quieter tone.

"No, no I will not! How can you compare me to her! What, you think I want to be like her?" Bella outraged.

"Love, please! You aren't yourself, this isn't how you usually behave."

"Oh, what? Do you mean I don't usually go against you? In case you're wondering Edward, Jacob's been telling me that I don't speak up in this relationship enough, and I'm beginning to think so too!"

"So you've been taking relationship advice from Jacob have you?" I seethed, unable to control my anger. I had never spoken to her this way before.

"No, that's not what I mean! I love you, but I feel like I can't breath anymore"

"What are you trying to say?" I questioned, my hands quivering at my sides.

"Why are you and Lia not talking anymore? What is it that Alice has been keeping from me? Why does Jacob keep warning me not to let you to be together?"

"We haven't been together!" I all but shouted, I had sacrificed Lia's friendship so that my relationship with Bella could be salvaged. But I couldn't tell her this.

Bella said nothing as she looked to the floor, the customers openly gaping. I heard them before I saw them. When she looked up, the tears in her eyes.

"What kind of together Edward?" She questioned softly before walking out of the coffee shop.

* * *

As a side note. Lia kept running away from Sebastian's kiss because it was part of the choreography, not because she was panicking about kissing him. Which I think she was, but that didn't stop her. Such dedication.

Lots of ballet in this chapter, I know... did you get bored? (;


	16. La Vie en Rose

**A/N:** So this is what you missed. So, you could see it as a sort of flashback. As always, I'm not happy with this chapter. Too rushed, not edited enough, too damn lazy all of a sudden. I'm also a little freaked out, and I battled with myself as to if I should redo it or just post it as is. I was listening to Frank Sinatra songs at 11:00 at night, so maybe my imagination got a little carried away and it might be too much. I don't know, I didn't redo it because then I think I would be cheating myself, if this is how my subconscious pictured how it went, then I'll leave it at that.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything recognizable.

* * *

_Eyes that gaze into mine,_  
_ A smile that is lost on his lips—_  
_ That is the unretouched portrait_  
_ Of the man to whom I belong. _

_ When he takes me in his arms_  
_ And speaks softly to me,_  
_ I see la vie en rose_

_He has entered my heart,_  
_ A part of happiness_  
_ Whereof I understand the reason._  
_ It's he for me and I for him, throughout life,_  
_ He has told me, he has sworn to me, for life._

_ In endless nights of love,_  
_ A great delight that comes about,_  
_ The pains and bothers are banished,_  
_ Happy, happy to die of love. _

- La Vie en Rose (translated into English), Edith Piaf

"Tell me something about your childhood." I asked suddenly.

She leaned back into me as I let my arms wrap around her waist. She giggled slightly, my own symphony.

"I think we're going to end up breaking the hood of my car," she mentioned, shifting as I pulled her closer.

"I'll buy you a new hood." I replied as she laughed again. I brushed her long locks to the side of her neck as she sighed.

"Childhood memories?" She questioned, that same brightness in her tone. I loved it when she talked about her past, the images in her head were so vivid, it was as though I could extract segments of her life and witness them through her recounts. It was amazing, I had never heard or seen an image so clear in someone's mind. It was as though it were my mind, almost as though there was a certain connection between the two, linking our two brains together. I could hear her thoughts from dozens of miles away, clear as a bell, farther than what was possible with my hypersensitive ears.

"I think if a young Lia had her own reality show, I would tune in every night." I teased, laughing as she scoffed.

"I'm shocked that you find my bratty, spoiled tantrums amusing." She grabbed my hand, twiddling my thumbs together.

"You still have them now" I whispered secretively.

She elbowed me in the ribs. I had no idea why she hit me all the time, she really did too. When she was angry at me, I had no idea why, but she would either throw the closest thing to her, aiming at my head, or she would slap me.

I chuckled as she rubbed her elbow, "It isn't fair, I try to hurt you and I'm the one ending up with a bruise."

I shook my head slowly, smiling as I did, "We've gone over this many times Lia, but you refuse to listen to reason."

She shook her head violently, "Mark my words Edward, one day, I will hurt you."

I held on to her closer, gently bringing her elbow to my lips.

"We'll see." I responded.

"How about I switch the topic?" She asked.

"No, I asked you a…"

"Tell me about World War I." she interrupted, suddenly turning in my arms, looking at me with the brightest eyes.

I couldn't help but to smile.

"I was a man of war, it was all I had wanted to do."

"Go to war? You mean?"

I nodded, "It was my greatest ambition to enlist, but my mother and father were against it."

"It must've been scary for them." She concluded, tilting her head as she looked with sympathy.

"The Great War was supposed to be the war to end all wars, the technological advancements used were like none other before them."

"Is that why you were so excited to go?"

I shrugged, "In some aspects, yes. The war was a huge deal, as an American, I felt it was my duty to protect my country. The thought of fighting for my country, amidst nearly all of the world's nations was more than my young mind could begin to comprehend. But the thought of it amazed me."

Her eyes widened, "Imagine if you would've gone. My poor Edward, stuck in a trench for nearly a year, your foot would've rotted by then…" she paused for a second, looking thoughtful, "you would've probably been an early Audie Murphy."

I could only laugh, "I'm honored that you would compare me to the most decorated combat soldier of World War II."

"It's true though! I can imagine it now, a 17 year old Edward, off to war. You'd be brave, no doubt about it, you'd be just like him. Receiving medals for your valor."

I could only smile wider, "If I'd be stuck in trench warfare as your previous assumption, I doubt that would've happened."

"You could've been the one to end it, in a crazy fit of machoness and desperation, you would've jumped out of that horrid trench with your rotting foot and ran all the way across no man's land, single handedly shooting everyone on the other side while you were doing it."

I could only raise my eyebrows at her imagination.

"Machoness?"

She waved me off, "I'll call Webster later."

"I highly doubt I would change history as much as you believe so. Running out of the stalemate? Really Lia?" I tried to hide my amusement, to no success.

"Ok then, so you wouldn't be on the Western Front…" she though once more, "I know! You'd be in submarine warfare then, you'd receive your first medal by destroying a German U-boat. All by yourself too." She concluded.

I could only laugh harder. "You have quite the imagination don't you?

She nodded, looking at me brightly. I could only stare in amazement. Bella had never paid much attention to my past interests.

"I would've never gone though, if Bella had been in my life." I could only slightly shake my head as my mind automatically entered the word _you_ in the sentence.

She could only stare in confusion.

"Why not? I think it would've been terribly romantic." She sighed, shifting slightly and tucking her legs under her knees, while continuing to face me.

"How so? If I would've met Bella, I would've never been able to leave her. In fact, I would've dropped all plans of war and married her as I'm doing now." I regurgitated the words I said to Bella, not feeling the strong conviction I had once felt from the previous time.

"That wouldn't have been very fair." She said quietly,

_I would've let you go. Wanted you to even._

"Really?" I asked.

"If it was something you would've wanted badly," she shrugged, "Maybe it's because I watch too many war movies and they fascinate me and if I were a boy during your time, or World War II, I would've wanted to go as well."

I smiled, "And why don't you want to go to war now?"

She scoffed, "Are you kidding? I'm a girl Edward, I would've gotten killed. That's terribly unladylike, besides, I would hate being a nurse or something like that."

"I thought you were a feminist?" I pointed out.

"Only a little." She teased.

I continued to look at her, rubbing my hands up and down her arms as I pulled her into a hug.

She let out a small gasp as I embraced her harder.

"You're so understanding. It's hard to believe someone like you would be interesting in such old topics."

"Why wouldn't I be when I have a human library of 20th century American history at my access 24/7?"

I chuckled, "I feel so used."

She laughed, "I think you secretly enjoy telling me all these stories."

I shook my head, "I believe you're confusing me with Confederate Army Veteran Jasper Whitlock."

Her eyes widened as the wheels in her head started turning.

I could only chuckle, "Don't worry, I'm sure he'll be more than happy to give you a history lesson."

She smirked, "Oh Jasper, he has no idea what you just signed him up for.

She looked so happy then I couldn't help but to kiss her on her cheek, that wonderful rose smell swirling around her skin.

She let out another tinkling laugh as she hopped off the hood of the car.

"You know what?" Lia asked as she lightly walked over to the cliffs edge.

"What?" I humored her, following her towards the steep drop, feeling as though she could fall towards the ocean's waters at any moment.

"I changed my mind, I would've never let you go to war."

I stepped closer to her, the smell of roses intensifying as I inched towards her body.

"You wouldn't?" I smiled, somehow keeping my distance.

From the moonlight's beam, I could see her hair move swiftly as she shook her head.

_If I had you. I would've never been able to let you go._

Her thoughts, although brief, shocked me to my core. Tiny needles were spreading throughout my skin as they set my nerves on fire. I vaguely felt my feet walking towards her, so close I could feel the tiny wisps of her hair lightly tracing my chest.

"I love this song." She replied, humming as she stepped away from me, looking towards the cliff's depths. I held her steady as the fear of her falling overcame me once more. She slowly turned around, her eyes bright, inching closer to my body.

"Dance with me?" she asked, swaying slightly to the beat.

I smiled slightly as I grabbed her hand, the softness of her skin soothing my own. Twirling her slightly, I pulled her to me as she let out a tinkling of laughter, her hair billowing around her. _and she looked so beautiful._ Her dark eyes met mine as she molded into my body, letting me take the lead. The soft cotton on her dress sending the softest, most delicate feeling shooting through me..

_Something in your eyes was so inviting, something in your smile was so exciting, something in my heart, told me I must have you._

Sinatra's voice drifted through the lonely night, the radio on the car transporting us to earlier times. It made me feel so young. She ran her hands through my hair as murmured the words in my chest, resting her head on it. I closed my eyes in complete bliss, her romantic scent clouding my senses as I gently waltzed with her.

_Strangers in the night, two lonely people, we were strangers in the night, up to the moment, when we said our first hello._

Her soft skin, her lovely smell, it was heaven to the touch. Her delicate fingers spun at the ends of my locks, tracing my neck, massaging it softly. My head drooped slightly, resting on top of hers as I held her closer, her small frame molding onto my own.

_Little did we know love was just a glance away, a warm embracing dance away and -Ever since that night we've been together._

She sung as I marveled at her cool breath hitting my body. She was always singing, beautiful in it's simplicity. It was the only thing simple about her.

_Lovers at first sight, in love forever. It turned out so right, for strangers in the night._

"My father used to sing me this song at every party he threw." Lia commented, snuggling even closer.

I couldn't speak, because there was only one thing I wanted to say to her.

"He would play the piano, and he would sing this song, or any Sinatra song. He used to love him."

Her hair was shining in the moonlight as she enveloped me in memories of her and her father, a cup of scotch in his hand as he raised his little girl onto the piano bench.

"It always made me fall asleep, made me so happy…" she continued to mumble as her breathing got heavier, her hands making their way to my shoulders.

As the song drifted off, being replaced by a similar melody, she stayed… content in my arms.

"I have something for you." I whispered in her ear, running my hands across her back, the fabric of her dress sliding deliciously.

Her eyes lit up as she pulled back slightly, looking into my eyes.

"Don't spoil me too much this time," she teased slightly, setting my nerves on fire.

"I think I did." I admitted, smiling down at her form.

Slowly, I reach into my back pocket, pulling out an egg-blue, slim box.

She gasped slightly as I handed it to her. She looked to me knowingly, shaking her head as she did so. She carefully opened the box, revealing a thin, silver chain holding up a single ocean pearl, a diamond adorning the top. She took on the sweetest smile then, looking up into my eyes once more, bringing her wrist up slightly as she did so.

"Matches my bracelet." she cooed.

I couldn't stop my smile from growing, "the one I gave to you on our first night out."

She nodded as I took the box from her, carefully removing the necklace as I went behind her.

A different song came on then, a little tune I had always heard Lia humming when she was doing nothing.

She sighed slightly as I put my arms around her, placing the necklace across her neck, my hands brushing past her collarbones. Clasping the back, I slowly traced her neck with my lips, leaving a light open mouthed kiss as she automatically pressed her body against mine.

"Are you cold?" I mumbled as I ran my hands along the goosebumps that marred her flesh, she nodded slightly as I hurriedly grabbed a blanket from the car.

She had made her way towards the edge of the cliff, sitting there, still humming.

The moonlight played with the ends of her hair, making them shine, her dress illuminating under the natural light.

I walked slowly towards her, absolutely mesmerized.

"Quand il me prend dans ses bras, il me parle tout bas…"

"Je vois la vie en rose…" I whispered behind her as she turned around, smiling at my contribution.

I slowly wrapped her up in the blanket, wrapping my arms around her as I did so.

"The necklace is absolutely lovely," She mumbled, pressing herself onto my back, settling her neck in the crook of mine.

"It's even lovelier on you." I commented.

**

* * *

**

He slowly grabbed one of my hands, entwining his long fingers as he brought it to his mouth, kissing each knuckle with unbearable calmness.

His mouth on my bare flesh sent waves of electricity throughout my body, the feeling of being alive. I let out a barely audible sigh as my eyes fluttered closed, overwhelmed by his touch.

I felt him slowly turning the bracelet on my wrist, the one I never took off, my hand still on his chest.

He slowly brought my wrist to his lips, repeating the same ritual as I melted further into him. My body wasn't listening to me anymore, it wanted to be closer. I let my neck fall back onto his shoulders, feeling the moonlight glowing on my face, my eyes were still blissfully closed, unable to open.

He made his way down my wrist, all the way up my elbow, his soothing lips. The coolness of his feather-light touch relieving the heat of my skin.

He traced back up to my wrist, opening my hand slowly, my fingers once again meeting his own.

My heart was pounding, I almost felt as if I wasn't in my body anymore, it was so light.

He brought them to my chest as the rhythm of my heartbeats fought against the pressure of both of our hands. I brought my head back up as I smiled widely, reveling in the feeling of his body pressed against mine.

There was not a single fiber in my being that recognized what this would lead to, nor what the consequences would be during the aftermath. I simply didn't care, this felt incredible. This felt right.

Edward let out the most provocative sound as he lightly kissed the side of my neck. I could feel my breath getting heavier, as my eyelids threatened to shut once more, my heartbeat pounding faster.

The waves crashing below us soothed the turmoil that was threatening to rise as his lips climbed up to my jaw.

I grasped one of his hands as the other fell on his cheek, moving only slightly as the muscles in his jaw bone worked.

I suddenly turned toward him, looking him straight into his eyes. The light butterscotch hue had turned darker, heavier. His lips were hovering above mine as I felt my nerves go into haywire, I'm sure he felt it too.

_Don't regret this_.

Was the last thing I thought before he closed the gap between us, his smooth lips molding into mine. I pressed him as close to my body as I could as I felt my brains slip away.

* * *

It was an obsession. Her body, her scent, her mind. I kissed her hands, her wrist, her arm as though I were performing a ritual. Worshiping her. I couldn't have stopped it, I didn't want to. She had taken a hold of me, fogging my mind to right and wrong.

It hadn't taken long before I began sucking on her neck, kissing the thin veil that protected the precious blood that ran through her paper veins. Her smell was strongest there, I had never smelled something so sensual in all my years. It was a provocative lure, begging me to succumb. The sounds she was emitting only drove me to a further frenzy.

I wasn't prepared for her to face me, she hadn't though about it, after all. Her heavy-lidded eyes sent fire through my veins as her lips hovered against my own, their heat begging to be cooled.

I didn't want to, couldn't have stopped even if I did.

I kissed her as deeply as possible, savoring the moment of her lips wrapped in mine, molding perfectly. It was like nothing on this world, it was heaven. Why hadn't I done this earlier? Surely, this was why God had bid me to live forever; so that I could do this, with her.

She was driving me mad. The feel of her pressed up against was only marred by the fact that I couldn't feel all of her flesh. She moaned into my mouth as I tried to pull her closer.

Her scent was the only thing I could smell, her skin was the only thing I could feel, and she was the only thing I could think about. I wanted to do this with her forever. I felt her hands weave through my hair. The feeling of her fingertips tugging at my roots making me groan.

She kissed me deeper, her butter smooth lips enveloping my own as her tongue massaged mine. I reached my arms around her waist as I tried in vain to feel her skin though the cotton fabric.

I felt her hands getting restless as she ran them across my chest, finally landing once more on my shoulders as I tore my lips from hers, ravishing her own neck as she dropped her head back in ecstasy.

"Edward" she moaned my name, and I had the sudden urge to beg her to say it over and over again.

I continued to kiss her bare flesh, a man obsessed. She slowly wrapped one of her legs around my waist, bringing me closer, closer, closer. I let out a low growl as I became unsatisfied. It wasn't enough. It was as though I wanted her under my skin.

I felt her lips next to my ear, as she sucked on my earlobe, the feeling only spreading the fire, gaining in intensity.

She left desperate, wet kisses, working across my jaw, finally deciding to end with a slow, open-mouthed kiss on my throat. I let out yet another groan as she pulled my lips to hers again. I felt her tongue trace my lower lip, begging for entrance, as I pulled her flush against me for what seemed the umpteenth time. She fell on top of me, as the both of us suddenly lay on the ground. She tasted exquisitely, as though her lips were dusted with sugar. The feel of her tongue on mine was almost too much. She shifted on top of me as the friction sent yet another thrill racing through the both of us. She let out a soft whimper as I slowly kissed the base of her throat, slowly tracing my lips back up to hers.

Feeling more alive than I ever had. Feeling a way I had never felt with…

_Bella._

I suddenly willed my body to stand up. Lia moved away from me then, as realization dawned on her.

"I'm sorry, so, so sorry." She gasped as she brought her hands to her lips, moving away slightly.

I shook my head. "No, no. I'm sorry, it's all my fault." I made myself respond.

What had I just done? I had never behaved so irresponsibly. I quickly got up as I heard a familiar car a mile away.

"Damn it." I cursed, Lia continued to breathlessly apologize, shutting her eyes forcefully.

"What's wrong?" She asked, opening her eyes to see me pacing, I was determined to not look her in the eyes. Doing so would only make matters worse. My skin was still on fire from the contact, yearning for more.

"Alice is coming." I snapped, hating myself for not being in control.

Lia suddenly flared up at my tone, adamantly picking up the useless blanket and angrily walking towards the car.

She slammed the door shut as she kicked her feet unto the upholstery, crossing her arms against her chest.

* * *

Tonight was living proof that no matter how old you tried to act, your age would always come back to bite you in the ass. Edward could say he was over 100, but he still had the hormones of a 17 year-old boy.

I was still shaking from his touch, willing my heart to calm down.

_What had just happened?_

I shut my eyes tightly, wondering if this was just another overactive dream I was having. Maybe my dream Lia had finally gotten the courage to kiss dream Edward. She never had before.

My eyes opened slightly as a new pair of headlights shine on. My heart sank as I saw the look on Edward's face. The sudden bright light ruined the cliff, enveloping in it's harsh, artificial light.

The car slowly parked next to me as three, very startled looking vampires made their way out. The first one, the smallest of the three walked briskly up to Edward as the two began to talk furiously. Too fast for me to hear, but I could tell by their stance that it wasn't good.

The last two vampires wasted no time in joining Alice as they got into my car.

I saw Rosalie hurriedly start the engine as Jasper made his way into the back seat. He made no sudden mood changes.

Rosalie backed up sharply as we sped away from the scene, leaving the two siblings to argue on their own. My heart was still pounding frantically, and my body was still trembling. I let out a shaky breath as I waited for the full weight of what me and Edward had just done to hit me. I was still in the "shocked" phase, apparently.

The car ride was deathly silent, my inhales and exhales the only sound. It almost became obnoxious to breath. It wasn't my fault I felt this way, out of the corner of my eye, I could see Jasper fidgeting silently in his seat.

"Can you calm the girl?" Rosalie spat, pressing her foot harder against the exhilarator as I felt my body calming down. My heartbeat slowed to it's regular rhythm as I began to relax. Now that my body wasn't fried, the weight hit me like a ton of bricks.

What was going to happen? How much did Alice see? Would she tell Bella? Did all the Cullens hate me now? Was I going to be seen as some high-priced slut?

I ran my hands between my fingers as I tried in vain to shove all thoughts of Edward away. This was not the time, nor the place.

"Are you ok?" Rosalie suddenly asked, never taking her eyes off the road.

I could only nod uneasily, unable to repress the worry that had attached to my heart.

"Don't be afraid to talk." Rosalie said, trying to smile.

"You… you aren't mad?" I questioned, feeling like a little girl. God, how could I even try and act innocent after that?

"At Alice and Edward? I could rip them two pieces." She answered, gripping the steering wheel tighter.

I looked at her in confusion, "And… me?" I asked timidly.

"Of course not Lia, you're just human. Now stop acting so shy or else I may believe that you and Bella are actually related." She tried to joke. I didn't like the excuse she gave for me.

"I don't think being human justifies my actions." I pointed out, feeling a bit lighter as I felt Rosalie on my side. Alice had always been Bella's.

"Yes, but it's a hell of a lot harder to act with reason rather than emotion when you are one. Edward could've stopped." She reasoned.

"I could've stopped Rosalie, but I chose not too."

"Yeah, and neither did Edward. So don't pin this mess all on yourself." Rose countered, winking at me out of the corner of her eye.

"I'm not doing that exactly, but I do feel guilty." I said, something told me that this would be the only time I'd be able to talk about this. The calm that had enveloped my body had also cleared my head. I could no longer feel the lingering touch of Edward's fingers, or his lips on my skin, or his scent, or his…

I took a deep breath, running my hand through my hair again as I looked out the window. The relaxed state of my mind coming to terms at what the consequences of my actions.

"I'm not saying it wasn't incredibly stupid either Lia." Rosalie sobered, staring at me from the corner of her eyes.

Jasper nodded slightly behind me.

I groaned, my head making contact with the window. I had another headache coming on.

* * *

She was yelling again. Switching from frustrating whispers into screams, berating me like the second mother she believed to be. I could only clench my hands into fists as she continued to accuse me of trying to ruin my engagement.

"What did you think was going to come out of this? Huh Edward? Did for one second you stop and remember the girl you fell in love with? The girl you're _engaged_ to?"

"Don't say that." I growled

"So what do you want me to say Edward? Do you want me to pat you on the back and congratulate you from almost _screwing_ another girl, a girl you most certainly have no commitments to?"

I could only feel my anger flaring

"Don't jump to conclusions my dear sister, you know damn well that you didn't see anything like that."

She shrugged, still maintaining her cold stone glare "Doesn't mean it couldn't have happened, it's not something people spend too much time planning anyway."

"Stay out of my business." I hissed, walking back towards the car.

She forcefully turned me around, yanking me down to her height.

"Not when it's going to hurt the people I love most."

"I suppose you mean Bella." I spat.

_I've never seen you say her name with such hate._

"It isn't directed at her." I countered,

She could only shrug. _Might as well be, tell me Edward, are you planning to tell her?_

"Don't you dare Alice, don't you dare." I warned, hating her with such an intensity at the moment. Alice was always in our problems, always interfering in our personal lives, I failed to remember when my decisions were mine for once.

"I'm not going to tell her. I'm not going to be the one to break her heart." She shrugged again, letting go of my arm as she walked back to the car.

"Unless you failed to remember, she broke mine first."

Alice laughed, cruelly, without humor

_I fail to recall when your relationship turned into some sort of sick game._

* * *

**La Vie en Rose** - the full saying "je vois la vie en rose", one definition is seeing life through rose-colored glasses. These intriguing words are really open to interpretation and to the imagination. They have a history though, of music, love and romance.

Piaf had a very emotional, tragic life, and her songs reflect her life. This famous, somewhat autobiographic song is about a very sad girl who did not have much happiness in her life, and just met a guy and forgets everything bad in the moment where he holds her in his arm and tells her loving words.  
The song is slightly tragic because this happiness is brief and could disappear again as it came, because her lover dies (which happened to her in real life with Marcel Cerdan), or leaves her, or there comes some other misfortune.


	17. Never Say Never

**A/N:** Greetings from Malibu. I understand how delayed this was, but I've been at a 5-week intensive with the L.A Ballet, this is actually me last week, and I have had about an hour of free time a day. No worries, I'll be back to updating regularly soon. This is all in Lia's POV, I think the story will flow better if every chapter is solely dedicated to one person's specific POV. With the exception if I have a small POV such as Bella's. I will return to the computer world shortly, so sorry for not replying to anyone's reviews and such, I have really had NO time!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing recognizable.

* * *

_"There now, steady love, so few come and don't go_  
_ Will you, won't you be the one I always know?_  
_ When I'm losing my control, the city spins around_  
_ You're the only one who knows, you slow it down"_

- The Fray, Look After You_  
_

102.7

I stepped off the scale, going on once more.

102.7

No, that can't be right. I stepped on again.

102.7

1 0 2 . 7

My eyes widened. Blink blink blink on bright red LED.

Maintain, Lia. Maintain. You can't even fucking do that right can you? Mr. Boal wants you to stay at 100 and what do you do? You go and eat your fat ass off like the stupid little shithead that you are, you can't even fucking eat without doing it like a pig, dumb bitch.

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. The doctors had magic incantations for this. First step: Stop what you're doing. Second step: Identify the feeling that is troubling you. Third Step: Learn what is triggering you, and ask yourself why it's upsetting you.

It's fucking upsetting you because you're a fat little whore Lia. A stupid little bitch, all he asked you was to maintain, but you can't even fucking do that right.

I closed my eyes, breathing slowly out of my mouth, kicking the scale out of the way during the process.

I must maintain, it's only natural to gain when you're in recovery, you know that. If I up my calorie intake, my body will gain weight, my body will gain weight because it'll release itself from starvation mode, and will start taking in all the fat it can gain. It's only natural Lia, you knew this.

Fat. It doesn't fucking matter, because you know you can't afford to gain anything, look at those disgusting yellow blobs of fat. They're all over your skin, _all over your body._ Disgusting. Fat. Stupid. Ugly. Bitch. Whore.

No. No, it isn't true, I'm beautiful. Even if I can't see it yet. I am, I really am. I tightened my eyes, I could feel my hands trembling, feel the tremors all over my body.

Beautiful? You think you're fucking beautiful? Is that why Edward left you Lia? Because you're beautiful, because somewhere in your fucking delusional head you think that you're pretty? You think you're thin? You think you're worth something? All Mr. Boal asked you for was to maintain, you can even do _that_ right, you can never do anything right, you dumbass. You shouldn't even be fucking eating, food is for skinny people, and you're never going to get there with the way your stuffing yourself, disgusting, like some kind of animal. You have no sense of self control, no sense of fucking respect, hoarding on food like you're a fat, ugly little monster. So stop it. Stop fucking trying, lets try to do something else ok? HOW ABOUT YOU STOP FUCKING EATING? Because you know damn well you don't deserve food, so stop putting it in your ugly little mouth. That's it. No food, you got that bitch? No more food. Lets see how long it'll last before you fucking screw that up. Let's see how long you take to screw up such a simple fucking concept, no eating, You got that? _No more eating._

I didn't know who I was nodding to, I could only guess as I let out an involuntary whimper.

I turned on the bathtub faucet, letting the water run as hard as it could. I did not care. Uncle Charlie was here, Bella was here, Edward was here. I did not care. Did not, did not, did not.

I had Bella's meatloaf inside me today. I had a full day with no fucking screw ups and three whole meals and I weighed myself. I weighed myself even though I knew I shouldn't have. I was going through with this whole maintaining thing just fine today. I couldn't say too much about this past month.

Fasting for 18 days this month

Cutting everywhere I can reach.

Purging water, just so I can feel _something._

Recovery is going fine. Don't you know?

Maybe it had been all those stupid movies I kept watching. Titanic was on TBS again, I couldn't really handle watching that movie again. Because every _single_ time that little scene came on when Rose and Jack are standing on the edge of the ship and that little song comes on and she keeps laughing because she thinks that she's flying? Yeah, that really makes me want to throw up.

I couldn't watch TV either and here about Lindsay Lohan or whothefuckever going down to 85 pounds so she could fit in her size 00 skinny jeans for fashion week.

The media tried to glamorize eating disorders. Making them out be normal, or even something someone would want. Something that people had a fucking choice in and something that had to do with vanity. But it wasn't.

How the fuck could me shoving my finger down my throat, spilling up the contents of my dinner, all the way until the only thing my stomach could heave was bile, glamorous? How the fuck was me losing my period for three months straight glamorous? How the fuck was me crying in front of food sometimes, because I couldn't fucking eat it glamorous? I was growing monkey hair all over my body and my bones were so brittle I swear I could feel the cold touching them. I was slicing my skin open after eating a simple fucking meal because it made me feel so horrible that it was all I can do so as to not run into the bathroom and vomit.

My brain was going on some kind of pro ana mode. It made me chug several bottles of water so I could throw up that instead of food. Was it sick to say that it made me feel better? I knew it did, Edward kept throwing me looks of absolute repulsion.

I always thought there was a crystal clear definition of _can't _and _won't_. Can't meant that it was physically impossible to do so, the muscles in my body just couldn't possibly stop or start, etc… Won't, was the choice of not doing so, I could stop the muscles in my body from moving, but I didn't want to. But what the hell was this? My stomach muscles didn't force my purging on their own, they didn't contract and push the food out by themselves, the muscles in my arms and mouth were well capable of picking up a spoonful of food and chewing it. My body was not a _can't,_ it was a _won't._ Simple, sure. Just do it right? It is physically possible to stop, so why didn't I do that?

It was because my mind was a can't, or maybe it was so afraid of any possibility of a won't. It was like stepping outside in the Alaska winter and getting your tongue stuck into a pole, your body is physically possible of removing your tongue from the pole, but your mind just can't get around to it. It hurt now, but how much would it hurt afterwards?

And so I continued with my tongue stuck in the pole, well aware of all the damage I was causing to myself by not just getting around to pulling it out. I was a girl stuck in winter, freezing my ass off instead of ripping out my tongue and stepping back inside the warmth.

I stepped out of the bathroom.

I stopped thinking.

I changed into my pajamas.

I slung my body unto my bed.

I heard the sound of Bella, who was being unusually cold to me these past days, trip slightly on the last step up to her room. I snorted slightly, the poor girl could barely contain her excitement. I wonder what was upstairs waiting for her?

"102 pounds Edward, do you think that's worth a suicide attempt? I think the second time will be more successful than the first."

I waited for a response, laughing as my bones dug deeper into my mattress, and stared at the ceiling until 5:00 in the morning.

_One month later…_

Two days till' my birthday and all Alice could talk about was wedding decorations. Two days till' my birthday and Bella's little ring had gone back into it's box, I hadn't seen it on her for a while. Two days till' my birthday and Edward hadn't talked to me, except for that one time he stared too long at my arms before muttering a sorry.

Happy seventeenth Lia! No one had said anything, I talked to dad three days ago and he said I was staying with him in New York for a week, the downside? He invited Bella. Mommy thought it was a fabulous idea for Bella to join me in California too, since she hadn't seen her favorite uncle for a while. Whatever. She blushed bright red, bit her lip, and declined, saying it was too much for her to spend two weeks away from home, _away from Edward_. Mommy screeched nonsense! and she agreed to come to California, but not the city.

So we were leaving in four days, me and Bella, and oh! Surprise! Edward. Why couldn't they just get away from each other for one second? It was absolutely perfect. April weather by the beach was nice and cloudy most days, except for you never knew when the sun would sneak out, it was a sneaky bastard, it really was.

Edward in California. Edward in California with Bella, with me, with my_ mother._ Edward in my house, Edward in my real room, Edward with my friends. I shouldn't have cared. He hated me already, did it matter? Whatever would happen when he saw me in the world I grew up in would surely not increase his hatred, and even if it did (which it probably would) it didn't matter. Because me and him was never a me and him, it was always a he and Bella and they were a done deal. Tied by a future marriage (June 13th), and a future immortality date (during honeymoon). _Honeymoon._ Yuck, it sounded disgusting. If I ever got married, I would _never_ have a honeymoon, ever. It was possibly the most nauseating word in existence. How the hell did the moon look like honey? What the hell? And adding to that, I would never even get married. Marriage. Disgusting. Ew. Who would even want to marry me? I certainly didn't want to marry anyone, there was no one in the world that I could even think of wanting to marry, in fact, I didn't even want to meet anyone who could possibly change my mind on the subject. Marriage and Lia would never ever happen, _ever._

I hadn't realized I walked into him as I was pondering my very deep thoughts on the subject of which Edward's life revolved around.

"Oomph." I let out as he steadied me a bit too softly, before his grip turned into iron.

"Will you watch were your going?" He hissed as he let go a little carefully, almost as if I would drop dead if he released me.

I shook my head a little as my brain tried to catch up with his words…. Oh.

"Will you stay out of my way then? I don't expect that to be to hard for you." I bit back before he shook his head at me, smirking as he did so.

He walked away at some point after this, I think I stood there a bit too long.

"She looks skeletal" they whispered down the halls,

"Look at the space between her thighs…" they commented during study period,

"Tell me your secret." They begged underneath bathroom stalls.

Dear God, _I'm lonely. _and it hurts.

No, no you don't care a bit, you don't care a bit, you don't care a bit.

One month and ten pounds later, 92 still hurt just as much as 102.

No, I never believed you, you never cared a bit.

Weddings. Weddings were more important, weddings and trains and sewing machines. White lace and pearls and something blue. That was all _he_ cared about. About _her._ Because she was here first. And I was always second. And while she kept stringing along wolf boy (who hated me too, and I had yet to even meet him), Edward kept ignoring me, and Alice kept glaring at me, and Rosalie (the few times that I had even seen her since _that_ night) kept shooting me looks of sympathy. And the girls at school were more annoying than ever, their envy laughable because it didn't touch me, the girl who didn't even want this. And, I swear, I didn't want to rehearse Romeo and Juliet anymore, not anymore. I didn't want to pretend to be happy while I was dancing just so I wouldn't get thrown off the casting, I didn't want to act as though I was in love, too tiring, too hard when Edward and Bella where watching.

Sebastian could tell sometimes. Sometimes when Mr. Boal would leave the room he would ask if I was okay, and I think I had to give him a better excuse than being tired, because it had never stopped me before. I had never been good at hiding my feelings.

It was too hard to pretend to be happy in love, the only thing that gave me a sense of comfort was that I knew something Juliet didn't. She was doomed. The only thing that gave me absolute relief and emotional freedom was when we were rehearsing the scene of Romeo's death, and even then I had to hold back, because I had come too close to bursting into tears (Mr. Boal had loved it of course).

I suddenly heard the bell ring, releasing me from history class, releasing me to lunch. I hurriedly packed up my stuff and pushed my iPod speakers into my ears, trying to go faster before Jessica and Lauren caught up with me. I had made it all the way to the library when I saw them. Bella and Edward, with Angela and Alice trailing behind them, accompanied by two very bored looking Jessica and Laurens. My eyes widened slightly as I tried to walk the other way before they noticed me.

"Lia!" Damn.

I sigh slightly as I turned and plastered a smile on my face.

"Hey Jess." I replied as she and Lauren quickened their pace towards me.

"Are you like walking to the cafeteria? Cos I haven't seeing you there in forever." She started conversationally, as they smoothed into a steady beat of walking besides me.

"Yep. Exactly where I was heading." I snipped, determined not to make eye contact with her or anyone else that could possibly be around me.

"Great! I miss having you there for lunch, seriously the romance going on in that table is gag worthy, with Jess and Mike and _Bella_ and Edward and Angela and Ben, disgusting." Lauren made a face.

"Don't you have Alice and Tyler?"

"Yeah, it's not like Alice ever talks to anyone besides her brother and his bitch. And Tyler, seriously Lia? You expect me to talk to him?" I snorted loudly, the venom spreading in my mouth.

"His bitch? Oh that's bad Lo." I said a little louder.

"Truth hurts, yeah anyway, Tyler is such a jerk, sometimes I don't even… ugh." She made another little face.

I tuned out her Tyler ranting, I felt kind of bad for not listening, but I had never been interested in anything a girl had to say about a boy she liked, it was usually boring. Didn't girls know that no one gave two shits about what her and her boyfriend texted to each other during bio or whatever?

We got to the cafeteria as Lauren and I sat down on a table while Jess went and got a salad. It seemed as though I had influenced Lauren just a bit on her eating habits.

Angela had packed her own lunch. She took out two cupcakes and set them besides me and Lauren. Bella and Edward had already situated themselves quite cozily.

"Here Lia, it was my birthday two days ago, my mom baked them." I sighed as Angela shoved it a little closer towards my empty tray.

I grabbed the fat free yogurt I had bought earlier out of my bag as I slowly peeled off the cover.

"Are you going to eat that?" Bella asked, all high and mighty next to her fiancée. Her nose was turned up slightly as she eyed the offending baked good warily.

"Why do you want it?" I asked as I pushed it towards her,

She actually smirked at me, _smirked_, as she shook her head no.

"You should eat it before Angela gets offended." Bella answered haughtily as she snuggled closer towards Edward, I didn't dare look at him.

If I hadn't known Bella for so long, I would've sworn she was trying to rub her relationship in my face. But this was Bella. Then again, I had never really seen Bella with a boyfriend, did she really have the guts?

I smirked back at her as I saw her lightly trace circles on Edwards hand.

"I have a better idea." I looked slightly towards Lauren as she leaned closer,

"You don't like Kate do you Lo?" I stated.

She away from her nails for a while, "What? Hell no, fuck that fat bitch."

My smirk grew as I looked towards the poor chubby girl, sitting with a knock-kneed, hairy freshman with huge glasses. I eyed her disgusting Wal Mart size 16 jeans, bmi 28.2, Extra Large shirt, D-cup breasts and disgusting pig tails. I looked back to the cupcake that had seemed to get closer to me, tempting me with it's rainbow frosting and butter cream flavor. _It wouldn't hurt to take just one bite._

I looked back towards Kate, her Keds looking small against her large frame. I frowned slightly as I saw her stuffing a piece of pizza into her mouth. _It looked so, so good._ I saw Kate again, drinking a can of coke, her shirt stretching across her broad back rolls. _Do you want to look like that Lia? Because you're pretty fucking close._ I scrunched the insulting cupcake in my hand squeezing it tightly

"Hey Kate!" I called out, the poor fat ass turning around to stare at me.

Her cheeks were red. Fat. Huge.

_Really. Fucking. Close._

I determinedly hurled the cupcake straight at her face.

Aim. Hit. Score.

Lauren and I howled with laughter as Fat Kat let out a wail, wiping off the frosting, running out of the cafeteria.

"I love you Lia, seriously, you're my soul mate." Lauren let out between her fits of laughter as she laid her head on my shoulder.

Edward suddenly looked between me and Lauren, staring in disgust as his hands balled into fists. He stood up so fast his chair hit the ground.

"Edward?" Bella called in a panic.

He stormed past her as he leaned down towards me. The whole cafeteria had suddenly stopped, watching the scene unfold.

"I can't imagine why I _ever…_" He breathed into my ear, sounding scarier than I had ever heard as chills started to erupt in my spine.

He didn't finish his sentence as he roughly pulled away from me, glaring with absolute repulsion, staring down as if he were looking at a spider. He finally stormed out of the cafeteria with Bella hot on his heels.

My heart had been racing the entire time. My body hadn't moved a single inch.

"Woah, what was all that about?" Jessica asked as she sat down with her salad.

"Pfft…" Lauren laughed again, "I think Edward has a crush on Kate!"

I bit back the nausea that threatened to rise. Edward already hated me didn't he? It didn't matter what I did, at least he had said something to me. I tried to shrug off the strange sensation as I tossed my hair behind my shoulders.

And as if it were the most natural thing in the world, I joined in, just like in California.

"Looks like Bella's got some competition."

* * *

I couldn't get Edward's voice out of my head, he couldn't believe he ever what? What? And why did he get so mad, he knew me. He knew who I really was, knew how I could get. And even with him knowing all of this, he hated me didn't he? So why did he care? Why would he get angry with me when he shouldn't have any interest in anything I do? And who cares what he thought anyway? He didn't get it, he thought that any girl who wasn't quiet and nice was just despicable. Why did he even care? It's not like it hurt Kate, hell I bet you she licked that frosting right off her chubby face once she got to the bathroom, hell, I was doing her a favor. Feeding her for free and all that. Lord knows how much food that girl needs to keep her going for the day.

"Lia, dinner!" Uncle Charlie called me out of my reverie. Damn it. I walked slowly down the stairs, feigning a yawn as I stepped through into the dining room.

"I have so much homework Uncle Charlie, can I please eat in my room? I promise I'll finish everything, you could check my room and the bathroom afterwards and everything!" I begged, hoping that he would crumble.

"You know we aren't allowed to let you do that Lia." He said cautiously. I studied him for a bit, he looked like he would break easily.

"Yes, I know, but you can trust me, really Uncle Charlie. I promise, I've been trying really hard." I held out my pinky for him so we could swear to eachother.

"Alright Lia, but this better not become a habit. Just this once got it?"

"Got it, thanks Charlie." I kissed him lightly on the cheek as I grabbed my plate of steak and potatoes and carried it upstairs.

I shut my door quickly setting the plate on my bedside table. I padded over to my book shelf, looking for a movie. I shuffled through some books before I found the case, I opened it hastily, only to find it empty. The hell?

I quickly shuffled through my horrible memory, remembering that Bella had borrowed the movie a while back, when she wasn't acting like such an uncharacteristic bitch.

I hurriedly crossed the hall to her room, opening the door quietly, making my way through the dark in search of her DVD player.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" I gasped slightly as I heard a low growl coming from the only recliner in the room.

I steadied myself on the TV set before pushing the button to open the player, determined to not give him the satisfaction of knowing he startled me.

"It's not like it would work, I could hear your heartbeat thrumming like crazy."

"Then stop listening" I clipped, hastily taking out the movie.

"Don't you dare discard any of the food Bella made."

I snorted, "Why, do you want it?"

"Are you going to throw it at my face too?" He growled, all of a sudden only two inches from my face.

I gripped the TV set harder. "Why do you care?" I growled back.

"I don't" he stated, backing off slightly.

I pushed past him, "It doesn't look like it."

He made his way in front of me again, "Don't get your hopes up Lia. You've finally proved to me that you are no better than the rest of the Forks High population."

"I thought I made that clear a long time ago." I said, my breathing getting heavier as I felt the familiar burning behind my eyelids.

"You know a foolish part of myself truthfully believed there was something different about you. But I keep on surprising myself, obviously, I know nothing about you." He looked at me again, that familiar looked of disgust settling his features.

"Stop it." I said quietly.

"Stop what?" He spat.

"Stop caring ok? If this is the way you're going to talk than go back to ignoring me."

"As I've previously stated Lia, I obviously don't."

He walked back to his seat on the recliner, enveloping himself in the darkness again.

"Well then if you don't care, then stop taking to me." I growled as those stupid tears threatened to fall.

"I just thought I'd let you know how little respect you deserve from what you did today."

I couldn't hold them back anymore, stupid little girl.

"Why, do you really have a crush on her?" I half laughed, half sobbed.

"Don't." He warned.

I stood my ground. "Why Edward? It's not like you deserve any respect after what you did to me."

"It's been over a month Lia. Please." His voiced had sobered, sounding more like a concerned parent than anything else.

"Please what? No Edward, I don't think I will." I snapped, for some stupid reason, still standing there rather than leaving.

"You're welcome to leave if you'd like," he responded, reading my mind.

"You can't kick me out, this isn't your room." I crossed my arms against my chest.

"I'm sure Bella wouldn't be too happy to have us in the same room together." He pointed out, flexing and curling his fingers into the palms of his hands.

"What are you so tense about?" I blurted, continuing to stare at his hands.

He turned his head sharply, "Lia. Please, can you just leave?"

The profile of his stupid head was exquisite, only supplemented by the moonlight. I hadn't stared at him this long in over a month.

"I don't want to." I blurted again, my heart aching. There was such a strong part of me that knew, just knew that Edward didn't want me to leave either, that he cared for a reason. No matter how much he denied it, he would've never even initiated a fight if he didn't_ care._

I saw his entire body tense, the energy spreading from his fingers all the way to his neck, little pinpricks sending my hair on end.

"I know that your sole purpose is to annoy me, but you and I both know how badly you want to leave." He completely ignored my thoughts, building the brick wall stronger against us.

My brain didn't listen though, it kept making sure it voiced exactly what I wanted to say.

"You could just watch a movie with me until Bella comes up, it might be a while." I shrugged.

"Are you listening to yourself?" He asked in disbelief. I nodded briefly.

"Are you not a fan of DiCaprio?" I questioned, trying to get on some familiar level with him.

"I loathe him." He sneered, turning his face briefly towards me, than turning it away again.

"What about Kate Winslet? She's pretty." I hushed quietly, feeling a bit foolish for giving him such a proposition.

"We can't be friends Lia."

"Why not?" I challenged, feeling the desperation I worked so hard to ignore bubble up inside me. "Prove it Edward! Prove to me you have absolutely no feelings for me and be my friend! That's all I want Edward! Just be my friend!" I begged, frustrated.

He shook his head resolutely, walking towards me, grabbing me by the shoulders.

"Please." I whispered, my voice breaking.

"You aren't the person you lead me to believe you were. And I promised Bella... I promised her, can't you understand that?" He whispered back.

"No." I shook with anger, sadness, frustration.

It didn't matter, he was gone before I had even uttered the words. Leaving me alone, again.

* * *

**End Notes:** Yes, I know what a bitch right? I know, you can all bash on Lia if you want, I know I would. I'm actually very excited to write the next chapter, it's going to be Lia's birthday. (;


	18. The Storm Before the Calm

**A/N:** So this is a bit late, and horribly unedited. But I really owe you one, a lot of personal things have happened so far that have kept me from writing this, but I won't moan about them. To all of the amazing people who have favorited, alerted, and reviewed my story, I want to give each of you a million hugs and kisses. I had no idea people would've liked this story so much, especially because it's an OC story. I promise to get back to the habit of writing back to all my reviewers, which I haven't done in the past two chapters. I love writing back and answering your questions, so review away!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything recognizable.

* * *

_"I was the one you always dreamed of,_  
_ You were the one I tried to draw._  
_ How dare you say it's nothing to me?_  
_ Baby, you're the only light I ever saw._

_ I'll make the most of all the sadness,_  
_ You'll be a bitch because you can._  
_ You try to hit me just to hurt me_  
_ So you leave me feeling dirty_  
_ Because you can't understand."_

John Mayer, Slow Dancing in a Burning Room_  
_

I tried not to move my body a singly inch when I felt the clock tick 12:00. Midnight. Lia was seventeen. Lia was now the exact age I was when I had been dealt this fate, an age were we met in the middle, only for a brief moment. We would never be the same age again. I tried not to let the feeling of loneliness, of yearning, from bubbling to the surface. Right now at this moment, whether she knew it or not, we _shared_ something. An insignificant coincidence that had not affected me with Bella, nor with anyone else who happened to share my eternal age. I knew that Bella would eventually be one of us, she would freeze. Lia wouldn't. Lia would grow, Lia would keep changing ages until her bones withered, her hair grayed and her almond-shaped eyes would lower heavily under the strain of her tired skin. My chest tightened considerably, I missed her, terribly so. I missed her in advance for all the years she would not be here, for the years were she would grow out of her affection for me, her immature antics, her unresolved mental instability. She would turn another age, and then another, and the fingerprints I left on her heart would fade, her memory of me would weaken, her life would not be a part of mine, our time together fading into the wind.

_Happy Birthday Lia. You're seventeen now, have you grown up yet?_

I heard her shuffle towards her mirror, felt her fingertips stretching over the smooth plains of her skin.

_No wrinkles, yet._

I chuckled humorlessly, stroking Bella's hair absentmindedly.

I listened to her castrate herself some more, throw herself into another little puddle of self pity. The same excuses she used to make everyone else around her as miserable as she, I had yet to forget what she had done to the poor girl in the cafeteria. I couldn't get the look of satisfaction that painted Lia's face when she had successfully hurt someone else, a girl who had almost as much emotional problems as Lia, _almost._ The only satisfaction I could pull from the situation was that guilt was slowly creeping up Lia's spine, day by day.

It wasn't so much her actions that frustrated me, it was the fact that it didn't change a thing. I wish that I could say that Lia, was a genuinely good person, but in reality, she wasn't. She was normal. She didn't feel pity if she saw a dog get ran over, yet she couldn't stand the thought of upsetting the people she loved most. Lia hated most people, yet she thrived under social situations. She was an extroverted introvert, an indifferent intuitive. A less-than-casual observer. If Lia was something, she was contradictions. But the fact that Lia had a dark side, one that didn't care to show on occasion, I still cared for her. In fact, it made her more… attractive. No, too complicated, too emotional, too risky, too foreign. She was just, too much. And in all my years, one thing I've learned is there can be too much of a good thing, or in her case, a bad thing.

Bella turned in her sleep once more, mumbling under her breath.

"Edward." she sighed.

3:5 Edwards to Jacobs. As pathetic as it was that I was recording this, it didn't make it hurt any less. I understood that she was worried for him, I understood that she had a right to be thinking about him after he ran away. _But does it give her the right to be thinking about him more than you?_ Lia's voice caressed my ears, a venom of it's own. I tried to shake it out, since when did my doubts on Bella come with the smell of roses? Her tone becoming my voice of worry, her poison filling me with the one feeling I hated the most, the one that had always cast a mental and physical wall between me and my fiancée. Doubt.

It was an ugly thing. And _her_ lovely voice was issuing it out. _She_ was doing this to me. _She _was plaguing my thoughts, _she_ was killing me.

I heard her light footsteps edge towards her bookcase, she grabbed a DVD, _The Lion King_. Again. I really didn't understand why she loved that movie so much, it made her cry every time. I heard the familiar African song lulling in the background, just as I sensed the prickling in the corners of Lia eyes, her soft smile. She paused it for a second, hurried down the stairs. She was doing it again. Three bags of popcorn, salt, vinegar, hot sauce. All would end up down the toilet. This was not the first. A week ago she added a box of waffles and a pint of Ben and Jerry's. I suspected Bella knew, but if she did, she didn't say a word. She came bag with two bowls, hurriedly running across the hallway. It was another thing she did, she had watched to many horror movies, and dark places terrified her. She hated blackened hallways. Sometimes, I would hear her let out a little squeal as she raced towards her bedroom. It was endearing, to say the least. Was she not afraid of the vampire across the hall?

It was tempting to not go in her room. If I knew Lia, she would pretend as though nothing ever happened if I wanted to do. That or she would kick me out and try to throw her furniture at me again.

She pressed the play button again. Fifteen minutes later and I heard her throw the bowl harshly to the floor. I heard the voices, felt the shame, saw the tears through the mirror she was looking at. They were small, Lia cried a lot. Her hands balled into fists,

_Messed up, again. Messed up on your first day, you promised it would be different. Liar, who cares if you're seventeen? You're still the same little girl, a child, pathetic. Afraid, without willpower. Weak. Less than an hour and you messed up, again and again and again._

I grew nervous as I always did. I knew what was next. Lia was a routine, Lia had rules, Lia punished herself when these rules weren't followed through. Except, this time, she didn't make her way to the bathroom. Rather, she went to her bookcase. _A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man._ I felt her prop it open, page 105. Her mind was hazy, messy, more so than ever. But all of this didn't matter, what mattered, was that she was trying something different.

I didn't register that I was making my way towards her bedroom until I opened her door. Her heart jumped as she looked towards me. She stared. I stared back, crossing my arms against my chest. Two minutes and eight seconds past until she said something.

"I'm reading it only because I think the name is pretty. That's all, in fact, I don't even really like the book, I mean, it's just not as interesting to me right now, but I bet if someone asked me tomorrow what my favorite book was, I would say it was this one, only because I like the way the name of it sounds." She blurted, talking as fast as her mind raced.

I couldn't find anything important to say to her, so I said nothing.

"I hate how Stephen keeps saying the word 'queer', and I hate his questions. I get that he's a child, but I hate them anyway. I don't like how he's so conflicted about the most trivial things. And I hate how he's always missing his mother, and I hate that stupid prefect who beat his hands because he broke his glasses because that wasn't even his fault, and why did they kill Parnell? And why is Dante defending the church so much? I thought she was supposed to be smart. And I hate how he loses his virginity to a prostitute, I don't just hate it, it completely bothers me. He isn't supposed to do that…" she shook her head a bit, "he was that stupid little boy with glasses who said moocow and tuckoo and now in the second chapter he has sex with a hooker because he feels all misunderstood with his family? And then he starts doing it all the time? I hate this book, I hate it. It makes me feel like hell. And the worst part is that if anyone asked me tomorrow what my favorite book was, I would say it was _A Portrait of an Artists as a Young Man._ Because that name is just so pretty."

I continued to stare at her. She had taken off her makeup, she did it at 9:55, every night, after she came back from ballet. Her eyelashes looked soft, her lids were heavy, her face was getting paler, gaunt, purple bruises under her eyes, a lack of tint in her cheekbones that had always been missing. She had never been one to blush.

"Could you please.. Just… say something. Anything." She pleaded, fiddling with the pages in the books.

I questioned my sanity at that very moment. More importantly, what had been my reason to barge in here? Certainly it wasn't to converse with her about her childish behavior in choosing literature, or the fact that she judged books by their covers, or that her previous rambling had been so unfailingly Lia, scattered, messy, hidden. I still took pride in knowing the real her. I often let myself care to wonder how other people would see her if they knew the truth. This perfectly seeming girl, was absolutely everything, everything, but perfect.

I stalled for long enough, too long, she continued to stare. Observing me the way she did, letting her cat-like eyes roam my face, down to my fingertips, her lids heavy with insomnia.

"Congratulations." I seethed, loathing those eyes, hating the way they stared so blatantly.

"For what?" She said quietly, still eyeing my fingers.

I hated myself for what I said next, but I needed to get out of there. I only knew of one way, "For turning 17, God knows no one thought you'd make it this far."

I shut the door faster than she had time to throw her iPod dock at me, it crashed on to the wall.

I rubbed my eyes wearily, sliding down the paper-thin construction that separated us. I knew this time, I had crossed the line farther than ever, she would never forgive me. But what did it matter? We weren't friends, we weren't acquaintances, we were nothing. If she hated me, all the better. I didn't have to deal with whatever feelings accompanied my thoughts of her, I had no right to even think her name, much less breathe it. The only name that should be uttered from my lips was Isabella Marie Swan, the name in itself; beautiful, the only thing I needed in this world. I didn't need _her._ She was nothing, nothing. Not to me, not anymore, not ever.

It was different the next morning.

"Good morning love." I whispered in Bella's ears as she let out a small yawn.

"Five more minutes…" she grumbled, digging herself further into the warmth of her blankets.

"I don't think it would be responsible of me to let you be late for school," I reasoned, chuckling as she groaned again.

"Then don't be responsible…" she suggested.

I sighed, "Bella love, please? You do have someone you need to say happy birthday to."

She visibly stiffened, I paused.

"Bella?"

She shrugged off the blankets, wrapping her arms around herself. Her eyes looked a bit too red, almost wet.

I sighed, for the second time this morning.

"Bella love, are you alright?" I asked, reaching for her arm, relieved that she let me.

She nodded profusely, "I'm fine, just tired." she lied horribly.

"Bella, please…"

"I need to get ready." She mumbled hurriedly, climbing off the bed.

"I'll go then, I'll pick you up in 45 minutes?" I questioned, wondering if she'd rather not have me drive her. To my relief, she nodded.

"Ok then, I'll see you soon love." I said quietly, sneaking out through her window.

I raced back home. It was absolutely foolish to go into her bedroom, what had been the reason? Did I enjoy breaking my Bella's heart? She had a perfect reason to be wary of Lia, and yet, I didn't bother to follow her wishes. I kept hurting Lia, the more I stayed in her life, and by interfering with Lia's life, I was in turn hurting Bella. My Bella, good, kind, sweet enough to give me a second chance after the hell I had put her through. I was undeserving, and yet, I still managed to hurt her. I didn't deserve her love, nor her patience.

I quickly arrived at the white mansion. Hurriedly entering our living room before I received an onslaught from Alice. Racing up the stairs, I managed to close my bedroom door before she detected me.

Alice knocked loudly. I let her in before she started screaming through the key hole.

I saw her vision.

"Don't talk to her today, it'll lead to trouble."

"I wasn't planning on it Alice." I casually strolled to my bookcase, picking a tattered copy randomly.

She still seemed uneasy, "I don't think it's a good idea for you to go to school today?"

I gripped the book, hearing the pages crumple slightly under my exertion.

"Is that a question or a command?" I asked as calmly as possible.

She shrugged lightly,

"It's a suggestion."

"I'm glad I know I have the choice." I shrugged back, lounging on my bed, propping open _A Portrait of the Artists as a Young Man._

Damn.

She zoned out slightly as another vision hit her.

I chuckled, "I'm guessing it's alright for me to attend school now isn't it?" I asked sarcastically.

"Do what you please, I haven't told you to do anything."

"I could disagree."

She stayed quiet or a while then, saying nothing.

I continued to read on, wondering if Lia enjoyed chapter two more than she did the first.

"She's ruining everything." I heard a mutter.

"Excuse Me?" I sat up, slamming the book down. My defenses going haywire, I could only see red.

Alice stood her ground.

"She is. You aren't the same. You were never this way towards me, and for your information, the future you had before she came along hasn't come back. No matter your choices, her very presence has altered your future. You've chosen Bella, yet it's not the same. Do you have any idea how much she's done to you? She has ruined your relationships, you and Bella will never be the same again, can't you see the severity in this?"

I stood up, mirroring her position.

"And what do you suppose I do Alice? Go back in time, reverse it so that I never talked to her? Left her to rot without a single friend in that rehabilitation center? I can't do that Alice. It's done, and to be frank, I wouldn't have changed it if I could."

She slapped me then, the resonating sound vibrating off the walls.

"How could you say such a thing?" she whispered, looking close to tears. "She barged into your life, determined to take Bella's place, seduced you and…"

"She did none of that." I spat.

"Oh? She didn't seem to care that you were her cousin's boyfriend or that you two were _engaged_ for that matter. How could you have feelings for someone like that? A sneaky tramp, no better than Lauren or Jessica or any other girl in that godforsaken school."

"Don't call her that." I seethed, my voice dropping an octave, barely constrained. I couldn't see anymore, I was blinded my a white hot rage, destroying any sense of diplomacy I once held.

"It's the truth. She kissed you, and she knew, she knew exactly what she was doing. She was kissing an engaged man. Not that it bothered to stop her, she hurt our family and my best friend, and I won't stand for that."

"Guess what Alice?" I stated calmly.

"What?" She asked back, as if she were throwing me a bone.

"She didn't kiss me," I shook my head, feeling a bubble of excitement make it's way to the surface, the absurdity and rage of this conversation making me delirious.

"_I_ kissed _her._ I kissed that sneaky tramp you so boldly called. I happen to adore that girl, that girl who has more in common with me than this entire family could ever hope to understand. And frankly Alice, I no longer care for you opinions, it seems as though you're more fond of my fiancée than you are of me. If you choose to cast me and Lia into whatever personal hell you're holding and then hold Bella on a pedestal, than don't consider me a brother to you no longer. I can no clearly see who you've allianced yourself with."

"Just listen to yourself. Defending her, Bella doesn't deserve you, and I don't blame her for spending any chance she gets with Jacob in La Push. I'm starting to believe that he might be the right choice for her after all."

I let out a loud laugh.

"If only you could see what she was doing there, you might not be so confident of Bella's innocence." I spat.

She slapped me again.

"You're a child." She stared at me with disgust, her fiery eyes burning me. All of my fears, my thoughts, emotions, all hidden so well, had erupted to the surface in 19.8 seconds. Alice knew it all.

"I think that's enough Alice." I heard a strong female voice order.

Rosalie grabbed Alice by the shoulders, never leaving her stare off of me, and led her out of the room.

I let out an inhuman growl, threw the first thing I could think of (the book) and swore.

LIA POV

"Happy Birthday Ms. Lily"

"Happy Birthday Sweetheart."

"Happy B-day Liabean."

I double checked that last text. No one called me that, not anymore. I didn't let them, unless I was totally blown out of my mind. But no, too long ago, it really couldn't be.

That area code, those seven little numbers that I had imprinted in the front of my brain since the beginning of high school. _Nate._

My heart rate sped up, my mind started cursing at me. What the hell was I supposed to write? "Oh thanks for taking the time to realize I'm still alive after a year, so how's life? Are you still getting blown by my best friend?"

No. I stared at the text for a full two minutes, before deciding on a simple thanks. There really wasn't anything else to say, no unburied feelings of resentment, no unrequited love. All of those had washed away the moment I had laid eyes on Edward. Still the randomness of this situation automatically made me suspicious, made me wonder if he knew. Did they all? News spread fast in Santa Barbara, it wouldn't surprise me at all if my mom had called all my old "friends" to tell them the absolutely thrilling news.

Going back to California with an aching in my heart.

"How are you?"

He texted back. I blinked. Shook my head, pinched myself. What the hell? So now I was interesting? Did Ellie barely break up with him or what? Was he choosing to talk to me now that his girl left him? Was this happening again, this second best shit?

I turned my phone off. I was angry, I felt stupid. I didn't want him talking to me, I didn't want anyone from that stupid shithole talking to me. I had been done a long time ago.

I stuffed it in my pocket and took my keys.

Bella didn't offer me breakfast, thank fucking god. She didn't talk to me at all anymore, which I was glad for, I didn't know why she had tried in the first place.

I blew passed her, opened the front door, and stepped unto the freezing cold. I could see Edward's punk ass Volvo pulling up to the front, I ignored him, opening my car door with more force than necessary.

I drove to school in absolute silence, no music, no nothing. I pulled up at the right time, fifteen minutes before class, right when everyone else usually got here. I stayed in my car, I was too cold. My fingernails were blue, yes, it was definitely the cold.

No one knew about my birthday here, it was better this way. Birthdays in California meant cupcakes and star bucks and balloons at school, cute little presents and embarrassing songs during first period. I didn't want that here, I didn't expect it, no one knew me, not really.

I waited until the absolute last minute, watching as that Volvo pulled up out of the corner of my eye. He helped her out of the car, she shrunk into him. Her hair was pretty and soft looking and she had these huge eyes and amazing skin. I felt the anger boiling, _she was prettier than me_. And I hated her for it. She didn't need to starve to death to look like a waif.

The bell rang. Edward and her kept walking together, holding each other up like they couldn't take a step by themselves. I waited until they entered the building before stepping out of my car, flipping my hair customarily. I sighed as I trudged up the steps, determined not to look down, determined to keep my stare off of anyone, they didn't need my stares.

Class had already begun, but I kept walking around anyway, feeling a little too down to enter a class I knew Edward would be in, walking in late, everyone's eyes on me when the emotions I was feeling where written so blatantly across it. So I kept walking, walking, and walking. Wandering around aimlessly, looking at nothing in particular, heading towards the library, I think.

I heard her before I saw her, really, it wasn't my fault, her footsteps were heavy. She walked past me, keeping her head down. Sometimes I wondered whether her footsteps were so loud because of her weight, or because of the way she carried herself. Everything about her just seemed to drop down, drooping, as if too defeated to even try and stand on their own. Her eyes always downcast, her body sagging along with them. It was such a pathetic sight, was that how I looked? Was that why I made such an effort to keep my face off the ground? Was that the only thing that was keeping me from falling on the floor?

I felt that surge of empathy turn into sympathy, turn into guilt, and slowly, my word vomit came up.

"Hey Kate?"

She turned towards me slowly, the sad look slowly disseminating from her face, spreading off of her face, tainting the walls around her. She looked irritated now, angry.

"What?" She let out sharply, too sharply. I was shocked.

I had a second mind to let out a comeback, but the though disappeared immediately, this was the right thing to do.

"Ummm, well, you see…"

"Save it. I don't care." She slowly turned around, walking back the way she was going.

"No! Wait!"

I caught up with her, slowly reaching for her shoulder. She shrugged me off.

"What? Come here to throw something else in my face?" She turned to stare at a spot away from my eyes, but she didn't look any less angry.

"No, I just wanted to.."

"I said to save it. I don't need an apology from some prissy little princess, don't think I don't know what you're doing."

I grew irritated.

"I'm not trying to.."

"Yes you are!" She half-yelled, her voice only growing louder, "You think that I'm just going to accept it because you're one of those girls and it'll suddenly be ok. Like what you do doesn't matter, you are all the same, you have no feelings, all you like to do is make people absolutely miserable."

"Will you just listen?"

"No! just leave me alone." She walked faster this time, seeming as though she couldn't wait to get away from me. I couldn't let her do this, I was just about to do something right for once.

"You're right ok?" I yelled across to her. "I did do that because I wanted to make you miserable, you know why? Because I'm miserable too okay? And I just wanted to make someone else hurt the way I am right now. And I'm sorry, it was shitty and stupid and immature, I'm fucking sorry okay?"

She looked at me for a long while.

"So the rumors are true." She said quietly.

"What rumors?" I asked, seemingly oblivious.

"You're, you know.." she struggled with the right words, fidgeting back and forth, "you have problems with… eating." she finally let out.

"Don't judge me." I warned. I knew what she thought, I was some petty little rich girl who only did it to gain attention, only because it was cool and glamorous and I wanted to look like a model. Everyone was the same, no one understood.

"I have binge-eating disorder." She shrugged, growing a little confident, "I understand. I had to go to an outpatient program for six weeks this summer, I get it."

"I spent two months at inpatient treatment program a year ago, and another month this past January. It didn't work, not even for a little bit."

"I know." She said quietly. "I can't stop either, and I hate myself for it, I just want to look normal, you know? I always try purging the food, but my throat closes up and I can't do it. I really wish I was a puker, I really wish I had the willpower to stop eating."

I felt as small as an ant, knowing what I had done to her. Knowing how triggering that was, how she probably went home and ate her entire pantry. I had been around with binge eaters, bulimics, anorexics, and we were all the same on the inside. All had the same emotional problems, self-esteem issues, how could I have done that to her?

"No you don't, it's exhausting. I crashed my car back in California, I fainted at the wheel, I nearly killed myself. I have to take medication for Amenorrhea, I haven't had a period in nearly three months. I stopped taking the anti-depressants after I started googling how many milligrams it would take to commit suicide, the Celexa is still in my drawer, I keep saying I'm not taking them because I don't need them, but I have almost fifty pills stashed, just in case. I know I won't do it, not now anyway, but they're there, in case."

We were now sitting next to each other, our backs against the lockers.

"My mom hates me, she thinks it's all bullshit, like I can just stop binging, but she doesn't understand, I wasn't always this weight you know, I used to be normal. Then everything got too crazy at home, and food made me feel safe."

"Food is the exact opposite for me, I hate it, it scares me to death. If I eat it I don't have any control and then I start binging, and I hate it when I purge, because everyone knows. I feel like a failure, like I have no willpower."

We were both spilling our guts out right now, this was so much better than talking to that shit therapist.

"The worst things are mirrors aren't they?"

I nodded in understanding, we didn't have to say anymore than that.

"I was always jealous of the anorexics at the outpatient program."

It sent me shivers to even think of that, I had never liked saying that word, it sounded dirty.

I shook my head, "Don't ever be."

We stayed in a somber silence for a while, not exactly comfortable, but it was nice. Most of all, I could just think of how horrible of a person I was. Edward had known what Kate had been going threw, hell he probably saw her thoughts as very similar to mine, yet I had done that, the lowest thing ever. It made it worse, made it blasphemous, because she had the same issues I did. Stupid, stupid Lia, too selfish to think of anyone else's feelings.

"Don't beat yourself up about this." I heard her murmur, she had turned to me.

"what?" I asked, surprised.

She touched her temple, "I know what you're probably thinking, calling yourself stupid? Selfish? A horrible person?"

I tried to let out a smile, but it came out looking too awkward, metal in my mouth. I didn't like this, her knowing, knowing what I felt, but at the same time. It felt good.

"I'm still in EDIOP, still doing lots of therapy, and I've basically been beaten into my brain how…"

"Negative thinking is destructive to yourself and others." We said simultaneously, letting out a tiny laugh.

The bell rang then. Without thinking, I hugged her. I hugged her really hard, and I whispered thanks, because I really needed that. I don't think she liked my hug, she tensed up and patted my back awkwardly, but it had been a long time and I had always been very tactile, I had always wanted to hold on to people so that I wouldn't break. I missed physical touch, it had been too long. Uncle Charlie hated affection and Edward hated me and I never hugged Bella. Maybe I'd give Rosalie a hug someday.

We both went out separate ways, her back to her world and me back into mine. I felt lighter somehow, a little better, that weird nudging in the back of my mind was gone, my conscious cleared.

Edward and Bella were walking with Angela and Ben again, seemingly permanently ditching Lauren and Jessica. I didn't think Angela liked me either, so I pretended not to see them. I didn't care, Angela was too much of a Bella clone anyway, shy girls always pissed me off. And I really tried not to think of how they were the ones who always got the guy, the ones who always stayed in gorgeous beautiful relationships and married amazing husbands who actually loved them. I wasn't destined for that, and I accepted it, no questions asked. It was common knowledge, I was a DuPont, I was probably going to marry a Kennedy or a Vanderbilt or whatever my dad not-so-discreetly approved of. He'd be a politician or a businessman who would cheat on me on his "business trips" and fuck his secretary behind my back. I would host lavish charities and parties and toast and smile and pretend that we loved each other and that we were perfect and that he didn't treat me like a piece of meat. I was over it, I knew, it was my mom had gotten a divorce, no one forgave her. She broke the rules.

I decided to leave. I didn't want to go to class, the bell had rung again and I was still walking aimlessly around the halls. No one would miss me, not here.

I quickly made my way through the candy-colored flyers and the smell of reheated pizza towards my crème colored Mercedes. It was ridiculous how easy you could leave campus here. I walked a little faster, my Chanel heels making too much noise on the wet asphalt.

I took a piece of hair out of my mouth before putting it behind my ear, quickly reaching towards my car door. I was stopped by an ivory hand.

"What are you doing?"

"Leaving, and you're in my way. Move." I exhaled, crossing my arms against my chest.

He shook his bronze-colored hair, a pity, how darling it must look in the sunlight.

"You can't do that." He countered, mirroring my stance, his eyes the color of burnt honey.

"I can do whatever I want." I said, maybe a little too suggestively, moving closer to him. He grabbed my shoulders lightly.

"But you don't need to be truant." I let him hold me, holding back a smirk.

"You do it all the time." I pointed out.

"That's different." He didn't hesitate. As if realizing our position, he let go of my arms.

"I hate to bring things up again, but haven't I already asked why you care so much about my whereabouts?" I asked, looking at the back of my hand, my nail polish was chipping.

"I just don't want any trouble on Bella's part, she is responsible for you."

"Liiiaaar." I mocked, sing-songing. I dared to look at his dark eyes again, his cheekbones seemingly more pronounced, the water on the asphalt reflecting off his skin.

He shrugged, looking away. He knew I knew. What kind of excuse could he come up with? Why else would he be following me?

"I'm not following you." He said, angry now.

"Oh no, just knowing exactly where I am at all times and making sure you comment on them at least once a day. Because that's just not caring and not following at all." I said, my temper rising.

"Why do you have to get so angry over everything?" He bit out.

"Why are you always pretending?"

"What on Earth am I pretending about?"

"That you don't care about me!" I almost screamed, I couldn't make him see, couldn't he just see?

"You are impossibly vain."

"And you're too proud." I pointed out. His eyes started flashing again, his nostrils looked like they were flaring.

He let out a low growl, "Could you please just go back to class?"

I pushed past him, opening my car door and getting out of the cold.

"No, I can't, but you're welcome to do so at anytime. Unless you want to come with me, you know just to make sure I don't get hurt or anything." I waved my hand as if it didn't matter, as if I weren't begging him to get in the car.

He looked at me for a long while, leaning over the door, not letting me close it just yet. I held my breath, his body was inching closer, I could feel his sweater graze my clothes.

"I don't think so." He finally let out, removing himself with rapid speed, shutting the door a little too hard.

I shrugged, "suit yourself."

I skipped ballet even though I knew I would get an earful, I went to Seattle anyway and I turned the volume on my stereo to it's highest and drove as fast as I could before getting too scared. I sang at the top of my lungs and went shopping and bought some boots and jeans and I stayed in that stupid dressing room crying because I hated the way I looked in jeans, I bought them anyway. I got a huge cozy jacket that looked like one Edward had worn during the second week I had met him and put it on immediately. I grabbed a cup of black coffee from Starbucks and then went into Marc Jacobs, I got a dress that was so short I couldn't bend over without it showing half my ass, I didn't know what I would wear it for, but I bought it anyway. I don't remember how much money I spent, but it didn't really matter, it was my birthday after all.

I checked the time as I climbed in my car, school was almost out and I had two hours left to get home.

I turned the radio up again, I was getting sleepy. The coffee didn't work on me, apparently, and my vision was getting blurry. I remembered the way Edward had hated when I drove my car anywhere without him, I remembered how anxious his voice sounded when he told me to go back to class. My phone rang then..

EPOV

She picked up on the second ring as soon as I tried to calmly tell her to turn off her car, I was two minutes away from her, and she was ten seconds away from passing out.

She sounded sleepy, which was somewhat normal, Lia had horrible sleeping patterns, and hardly ate enough to survive. She protested at first; telling me I had no right to tell her what to do.

"Just pull over!" I finally growled, pushing my Volvo's pedal to it's limits, I had already contacted Carlisle, he was getting a bed ready.

Why couldn't she just have stayed in school? Didn't she grasp how dangerous her driving on her own was? Hadn't this already happened to her before?

I saw her car on the corner of the highway, her face's anger was masked by the horrible palor of her skin.

She angrily got out as I slammed my door shut,

"What the hell?" She protested as she stalked towards me, her hair blowing past her.

She didn't make it to me as she faltered, her heart slowing down, I ran to her side, catching her before she fell to the ground.

"This." I whispered.


	19. Winter Wears and Tears our Bones

**AUTHOR'S Note: **I have no excuse other than having a life and not enough inspiration. But alas, I have encountered a situation which I can pour my feelings into this piece of work. I am so, so very rusty. This is incredibly short, but vital. Tell me if you're still with me, and if you are, I promise to crank this out faster.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

* * *

_At night, he lies awake,  
And his heart aches,  
'Cause it's cold.  
He sweats it out all the night through.  
Then he throws up all over me and you._

_I wanna catch my death of cold,_  
_'cause I'm scared of growing old._  
_Don't return the love I gave._  
_You're still my favorite._

- Black and Blue, Chris Garneau

I was a bad, bad person. It didn't matter really, if you thought about it. If I had passed out now or later, either way, it was gonna happen. I wasn't fixed. Not yet, not ever. The notion of me even being a different person than now was out of the question. It was not happening. Ever. So of course, I would have everything good taken away from me. I was bad. I knew it. So when my mother came into my hospital bed (.) and told me I had been dismissed from the Pacific Northwest Ballet School, and that she saw no reason to keep me in Washington, I said nothing. When she told me she was disappointed, I said nothing. When she told me she was scared, I almost laughed.

It wasn't like I had cancer, _I wish I had cancer_.

I imagined how heartbroken everyone would be if I had such a disease. Maybe if I had cancer Edward would visit me in my hospital bed. He wouldn't hate me still, you can't hate someone with cancer.

My sea eyes started watering for the seventh time this weekend, I kept my tears on a little notepad, counting down the times my heart started feeling funny.

At 11:11 I wished that Edward came into my room,

_I wish Edward came into my bed right now  
I wish Edward came into my bed right now  
I wish Edward came into my bed right now  
I wish Edward came into my bed right now  
I wish Edward came into my bed right now  
I wish Edward came into my bed right now  
I wish Edward came into my bed right now_

_Please, please, please, please!_

11:12.

At 11:16 I started playing The Smiths records into my head, I almost heard Morrissey outside my window.

At 11:30 I realized that Edward was in bed. With Bella.

At 11:30 I pictured me shooting him, putting a bullet straight to his head. Setting him on fire. I pictured fire and bullets over, and over, and over, again.

At 12:00, I started remembering the car ride to Seattle. When a million tiny desserts were inside my stomach, sickly sweet, sugary, honey in my mouth, in my heart, in my soul. Honey eyes and that glow, and smoke. Pretty smoke and expensive champagne and.. dancing.

Fire and bullets, over, and over, and over again.

"Don't know why, there's no sun up in the sky, stormy weather…" I whispered softly to the ghost by my bedside.

During this little, insignificant moments. With a ghost hanging on my back and the mattress too loud and fog on the windows. I missed us.

**EDWARD POV**

I held Bella closer, felt her firmer, her scent wafting. She was mine. I was hers. I was hers, I was hers, I was hers. I couldn't leave her. She loved me first. _She loved me first. _And damn it, that mattered. _That had to matter. _

Bella loved me first.

Lia loved me passionately.

Lillianne Marie DuPont. The reason for this feeling.

The ghost in my heart never left. Not since I met her. I could not lay here, not without aching for her. Similarly, I couldn't stay with Lia. Lia made me forget, if only temporarily. Because when I wasn't with Lia, I missed Bella. When I was with Bella, my heart couldn't be there. Not fully. I didn't know where it was, I didn't know where to look.

I was awake. I was cold.


	20. No Storybook

**A/N:** Horribly overdue, but I think you'll be glad to know that the inspiration bug has bit me once more for this story. I warn you, this chapter isn't too pretty. Thanks so much to all my reviewers, never would I have thought that an OC story would receive so much attention. This story really is my baby and pride and joy. It's very special to me and I'm so glad that I can share it with you and receive such positive enthusiasm.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing recognizable.

* * *

_I want a lover I don't have to love_  
_I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk_  
_Where's the kid with the chemicals_  
_I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full_  
_I need some meaning I can memorize_  
_The kind I have always seems to slip my mind_

- Bright Eyes

I think the plane ride was more uncomfortable than the car ride. I would've rather ridden coach if it meant having to stare across at them. Them in their engaged glory. I congratulated myself in not staring. Edward didn't stare either. He never did. Ever.

I think what I hated most is how everyone forgot except me. Lia and Edward had never happened in the eyes of the world. The history books forgot about us and the novels didn't mention us. My heart was the only record of the events between January and March. And sometimes, even I had trouble remembering if it was real or not.

"I'm actually excited to be going to Santa Barbara, can't say I haven't missed the sun." Bella murmured to Edward.

"Even if it means not spending anytime with me?" He joked.

"I'll stay with you, no matter what. "

Gag.

She was doing this on purpose, I was sure of it. Who knew Bella had it in her? I suddenly felt like shooting her in the face as well.

My mother didn't greet me warmly when we got off the terminal either. It's not like I had expected it. She, of course, was all fake smiles and kisses to Edward and Bella. Although she had no idea, I still felt betrayed. She wasn't supposed to be kind to the two people that made me most miserable.

"Lillianne, how are you feeling honey?" My mother looked quickly towards my side and back to the road.

I sighed, "just fine mom, glad to be home." I half-meant it too. There was something about being greeted by the Pacific coastline that set a funny stirring in my heart.

The road to my house was relatively spent in silence. If they had been talking, I didn't notice, what with my ears firmly plugged up.

I heard Bella's usual hitch in breath whenever she came close to my home. The winding, cobblestone pathway and the walls drenched in ivy. Home. I repeated it quietly to myself…

"_Home_" It was home again. Relief, dread, anxiety.

* * *

Lia's beach estate, as expected, was as impressive as it was cold. Although filled with warm hues, ivy, and an open floor plan, the furniture was as new as it was unlived in. Everything was impeccable, unfamiliar, a plastic model of what should have been a home. Nestled in a cliff overviewing the Santa Barbara coastline, I could feel her world wrapping around her, the relief of the familiar, the dread of the things she ran away from.

Like most women of money, Lia did not appreciate her wealth. She bought Chanel heels like they were candy and had over twenty different Burberry coats in her closet. The closet left behind in sunny Southern California. She was literally filled with excess, and yet, she had the nerve to find other things to blame her misfortune on. It wasn't as though I was suggesting that money was everything, clearly, I knew more than most how infinitely important other things in life were. Lia, on a subconscious level, felt the same. Perhaps it was the wealthy who really understood the concept of that philosophy.

Considering it was Spring, the sun was behind a soft layer of clouds. This being the biggest selling point of my visit. I really had no idea what had gotten into me when I accepted Bella's invitation. If only, it just proved that Lia held my heart a lot more than I was convincing myself. I would be a fool to deny that I didn't come here to stay close to her. I couldn't be with her, but I couldn't live without her, I was afraid she would disappear.

I shook my head, ridding myself of any potential unfaithful thoughts, I had had enough of those to last me a lifetime. I looked at her through my peripheral vision, she was breathtaking sometimes, the other times, she looked so sick that I was afraid her heart would give out right then. Perhaps it had been the general California ambience that made her look worse than ever. Her skin had a sallow tint, and her hair was so dull, it seemed as though the once dark locks were washing out. Her heart was beating regularly at least, considering the intensive care they had given her in the hospital.

"Lia, why don't you show dear Bella and Edward their rooms?" Her mother, Sophia, suggested as she waltzed into the formal living room. Lia's eyes changed from their dreamlike state into one of focus, she looked towards her mother. Her eyes flashed dangerously before settling down once more.

"Sure," she mumbled as she stood up, swaying.

She made eye-contact with me, before doing the same to Bella.

"Follow me," She added cheerfully, plastering a smile on her face for her mother's sake.

I slipped Bella's hand into mine as we both stood up.

Lia didn't bother to strut anymore, her whole body sagged against her, her legs threatening to break at any moment under the pressure. Broken girls were not made for walking.

The long hallway was lined with chandeliers, the walls a crimson red mimicking that of an English home.

"This is your room Bella," Lia started while she pushed open a tall, white door.

The room was completely white, the large window taking up most of one of the walls. From here, there was a spectacular view of the ocean and the family's garden. My eyes lingered in appreciation. It wasn't often that a vampire got to enjoy the southern pacific coast. I briefly wondered if Lia's mother had gone wrong into sending her to a place as dreary as Washington. I couldn't help but think that Lia would've fared better in a sunnier environment. The queen-size bedroom held a white four-poster canopy, the perfect picture of casual luxury.

"Edward, your rooms next door, feel free to check it out yourself." She retorted a bit snappily. I looked towards her, my eyes narrowing. My heart felt a familiar pang, but my head quickly dismissed it.

"Thank you," I answered warmly.

"No Problem," she sighed, walking out of the room, leaving Bella and I to ourselves.

I turned towards Bella.

"Beautiful isn't it?" She muttered, her distant eyes staring out the window.

"Spectacular," I muttered against her cheek.

She shook her head, pouting a bit as she did so.

"It's a good thing she's coming back here." Bella noted.

_Why so?_ I asked in my head, not daring to say it out loud.

"I was thinking the same, actually." I replied, wrapping my arms around Bella's waist.

"Were you really?" Bella said, suspicion lacing around her tongue. She turned towards me, still caught in my embrace. I grew slightly irritated, tired of her constant accusations.

"Yes, really." I retorted, the annoyance coming forth.

Her eyes hardened for a millisecond, if I weren't a vampire, I would've questioned whether they had been that way at all. Once they softened, she let out a small sigh.

"You're right, I'm sorry," she muttered against my chest. Rather than relieving the anger the way it normally did, it only ignited it further.

Bella gave in. Bella _always_ gave in.

"I think I'll go and grab my bags," I mumbled suddenly, releasing myself from her hold. I felt the drop in her stomach, her doe eyes glistening.

"ok," I heard her say softly.

I didn't bother to kiss her as I walked out of her room, returning to the hall where our suitcases had been set.

_Stupid Bella, stupid Edward, what the fuck? _I heard Lia scream in her head, cursing us to high heaven for intruding in her home. I felt my anger build with hers, wondering why the hell I had come here in the first place.

* * *

I could only seethe in my anger as I continued to curse Edward and Bella. Fucking, motherfucker. Obviously, this was some cruel joke. Bella and Edward enjoyed torturing me so much that they decided to follow me to the one place that held no memories of them, _or him. _As hellish as this place was, this was my hell. Clean and untouched with memories of the biggest crack in my heart, my faith, my everything. Why? Why? Why?

I kept throwing my unpacked clothes forcefully into their drawers and closets. I felt my stormy blue walls blurring, my vision obscured by traitor tears. Had Bella forgotten that my mother was hardly ever home? Had she forgotten that this visit would be spent relatively alone? How the hell could I stay in this house, knowing that they were alone, together, with no one to intervene in their activities, appropriate or not? This was my home, and _they_ had intruded. Tainted it, even. I fucking hated them with everything in my being. I angrily wiped away the tears as I made my way over to my bed. The soft ivory duvet wrapping it's softness around me, making me drowsy, sleepy even. I relaxed into the luxury, sniffing away the last bit of wetness.

I figured, if I stared into the ceiling long enough, everything would turn blue. I'm not sure how long I stayed there exactly, staring, staring, staring. I didn't know what to do anymore, not really. I fell asleep eventually a newly formed headache pounding me to sleep.

I woke up at 9:30 P.M. My clothes rumpled and my head screaming.

I turned towards my alarm clock, and consequently, my cell. It's screen was glowing obnoxiously and I hastily picked it up, squinting at the brightness. THUMP…. THUMP…. THUMP, went my head.

Two new messages, my my, wasn't I getting popular? I distractedly read them, scanning the names.

One was from my mother, the other was from Nate.

My mother told me she had gone out with my stepdad and wouldn't be back until later, which usually meant they were going to be too drunk to come home and would instead rent a hotel room.

Nate had heard of me coming back to Santa Barbara and was having a party at his house. I sighed, turning my eyes towards my stormy blue walls. The walls, made of cardboard and hollow wood, heard everything in the house. They heard Bella and Edward talking, they heard Bella and Edward laughing, they heard me say Fuck it.

I texted him back quickly, telling him I'd be there in an hour. I got up from my bed and padded over to the kitchen, the long hallway's chandaliers were still on. Once there, I threw open the cabinet where I knew my mom had her prescription painkillers, the ones she never used after she had a miscarriage. It was last year, she was only on her third month, hardly scarring. I cut the vicodin in half with one of our kitchen knives and threw the pill back with water. Half of these babies could take away my worst headaches in less than half an hour. I almost missed home then.

Returning to my room, I saw that my phone had another message. It was from Nate again.

_Are you serious? You're actually coming? That's great Lia, see you in an hour (;_

Whore. He would have the audacity to send me a winky face. I rolled my eyes and sent him one back, smirking.

I decided not to shove my earphones into my ears and placed my iTouch on the ground instead, letting the music come out. I quickly turned on my curler and grabbed my makeup bag.

After about an hour, I was dressed and ready. My hair was in volumous curls and my eyes smoky. I was wearing sequined black shorts with a loose Led Zeppelin shirt that was hanging off my shoulders, I finished the look with black pumps. I smiled cheekily at myself, I didn't look half-bad. Of course my stomach was almost protruding and the shorts were fitting too snuggly, but what the fuck ever, I was having fun tonight, no matter what.

I knocked on Bella's door, knowing that Edward was in there and definitely not in his own room. She opened it a tad, taking in my appearance.

"I'm going out," I said bluntly.

"Should I wait up?" She asked nicely, but I could see the annoyance in her eyes. I bit back a smirk.

"Nope," I answered, turning away swiftly, strutting down the hall.

I vaguely wondered whether Edward would follow me out or not and try to "protect me." Lord knows he wouldn't be too pleased at my current plans for the night, the chivalrous bastard. But, knowing that Bella wouldn't approve of his interference, I was more or less safe from his reprimanding ways. And wasn't it past Bella's bedtime anyway? It was almost 11:00 P.M. She was living on the wild side tonight, that's for sure.

It took me five minutes to get to my cream Mercedes-Benz. I slid in, ah, how I missed nights like these. I quickly changed the radio stations to my favorite ones from California, turning the speakers up so that they shook my car violently. I backed out of my driveway hurriedly and zoomed towards Nate's house. The drive was so familiar my mind was taking me there on autopilot. I zipped through the winding hills and marveled at the ocean view I occasionally got, it all felt so homey to me, I realized with a pang that I had missed this aspect of my life. It just, I don't know, felt so freeing. It was as though all my worries and thoughts were melting away as I got closer and closer to Nate's, I hadn't realized I was actually laughing out loud until I pulled up to his driveway.

The gate let me open as I took the sight before me. There were cars everywhere (one who I recognized was Ellie's.) and the music was blaring out of the house. I almost felt nervous as I parked my car, wondering just who the hell would remember me from here. I tentatively opened my door, never taking my eyes off of the familiar house. I texted Nate again, telling him I was here before walking through the door.

I was instantly greeted by dozens of drunk teenagers (some on something else entirely.) and I shut the door quickly. Some stopped to gape at me, others ignored me completely. I heard a few people question "Lia?" but I didn't bother to respond to them.

It wasn't until I saw Nate walk quickly towards me that I let myself smile again. He looked the same, but, older. His hair was just as golden brown and his eyes still sparkled navy blue, his toned arms were still tanned, and he was still taller than me.

I opened my arms as he pressed himself against me, swinging me around and laughing in my ear. I shrieked happily and kissed him on the cheek.

"Nate!" I screamed, unable to hold my excitement, he had been one of my best friends, after all.

"Fuck Lia! Is that really you?" He grabbed my face between his hands for good measure, his breath was a mixture of alcohol and mint.

I nodded, giggling, "Yes, it's me Nate, really."

"Well come on then," He dragged me towards the kitchen, taking me by my hand. Jesus, was it any wonder why I had had such a ginormous crush on him?

The word crush got my mind thinking of something else, I felt my heart give a pang, but ignored it. Tonight was not the night to be moping about _stupid_ Edward Cullen.

"We'll have a drink!" Nate declared, "to you being back!"

I nodded, smiling at his childish antics, "Do I get to choose?" I yelled over the music, pushing past a couple of trashed sophomores.

"Take your pick!" He yelled back, moving his hands dramatically across the copious amounts of alcohol on his kitchen cabinets.

The Rosé caught my eye as I picked it up.

"No Lia," Nate laughed at me, "that's for _after_ the shots."

I smirked, "well I'm keeping it so no one else steals it, I want some." I returned, deciding to pick up the green bottle filled with Jegger.

"Now that's more like it," Nate approved.

We downed three shots before moving to the wine.

We were sitting on the couch, laughing our heads off at anything and everything.

"You know.." Nate began in between fits of laughter, "I only bought this wine because rappers are always going on and on about it." He laughed again,

I almost coughed out my drink, "You're such a loser Nate," I deadpanned, leaning my head against his shoulder.

The bottle was almost done, and my head was swimming happily. Happy, Happy, Happy. Deliciously numb.

We settled down after that, content to just watch people in their stupidity, humping on floors, and skirts all the way up to a girl's underwear, and boys pants getting tighter. It would be absolutely disgusting if I didn't know how fun that could be. My mind took me to a memory of my sophomore year, me and Nate (who had been as high as kite.) dancing to "We Run L.A.", every time I happened to catch that song on the radio, I would immediately think back to his house. He used to always turn up the song when it came on the radio.

"Still a pothead?" I murmured, continuing to stare at the makeshift dancefloor.

"Hey," Nate shoved me playfully.

"Ow!" I complained loudly, leaning my head back on his shoulder.

I laughed out loud, "You're such a baby," he teased.

I mhmed softly.

"And for your information, no, I've moved on to… better things." Nate answered, staring at me out of the corner of my eye.

"Is that so?" I returned slyly, curious about what kind of trouble Nate was into now.

"Let's just say I've moved up a level," he retorted.

Well, that piqued my interest.

"Care to explain?" I continued, snuggling closer as my eyes drooped slightly.

"It wouldn't be making you sleepy that's for sure," He added, staring down at my lazy form.

"Then give me some," I mumbled bluntly, my eyes almost closing.

"Really?" He questioned, not too surprised.

I nodded, "I'm tired of being sleepy, alcohol sucks," I muttered into his arm.

His bloodshot eyes lit up in excitement as he pulled me up.

"Let's go then," He whispered, his excitement influencing my own.

I smiled back, "lead the way,"

Nate grabbed hold of my hand once more and directed me to the top of the stairs. He took the far room on the left, shutting the door promptly behind him. His walls were the dark blue to my stormy ones, his California king sized bed had a rusty gold comforter, clothes were strewn everywhere, not a book in sight. It was just the same as I had left it, good old Nate.

"Is your email password still 'lacrosse' too?" I tried to smirk, remembering the password he had been using since fifth grade.

"Shut up," He laughed, throwing me one of his pillows, I attempted to catch it, but stumbled back instead.

I continued to laugh, unable to hold in the excitement of whatever drug we were about to do.

Edward in the back of my head was telling me to stop, while I was promptly telling Edward-in-my-head to shut it. Yes people, I was talking to imaginary voices in my head, I know that this is not healthy.

Slowly, Nate took out a keychain from his back pocket, revealing a tiny globe. He held the tiny keychain in front of him, staring at me in what I assumed was his attempt at a serious expression.

"Now this, Lia, is The World." He stated mysteriously, I just threw my head back and laughed.

"Shh!" He rushed over to me, swaying as he did so, before clamping his hand firmly on my mouth.

"We are having a serious moment, no laughing," he directed, holding back his own smile. I nodded eagerly, hoping he would take his hand off of me.

He did eventually.

Carefully, he opened up the tiny globe, revealing a small clear packet with three clumps of a white powdery substance in it.

"You moved up to coke?" I questioned, staring in his eyes, I had never thought Nate would do that.

He nodded swiftly, opening the contents as I looked at him in delight. I had to use all my willpower to not clap my hands in excitement.

We moved to his bedside table as he spilled one of the three clumps, crushing it with his credit card. I was literally bouncing off the walls.

Finally, he set the white powder into three, neat little rows, taking out a dollar bill from his wallet, he rolled it expertly and snorted one of the lines. He promptly handed me the dollar bill as I eagerly followed his movements. The laundry detergent smell was delightful, the slight burning sensation in my nose a welcomed treatment. I snorted once more to make sure it had all gone up to my brain, before swiping my finger against the residue and spreading it on my gums.

We did the same towards the last two clumps and fell on his bed in contentment. I couldn't feel myself breathe, I felt invincible.

"Amazing," I stated, feeling happier than I had in months, why had I given this all up in the first place? It made me feel a thousand times better than ballet ever did.

"I know," Nate breathed, turning to his side, looking at me as he did so. I copied his movement and grinned widely at him.

He started cracking up as I did the same. Our laughs resonated against the walls, bouncing towards us and feeding the giggles, I was delirious with joy.

When the laughter died down, I asked Nate where the others were. He told me they had gone to get more booze. Then, I asked him if he still was with Ellie, he scoffed and told me it ended a long time ago. Then Nate asked me if he could kiss me, I told him he should've just done it instead of asked.

"So...is that a yes?" He repeated, inching closer to me. It wasn't a yes, and it wasn't a no, but my head nodded dumbly instead.

I felt his lips crush mine as his eager hands wrapped around my hair. He pushed my closer to his body as I tried to imagine how happy this would've made me a year ago. Now it just made me slightly nauseous. He maneuvered me on top of him and I grinded against his pelvis. He groaned in my ear, I opened my eyes and rolled them to the back of my head, boys were so predictable. The room started spinning and I didn't know what the hell was going on, I tugged at his hair and he tugged at my clothes. I felt a slight chill and his hand slipped in my underwear. Alarm bells started ringing off, way to fucking go alarm bells, should've been there fifteen minutes ago.

"Stop," I mumbled against his lips, his grip keeping me from breaking away.

"Ok," he muttered, continuing his movements.

"Nate, I mean it," I muttered, the spinning making me dizzy, making me unaware of what the hell was coming out of my mouth.

He didn't stop and I couldn't breathe, couldn't think, the room just wouldn't stop spinning and there were stars in my eyes.

I heard the door slam open.

* * *

She was almost naked and that vile thing was taking advantage of her. He who was supposed to be her friend was touching her, _touching her_ like he owned her. I stormed into the room, yanking her off of him as she collapsed into my arms, the boys eyes shot open in alarm.

"Lia?" He questioned innocently as I heard the repulsing things going through his hormone-drug induced brain. He got up to come near her and I growled fiercely, my vision turning red.

"Get the fuck away from her." I seethed, spitting venom and his heart started beating dangerously fast, his eyes widening in fear.

I didn't have time to scare him further as I pulled her out of the room, putting my jacket on over her and jumping out the second story window in the hallway. I sped through the side of the house, getting to her car and placing her in the passenger seat. She stirred a bit and her eyes shot open before I turned the key into the ignition.

Her thoughts weren't making any sense, she was mumbling but it was completely incoherent. I sighed, worried, angry, and scared. I couldn't take her home, not like this. I ran a hand through my hair, cursing. I sped out of the neighborhood, searching for a hotel where she could sleep this off. I couldn't take her home, if Bella woke up it'd be better that she thought I was feeding than taking care of a drugged-up Lia, who was sure to make an obscene amount of noise. I raced through the town, seething. How the hell could she do this? I knew she had no sense of self-preservation, but didn't she once become alarmed by her disastrous actions? She was completely reckless and it scared the hell out of me.

I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye, seeing her turn her head slightly, still mumbling. She kept saying my name over and over.

I sighed guiltily, I knew that I had been a part of this, I should've never left her, she had needed me, and I had been selfish. I had never wanted to leave her, but I couldn't betray Bella either. I loved Bella, but I couldn't leave Lia, I couldn't, if anything happened I would never forgive myself, I couldn't live with it. She needed to live or I wouldn't be able to. She meant everything to me, if she gave in, I gave in.

I grabbed her hand swiftly, gripping it as tight as I could without causing her any pain, whether it was for her comfort or mine, I didn't know anymore. I felt her hand apply light pressure to mine as she mumbled my name again and my heart gave a violent tug.

We finally arrived at Seaside Inn and I parked in front of the lobby, I couldn't go in with her and ask for the room, but she was definitely not staying out of my sight. In a rush, I exited the car and walked across the parking lot, yanking the door open, the bell tinkling behind me.

"Welcome to Seaside Inn," a bored looking woman in her mid-twenties stated, a monotone to her voice.

"Good Evening," I replied smoothly, hoping to get a room as fast as possible.

Her watery blue eyes popped in her skull as she took my appearance, I didn't dare smile for fear she might go into cardiac arrest.

"I was in need of a room for the night," I said in a rush, hoping she would notice my urgency and do her job quickly.

"Rrright.. yes of course!" she stuttered, clumsily finding a room through her computer.

"We only have a king size, ocean view open, is that alright?" She asked, trying to bat her lashes inconspicuously.

"Yes," I all but hissed, tapping my fingers impatiently.

"Alright all booked, if I could just see some I.D." I quickly took out the manufactured I.D. that Jasper had gotten for all the Cullen siblings, it was such a hassle to be stuck at age 17.

"That'll be one-hundred and two dollars please," She let out seductively, or attempted to anyway.

I quickly throw a bill on the counter and picked up the room card.

"Thank you," I added before stalking off in time to see a wide awake Lia staring blatantly at me through the window.

All of my previous worry took a spot in the back of my head as my fury took over. I opened the passenger door and scooped her up against her incoherent protests.

I was in front of the hotel room door in no time, opening it up quickly before gently laying her on the bed. I tried to subside my fury, there was no need to yell at her now, she needed her rest. But she was still wide awake, and her eyes kept following mine, moving back and forth rapidly.

I grabbed both of her hands in mine, staring at her.

"What do you need?" I tried in vain to ask her, my worries back in full center.

I heard her stomach give an unpleasant lurch as her eyes wound shut, her head spinning. Knowing what that was, I picked her up quickly, opening the bathroom door with my foot as she scrambled off of me, she sank to her knees as the alcohol brought itself back up.

I grabbed her hair and sat down next to her as her bone-white hands clutched at the porcelain toilet. She continued like this for a couple of minutes until her head decided it couldn't stay upright anymore.

She shakily turned herself around, brought her knees to her chest and hung her head in between them.

I needed to clean her up, and her stomach, although empty, was still trying to vomit.

"Get up Lia," I said softly, trying to pull her up. She shook her head weakly as she screamed at me in her head to just let her stay there.

"Can't do that love, I need to clean you up," I tried again softly but she continued to shake.

_Please please please just let me stay here. PLEASE!_

With a bit of guilt, I tugged her up.

"No," she whined softly, trying to sit back down, but I didn't let her. I held her against my body as I turned on the shower. She was sweating, shaking, and covered in vomit. I turned the water as cold as it could go as her burning skin got worse. She kept screaming in her head to let her go, I didn't have half a mind to listen to her protests.

I carefully took of my sweater and got her in the shower, her black undergarments still on. She swayed on the spot and I gently let her sit and her head immediately found its way to her knees. She kept shaking and her skin was burning. I couldn't panic, but I was lying if I said I wasn't scared to death. I'd know if she was overdosing, and she had been dangerously close.

She looked so lost, so weak, there in that shower, the cold water cooling off her skin, but not calming down her shivers. I ran my hand softly up and down her back as my other hand grabbed the small shampoo bottle. I carefully washed her hair, the vomit and sweat wafting up my nose, mixing with the smell of lavender.

"Close your eyes," I whispered, I knew they weren't open, but I didn't want her to suddenly do it when the shampoo was washing off.

I let the running water wash the shampoo off as the soap filled the rest of her body. I grabbed a washcloth, gingerly scrubbing her body around her sitting position. I grabbed the other bottle of conditioner and ran my hands through her knot-filled hair, gently tugging as it became silk in my hands, I let out a slight gasp as I felt a large amount of hair stay in my hands. She was killing herself, deteriorating right before my eyes. She let out another shake as she buried her head deeper between her knees. I let the water rinse her off as I pulled her to a standing position, her protests screaming in my brain. I gingerly grabbed a towel, wrapping her around it before pulling her towards my body. I picked her up, her head finding its way onto the crook of my arm. Her wet hair seeped into my shirt, her bare skin grazing against mine. I deposited her on the bed once more. I sat down next to her, the bed sinking as I did so. I tugged at my hair, wondering just what the hell I was doing and how I was going to explain this to Bella tomorrow morning.

Right now though, none of this was important, all that was important was that Lia was safe and comfortable.

I looked towards her shaking form, seeing the goosebumps form on her arms as she moaned softly. Sighing, I grabbed another towel and attempted to dry her hair, She whimpered as I felt her head thumping loudly.

"Shh, it's ok love." I murmured and she nodded her head slightly, trying to tell me she could hear me.

After a couple of minutes, it was damp enough to let out of the towel.

She was still shaking, I looked towards my ruined jacket before looking back at her form. Her long lashes shimmering slightly against her lids. I took of my shirt and pulled it on over her. She cringed as the wetness of her bra hit the warmth of my shirt, she clumsily tried to put her hands behind her back, finding what she was looking for, she attempted to undo the strap, to no avail. I went behind her, unstrapping it for her with shaky fingers. Once undone, I took a deep breath, moving towards her shoulders, I slid off the straps, helping her take her arms out of the holes in my shirt. Her bra fell through the shirt as she picked it up and threw it on the floor, she turned her head, her eyes slightly open, and blinked at me.

I looked at her then, really looked at her. Her eyes were still red, and her skin was a ghastly pale color, she looked so small, so weak, she scared me, she really did. I guided her towards the bed again, letting her head softly hit the pillow. As soon as it made contact, her eyes closed shut. I let out a sigh of relief as she impulsively moved closer to me. I pulled all the blankets on top of her, making sure she was nice and warm before wrapping my arms around her, the familiar scent of black roses taking over my senses.

And it felt like home.

* * *

**A/N:** Now, let me just say that Nate was in no way trying to rape her, but in his drug-induced state, was as coherent as Lia, which is not saying much. I actually really want to hear what people say about this chapter, I promise to reply to all your reviews. I feel terrible that I haven't been doing so lately, it's always been one of my favorite parts.


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